Chapter 4
947 Words
"Divorce," I said, pushing him away, each word coming out sharp and deliberate.
Instead of panicking, Julian just smiled. "Think this through, Ivy," he replied. "Nora's health was terrible; she couldn't handle shock. If we split up, what did you think that would do to her?"
I froze solid, every muscle in my body locking up.
"And..." he leaned in closer, brushing a stray, messy strand of hair away from my face. "Do you really want our little girl to end up just like you, growing up without a dad and getting called a bastard?"
In that exact moment, the ache in my chest went so sharp it turned numb. I could barely feel anything at all.
He knew this was the deepest, rawest wound I carried, one that never really healed.
I grew up with no father. My entire childhood was spent hearing that same cruel insult thrown at me.
When Julian first found out about my past, he had held me tightly in his arms. He said he would give me a real, whole family. He promised our child would never have to go through the agony I had survived.
But now that deepest, most painful scar of mine had become his weapon to threaten me.
"Just this once, Ivy," he said, running a hand through my hair, his voice soft as silk. "I swore it would never happen again. Let's go home to Nora, okay?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. In the end, I gave in.
Later, Julian lied. He began to cheat frequently.
Every single one of them was someone I knew: coworkers, neighbors, distant relatives, even Nora's own kindergarten teacher.
He always cheated behind my back, but always close to me.
He did it in our guest room while I was asleep down the hall in the master bedroom.
He did it in the company break room while I was in a meeting right next door.
He did it in the parking lot while I napped in the back seat of my car, parked right beside his.
The second I caught on to one, he would just move on to the next.
Slowly, I stopped letting anyone get close. Every time someone got close to me, I would think: was this person Julian's next target?
I started losing sleep, crippled by constant anxiety, but I still had to put on a fake smile and pretend everything was fine when he was around.
For Nora's sake. Just like he had said, I never wanted her to go through the same hell I had lived through as a kid.
A few nights ago, everything changed.
My cousin Ella ignored Julian's warnings and sent me a taunting message.
Ella: Guess where I am? I'm in the house you bought for your daughter. Your husband told me he's gonna marry me sooner or later, and he told you to get out, you and your sickly daughter.
But that night, Nora was the one holding my phone.
She saw it.
She was only six years old, but she was old enough to read those vicious, cutting words.
She lifted her little head, and big, heavy tears fell down her cheeks. "Mommy, does Daddy not want us anymore?" she asked.
I snatched the phone out of her hands as fast as I could and pulled her into my arms. "No, baby," I said, "that's not true. Daddy loves Nora more than anything..."
"But the lady said Daddy's gonna marry her..." Nora gasped between sobs, her little body shaking. "Is it 'cause I'm sick? Does Daddy hate me now..."
"No, no, that's not true, baby!" I held her tighter, my arms shaking around her small frame.
But then her breathing started coming in ragged, sharp gasps.
Her asthma was acting up.
I sprinted to grab her emergency medication, but my blood turned to ice when I twisted open the bottle. It was completely empty.
I had asked Julian to refill the medication a whole week ago. He had said yes, he remembered. He would take care of it.
But he had been too busy fooling around with Ella to remember.
My hands shook as I dialed Julian's number, over and over again. No one picked up.
I called 911 immediately, but the hospital was miles away from here.
Nora lay in my arms, her face turning a frightening, bruised purple. Her tiny hand clenched so tight on my shirt it wrinkled the fabric.
"Mommy... it hurts..." she whispered.
"Shhh, baby," I said. "I'm here. The ambulance will be here any second..."
"Daddy... p-please don't..." she managed, her voice fading. "Don't leave me, I'll be..."
She never finished the sentence. Her breath stilled in my arms, and she was gone.
The memory faded. I lifted my head and stared at the hollow, empty house around me, then dragged the suitcase I had packed ages ago out of the bedroom.
Next I walked into the study, pulled open the bottom-most drawer, and lifted out the small, cold urn holding my baby's ashes.
I carried it back to the living room, took out the divorce agreement and Nora's death certificate, and laid them side by side on the coffee table.
Right on top of the messy, lopsided family portrait Nora had drawn.
If only Julian had remembered to refill her medicine.
If only he had never cheated, never let Ella send that cruel message.
If only I had woken up sooner and left with Nora before it was too late...
But there were no what-ifs, not then. Not ever.
I pulled my suitcase upright, clutched the small urn to my chest, turned, and walked toward the front door.
I never looked back.
- Writer
