Let's Waste Time

Chapter Sixteen

For once in my life, I didn’t feel like I had just been used. Chris didn’t let me go right away like he normally did. Usually, we would finish, and one of us would leave. This time he just held me. Maybe I liked it. I felt appreciated, and that was something entirely new to me. I felt his thumb on my shoulder, gently tracing pictures until our breathing regulated. Finally, he moved himself off of me and took his place at my side.

“s**t,” he said.

“What was that?” I asked. He moved his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away.”

“That was really personal.”

“I know. You just looked so f*****g—sad.”

“We had an agreement. No lovemaking. I mean—in a romantic sort of way.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t like seeing you like that.” I didn’t know how to respond. Should I get up and leave? Should we talk about it? Should I just ignore it and bask in the one night where I didn’t feel like a complete loser? This is exactly why we’d made those rules in the first place. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“I think I should leave,” I said, but he reached out and took my hand. I was leaning on my elbows, ready to sit back up. He turned his head to look at me, and his expression was so sincere I couldn’t say no. I was just frozen in my spot.

“Don’t—don’t go? Let’s watch a movie or something. Look, I recorded—” He reached for the remote on his nightstand and nearly knocked stuff off the shelf in his haste to get it. “I recorded Batman. The one you like. The Tim Burton one.” I was still frozen to my spot. I watched him turn the movie on and look back at me. “Please?” he asked.

This wasn’t good, but maybe it wasn’t so bad either. I didn’t have those feelings for him, and I was pretty sure he didn’t for me either. Maybe he just wanted to offer me that same comfort from the week before when I’d been upset, and he held me outside our doors. Of course, that wasn’t immediately after s*x, but this was almost the same thing.

“Come here,” he said quietly. He dropped the remote to his side and motioned for me to come closer.

So I did. I laid back down, and he pulled me to him. I rested my head and my hand on his chest and closed my eyes even though the movie was on. I could feel his heartbeat in my ear, and one of his hands moved down my back. The other tangled in my hair. It was too close, too personal. But it was comfortable and nice. I wanted it, and I liked it.

He continued running his hand over my skin until I began to feel drowsy. I couldn’t move from my spot. I was too comfortable. I liked the feel of his body against mine and the sound of his heart in my ear. I liked his fingers on my skin. So I pushed my arm under his, almost hugging him. Then the drowsiness took over, and I fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning briefly confused. I was lying partially on Chris. I had my head on his shoulder, half on my stomach. My nose was touching his neck and his cheek against my forehead. I had my arm wrapped around him, and both of his were around me. One of them was even acting as my pillow. My leg was between both of his. It was really cozy. Until I realized what it meant. The TV was off, meaning he’d shut it off. Meaning he knew damn well I had fallen asleep in his bed and broke one of our rules. We had crossed over the line. We weren’t supposed to spend the night together and cuddle. My eyes shot open, and I realized I’d forgotten to take my contacts out.

Chris must have been awake because the moment my body froze his tensed too.

“You’re not going to take off now, are you?” he asked.

“I was thinking about it,” I admitted.

“You can stay a little longer, you know?”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Well, it’s not a bad idea.”

“Are you trying to get laid again?” He took a moment to answer.

“Maybe,” he decided.

I was always a big fan of morning s*x. Not s*x before noon exactly, but ‘just woke up; body is still sensitive from sleep’ s*x. Plus, he was a man, and they were usually always ready to go first thing in the morning. That was another reason why morning s*x was so great.

So I moved my hand up his chest and pressed it against the side of his neck. Then I kissed his skin. He moved to his side and traced his lips over my shoulder. After a moment, he moved me onto my back again. He gently pushed my legs apart, and then he made love to me. That’s the only way I can describe it. What we normally did was just s*x. This was something else. It was intimate and passionate, much like the night before. But even more so this time. He held me like I was the only person in the world he wanted to be there with, and I couldn’t stop him because I was completely captivated.

I ran my fingers through his sandy hair and kissed all the parts of him that I could reach. All except for his lips. He did the same to me. He was good in bed, he was good at s*x, but he also knew how to make love. He knew how to make you feel like you were the only woman in the world, and also give you an orgasm at the same time. He made me feel like he couldn’t imagine being with anyone but me. I’d never felt that before. I’d felt lust, but never this.

And when we finished, he held me close and hovered over me. He lifted his head, and his eyes searched mine. He was only a few inches away from me, and I wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to read on my face. My instinct told me to bolt.

“I have to go,” I said. He just nodded slowly.

I pushed him off of me and jumped up to gather my clothes. I threw the dress on, clutched my underwear in my hand, grabbed my shoes and ran. I was in such a rush to get out the door that I forgot my bag. I jumped out onto the front steps and closed the door behind me. But then I froze. Trent was standing in front of my apartment door. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I reached behind me for the doorknob, but he spotted me anyway. We locked eyes, and I knew it was obvious what I’d been doing. There I was standing on the steps with my hair messy, my dress on wrong, and my shoes in my hand.

“What the f**k?” he said. The door behind me opened, and I almost fell against Chris. He put his hand on my shoulder, friendly, comforting, possibly even protectively.

“Hey, you forgot your bag,” he said, but I didn’t move. I was frozen again, and for a different reason this time. Trent looked over my shoulder at Chris. Chris didn’t speak, but I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder. The flowers dropped from Trent’s hand onto the ground. Then he headed down the steps. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out.

“Trent, wait,” I said, taking a step forward. But he didn’t listen. He made it to the sidewalk and stormed off toward the busy street where he could hail a cab.

“f*****g hypocrite,” I heard Chris say from behind me. I was sure Trent heard it too. Then he disappeared around the corner, and I felt my anger swell up and overwhelm me. So I turned to take it out on the only person left to blame besides myself.

“This is all your fault,” I said as I ripped my bag from Chris’s hands. I stumbled for my keys and rushed into my apartment. I slammed the door behind me and stood there in the entryway waiting for the knock that was sure to come. I heard his knuckles tap against the wood.

“Marley,” he said.

“I have nothing to say to you!” I shouted back.

“Please talk to me?”

“Go away!” There was silence for a few more seconds before I heard his door slam shut. Then I collapsed onto the couch and burst into tears.