The Promise Ring (Dear Jann Series 1)

Chapter 8: Why Not Us?

Marvin and I were standing at a post lamp near my house. He walked me home after the incident in the Capitol. We were both quiet, and, honestly, I didn't know what to say and think about him anymore. Suddenly, there was a big gap between us that I didn't know how to fill.

"Babe, I'm sorry again. I-I can't believe I did that to you. I didn't mean to," he finally said.

I didn't believe him. I think that no matter how angry you are to the person that you love, you will never lift a finger to hurt the person. But he just did that to me tonight. I feel so disrespected, and it's more painful because it was from him. I never imagined that he could hurt me like that. I guess my anger escalated, and I just want him to leave.

"Let's talk when everything is more subtle," I managed to tell him.

I started to walk towards my house, hoping he would follow me, but he didn't. I heard him walk away. When I reached our front door, I turned around to check him. He was nowhere in sight. I sighed and rested my back on the wall. I didn't feel like going into the house yet. Slowly, I sat and wrapped my knees with my arms and buried my head between them.

I feel so weak. It's like the toll of everything that happened just came rushing, and my body was not strong enough to withstand it. I felt like crying again, but my eyes were dried out. I guess my tear glands finally got tired of producing tears.

"Jann?" I heard someone calling me, but I didn't want to lift my head.

"Jann…" there it was again.

Even for a thousand years, I think I will never forget who owns that voice. Hearing him call my name, somehow, sends some soothing effect on me. It was peaceful, just how Marvin described me earlier.

I didn't lift my head because I just wanted to hear his voice. I was also afraid because I might just be imagining things. If it was my imagination, hearing him call my name, then let it be. I want to listen to his voice again. I want him to sing to me again, just like before. I felt a hand resting on my shoulders. It was gentle. I felt like I was just dreaming. Then I heard him again.

"Jann, are you okay?" he asked with so much concern in his voice.

"Markus… is that you?" I asked without lifting my head.

"Yes, it's me. Look at me, Jann. Tell me what happened." he said.

Finally, I lifted my head and looked at him. He was a good sight after a storm. Damn, why do I feel so vulnerable with him? All my fighting spirit is gone whenever I see him. I smiled at him, knowing that it was not my imagination. He was there. My daydreaming ended when he spoke.

"My god, Jann! What happened to you?" he exclaimed.

I looked at him, questioning why he was acting weird. There was a sudden rush of anger on his face and, at the same time, a pool of concern in his eyes. I saw him clench his hand while the other hand was on my face.

"Did he do this to you? Damn him!" there goes his angry voice again.

"What are you talking about?" I managed to ask him.

"Have you seen yourself?" he asked.

I didn't answer because I saw how upset he was. I just shook my head. He helped me stand, and I turned around to look for a mirror where I could check myself. I found our window, and I looked at my reflection.

No wonder he was so upset. I looked like I crawled underneath and came out from a sewer. My ponytail was out of place, and strands of my hair were all over my face. There was a streak of mascara on my cheeks from the tears I had earlier. My cheeks were flushed like I just placed some pink powder. Worst of all, the side of my lips was swollen, and there was some dried blood on it.

My eyes rested on my swollen lips. The memory of Marvin hitting me came back again. Before I knew it, tears were running down my cheeks again. I felt Markus' hands on my shoulders. He turned me around gently and drew me closer to him and wrapped me with his arms.

"Shhh, Jann. Please stop crying. Shhh," he consoled me.

I suddenly felt my shoulders shaking. I was sobbing again. I thought I ran out of tears earlier, but I was wrong. He hugged me tighter and started stroking my hair. When he noticed I almost stopped crying, he held my face up so I could see his face. He pressed his forehead against mine and whispered.

"Sorry, Jann, I wasn't there to protect you. I want to kill him for laying his hands on you." I can see how he tries to control his anger.

I looked at him and saw his jaw moving. His eyes were closed as if trying to force the tears not to come out. His face was also flustered with anger, anger that he was trying so hard to contain. My hand raised to caress his face. I was so tempted to kiss him, but I stopped myself.

"Can you stay with me for a while?" I asked him.

"You don't have to ask, Jann. I will stay until you tell me to leave," he said and landed a kiss on my forehead.

We went to the mini store close to our house. The store was already closed since it's past midnight. There was a small bulb in front of the store, which served as our light as we sat by the little bench. We are so familiar with the place since it is the same place where we always go to when we were lovers. If we want some time alone, we just go there, sit and watch the sky together or watch the people pass by. 

You can see the vast sky from where we were seated. I guess that is the reason why we always liked that place. Yes, the sky. Why does the sky mean so much to people who are in love and people who are broken-hearted?

