The Promise Ring (Dear Jann Series 1)

Chapter 14: Demented Soul

I was promptly taken into a room, blind folded. I tried to memorize every step I executed going in that room but I still lost track of it. Where am I? Is anybody there? I can overhear someone talking in my head. I undoubtedly heard a direct snap of a finger which signaled that it was prime time to take off the blind fold and to uncover my eyes. My eyes adjusted to the vivid light in the room. It was brighter than an ordinary room. Where is this? My eager eyes roamed around the ample room. There I was, standing in the middle, surrounded with polished mirrors. Those were mirrors and yet I don't see my own reflection. Where is my accurate reflection? Those were mirrors that supposed to reflect myself, but it was another person or a thing. I saw clowns and they were laughing hysterically at me. Why were they laughing at me? What was so funny? Why do I feel humiliated? Everything looked like a practical joke. This is not happening. This can't be real.

My wandering promptly stopped when I scarcely heard Marvin called my name. I was back to reality which was absolutely good. I felt so frightened back in the mirror room. What was that about? Or was that my complex emotions reflecting bitterly in the current situation? Because that was exactly how I felt as I was carefully looking at three guys in front of me. I instantly felt the cruel joke was on me. What the hell was going on? I was just watching tv when suddenly, these three clowns slowly showing up from nowhere. I should have been happy, but I wasn't. I was starting to get furious.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I managed to ask.

They all carefully looked at me. I knew they witnessed how I was feeling inside. I made sure they saw I was furious. No more hiding of emotions. It was absolutely terrible holding back anyways. They should see it, so they will understand what I was going through at the moment. I was teary with my anger building up fast. I aggressively looked at the three of them and made myself crystal clear.

"Do you foolishly think we are in a circus or something? Why are you doing this to me? How dare you, all of you?" I shouted to them.

I saw Markus stood up and was about to go to console me. However, Marvin, who was beside me when we entered the room, was fast enough to carefully hold me on my elbow. I promptly pulled it away which made him surprised.

"Get out! All of you get out!" I overwhelmingly said as I eagerly pointed at the door.

They all looked genuinely shocked and nobody spoke nor scarcely moved. I instantly saw Markus looking down. Drake was the first to get out. Out of gentle courtesy I guess, Markus went out next. Marvin tried to touch me again, but I stepped back. He heaved a sigh and left. My tears dropped as I was trying calming myself. I can breathe again.

I jerked my head in disbelief after they all had left. I felt so exhausted and hurting. It was like I was disrespected and humiliated in front of a crowd. Were they playing with me? Did they perceive me as a toy that they could pass around when they lost interest? It hurt so bad, I sorely wanted to slap each one of them. How could they?

I heard my dear parents come into the house, so I wiped away my copious tears and straightened up myself. This is undoubtedly going to be a long night. I knew for sure they would inquire what was that about and I didn't want them to see me crying bitterly because of this sentimental nonsense. I don't want them to genuinely worry about me.

"Want to talk?" my dear mom asked after they settled back to the plush couch.

Even if I don't want to, I don't want to be rude to them so I nodded politely and went to the other couch across them. They were comfortably seated beside each other and were waiting eagerly for me to speak up. I was awfully looking down my dainty feet as if I can see any convincing answers from there. I heard them sigh gently so I looked up. I can see their worried faces, but I didn't know where to start. I gently shook my sleek head.

"What happened to you and Markus?" my dear dad asked when I did not start talking.

I was expecting they would question me, but I didn't expect them to start with Markus. Why didn't I expect it? They thought he was still my boyfriend until now. I suddenly felt guilty.

"What happened to you and Markus? Who are those other two?" he asked some more.

"Markus and I, b-broke up." I started nervously.

I heard them give a sigh. I looked at their faces, but I wasn't sure if they were disappointed or angry. It was just so hard to interpret their complex emotions. One thing for sure, they were waiting attentively for a reasonable explanation on what just happened.

"Okay." I said and gently took a deep breath and carefully looked at them.

"Markus and I broke up months ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Marvin, the other guy, the one who came here last, is currently my boyfriend. And Drake, he's just my dear friend. I don't know his drama." I lengthy explained.

I was reasonably expecting my dear parents to get mad for carefully keeping those things to them. I hate keeping secrets too, but I don't want them to worry because of my love life. I don't want to add more problems to them. My thought was interrupted gently when I instantly heard my dear mom laugh gaily and my dear dad chuckled delightedly. I carefully looked at them confused.

