YOU CANNOT FAKE IT 03222025
1279 Words
March 22, 2025
12:06am
"You cannot fake it."
Today, Lord, is a very tough day indeed. Many things happened today and I'm sorry again, Lord, that I fell into temptation. Attending the Soakers Service or Worship Service won't make up for it, but I humble myself once again, Lord, because I sinned against You today, and please forgive me, Lord. I laid it down earlier at Soakers, at New Life Church, that my strongholds and bondage when it comes to lust be broken. A Pastor preached and prayed about this, saying the name of Jesus, You, Lord, that in Your Name, our lust be broken. It's hard every day, Lord, but I still choose to find time for You despite the hardships. I tried again to block ways not to see explicit things, but the decision is still mine, Lord. Whether I block it or not, there are still ways if I want to see it. Lord, I won't make promises anymore about not doing it, but I beg, Lord, that You would stop the hunger in me for things that are not pleasing to You. I'm tired, Lord, of this emptiness. I just go through the motions, but in the end, there's nothing. I should enjoy it more if I were married, but I'm single, and I see other things. I don't want to live this life anymore. I don't want to pretend that I haven't done anything wrong, but at the same time, I repent to You, Lord, because what I've done isn't right. From issues with money to s****l thoughts, it's not right anymore. I don't want to become a worse person because my emotions are affected when I do things that aren't right. I want to live rightfully in Your presence, Lord, even if I'm still in this world. Yes, I may always fall, but help me get back again, Lord, and break the bondages and destroy the strongholds that are in me now. Whether they are small or big sins, Lord, help me recover and overcome these things in me, Lord. I can no longer fake it because in Your presence, You always see what I do.
Ecclesiastes 12:14
14 Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man’s all.
For God will bring every work into judgment,
Including every secret thing,
Whether good or evil.
I finished the Ecclesiastes series this month. It's been nine days since I started working on the book, and I've only read the first three chapters by myself. I was moved by verse 12 of Ecclesiastes 12, Lord, which says "...of many books, there is no end...". There's no limit to books or even to the thoughts of learning while we're still in this world. Your very Word itself, Lord, the Bible, we should study it every day. Your revelations are endless, and the applications may differ, but the meaning You give us remains the same. We need You every day, Lord, which is why we need to read it, to know more about You and to better understand ourselves.
The conference and RESET event at our church are coming up soon. I'm in registration mode now, Lord, and I'm also one of the backups for the afternoon. I know, Lord, that I'm not qualified or even right to serve You on stage, but Lord, guide me on how to handle myself in front of the congregation. I don't want to worry about them or even myself; I want to focus on worshiping You. I want to improve every day, Lord, not just in the area of singing but in my personal life as well. I find it really hard sometimes to concentrate on things I shouldn't be thinking about. Cleanse me and purify me always before serving You, Lord, in singing to You. I don't even want to be recognized because I want, Lord, for You to be pleased with what I do for You. My works will never be enough, because no matter how hard I try, I will never match Your greatness in our lives, Lord.
Lord, I don't want to think with my own understanding but to think like You, Lord, about what I should do for You. Time and time again, You remind me of my true calling, which is to help people usher them to You, not to play with their problems, but to help them find themselves in You and to share Your goodness, Lord, that there's none like You who can do impossible things. I'm still thinking about this girl since the RELENTLESS Youth Camp, Lord. I haven't felt any impression that she could be my partner, and I haven't seen any clear sign from You, Lord. I don't want her to be just a memory or a trigger for temptation that would lead me away from You, but it's different, Lord. I don't have any lustful thoughts about her, and I don't see her as a partner. I admit, there are times when I'm attracted to her, but it's not like that, Lord. Help me control my thoughts, Lord, because in the first place, she's like a younger sister to me, and she's also a friend in our group chat of three. But knowing myself, I can never fake or pretend my expression and feelings towards someone. But with her, Lord, I don't have romantic feelings for her.
I remember, Lord, the heartbreaking episode in the Blue Box anime where I felt so much pain from Hina's feelings towards the boy she liked. There are times when we want things to happen, especially in relationships, but if they're not meant to be, it's better to remain friends. However, at the back of our minds, we still give chances or avenues for the possibility of becoming something more with that person. But it's hard, and it hurts because you can't choose to stay with someone who doesn't love you back, especially if they never had feelings for you in the first place. That's what happened with Hina, even when she tried to stay friends with Taiki, but Taiki didn't want to be confused anymore because he liked Chinatsu instead. There are times when we need to let go of someone or something just to focus on one thing. That's what I want, Lord, if she's not meant for me or if she's not the girl for me, I want my uneasy feelings towards that person to be broken and not lead to awkwardness that shouldn't be. If it really leads me to You, Lord, she's not the reason I'll go deeper with You in a relationship, but seeing how much support there is, I'll still consult with You, Lord, until I hear clearly that she's the one for me. I don't want to copy and paste someone else's love story, but let Your unique love story for us unfold, whoever the girl is meant for me. I'm attracted to those who are far from me, but let Your love abound, Lord, in our relationship and in every relationship I have now, Lord. I don't want to settle for less, and I want You more, Lord, more than the partner I wish for. Actually, I don't have a clear face of the girl I'll end up with unless You reveal it to me, Lord.
Lord, always protect my heart, my mind, and my body from everything the enemy throws at me. I will always endure, knowing that You are always with me, Lord, and I will always choose to draw closer to You. I will always be grateful for being with You always, Lord. I LOVE YOU JESUS❤️
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