One More Minute With Him

silly girl

I couldn’t be at school for another minute. I was skipping. I walked out to my car and got in. Once in, I let the tiers fall. I had nothing. No one to love me, and for me to love.

I drove. With no were to go and a full tank of gas. I drove for what seemed like forever. I needed to think. Think about the face that I need to move on. I know that I would never have him again.

I was a fool to tell him that I had nothing to tell him. That I lied to him. I wanted him to be a big star in school. I was going to pull him back if I to stay his friend throw school. I still remember the day as if it was yesterday.

I asked my mom if she got take me to his house. She thought that it would be good seen it was the last day of summer before middle school. I had it planned out over the weeks what I would say to him.

Once there my mom told me that she need to run to the store. I knock on the door three times. It was our knock. He knew it was me as well as I know it was going to be opening the door.

“Hey you, can you believe that we are going to be in middle school.” 

“Oh yeah. Isn’t is cool?”

“Yes my best friend and I going to master the life of middle school.”

I knew that then and there wasn’t the time to tell Brandon.

 I waited a year. We were in seventh grade now and the day that he was trying out for football. The same day he meant Cody. ‘His new and better best friend’. I could see that they were happen being friends. I waited a week and asked my mom the same question.

“I have to go over and do a few things with his mother, why not?”

What they didn’t know was this was going to be the last day that I was to ever come over to his house.

I knock like normal. He answered, like normal.

This was going to be hard.

“Come in.” He smiled. I wanted to remember that smile.

“Brandon I cant.”

“Why not?” He was confused.

“Because Brandon I came to tell you that- that-“ I took a deep breath.

“That?” He asked.

“That we can’t be friends anymore. It doesn’t feel right that you have a girl for a best friend. That you are going to play football and forget about me.”

“What?” He stepped outside. “You think I would forget you just because I’m playing sports now?”

“Yes.” I whisper.

“I would never forget about you Ari. You’re my best friend.” Did he know that I was doing this because I loved him?

“You’re my best friend you always will be. We are going to be tell the day we die.” That’s right just friends.

That’s why I was doing this. To hide and save my heart.

“That why I doing this.” I stepped up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. I turn and started walking home.

My mom asked nothing of it along with my dad and John. It was like that tell just a few months ago.

 After what seemed like I had Brandon back, I lost him. It was my fault that I lost him though. I shouldn’t feel bad for myself. But my heart was a mess.

Michelle played us as well as we played here. She won though and it worked. It works to the point that I felt like nothing. I thought about the fact I was a low life with nothing better to do. I was only going throw high school and hoping once college came I would be someone new. Now not only was I going to finish my last year as a loner but also a broken hard mess.

Boy was I wrong or what?

I looked at the time on the dashboard. Three AM? It couldn’t be? It was. I looked out the window of my car.

“Where was I?” I said out loud.

I pulled off the high way onto a small dirt road. I turned the car off and searched for my phone.

Once I found it, I was confused. I had twenty-four miss calls from mom, Kaylee, Cody, John, and Flora.

I throw my phone wish that one just one would have been from Brandon. It hit hard know that it was all over and there was nothing left for us.

I pulled back on to the highway and started making my way home. I look down to the gas tank. I was running on E.

This isn’t good.

I was on the highway and the next gas store was forty miles.

I drove knowing that I was running how of gas and my life. I found a small motel and pulled in.

I checked in, locked my car and unlocking my door to my room.

I stepped in  with my purse and phone charger. I walked to the bedside table and pulled in my phone in.

I texted everyone telling them that I was okay and just out of gas.

Kaylee called right as I sent the text.

“I’m fine Kay.”

“Good you better be. “ She said without a hello.

“Look. I’m at a motel off of I-70. I’m on E and I’m very, very tried so I’m going to sleep and we’ll see what I can do tomorrow. Good night.” I hung up with her before she could say a word.

I placed my phone on the table and made sure the door was locked before going to the shower. I cried in the shower for what seemed like forever.

I was scared of everything again. I was alone again. The was nothing left in this small town for me.

Again.

I turned the water off and stepped on.

How could I be so foolish? I know that what I did was.

How I was so foolish? To give him everything I had. Heart and body.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red from the crying and now sleep. I drove for eighteen hours and didn’t know it. It was working its way on my body though.

I rolled into bed wishing to sleep from days. I looked at my phone one last time and saw nothing. I set my alarm for ten. If I wanted to get home tomorrow I need to find gas and as soon as I could.

I cried myself to sleep.

I dreamed what could of happened after if I never told Brandon that I was leaving his life.

We would have been together. I would have been in love and had no worries as to losing him. It was a fairy tale dream. I know that live would never be that way.

I had wonderful times with him. We were after all childhood friends that grow fond of each other.  

The dream was like short flash backs. From the first day we meant up tell the night we spent together. All the days so to say. I was in love with the fact of matter that I loved someone that I know I never had a chance with.

I was going to live with the fact that I did indeed love someone that would never love me back. That I gave my virginity to thinking that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

But after all I was just the silly little high year that use to be friends with the star player.