Chapter 9: Friendships
2295 Words
I was staring up in the vast sky. It was still dark and I hated to see how the stars try to out-shine the others. Those brightly shining stars shout triumphs over the less shining stars. The less shining stars looked too tiny with that small shine. Why do they look so sad with the little light they show? Why do I feel like I am one of them? Tiny, shy, and most of all, defeated.
I didn't know what to say to Markus after he said his reason. I find it unfair, but who am I to complain. We were nothing but mere friends now. It was like listening to a recorder. His words kept repeating in my ears and in my head.
"Because Marvin is my best friend." I was lost.
How could his friendship with Marvin be more important than my love for him? It wasn't enough? How would you know if you have given enough love to the person you cherish the most? Why do I end up with more questions?
"Jann, are you okay?" He asked.
"Shut up, Markus! Don't you dare ask me if I'm okay after what you said." I answered angrily.
"I was just -"
"What? You were just trying to what? Try to explain? Is that what you're going to say?" I retorted back.
"Yes, and -" I didn't let him finish.
"Just go away, Markus!" I said.
"Jann, please don't -"
"Stop Markus. You said you'll leave if I asked you to. Now I'm telling you to leave." I said angrily.
"Jann, not this way." he said.
"Just leave. You've done it before, then do it again today." I told him coldly.
He looked hurt with what I said. But like a double-sided knife, I was so hurt too. I can't believe I am driving him away. The pain was too much for me to bear. I felt more hurt with his words than the slap from Marvin. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to breathe.
"If that is what you want, then I will go. But Jann, I want you to know, I will still speak with Marvin." he said.
"Don't you dare make things worse, Markus. If you do, I will hate you forever." my tears started flowing.
"I will go. But, Jann, I can't promise to stay away from you. Not this time." he said and left.
He left me again just like what he did the first time. Although this time, he had a reason. It may not be true, but he made it clear to me that his friendship with Marvin was more important than ours. Damn it hurt so bad! I thought talking to him would lessen the pain I was feeling. I thought everything would be okay between the two of us. I guess I expected too much from him as well.
I stayed longer in the store until I felt my tears dried up and was feeling a bit better. I tried to think about all that happened that night. I guess it was my fault for allowing them both in my life. It was my fault I was hurting now. I should have known better. Their friendship was first before me.
*****
I woke up with a lighter feeling that morning. I guess God answered my prayer to make me feel better or at least lessen that pain I was feeling. I am not a religious person but I had to admit, it was really a relief praying to lighten up the load within. It helped me get up and did my usual chores.
I was halted when I passed by the mirror in our hallway. I looked at my reflection and I can still see my swollen lips. At least it looked a little better after I washed up. I can put some makeup on it so it won't be visible. Then I saw my arms with bruises. I hated the sight of it. Why do I easily get bruises anyways? Until now, I still can't believe that Marvin hit me. How could he? Why did I not put up a fight? That was not so not me. I sighed and just proceeded with what I was doing.
After lunchtime, Jessa came to check on me. I totally forgot to drop by her house to thank her for the party. I wasn't able to chat with her after the disco, which we usually do. I was sure glad she dropped by my house.
"Hey, what happened to you?" she asked with furrowed brows.
"Nothing, just the usual fight." I told her.
"That's not what I meant. I mean you're lips. Did you kiss an insect?" she said jokingly.
Then all of a sudden, her eyes grew bigger and she covered her mouth. It was like she remembered something and was so afraid to say it.
"OMG, did he do that to you?!" she asked, almost shouting.
"Shhhh, shut up. Do what? And who?" I asked, acting so innocent.
"Damn it, Jann. You know what I am talking about. Everyone saw how Marvin dragged you away from the group. Don't act stupid on me, girl." she exclaimed.
Her jolly face turned into a furious one. She always turns red when she's angry and I love to joke with her about it. This time, I wasn't in any mood to joke around.
"Markus wanted to go after you guys, but his cousins stopped him." she continued.
"But knowing Markus, I know he did not go home until he knew what happened to you. Did you see him? Did Marvin do that to you? Did he hit you?" she endlessly asked.
"What is this, a police investigation?" I tried to joke with her.
She just looked at me and raised her right eyebrow. Oh yeah, that's so her. There was no point in denying it to her, especially that there was evidence left on my face.
I told her about what happened after Marvin grabbed me from the group. I was impressed with myself because I did not shed a tear while narrating to her the event. I guess I got tired of repeating the event in my head and now that I am narrating it again was just a normal thing.
"Seriously, he was able to do that to you?" she asked, surprised.
"That is so not you, girl. What happened? You're the "so-good" girlfriend now? Why didn't you fight back?" she added.
"I don't know, Jessa. I guess I was so shocked at that time I wasn't able to react at all." I answered.
"That's so weird. You are so weird! Who the hell are you? Go away and stop possessing my already possessed friend." she said.
