Jasmine petal fallen on cigarette ash

Chapter 3

I woke up again, hoping that I would see the familiar ceiling of my rented room, or the ghostly white ceiling of The Ottawa Hospital. To my upset, in front of my eyes was the flat curtain with the tiny pink rose pattern hanging on the square bed frame. It felt like a piece of my heart had been missing. I did not know what I was feeling at that moment. Sorrow, unacceptability, and confusion came together as a tsunami, gulping me down to its deepest gut. The pain turned into a thousand knives, stabbing my entire body aggressively. I could not press the tears down to my belly anymore. How could Mom survive my news of being in a coma? How could this not leave a trauma in my brother's mind?

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to make you guys cry or worry about me. Mom, how can you sacrifice your life to save me? You shouldn’t do that. I'm supposed to be the one who sacrifices for you and brings you a happier life. You have sacrificed your youth, your health, and everything for me since I was a tiny zygote in your belly. I shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t.

I thumbed my heart fiercely, as if it could help soothe the shooting pain tearing my heart. I cried like a baby abandoned by her Mom at a garbage bin, flushing out every feeling.

The bed curtain was suddenly pulled to the side. I jumped as a young, baby-faced girl appeared behind the curtain. Based on the memory of “real Cam Van”, she must be Oi, following Cam Van since she was six. Terror and fear filled her face. She shivered like a dry autumn leaf struggling in a gust. Her gaze shot at me with…feud. Yes, I was a hundred percent confident that it was a hatress, as if I had cruelly ended her parents’ lives. A drop of tears rolled down her pale cheek.

“Tôi không biết cô là ai, nhưng tôi van cô, đừng lấy thân xác cô Cẩm Vân ra mà làm điều đồi bại. Cô chủ của tôi là người tốt. Xin cô đừng mang lại tiếng xấu cho cô ấy,” (I don’t know who you are, but I beg you, please don’t take advantage of Miss Cam Van's corpse to do an evil deed. She’s the kindest person in this world. Please don’t stain her merit with your evil notion.) Her colourless lips quivered as she talked to me.

I was shocked, completely. Each streak of her tears squished my heart vigorously. Cam Van would never know how much Oi loved her, that she was loved, and that there was a person who was willing to die for her. Look at Oi, she was shaking, she was terrified that an “unknown” creature in Cam Van’s body would kill her like an ant, but she dared to stand up and fight for her closest sister. Her loyalty and love for Cam Van had won her fear. She accepted the death as long as Cam Van’s honour was preserved.

Her stubborn stare made her look like a brave little soldier.

I sighed, not knowing what to do. I flashed back “ông Bụt”’s words. It seemed that to trade back my life, I had to help Cam Van. But how should I help her? To live as freely as I could, and show those disrespecting her that she had her own beautiful, precious values? I was lost in a messy maze. If I lied to Oi, she would never believe it. If I told her the truth, she would not believe it, either. I was stuck.

“Ổi, mi đang thậm thò thậm thụt cái chi trong nớ rứa? Mi có ở trong nớ suốt đời thì cô chủ mi cũng không sống lại được mô,” (Oi, what are you doing in there? No matter how long you stay with her, she ain’t never coming back.) A bitter, sour voice poked into my eardrum. She must be Tuong Vy, the second closest maid of Mrs. Bach Cuc.

The door was banged open. Tuong Vy stepped in with a priggish bearing.

“Ôi, cô Vân, cô tỉnh rồi à, quý hóa quá,” (Oh, Miss Van, you are awake already. How precious.) I felt offended by her impudent tone.

Oi was about to bark at Tuong Vy, but I held her arm back.

“Chị Tường Vy, mới sáng sớm mà chị mần rộn cái chi rứa. Chị không chịu ở bên hầu hạ bà cả, qua đây soi mói tôi mần chi. Ông mà biết được, ông giận lắm đấy,” (Good morning, Tuong Vy. Everybody just woke up, what’s going on that bothers you? You should be on Great Mother’s side right now. If the master finds out, he would be mad at you.) I was surprised at my sweet and melodious voice.

