The Promise Ring (Dear Jann Series 1)

Chapter 6: Forlorn Feelings

The year 2002 ended rather smoothly despite all the things that I have been through. From broken-hearted to a newfound love, what more can I ask for? I am just thankful that I have Marvin to spend the rest of the year. The year 2003 came in with a blast. A blast because just when I thought everything was going smoothly, Markus came back with more surprises on his sleeves.

It was our Patron Saint, Santo Nino, festival when I went back home to Philex. One of the events during the festival is the disco. An event that my friends and I never missed. It was the time of the year where we go and dance all our hearts out and stay late as we can. It was always fun as far as I can remember. 

It was Jessa’s birthday as well and I am sure glad to see her again. It’s been a while since we last saw each other and we had a lot of catching up to do. Our other friends were already there when I arrived at her place. They were already enjoying the food that she prepared. She had spaghetti, macaroni salad, hotdogs on a stick, rice, and some dishes. I bet she was busy the whole day preparing all of those foods. I dug in with them as soon as I found my seat.

It was great seeing them again after a long time. Everyone wanted to talk and share their own stories almost all at the same time. We all missed this kind of gathering where no air was left quite. I've learned that some of them stopped studying because of financial reasons and that they don't have a choice but to work. I was one of the lucky ones who was still studying. We all decided to go to the disco after eating.

Before we left, I tried to convince Marvin to join us. However, he was not able to because of some errands from his parents. I was disappointed. I was looking forward to spending the festival with him. 

"Sorry Babe, I just really can't. I need to finish this before my dad comes home from work," he said.

"Are you sure you are not making this up?" I asked him suspiciously.

He chuckled with my question. I know he hated going to crowds, how much more in a disco. He was not the outgoing kind of person, so the crowd makes him a little suffocated. 

"I am not making this up, babe. I just really need to finish it. If I will finish early, then I will just follow you guys there." he said as he wrapped me with his arms and kissed my forehead.

"You sure, you're okay with it," I asked lovingly.

"Yes," he said and kissed me on the lips.

"Just be careful there. Enjoy it. If I am not able to follow there, then I will see you tomorrow." he exclaimed and kissed me again.

"Okay. I will see you then." I kissed him once more before joining my friends.

We arrived at Main Camp where the loud music was already playing. The disco was always held on the covered court. It is where the big events are usually done like the Simbang Gabi. But tonight, the lights were low and the music was too intoxicating and inviting. The event was in full swing when we arrived. We searched for a great spot where we can stay and dance. We found our space at the side of the stage, so the music was a lot louder.

There was a live band that the management hired just for the occasion. The music that they were singing and playing ranged from the 90s to 2k music, so aside from dancing, we were singing along. Dancing there again brought back a lot of happy memories. My group and I, have always loved dancing since we were younger. We never missed a disco night and we also joined dance contests before.

We were enjoying the music when suddenly, a group of guys joined us. It was Markus and a bunch of his cousins. Before I could even move away, he was already in front of me asking me to dance with him. 

"Hello Hon.. sorry... Jann. May I dance with you?" he asked when he approached me.

Damn! Why does he look so gorgeous with those smiling eyes and captivating smile? My heart started pounding so loud. Probably louder than the music we were dancing on. I was speechless until everyone chanted that I dance with him, so I did. I didn’t want to, but because of the pressure from my friends and his cousins, I did anyway. 

I honestly don’t know what I was feeling at the moment. Just when I thought that I finally moved on, here he comes barging in again. Why can’t I just drive him away? He wrapped his hands around me while we were dancing to the sweet music. What was the song playing? I don't even remember. I felt like I've gone deaf. Everywhere seems to be so quiet and all I can hear was both our heartbeats. What is going on?

Before I knew it, I rested my head on his chest. It always felt so calm whenever I was inside his arms. Dub… Dub… Dub… my heartbeat was beating at the same time as his. It warms my heart and my body. I can smell his usual perfume. Why does he still use the same perfume? I am so tempted to run my hands along his chest. Stop it, Jann. Don't be a p*****t! I felt his hug tightened when I rested my head. I can also feel his small kisses on my hair. Are we still dancing? Who cares, I love where I am now.

“I missed you, Jann. I really do,” he whispered in between his small kisses on my hair.

I lift my head to look at him and I can see the sincerity written all over his face. I feasted my eyes on his face. From his hair down to his eyebrows and his smiling brown eyes. His high ridge nose that I love to pinch whenever we are teasing each other. And his lips, Gosh his lips. I wanted so much to kiss those lips. Just looking at it makes me thirst for his kisses. I've memorized every corner of his face. Why won't I? I've loved staring at his face since the day we met. I missed him so much too but there was a big part of me reminding me that we were over. I was about to say I missed him too when the music stopped and the lights went on. He looked and smiled at me. I did the same as he took my hand and we walked going to our friends.