I chuckled. She just knew how to hit my happy tones.
"Now you found me weird? You should have seen that since we started dating." I replied.
We both laughed. We're both weird. Maybe that's the reason why we got along so well. She stayed longer and we chatted about the disco and other stuff that she had been busy about in the previous months. I've learned that she and Franco are going well. It's a relief knowing that they are doing well. At least one of us would have a better love story.
*****
After Jessa left, I started packing my things. I was to travel back to Baguio the following day. Yes, I guess I will just have to bury myself again in school and dance to forget these unpleasant events. My skapegoat.
I heard knocking on my door. I stopped what I was doing and went to check who it was. It was Drake. I sighed before I opened the door. Before he could even say a word, I started talking first.
"Look if you are here to defend your friend or feel pity on me, then you are wasting your time."
"Hey, I am a friend here, Jann. I didn't come to argue with you." he said.
"Then why the hell are you here?" I asked annoyingly.
"I came to borrow money," he said.
My eyebrows reached the ceiling upon hearing what he said. I looked at him to see if he was serious then I started laughing.
"It's better to see you like that," he commented.
"Crazy." I said and invited him inside the house.
"So, how much do you need?" I asked.
"Not much. Just tell me you're going to be okay." he said.
I looked at him searching his face. I smiled at him.
"I will be fine, Drake. Thank you." I said.
"Sorry for what he did to you. I tried to stop him but…" he didn't finish what he said and gave a shrug instead.
"It's okay. I understand your situation. It's not like you can do more. Thanks again." I smiled back at him.
"So, you're going back to Baguio today?"
"No. I am just preparing it. I'll be on the road tomorrow morning." I said and went back to packing as he was watching.
"Do you love him?" he suddenly asked.
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. I sighed.
"What do you want to know, Drake? Did he send you here to check on me?" I inquired.
"No. I came here on my own. I really wanted to see if you are okay. And seeing your swollen lips and bruises on your shoulders, I-I…" he didn't finish what he wanted to say but rather gave a sigh again.
"These? These are nothing compared to here." I pointed to my heart.
It felt like my heart was getting heavy again. No, I can't start crying again. I am tired of crying. I think he saw what was in my mind and he tried to change the topic.
"Anyways, Jann, I was wondering if you know Ara?" he asked.
"What about her? Yeah, I know her."
"Well, she and I are a couple now. What do you think?" he asked shyly.
My mouth and eyes dropped open upon knowing it. I never knew they would be an item.
"Really, since when? Oh my, congrats.' I said happily.
He stated how they became lovers and it was fun listening to him. They were just one of the couples that you never imagine that they would end up with each other. They were always fighting and hated each other a lot. I guess love really works in mysterious ways.
It was great talking to Drake that afternoon. At least he was able to drive away some dark clouds around me. He's really nice and true to his words, he didn't mention anything about Marvin until he went home.
*****
That evening, Marvin came to our house. I saw him coming from my window but I waited for him to knock on our door. He was hesitant. I saw him having thoughts if he would knock or not. Until he finally did. I went out when my mom called to inform me that he was there and wanted to see me.
"Hi." I said as soon as I saw him.
He looked at me with so much worry on his face. He was almost in tears when he set eyes on me. I can see how awkward he was moving. His lips moved but no words came out. He tried to reach me but I moved back. He lowered his face.
"Jann, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry," his tears started to show up but he keeps on wiping it away.
"I-I don't ... there is no excuse for what I did and all I can say is sorry," he added.
He looked at me again and I can see that his eyes were pleading for understanding. In as much as I wanted to act cold about everything, I felt sympathy for him. I can see how hard it was for him to see me like this. I can see how sorry he was and that made me weak. I reached out his hands. Once he got my hand, he started kissing it while talking.
"I'm sorry, Jann. Please, please give me a chance to change everything. Please don't be mad at me. I can't take it." he said.
"Stop it, Marvin. I don't want to talk about it anymore." I replied.
I really didn't want to talk about it anymore. I feel so tired reminding myself how things got this wrong. No matter how I look at it, it would always be my fault anyway. And if I keep talking about it, it will keep on reminding me that I lost Markus as well. Double hit.
"Jann, I promise I will change. This will never happen again. Let's start a new one. I will not get jealous of Markus ever again. I promise, I will really change." he added.
Another promise from him. I don't even know now if I should still believe him. But just like the shy stars at night, there is still light, there is still hope that things will work out for both of us. I smiled at him.
"Yeah, I think we need that. A new start. A fresh start." I said.
I think it is what we need. A new beginning for our relationship. No hassles, no secrets, and most of all no more Markus. Maybe only then will this work out as we wanted to. Before I went to sleep that night, I made a promise to prevent myself from getting close to Markus again. I need to do this. I need to let him go to let go of the pain as well. Let him go so I can start a new beginning with Marvin.
- Writer
