The Promise Ring (Dear Jann Series 1)

Chapter 16: The Chosen One

After my previous conversation with Markus, I carefully packed my things and went back to Baguio. I didn't wait anymore for Marvin to show up. I just can't handle another conversation with anybody anymore. It was just too much. I didn't even recall how I managed to go home that night. All I can think of was he said goodbye.

But you're the one who drove him away? Weren't you the one who preferred Marvin instead of Markus? My convinced other "self" asked. Yes, I did. All the possible answers were "yes". But why do I feel like I was making a mistake? I felt like it wasn't fair for both Markus and I. Didn't I weigh all the possible options?

Nobody was home when I reached my boarding house. It was also dark outside making it more melancholy. I didn't mind being alone. I needed the solitary for a while. I sat snugly on my bed looking so lost. Here I was again questioning my own decision and own feelings.

Did I make the right decision? Was it really for the best? Will I be content with my decision in the long run?

Why were you late, Markus, or I just didn't wait?  What was holding me back?

What about Marvin, will he love me endless like he promised? I chose Marvin, will this end every commotion?

What about Drake's questionable comments about his family? What was that about?

Wait, Marvin. Yes, of course. Marvin and I are still on. Why am I wallowing myself to loneliness because of Markus? I should be with Marvin. I should be with the person I chose. I should be living up with the questionable decision I made. I should move on for the dear sake of our relationship. Yes, focus everything on Marvin. I will be happy with him. 

"Just watch me, Markus. I can do this. I can be happy with someone else and not just you." I said vehemently.

I immersed myself with school while I was building my courage to go home again. However, I guess I buried myself so much that I forgot about Marvin's birthday. How could I forget something very important like his birthday? I detested it. I carefully packed my things and headed back home after my classes.

While on the trip, I keep saying to myself that everything will be fine between Marvin and me. I chose him because I knew he was different from Markus. He cared more. He cherished me more. Who are you sufficiently convincing? Yourself or yourself. There goes my convinced other "self"  again.

I was also hoping and praying that Markus will not be there. I couldn't face him anymore. We're over and there was no point for me to talk to him. I just wished that our paths won't cross anymore. "Who are you joking, Jann? Be careful what you wish for." said my teasing other "self".

We met at our customary place in the 11-storey building. It was great seeing him again after a considerable time. Our last meet up wasn't really that good and I am just happy that he didn't get mad at me. I was very happy and I know that I really missed him too. I can see he missed me more.

"Happy birthday, babe!" I greeted him lively.

I landed a kiss on his cheek and placed my arms around his neck. He beamed a smile as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to come and celebrate your birthday. I was just so busy with a lot of stuff in school."

"It's okay. You're here, that's all that matters." he said and kissed me tenderly.

"It's so great to see you, babe. I thought you were hiding from me too."

"Why will I hide? Should I hide?" I asked. He chuckled and kissed me again before he answered.

"I'm sorry about what happened last time. I honestly don't know what was happening. I was so surprised."

"You didn't know they were going to our house?"

"Believe me, Jann. I didn't know. I was just as surprised as you. After we had left your house, I tried to speak with them, but nobody was talking as we headed home."

"You guys walked home together? The three of you?" I asked in disbelief.

I even furrowed my brows which made him chuckle.

"I know what you're thinking. We are still friends you know. And even if I didn't like going with them, I got no choice. We live in the same compound." he said and I chuckled gleefully.

Yes, the three of them typically live in the same compound. So whenever I go there, the three of them will know it. Whatever news happens, the three of them will surely know about it

"I tried speaking with Drake sincerely hoping to know his reasons, but he was avoiding me. Markus never spoke with me since February. I couldn't get any satisfactory answers from them."

I looked down as he mentioned that. I suddenly felt guilty because I was the reason as to why the three of them were no longer speaking with each other. I knew that they practically grew up together and have been friends ever since. It just breaks my heart that I am the reason as to why they are no longer that close.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your lifelong friendship. If only I knew -"

"Don't say that, Jann. It's not your fault. I will never regret knowing you. I love you so much."

"Then why did you not come back and talk to me after what happened?"

He lovingly looked at me and smiled. He looked elsewhere and answered. Finally I can get some answers to some of the questions that I had. I looked at him waiting patiently for his answer. I could see that he was having a hard time putting in the words to tell me. It made me think otherwise.

"I-I wanted to have some space to think and breathe about much stuff. I was hurt and confused at the same time. I didn't know which hurts more, knowing that you entertained them or knowing that they love you and are willing to do everything to get you away from me. I feel so betrayed, Jann." he said with a loneliness in his tone.

What did he say? Did I hear it right? He felt betrayed? Shouldn't that be me? I was the one who got caught between their cross fire and yet he felt betrayed? I found it ridiculous. I smirked, took out my hands around his neck and looked away. I didn't want him to see the disappointment on my face. Not now, when it was his birthday and I was trying to fix our relationship.

"But, I didn't want to worry you, so I decided it would be better not to show myself for a while. Maybe then, you can get the answers you needed and the specific answers that you wanted as well."