"See, I told you, dad. Your daughter is lovely. She's being chased by three decent guys." she said lovingly.

"Huh! She is, but sometimes she is stupid when it comes to intentionally choosing." my dad responded.

I saw mom smiled teasingly at my dad who still looked annoyed. I looked at him too and pouted my lips to indicate I didn't like what he just said. He looked at me and cautiously raised both hands. I looked once more at both of them. They're so in love. What is the secret? I naturally wonder if I will experience that with the person I dearly love. Who among them? My complex brain asked. Urgh!

"Where did you meet that Drake guy? I don't like him." my dad made it sure I heard him.

"He's just my loyal friend. No big deal with him, dad." I said.

"I can see he is a nice guy but you can't be lovers with him. Sorry but he belonged to a tribe which is undoubtedly not on good terms with us.” my dad explained with chief concern in his kind eyes.

“I know and please, he is just my friend. No worries.” I assured him.

Drake and I are natives but belonged to diverse tribes. Unfortunately, those local tribes have had issues since the start of time. Which until the present was carried over by the next generations. I can never comprehend it. I gathered stories about how they regarded each other during the primitive times, but we are more civilized now, so no tribal wars. Drake and I are still friends and didn’t mind it. He was in fact a really kind person and very supportive. Caring too if I may carefully add.

“And your boyfriend?” asked my dear dad.

“His name is Marvin Bravo. He was actually a longtime friend of Markus. He is very charming, dad.”

“He seems incredibly timid and looks a little too serious. I can tell he admires you a lot. But why did he allow his two friends to come and woo you?” he asked.

Why did I? It wasn't me. I gave my dad an expressive shrug. I didn't have any answer to it. Maybe Marvin doesn't know anything about it as well. It’s getting complex whenever I try explaining things to my parents. I guess my mom saw I was getting uncomfortable with my dad questioning.

“How about Markus? What happened to both of you? What happened to the “you and me, against the world?” asked my mom.

I looked at her and heaved a sigh. Again, I didn't know what to tell them. Why am I running out of possible answers? I started to hate myself and hate more those three idiots. My dad was already watching again and seems like he is not interested in whatever I will say. I jerked my head, instead of answering my mom. Before we went to bed, my mom sat beside me and clasped my hand. She carefully looked at me and smiled knowingly.

"I can't believe you are already a lady. Time is extremely rapid, you're not my baby anymore. Where did time go?" she asked lovingly. I smiled back.

"You've grown to be remarkably pretty. Just look at those guys who wanted your attention." she smiled thinking of what happened earlier.

"Do you still love Markus?" she asked.

I heaved my usual sigh and looked elsewhere. Do I still love him? What about Marvin? Was it possible to love two people at the same time? More complex questions and yet no satisfactory answers. Why do I end up asking more questions rather than instantly getting answers?

"I do, mom. I love him so much. But - " I couldn't persuade myself to complete the sentence.

"If you still love him, then why break up with him?"

"I didn't break up with him, mom. He dumped me."

"What? Why?"

"Mom, I really don't know. I sincerely wish I knew. He never explained to me." my eyes watered.

"I have been trying to obtain answers from him as to what happened. What changed? But he always tries to carefully avoid my unanswered questions, or rather, he doesn't give me any answers at all. He keeps saying he misses me, and I do too, but he didn't try to win me back from Marvin. One time, when I asked him again about it, he said that he can't because Marvin was his best friend. What was that about? He selected Marvin instead of resolving our problem." I said.

I instantly felt like an innocent child who hopelessly lost a toy and was desperate to tearfully tell my mom about it. Hoping that mom will perform or state something and her words will magically resolve the issue. I wished fairy tales were true. I wished mom had some power to ease the pain I was feeling.

"Hmmm too bad. I started to like him." I looked at her.

"You did?" I was intrigued.

"Yes. We may not be telling you much about what we believe of Markus, but I saw how much you cherish him. I never saw you genuinely care that much to any local guy before. I know that he means a lot to you, and I just feel jealous sometimes that you cherish him instead of yourself. I just detested him when I saw you crying. I know the reason was him even if you don't tell us." she said.

"I don't want to get on your way again like we did before. But, Jann, you have to let him go if you want to make your relationship with Marvin work."

"Why?"

"Because as long as you have Markus in your heart, you will always feel the pain which comes along to loving him. Because you will always hope for more. Because you will expect the same kind of love, you felt for him from the other person. Because you will never be happy knowing that your heart still belonged to him." my tears flowed as she finished.