While walking to join our friends, I thought I saw Marvin at the corner of my eyes. I turned around and checked, he was not there. A sudden chill ran through my body when I realized what was going on. What if he finished his errand and went there to join us? What if he saw me dancing with Markus? I will be damned. I let go of Markus’ hand rather quickly. He looked at me, confused, and I just shook my head in response. 

“Jann, I was wondering, where is Marvin?” he asked.

“He wasn’t able to come. I don’t know why.” I answered.

He nodded and smiled. I may be wrong but I thought I saw a glimpse of delight in his eyes when he learned that Marvin was not with us. But I can't get out the feeling that someone was watching me and it's sending me strange feelings. This can't be good. His group finished the disco night with us. He volunteered to walk me home.

“You don’t have to. I got my friends with me.” I told him.

We already started preparing to go home since the disco was almost done. We were in the post office just close to the covered court. We were waiting for our companions who excused themselves to go to the washroom.

“You think I will let you go on your own? Jann, you know me better,” he answered.

There was no point in arguing with him. He is so persistent and I liked the idea of walking with him as well. It’s been a while since we last talked. I missed him too and wanted to know what he had been up to. I never thought about anything other than, I am very happy to see him again. Little did I know that two eyes were watching over us.

We started walking once our friends arrived from the washroom. Markus was so bubbly and he never failed to make me smile with all his silly adventures. Just being with him, beside him, makes me feel like nothing had changed between the two of us. Why is my heart betraying me again? I really missed him and there is no point in denying that. I wanted so much to reach out his hand and kiss him. I remember so clearly how we were before. Just us.

“I think you already know that I transferred to La Union. I am now studying there,” he said.

“What? When?” I was surprised.

He looked at me and chuckled. How could I not know that he transferred there already? When did all these things happen? I was clueless and I bet I was looking stupid with my questioning face.

“Ah Jann, you’re so cute,” he said as he pinched my nose.

“I’m serious! When did you transfer to La Union?” I insisted that he give me an answer.

He looked at me and sighed. He placed his arms around me and kissed me on my forehead.

“I moved out when I saw that you are finally happy with him,” he said.

He looked at me intensely and I needed to look away. There was a spark of pain in my heart and I didn’t want him to see it. I guess he finally accepted that I am happy with Marvin and maybe this is his way of giving his blessing. I didn’t answer him.

“Anyways, you see when I transferred and studied in La Union, I met this girl. She was head over heels with me. She is very pretty… blah... blah.. blah...” his voice was muffled.

Or was it just my hearing playing tricks on me. I didn’t hear the rest of the things that he was saying. Or better yet, I didn’t want to hear anything about his girlfriend or whoever was head over heels about him. Why is my chest suddenly feeling so heavy as he was describing that girl? I feel so sad and wanted to cry. I thought we were over?

“So, Jann, what do you think?” he asked.

“What? Think of what?” I annoyingly asked.

“What do you think of her? Of Kimberley?” he stupidly asked me again.

“Who the hell is Kimberley? What are you talking about?!” I was pissed off.

He looked at me with so many questions on his face. I thought he looked stupid. How can he ask me about another woman when I was there hurting? With every description he was telling me about her, I felt like they were daggers stabbing me. How can he be so insensitive? But then again, who am I to feel this way. We are over, remember?

“Jann, I - I’m sorry. I thought, maybe you can...forget it. Just forget about it.” he said.

I guess he saw what I was feeling. He did not insist on an answer. He also took out his arms around me and everything became silent between us. I felt like I ran out of words to say. Maybe he felt the same way too because he remained quiet throughout our walk.

What was I thinking? I should be happy for him because he found a new love. He moved on, which means he will never be a threat to our relationship anymore. But why am I so lonely when I learn about it? I hated to admit I was dying inside as I saw him happy with someone else. Why can't it just be me?

The silence was deafening between the two of us. The only sound that I could hear was the crowd around us and the laughter from other people who just came from the disco as well. Just like us, they were on their way home. The silence is becoming so awkward. I started to hate him again. Why can’t he just put his arms around me again? If he does, I know everything will be okay again.

When we reached the Capitol, Jessa’s home, someone grabbed me by the shoulder. I was so surprised I wasn’t able to react. Even Markus was so surprised at how fast things happened. I was so speechless as I looked at the person who grabbed me. All I could see was anger on his face. It was Marvin.