He said as I looked down. He was somewhat right. I genuinely needed that space and I really appreciate him doing it so I have time to think soberly.

"Marvin, I'm sorry things didn't go the way we wanted to. Where did I go wrong?" I politely asked.

"It's not you, babe. It's me. I'm so confused with many things. Believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you." he said.

Whether he was lying or not, I simply believed him. Few moments later, he courteously invited me to go home. We walked as usual and just heartily enjoyed the cool breeze. When we reached home, I cordially invited him in the house so we could catch up some more, which we did. When inside, he asked me the straightforward question that he wanted to ask a long time when all the trouble started. 

"I want to know, Jann. Would you…would you choose me instead of Markus? Did I love you enough to deserve your choice? If I make you choose now, will you choose me? Be honest." he asked.

How could he ask such a question when he already knew my specific answer? I was with him that moment. Wasn't it obvious that I already chose him?

"Marvin, I already chose you. I am with you right now?" I said.

"You are with me physically. Can I be sure that you are with me emotionally as well? Can I assume that you love me? More than you love Markus?" he politely asked.

Why was he sending daggers to my hearts? I am with him, shouldn't that be enough? Am I emotionally with him? I can see the hurt in his expressive eyes. I think he knew my answer, but I won't let him think otherwise. I chose him, therefore, it should only be him.

"I chose you, and I will keep choosing you no matter what happens," I said.

Lies! He was right, you were a liar from the start! Comfort yourself, Jann. It is the only way to stop the pain. Make yourself believe that it was Marvin all along. Fool yourself some more. I can hear my other "self", shouting at me. She can be brutal sometimes. All her words hurt so much.

"Do you love me?" Marvin humbly asked. 

He was staring longingly at me and waiting politely for my answer. He had been so serious and sweet to me that day. I had a feeling that there was more to his actions than what he was showing me. I felt a lump in my throat, and I needed to swallow before I answered.

"Of course, I love you too. What made you ask that?" I smilingly replied to him while gently holding his lovely face and carefully looking into his brown eyes. 

His kind eyes look at me with so much love and yet the same eyes that give me shivers when we had a fight the other day. 

"Prove it!" he said gently.

"What? What are you saying?" I asked.

"Prove that you love me."

I was stunned and didn't know what to tell him. I was just looking at him and trying to figure out the correct answer that I should give him. He had considerable doubts about me. I tried to look away, but he locked my face to him and asked me again.

"Prove to me that you love me," he said. 

Before I could answer, he passionately kissed me. A passionate kiss filled with love and desire. 

I gently closed my eyes and told myself, "Just for tonight, maybe I can love him and just him. Maybe I can intentionally block my mind from thinking about Markus. This night will be just Marvin and me. This will be the start of us. No Markus, no doubts, just the two of us."  Then I kissed him back.

I never knew he had doubts on me until that moment. I honestly don’t know what kind of proof he was asking me. I just let my emotions take over the thing that happened next. We did cross the lines as we made love that breezy night.

*****

Marvin's POV

I love her. I've always loved her since the first time I set my eyes on her. But I have been suppressing my feelings because she was my best friend's girl. I am in pain everytime I see them together. I heartily wish I was the one causing her smile and happiness. I wished I was the reason why she always looked forward every day. I wished she would cherish me the way I cherished her to be. I want her. I need her.

I saw a chance to express what I felt for her. She was broken into pieces when my stupid best friend dumped her. I was glad to know they were over, but I never wanted to see her cry about him. It pierces my heart when she talks about how much she loved him. My i***t best friend had taken her for granted and it made me furious about it. I was willing to be a modest rebound. I will do everything to win her passionate affection.

Finally, we are together, and I am sure glad about it. However, my happiness was half-baked as I saw in her eyes her love for my best friend. She still loved him. She loved him more than she did to me. What am I thinking? Of course I already anticipated that she would love him more than me. I just didn't expect it would hurt so bad too.

Due to my fierce jealousy, I struck her when I saw her with him. I was so furious, and I regret every second of it. I never meant to hurt her. I will never hurt her. I feared that she would go away from me because of what I did. My best friend was there to console her. I saw how she was peaceful with him. And as I was carefully looking at them, how he tenderly caressed her, it was killing me softly and yet I maintained my distance. I was doomed, and I knew that she would leave me.

But she willingly stayed. I didn't know what happened to them. I thought they would get back, but they didn't. I still have a great chance to make up with all that I did. She gave me that chance. Chance it may be, she gave me her love. She chose me over him. She finally loved me.

Now, I am standing in front of her. Tonight, I will make her mine. I will show her how much I love her. I want her and need her. She satisfactorily completes me. I know I will never love anyone like how I love her. She will always be in my heart as long as it soundly beats. One day, I will ask her to marry me, and we will have our own family. I will just love her. I will cherish her more than any other man can cherish her.

Tonight, we will be one. I will love her forever. I know this is forever. She is mine. She is finally mine.