“Hừ, cô thì có cái quyền hạn chi mà chỉ tay năm ngón với tôi?” (Hmp, what do you think you are to boss me around?)

“Tôi nào dám sai khiến chi chị. Nhưng tôi xin chị cũng nhớ cho, tôi dù răng cũng là con của ông. Chị cũng nên nói chuyện với tôi nhẹ nhàng một chút,” (I didn’t mean to be bossy. But I think you should remember that, I’m the master’s daughter anyhow. I hope you would talk to me more gently.) I smile politely.

Tuong Vy froze. The redness of anger wiped her face.

“Cô đợi đó. Để tôi tìm bà phân xử chuyện ni cho rõ ràng tường tận,” (Wait and see. I will ask the Great Lady for her judgment. She will be a fair justice for this.)

She flew out of the room like a blast. I looked at Oi, her eyes flickered with a huge admiration. Haizz, how did even the housemaid look down on you, Cam Van? You should learn to rise. Maybe you yourself thought that you were an inferior servant who didn’t deserve any respect. Only when you changed your mindset could you change things.

Not long after that, the door opened again. A group of people entered the room. The man leading the group was around fifty or so. He wore an ocean-blue ngũ thân tay chẽn; the silk sparkled along with his steps, poking my eyes to the point of blindness. His sharp eyebrows and unemotional glint gave an impression of power and mercilessness. Behind him was a middle-aged lady, around thirty-something. She wore a dark-purple ngũ thân tay chẽn, the pearl necklace shining against the dark shade of the dress. The ring on her index finger carried a big pearl bean. A satin, beige scarf wrapped around her shoulder. She gave off the vibe of a decent and elegant lady, as if she were born to be a virtuous wife. Her gestures, walking, talking, and holding things, were naturally gentle and sophisticated. She reminded me of Princess Catherine of the UK, but Duchess Kate is friendlier and more lovable. Lady Bach Cuc had a distant manner. She was holding the hand of a young missy. The scornful manner was painted on Cam Chau’s face, like a treasure she could not live without. But she was pretty, in a lovely way. Her slender, dense eyebrow fit perfectly with the round, sparkling eyes and the golden-brown pupils. Even the most excellent silk could not be as glossy and smooth as her hair. Her cheeks were rosy, bashful like a shy rose bud, standing out on a bright, ruddy face. If Cam Van were as graceful and tender as Spring, Cam Chau would be as dynamic and vital as Summer.

They lined up on the tail side of the bed. Oi quickly brought them the chairs from the tea table beside. Tuong Vy stood behind Lady Bach Cuc. After the masters had settled on their seats, Oi returned to her standing position on the head side of the bed.

Gosh, I was literally “born” less than ten minutes ago. Really. One unsolved problem was on the right, and another new problem was on the left. You would never imagine how happy I were at that moment! Wonnnderful!

I tried to lift myself out of bed, but “my” Dad gestured with his palm to order me to say where I were. I listened to him, dared to lean neither backward nor forward. Since their entry, they hadn’t said a thing. Their fury was evident enough that I could see it on their wincing eyebrows and hardened faces. Ha, how hilarious that was. I knew deeply in my gut that they didn’t come here because of my problem with Tuong Vy. It’s not worth kicking up a dust about it. They all brushed Cam Van’s “accident” aside and didn’t care about whether her physical and mental beings had recovered enough to suffer a tense talk. A presumption sculptured in their shallow brain was that it’s Cam Van’s duty to accept this wedding unconditionally as a payback for the food and accommodation they had provided her since she was born. Are you serious? She didn’t ask to be born! Screw it! Everybody knew that Cam Chau’s life would be buried deep down if she married Benedict, what about me? I had no Dad, no Mom, no nothing! Was I gonna die without anybody’s acknowledgement? Was my corpse gonna be rotten to the earth with nobody mourning?

In the worst case, if we and Benedict became enemies, our “cherish” family could go to hell together, even death would be incapable of separating us. How awesome!

