Let's Waste Time

Chapter Seven

It only got weirder from that moment on. Chris came by again the following Tuesday, but it was obvious something had changed between us. We were both tense now. And I can’t say I was attracted to him. I continue to stress that fact, and maybe I’m lying because I knew damn well he was hot. But I was in a relationship, a very complicated one, but I still believed that Trent owned my heart, and I had no intention of ever giving it to anyone else.

However, it wasn’t my heart that wanted Chris.

So every Tuesday after that grew more and more weird and uncomfortable. We tried our usual small talk, but it always went back to, “So how are things with Heidi?” “Have you talked to Trent lately?” “Haven’t seen him in a while?” “Oh, that's a shame.” Translation? Are they still gone? Not going to be around any time soon? Still enough time for us to completely betray them?

But that didn’t happen that way, of course, because then that would make this story a lot shorter and easier to write. We no longer sat there comfortably like occasional movie buddies. He usually sat slouched on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs sticking out under (and sometimes on) the coffee table. Now he sat with his back straight and his hands on his lap. I would curl up on the opposite side of the couch biting my nails and tapping my feet as if I was doing everything I could to not notice him. It was like our entire year of boringly average friendship had been ruined.

Eventually, we started making excuses to cancel. “Oh, I have to work late,” I would tell him. He’d say, “I have a game. Let’s do a rain check.” Then the Tuesdays became fewer and farther in between. I’ll admit we held off for a pretty decent amount of time considering how we felt. Or at least how I felt. Maybe we were just hoping things would go back to normal. Of course they never did.

It happened on a Tuesday, as these things normally did. Chris and I had made plans to watch a movie, but we’d skipped out on the previous two movie nights, so I figured the same thing would happen again. When I finished working, I decided to take a shower. I thought I’d be home alone for the night, so it surprised me when I heard my door buzz after I climbed out. I was still in my foggy bathroom as naked as the day I was born.

“s**t,” I said, reaching for the towel I’d dropped on the floor.

I was a nosy person by nature. If you rang my bell at any hour of the day, it didn’t matter how busy or naked I was, I was going to answer. So I wrapped the towel around myself and shuffled to the door to see who it was. It was Chris. He was standing on the front steps holding a pizza and a six-pack of beer. I bit my lip and then smacked my forehead on the door. I could have just pretended not to hear him or turn him down. But he’d already gone to the trouble of buying the pizza and the beer. And I was also really really hungry and didn’t want to do the dishes. So I took a deep breath and worked up the courage to open the door.

“Hey,” I said, swinging it open. “Let me just go get dressed really quick.” He had frozen in the doorway. His blue eyes were wide, and he looked at a complete loss for words. My smile fell, and we both stared at each other for a moment before I finally made a move.

I nodded quickly, forced a smile, and turned around sharply to shuffle back to my bedroom. I heard the door close behind me, and I had barely put my fingers on the door when I heard him speak.

“Hey,” he finally said. I turned around to see what he wanted. He was standing by my couch, looking tall and sexy and perfect. “We should probably talk about what happened.” I shook my head and took a step back. My breathing was so rapid and heavy I could barely breathe at all. I could feel my fingers trembling, and I didn’t know if it was because of a fear of the unknown or if I was just cold from getting out of the shower in a drafty apartment.

“Um,” I said, licking my lip nervously. “About—about what?” He stepped toward me, and I pinched my mouth shut. He smelled good too. I never mentioned that part. He always smelled great. Even when he had just gotten back from baseball practice.

“About what I said. I obviously upset you when I said that about Trent,” he replied. I shook my head again, confused this time.

“When? What did you say about Trent?” His eyebrows furrowed in equal confusion.

“I made a kind of shitty comment. About him controlling who you date.” I shook my head.

“I don’t remember.” He stood still and narrowed his eyes at me.

“Then why have you been acting so weird?” I took another step back into my bedroom and looked at the floor.

“Look—I um—I’m just going through a weird time. And I thought things got weird between us. It isn’t about what you said about Trent. It’s about what you said about...” I shut my mouth before I spilled everything. He seemed to figure out what I was going to say anyway.

“About you being my type,” he finished.

“Yeah, well—it’s stupid. I’m gonna change now. I’d rather not have this conversation in my birthday suit.” I turned around and wrapped my hand around the door handle. That’s when he spoke.

“Why not?” he said. I turned back around to look at him.

“What do you mean?” I asked. He shrugged.

“Why not have it in your birthday suit?”

“I don’t think it would be a good idea,” I said. He shrugged again.

“It’s a terrible idea,” he countered.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“I can’t help but think it’s a little too late for that.”

“What about your girlfriend?”

“She’s cool with whatever I do as long as I’m honest about it.”

“And Trent?” He shifted on his feet.

“He’s married. I think you’re pretty much in the same boat as me. It’s your life. You can do whatever you want.”

I closed my eyes and hit my head against the door. I didn’t know what to do. I was standing there in nothing but a towel. But I was frozen. I couldn’t get myself to shut the door and tell him to knock it off. I didn’t want to do that. My mind was running in circles, and I heard him take another step forward.

“Just tell me to leave and I will,” he said when I opened my eyes again. I shook my head slowly.

“I don’t want you to leave,” I admitted.

“I don’t want to date you, and I know you don’t want to date me.”

“I don’t feel that way about you.”

“But you’re attracted to me?” I nodded. “And I’m attracted to you.”

“I don’t really want to go through the whole—starting everything over—thing. Like the whole period of time where you don’t really know what the other person likes, and it takes you a while to get used to each other.” His eyebrows furrowed again.

“If that’s how you think it’s going to be then you obviously haven’t been having very good sex.” He said the word, and I hit my head against the door again.

“It’s just—time-consuming,” I replied.

“It won’t be with me.” I felt water drip off of my hair and down my shoulder. He was close enough now to reach out and wipe it away with the pad of his thumb. I felt my breath catch, and my eyes shot open again. My stomach rolled, and my body was betraying me.

“No emotional attachments, right?” I asked. “Just sex.” He nodded, and I took a deep breath.

“Of course,” he agreed.

“And no kissing!” I put up my hands. “It’s weirdly personal, and I don’t want to deal with that stuff. Just the s*x part.”

“Can I kiss other parts of you?” he asked with a laugh. And then I was done for completely.

I reached out and grasped the front of his shirt. I yanked him into my bedroom, slammed the door, and shoved him toward my bed. He stumbled backward but stayed on his feet. He ripped his shirt off as I dropped my towel.

“I’m not really into anything kinky,” I said as I went to my nightstand for the pack of condoms I kept hidden there. He was unbuckling his belt but had his eyes on me.

“I’m easy to please,” he told me.

“Oral is great. Both ways. Though I prefer to get it rather than give it. Sorry, I’m selfish like that.” He dropped his pants and stepped out of them.

“Works for me. I’m a giver.”

“Then we’ll do just fine.” He reached for me, and I felt his large hand pinch my waist. He pulled me around and dropped me back on my bed. I was already naked, but he was still in boxers. So I got impatient and stood up to yank them down.

And then, of course, as you may have already guessed, we were far too gone ever to be able to be in the same room again without thinking of each other naked. So then we had to take it another step further. And the worst part is that it didn't fix anything. Because I thought maybe once we got it over with we'd be able to move on. But the next day the tension came back ten times worse than before.