Making The Most Out of A Second Chance in Life!!!

Chapter 2: Fake Love

Chapter 2: Fake Love

Ciara’s POV

“What do I do? What should I do?” I hiccuped. My breathing was disrupted. Suffocated, to the point that I was gasping for air while my eyes landed on the ceiling.

I sat down on my bed, but I couldn’t even think properly. I clenched my chest tightly. It hurt. It hurt to even breath.

“What did I do wrong?” I asked in a low voice. I felt hot tears streaming down my cheeks. The puddle of tears were eager to come down, exploding at any moment but I held back just now. I didn’t want them to see my weakness, let alone my vulnerable state.

I felt my chest tightened, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it from hurting. I wanted to curse, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. But, I was scared they would call me a crazy, hot-tempered woman.

I wanted to have a loving family. I didn’t want to become like my parents. Petty and unloving. If I were to have cute sons or daughters, I would love them unconditionally. I would shower them with love everyday. I would never hit or insult them.

I would.....I would....never ever leave them alone to survive in this cruel world.

My eyes were watery so I couldn’t see well. I was nodding vigorously while sobbing silently. My tears were already flooding down my cheeks. My shoulders were moving up and down.

A black bird flew past my window. Even while crying, I managed to be jealous of a bird. Suddenly wondering how happy the bird was to be flying around aimlessly while not caring for anything in this world. I thought of becoming a bird. But, I couldn’t even laugh at how nonsensical the idea was. To me, family means nothing now.

I thought back to when my mother started being cold to me as soon as Jenny was born. My father was never with me to begin with.

I would sleep alone in my room. Mother started scolding me just from accidentally making Jenny cry when she was a baby. Father would always visit Jenny’s room when she was a toddler.

I could not fathom every changes that had happened neither could I understand the shifts in their favor.

Reminiscing back, I was just a little girl. I thought it was a natural thing. But, now I knew it was abnormal to have a relationship like this as I had read all about it in a book.

How parents should be kind and affectionate. How every little things should be shared and love should be nurtured.

“Jenny...” I remembered back to the time when Jenny was clinging to me the whole day when she was little. She was the sweetest little sister that I could ever ask for. But she somehow changed. She became someone else overnight. It felt very sudden.

I felt like puking my insides. My grumbling stomach had been out of my concern. My head was spinning.

I took a bigger breath than before. I can’t even stomach my family’s faces.

“Oh God...,” I asked for any explanation from The Almighty.

“Please give me anything. Something. Answer me please. I need some answer. Am I an ugly child? Why did they slander me?! Why do they seem to hate me?!”

I clenched my dress tightly. I tried to look up to the ceiling. All I see was nothing. I heard nothing. There was nothing.

“I hate myself. Why do I have to be born in this world if I don’t deserve any love?!”

Was it not worth it? Was I born to be treated like this?

As I lay on my bed, I felt something hard poking under the pillow. I picked up the pillow to find a novel I had read two nights ago.

The hard cover was already torn to small pieces but I managed to glue them altogether.

“Fake Love” was the title of the book. I ran my fingers on top of the cover.

“Fake...love?”

Were they faking their love to me this whole time?

I turned my head as I heard two knocks on the door. Jane, my so-called maid entered without asking for my permission.

“Master has requested for you to attend dinner,”

I didn’t reply. Jane quickly went out the room without listening to my response.

He wanted me to cancel my engagement to Eric. That must be it. Father had never requested for me to join dinner. Even before Jenny was born. He never smiled at me let alone ‘requesting’ for my presence.

I looked at the mirror while scanning my face. I had dark circles around my eyes and my hair was a mess. My face was no longer smiling.

I didn’t remember when I started losing my smile. I tried to smile, however my face felt numb. I reverted my face back to what I would call, a ‘normal’ me.

I looked just like a doll. Lifeless.

I took a deep breath again. I turned back my head to the door. My eyes darted to the floor.

“Be brave. Don’t cry,” I said the usual thing every time to myself. I pat my right knee once as I felt my leg wobbling when I stood up and I started walking out my room to the dinner table.