Why was there too many "because"? Why can't there be only one answer? What kind of answer was I looking for anyways? I lost track already on what I desperately desire. I sincerely want Markus to be with me and yet I was intentionally driving him away. Now that he desperately wants me back, what is holding me back? Marvin? Scared that he will intentionally hurt me again? Promises?

My dear mom, gently tapped me on my shoulder then kissed me on the forehead before she left for their private room. She left me thinking. Maybe she was right because I was always in pain every time I saw him. But I have Marvin. Shouldn't my love for him amply suffice to conveniently forget Markus? How am I to look into his kind eyes again and gently tell him I dearly love him when it was only half meant? But he said he comprehended it. He said he would wait until I finally love him the possible way he loved me. I undoubtedly did, but why does it feel like it wasn't enough? This is going nowhere until I make a decision. That night I gently closed my eyes with sincere conviction, with a decision.

*****

The weather was weary when I woke up the following day. I didn't have much sleep because of what happened yesterday. I still hated those three sentimental idiots. But most of all, I was thinking of the decision I made. I hoped and prayed I made the right one.

Drake was the first one to come see me that breezy afternoon. We were standing by the door, and I can see how uncomfortable he was with me looking at him with a pissed off expression on my face.

"Hmmm… Jann, hey we're still friends, right?" he started.

I gave him an eye roll and opened the door for him to come inside the house. Showed him the plush couch so he can be comfortably seated. He did so while gently scratching his nape.

"Stop doing that. You look stupid." I told him.

He instantly lowered his hand and looked at me. He produced an unsure smile and was intentionally trying to read my familiar face. I stared back, and he gently lowered his kind eyes.

"What was that about, Drake? What were you thinking?" I asked.

He looked up to me. I was still standing in front of him. I was like a parent scolding her dear child for being naughty.

"Jann, I'm sorry. I know I should have not done that. I was just trying to-" I promptly cut him talking earnestly.

"Trying to? Cause more trouble?"

"No, Jann." he chuckled gleefully.

Now it was my turn to look at him confused. What the hell was he planning? I sat on the couch across him and waited for his reply.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"You see, Jann. You're very pretty and one of the nicest people I've met. No wonder those two idiots are so in love with you." he justly said which naturally made me blush.

"I know what Markus was up to these previous days. He informed me. He told me he still loved you and wants you back."

"He said that? Why would it matter to you?"

"Hahaha. That's why I love you, Jann. You can be so innocent and yet make us crazy in your own way." he added.

"Shut up, Drake. Just tell me what you're talking about. You're acting like a creep." I justly said.

He smiled some more. He was absolutely giving me the creeps on how he was acting. I wanted to strike him by the head hoping he would come back to his senses.

"Okay. I'm sorry for what happened last night. I was just here because I saw Markus headed this way. I was about to warn you, Marvin was on his way here too. But, you knew what happened, he caught up with me."

"Why warn me?" I asked and he heaved a sigh.

"They had a fight earlier."

"They what?!"

"You undoubtedly heard it right, Jann. They practically had a fist fight. Good thing I was there to stop them. Obviously, they were reasonably arguing about you."

"What were they arguing about?" I politely asked.

"I already informed you about it when we were in the gym." he said.

I suddenly remembered that day. I still have a lot of questions and probably I can get answers now. I sat up straightforward and looked at him with engaged attention.

"So you're going to inform me now what Marvin's parents think of me?" I asked.

"No! You ask Marvin about it yourself."

"Urgh! Damn you, Drake, for all this breathless suspense. What is wrong with you? So what the hell are you here for?" I said annoyingly.

"I came here apologizing for yesterday, remember? And… I just want you to know that whoever you end up with, I remain as your loyal friend. I will generously support you. Just, please take care." he said.

I saw the evident sincerity in his face and I can't help but smile back.

"Thank you, Drake. It means a lot."

"But you know, Jann. I am also good-looking like those two sentimental idiots. I can unanimously pass to be your potential boyfriend." he said teasingly.

"Don't push your luck, man." I said.

We both laughed. I was fortunate to possess a friend in times like this. At least he was adding more comedy to this melancholy dramatic love life of mine.

"Hey, Jann. The thing I told your dad."

"What about it?"

"I absolutely mean it. I really like you a lot. You're beautiful, inside and out." he smiled gently and left.