Lie To Me / Tagalog

01

            Why is it so hard to forgive, they asked me once.

        Honestly, it was not. It is not hard to forgive; it was forgetting that is hard to do.

        It's really hard to just forget what hurt you most. It was never easy to just ignore what scars your being; to ignore what questions your credibility to be true with.

        And like what they say, we can forgive, but never can forget; regardless of how big or small that mistakes done, if it hurts you and betrayed your trust, forgetting is really impossible. Specially, when it was the person you trusted the most that broke you and turned you to be 'heartless.'

***

    In a year, everything could happen and changes could will always occur. We couldn't tell what is going to happen and we have no choice but go with the flow.

        Life is simply like that.

        Not everything you slept with last night have a guarantee to be with you the next morning you wake up.

        That's the reality we have to accept; whether we like it or not, that's the reality. So face it bravely.

        "You're so uptight, Jia. You should loosen up a bit," Hansel said after handing me a cup of coffee. Black coffee, my favorite.

        "I have deadlines to attend to Hans," I simply answered, see still fixated on my computer’s monitor.

        Hans is my best friend. He was the one of those two people who picked me up when I was a total mess and broken into pieces. He helped me stand, while those people who call their selves my friends left me in the time I needed them most.

        "You were always chasing on your deadlines, when we both know that there is no deadlines in fact," he said on a matter of fact tone. "You are always ahead of your deadlines, I know. You can't reason out that one to me anymore," he added.

        I sighed.

        This guy really know me too well.

        "You know how demanding my work is, Hans. One mistake could lead me to a complicated situation, and you know how much I hated that," I still reasoned out, wanting him to dismiss what he has on his mind.

        I'm a marketing director in a manufacturing company and we manufacture different kinds of bags of different brands, it was a made to order from a foreign buyer. And from them, our products are going to market in different countries. Kaya kailangan kong tutukang maigi ang pag gawa ng bawat produkto, dahil isang mali lamang ang makita ng buyers ay malaking abala na sa produksyon.

        "Your work doesn't demand you as much as you think. It was only you who is willingly gives your all. Kaya ka naaabuso lagi, e," he whispered his last words but it clearly came to me.

        I stared at him. Ito na naman s'ya; stepping out of his limits.

        "What I am trying to say is, have a break. Loosen up. Go on a vacation," he added immediately.

        "I don't have time," I answered with a shrugged.

        "Yes you do have," he insist.

        "I'm busy, Hans," pag mamatigas ko naman.

        "It was only you that thinks you are busy, Jianna," pilit naman n’ya.

        "Hansel, please."

        He took a deep breath. I know where this is going.

        "How long are you going to make your life miserable? You have been stuck at that phase, Jianna. It has been a year. Come on, move o—.”

        I cut him off and stood from my seat. "Enough, Hansel," I said, composing myself; trying really hard not to explode.

        "You tell that to yourself," he said, shaking his head.

        "You don't know anything," I said but he just smirked.

        "I'll talk to Mikael. I'll ask him for a vacation leave," he pulled off of his seat.

        Lumabas na siya ng aking opisina, nakita ko ang pag diretso n'ya sa katapat na opisina ng aming plant manager mula sa glass door ng aking office. And with that, I was set on a vacation leave. And it was the middle of the week, just where the f**k I will go?

        "Where are you fucker?" I tried not to yell at Hans over the phone.

        "Office," all his reply.

        "What?" I yelled. I can't help but to. This fucker set me to this vacation leave while him? What a jerk?

        "Office, I said," he repeated.

        "I heard you fucker!" I shouted. "You set me up on this vacation while you, f*****g assho—," he cut me.

        "Your wordings, Jia," he said. "Ka-babae mong tao, kung ano-anong lumalabas d’yan sa bibig mo."

        "Ulul ka! Kung hindi ka kasi pakialamerong pangit ka, edi sana hindi kita tinatalakan ngayon!" I continued shouting at him.

        "You need that," he answered.

        "I know what I need. You didn't have to decide for me!"

        "I wish you really do," he said.

        "I hate you!"

        "Sure you do," he answered. "Just call me if there's a problem. Have fun." He said before hanging up.

        I was cursing him through my whole drive to Bataan. I have nothing to go to in the middle of the week so I just decided to just come home.

        It was only a 3 hours’ drive to Bataan, and entering its boundary brought me of so many memories; bitter sweet memories.

        From Dinalupihan, first town of Bataan, I had to travel another one hour to my home town. Mariveles, it is the last town in eleven towns in Bataan. It was located at the tail of the province; it was a combination of mountains and seashores.

        "Hello, Ma?" I picked up my phone.

        "Saan ka na, anak?" Mama asked. Hanz probably told her already.

        "Sa Balanga pa lang po Ma. May gusto ba kayong ipabili?"

        "Pizza, Ate!" I heard my brother shouted at the background.

        "Tumigal ka nga. Pahihirapan mo pa ang ate mo."

        "Hindi naman mahirap 'yon, madadaanan naman n'ya 'yon."

        "Kahit na. Imbis na diretso na sya dito."

        "Okay lang, Ma. Ilang box ba?'' I butted in.

        "Dalawa, Ate!" My brother answered.

        "'Yon lang ba?" I asked. I know my brother, he'll grab every opportunity he gets.

        "Wala na anak, iyon lang. Saka anak, anong gusto mong ulam? Hindi ka kasi nag sabing uuwi ka, hindi tuloy ako nakapag luto." Mama apologetically said.

        "Biglaan lang po kasi, Mama. Kahit ano na lang po ang nandyan, ayos lang."

        "Hindi. Ipagluluto na lang kita, ano bang gusto mo? May pang kare-kare at Caldereta ako rito," Mama insists.

        "Sinigang na lang po, Ma." I said instead.

        "Ay, sige. Mag ingat ka sa pag d-drive huh?"

        "Opo," with that I hung up the line.

        Buti na lamang at hindi pa ako nakakalabas ng Balanga at may Mall pa akong madadaan kaya hindi ko na kailangang mag U-turn pabalik ng Centro. I turned right at the entrance of the Mall at dumiretso sa parking.

        And by looking at this place and remembering all the memories this place brought, I know that I am in danger. My heart is in danger again.