"He saw us dancing together, and he got so furious." I started.

For some reason, I felt like I owe him an explanation as to why I was looking like a mess that night. I wanted to tell him, too, because I wanted someone to listen to me. Maybe that way, I can reduce the pain I was holding inside.

"He said I looked so peaceful with you. Huh, why does it have to be always you, Markus?" I said.

"Stop it, Jann. Whatever his reason is, he had no right to hurt you like that. I never... I-I never lifted a finger to hurt you before... he's a coward ass." he was angry.

He was right too. We may have troubles before, but he never hit me. He had so much respect for me and our relationship that he chooses to be quiet during our fights. I barely remember him showing his anger to me. It was such a big difference between the two of them. I hated to compare them both, but I just can't help it. The differences were just uncanny.

"I guess it was my fault too. I made him do that." I said.

"What? It's not your fault," he said in my defense.

"Look, even if you made a mistake, as per him, he still should not have hit you." he continued.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. Anyways, what were you doing here?" I asked, changing the topic.

"I tried to go after you when he dragged you, but my cousins and our friends said to leave you guys alone for a while. I don't know where he brought you, so I decided to wait for you at your house," he said.

I looked at him and saw that he was more relaxed now. I wanted so much to rerun my fingers on his hair. God, why do I still love him so much? But there was like a thick wall between us. Why can't we just be together again?

"Are you listening?" he asked.

I looked at him, surprised. I didn't hear a single thing that he said. I need to look away because I don't know what we were talking about.

"Sorry, I am so lost. What did you say again?" I asked shyly.

"I said, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I know you guys were fighting about me. This whole thing that happened to you, him hitting you, was all my fault. I should not have danced with you or even gone near you. I am to blame." he said

"Do you regret it?" I asked, challenging him.

He looked at me and held my face before he answered.

"I never regretted anything that I did. I missed you so much, and I am so happy that I was able to hold you in my arms again. But because of that, look at what happened to you? The only regret that I have was, I was not there when you needed me." he said.

Were those tears in his eyes? He was trying so hard not to let the tears flow, but he can't fool me. He kissed me gently on the lips. He was giving me small kisses as he was traveling every corner of my lips, tasting every part of it. I missed his kisses so much and wished to feel it again. Now that it was happening, I wanted to freeze everything so we can just stay in that moment longer. He kissed me longer where the swollen part was.

His gentle kisses became deeper as he kissed me full in the mouth. His tongue easily traveled inside my mouth and found my tongue at once. It was like both already knew what to do. I let him kiss me and drew me closer to him. I can hear myself moan in between our kisses, and he started to breathe heavily as we are both deprived of air. We separated our lips to grasp some air. He rested his forehead again on mine and whispered.

"Hon, I missed you so much," he said.

"I missed you too, more than you ever know," I told him.

He held me tighter in his arms. Finally, I was with him. The way things should have been. The way I always wanted it to be. I didn't want the hug to end, but he let loose and looked at me again.

"Jann, I promise I will find a way to make it up to both of you," he said.

"W-What?" I got confused.

"I will talk to Marvin. I will try to find a way for you guys to fix everything. I feel responsible for your fight, and I promise to find a way to make you two get together and fix things as nothing happened." he said.

What just happened? Weren't he just kissing me a while back and telling me he missed me? I didn't know what happened. Why the sudden change of heart? I pushed him away.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I was so annoyed.

"What? I want you guys to fix things up. No more fighting." he said innocently.

"Are you stupid?! Markus..." I almost yelled at him.

"What? Isn't that the right thing to do?" he asked.

Now the tears are building up in my eyes again. This time, those were tears of anger. How can he be so insensitive and stupid? He just kissed me. I thought we were okay. I thought we could finally bring back what we lost. Now here he was, talking about fixing my relationship with Marvin. How stupid can he get? I covered my lips in disbelief. This is not happening. This can't be real.

"Are you serious, Markus? You want to fix our relationship?" I still can't believe what I heard from him.

"Yes, I am serious," he said.

"Don't be stupid, Markus! Don't you get it? I still love you, and that is the problem. Why fix my relationship with Marvin? Why don't you fix us? Our relationship?" I yelled at him.

I just couldn't take it anymore. Why would he volunteer to fix another relationship when all along, I wanted him to fix ours? He is so unreasonable. He gave a big sigh.

"I can't. I can't fix ours," he said with a very lonely tone.

"Why?!" I asked. 

He looked at me like I asked the most stupid question on earth. He just gave me the answer I never wanted to hear.

"Because Marvin is my best friend," he said with so much pain in his voice.