The Beta's Inner Alpha

Chapter 6

I start to blink slowly while looking at Donny’s happy face.

He loves me? Chosen mates? What?

I knew he was acting strange today, but up to this point, I never would have guessed he’d ask to be my chosen mate. Everything I can remember leading up to today, he’s always treated me like a best friend and a little sibling, just like my older brother’s do.

I can remember playing on the swing set, with him pushing me gently, as he didn’t want me to fly off. Having him holler at me when I got one of my brother’s to push me really high so that I could let go at the highest point. His hand ruffling my hair when he’d praise me for doing a good job during training. Our late night talks when he’d sit on my bedroom floor while I laid in bed and drifted off to sleep to the sound of his voice. The only logical thing I could think of was that this was a prank.

“Donny, you can’t be serious. There is no way you see me as more than a friend. We’re practically siblings.”

He squeezes my hands tighter, not to the point of hurting, but it’s definitely not casual.

“Of course I’m serious. Why would I joke about this? You're smart, strong, beautiful, talented, any man would be happy to call you his woman.”

My insides twist at hearing this. He’s known for as long as I can remember that I have never been comfortable with being seen as a girl. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a boy and always will be. My body may not look like the other boys, but I’ve always been told that it’s what’s on the inside that counts. That has to apply to this feeling too.

“I will never be anyone’s woman. I’m…”

“Well of course, you’ll always be your own person, but you know what I mean. I want us to be together forever.”

“I’m not referring to that, I mean…”

“If it’s about the age gap, that doesn’t bother me at all. My own parents had a 9 year age gap between them and look at how in love they were.”

I can feel my frustration building as he continues to interrupt me, so I yell out, “but I don’t love you in that way!”

His face falters at this revelation, but he shakes it off. “You’re just confused because you’ve gotten used to seeing me as a friend. I confess that it also took some time for me to recognize that my feelings were love that ran deeper than friendship. My parents also started off as friends. It helped make their love stronger, and we can do the same.”

I feel like smacking my forehead in disbelief, but I can’t because he’s still holding my hands. I don’t know how to explain to him that my feelings aren’t the same and likely won’t ever be the same. Even though I can’t feel the mate pull at this time, Zavier agrees that there is someone out there who is my fated mate, and it’s not Donny. I don’t want to give up on finding them before I even start looking.

“What about our fated mates?”

A dark look appears in his eyes, I want to back away, but his grip has gotten tighter. It’s starting to hurt and tingle from lack of blood flow.

“What’s so special about fated mates? I don’t want a mate that some goddess has picked for me. I want you!”

He grips my hands harder at his last point, making me yelp in pain and my knees start to buckle.

He snaps out of it and softens his grip without letting go.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just want you to know how serious I am about you.” He looks down to the ground, like he’s a pup who doesn’t know how to apologize for the wrong they did.

I hate seeing him sad, but I really don’t see a future with him as my mate.

Before I can find more words to explain this, he starts again, “I know that this may be a shock for you and you may not be able to see a future with me, but I can see it. I can already see that you’ll be an amazing woman and Luna. Everything about you radiates beauty and strength. I can only imagine how brilliant your aura will get as you grow. I want to be a part of your light and shine bright beside you.”

I can tell he means every word, and it only makes me feel sadder. I can’t be that for him.

“Donny?” He looks down at me with hope in his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your chosen mate. Even though I can’t feel the mate pull yet, I know I have a fated mate out there. I want to get to know that person, as I know the moon goddess has someone out there for both of us who will complete us.”

He looks like he wants to cry, and it’s breaking my heart.

“What if we are each other's fated mates? Like you said yourself, you can’t feel the mate pull yet.”

“Wouldn’t you be able to smell that I’m your mate? I’ve heard that mates that are older can smell their mates when they’re close, even before their mate gets their wolf.”

He has a look of defeat, which tells me Balor knows we’re not fated mates. Even Zavier nods in agreement. He’s able to sense that Balor is not his other half.

“So, is Zayla telling you that y’all can’t grow to love us?”

I raise an eyebrow at the mention of this. That name has now come up twice and I still have no idea who it is. Donny seems to think I have a connection with this Zayla since he believes her input would influence me.

“Who is Zayla? I don’t remember anyone by that name.”

“Oh, is that not her name? Sorry, I’ve only ever heard you call her Zee. Both of you must be really strong and connected if you can already hear her. How long have you been able to hear her again? I know you were really young when you first mentioned her."

At this moment, I realized he was referring to my wolf. He has no clue that Zavier is male. I don’t know what to do. I’ve told Donny so many times before that I’m a boy. He’s always nodded his head as if to say he understands. I’ve cried to him on several occasions that others don’t recognize that I’m a boy. On those occasions, he’d tell me everything would be okay and that others would see me for who I am when the time is right. If he agrees with me, why would he believe I’d have a girl wolf. Zavier even huffs in disbelief.

“My wolf’s name isn’t Zayla.”

“So what is her name? I bet her name is as beautiful as your own.”

Has he always seen me as a girl? Was his comforting me all fake? Did he just say he understood while really not believing me? I don’t know what to think anymore. I thought he was the one who understood me the best. I’ve never even opened up about my feelings as much with my family as I did with him. My family has been supportive, but I always felt a connection with Donny, that drew me to tell him all my hopes and dreams.

I was vulnerable with him! He might as well have stabbed me, as I don’t think I could feel worse pain than this. I feel betrayed.

“My wolf’s name is Zavier.”