RESET 03232025
1301 Words
March 23, 2025
1:34am
"Reset."
What a challenging day today, Lord. Right after the conference ended, something unpleasant happened. Still, I thank You, Lord, for the victory You gave me today and to the different churches that attended the RESET conference this Saturday. It’s such an immense joy, Lord, to serve You alongside honorable people and mentors around me. I never realized I would be with them on stage, and it’s a great reward from You, Lord, for moving mightily in our church. I can’t fully describe what I’m feeling, Lord, but one thing is for sure—I still have peace despite what happened today. From waking up struggling this morning, I pushed myself to attend early, and indeed, I was one of the first to arrive. Thank You also, Lord, for the overwhelming attendance at the event, which I didn’t expect. We were so many, from morning until afternoon. The support and hunger shown by everyone were all for one reason—because of You, Jesus. There are still many things we need to improve in ourselves, and it’s a good thing we attended, so we could encounter You and be continually changed, Lord. We can’t do it on our own, Lord. More than our unity, without Your presence, Lord, we have nowhere to go.
Exodus 14:14
14 The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.
I still have Your peace, Lord, even though it’s been incredibly difficult to face each day. If it’s not my lust that’s tempting me, it’s anger or other emotions that sometimes overwhelm me, but today, Lord, we won. You are always victorious, Lord, and I choose to believe in You. It’s just hard to deal with people who trigger me, but I lay down all my concerns to You, Lord. It’s painful, Lord, to feel and hear from my own parent, my mother, that my efforts are worthless. She didn’t mean it that way, but it still hurts to hear. I unintentionally annoyed a guard earlier, or maybe he intentionally tried to drive me away, but I don’t think so—I just asked if I could buy medicine, knowing there was still a customer inside. Sometimes, there’s grace in others to show favor, but earlier, there was no grace in the pharmacy named Grace. That guard doesn’t define the reputation of Grace Pharmacy at that branch, but that branch is ruined for me. I won’t go back there, and it’s good that I moved on, knowing they might still be open. When I went there, thankfully, Mercury was still open until 9:00 PM. You might wonder, I could have bought it earlier, but I only received my mom’s message when I was already on a jeepney heading to the La Salle area to deliver something I promised to someone in my Pokémon Go community. I chose to be with my Christian friends at that time, but it would have been worse if I had joined them earlier because their vices are far worse. I can’t judge them, Lord, but what impact have I had on them? I’ve been with them for years, but I still haven’t deepened their relationship with You. All I’ve done is be there for them—not to support their sins but to be a friend who, despite their sins, helps them realize they need You more than me. Going back to the medicine, I felt embarrassed waiting at the counter for the medicine I requested. I got a little triggered by my mom because her instructions weren’t specific, and her messages weren’t clear. Yes, I admit, I was also at fault for not asking detailed questions initially, but since she needed something and asked me to buy it, I obeyed as a way to honor my parent and not compromise her health, as skipping her medication would have severe effects on her body. I even thought one dose would suffice so she wouldn’t have to buy more tomorrow and wouldn’t struggle, but her unclear instructions and lack of clarity about needing a tried-and-tested brand of medicine added to the confusion. I didn’t even know what was happening at home earlier or if she had the prescription she usually shows when buying medicine. I was just in a hurry because I was short on time and thought she had no medicine left, as she sometimes hides that she’s run out, and I don’t like that. I made myself available, Lord, and I had enough money to buy it, but when I got home, the one stab of medicine I bought was useless to her, or maybe it was just my effort that mattered in remembering her so she could take her medicine. It’s painful, Lord, and I can’t even share it with others because I’m reminded that I should just endure it since she’s my mother, and that’s right, but she didn’t see my effort or the process I went through. She did thank me, but sorry, Lord, because that gesture isn’t acceptable to me. I’m not asking for more or recognition from her, but just acknowledgment. I’m not even asking for her patience because, yes, I’ll still endure it since she’s old and unwell, but it’s becoming abusive, Lord, if it’s always like this. I don’t want to sound selfish, but it still feels bad. There are times when parents can forsake you even over something like this. I don’t even force her to join me in other things because I have my own goals too. There are times I want to be alone, and I let her enjoy herself. I don’t hate her as a mother, but what she did is something I can’t swallow, and it’s better to just pour it all out to You. Thank You, Lord, for the wisdom You gave me to stop chatting with others about it, to avoid gossiping or seeking sympathy from them. I’m not that kind of person anymore who, even if it’s family, exposes their faults to others. I’ve never spoken ill of my immediate family to anyone outside of them. My support for my mom, Lord, remains, but I won’t ask for anything in return in any way I expect it to happen. I don’t want to be consumed by my feelings and emotions, Lord, which is why I’d rather pour everything out to You now. I will always look to You, Lord, even if things aren’t in my favor, even if I’m in a position where I could retaliate. I choose not to because I know, Lord, You don’t want conflict, and I need to protect my peace. I will still give my best for my family, Lord, but they’ll have to bear with me if they see me not acknowledging them. I’m not asking for them to give me what I want either. I won’t rebel or act out, but I’ll just be silent and still, Lord, knowing You will control every situation. Whether it’s friends, family, or strangers, I pray, Lord, that my response to them and how I handle situations will be better. I don’t want to lose myself, Lord, just to lose You too. Always guide me, Lord, on the right path. Salvation is individual, and I have to work it out, Lord, in the way You want it to happen, not mine or others’ desires. Whatever keeps me away from You, Lord, correct me right away and take it away immediately so I won’t sin against You. I also pray for them to draw closer to You because that’s where they’ll find the reflection of truth and the correction they need. And I need You more, Lord, each day and every moment because I can’t do right without You. I LOVE YOU JESUS❤️
- Writer