“Con cũng thật là dại dột. Có chuyện chi thì mình từ từ thủ thỉ cho nhau nghe. Thân thể tóc tai là do cha mẹ ban cho, sống được tới bây chừ là do trời thương. Rứa mà con lại coi khinh mạng mình như rứa,” (Look at how silly you were. Nothing in this life can we not overcome, as long as we are willing to share and talk to each other. Your parents brought you to this world through countless challenges, and God has worked his best to save your life. You should be grateful.) Lady Bach Cuc scolded me. Her voice sounded like a lulling birdsong every dusk. Her chest was throbbing as she breathed. She gripped the side of the armchair, her fingers turned paler and paler.

Cam Chau patted her Mother’s back slightly. She frowned unpleasantly at me. What in hell did I even do?

“Con cũng còn con nít con nôi chi mô. Cũng tới tuổi phải gả đi rồi. Nếu con không chịu cậu Beaumont, thì ta với ông tính gả con cho cậu Kevins. Con gái lớn rồi, ở nhà mần chi nữa cho quá lứa lỡ thì,” (You are not a baby anymore. You are at the most beautiful age for marriage. If you don’t like Mr. Beaumont, your master and I planned to ask Mr. Kevins instead. You shouldn’t be kept at home anymore, or you will be an old maid.)

Wow, I can choose between a gangster and a psychopath with alcoholism. I must be the happiest maid in the world. My apologies, Mr. Beaumont. I think you can do nothing but drag me home with you. You were supposed to reunite and build a love-nourishing nest with Cressida, and a lovely son, later, until she died with a shot to her head. With a hole in your heart that nothing could ever close it, your mind broke down like the poor ice thrashed by a hammer. You would be a miserable zombie driven by resentment then. Unfortunately, I am still dancing around instead of being buried in the cold earth. So you have to marry me before you can meet her again. And maybe she would never die.

But I need their sympathy, in case the Beaumont forced me to the death end that I was a stack of white bones left. I still need their protection.

“Dạ thưa cha, thưa bà. Từ nhỏ đến lớn, con nào dám cãi lời cha với bà chuyện chi. Nhưng mà con sợ lắm. Con sợ khi con qua kia rồi, ông bà không còn thèm đoái hoài chi tới con nữa. Đến lúc nớ, con chỉ còn một thân một mình, bơ vơ nơi đất khách quê người xa lạ,” (Dear Master, dear Madam. Ever since I were a kid, I had not dared to disobey what you told me to do. But I am scared, I’m really scared. I’m scared that you will not care about me anymore. I will be a lonely girl in this strange land, with nobody protecting, nobody grieving for me when I die.) I tried to squeeze out some tears to show that I was truly, really sad and afraid of being fostered. It worked.

Lady Bach Cuc stood up. Her face filled with heartbreak. She settled herself on the bed, alongside me.

“Con ơi là con, sao mà con khờ quá. Con theo ta từ khi con còn là cục bột bé xíu. Răng mà ta nỡ bỏ con trong cái hang hùm hang sói nớ được.” (Oh my dear, how foolish you are. You have been with me since you were a little girl. How can I leave you alone in that tiger lair? I cannot!) Her voice shook when her hand slightly combed my hair with compassion. Well, I thought it was compassion. She hugged me tightly.

“Rứa con có chịu cậu Beaumont không?” (So, are you happy with Mr. Beaumont?) Mr. Truong asked.

“Dạ, con có,” (Yes, I do) I tried to be as shy as possible, like a young chick when she heard about the men in her dream. I was sick by myself. It had been less than half an hour, and I had already been a professional liar.

Both Mr. Truong and Mrs. Bach Cuc sighed with relief.

“Vậy khi nào con muốn bắt đầu học lễ nghi của người Tây?” (So, when would you like to learn the foreign rites?) Mr. Truong asked again, showing no sign of caring for my health condition. Fair enough!

“Dạ, cha cho con một tuần để hồi phục sức khỏe. Sau đó con có thể học được rồi ạ. Ổi có thể học chung với con không cha?” (I would need a week to recover. I’m confident I can put all my effort into studying after that. Would it be possible for Oi to study with me?) I asked.

“Được,” (Yes) Mr. Truong generously nodded.

It was no use explaining everything to Oi at that moment. All I needed to do was to do my best and let time prove myself.