VOWS OF DECEPTION

CHOOSING MY SELF

I knew there was a way out. There was no giving up at this given time. I had made up my mind fully. The room had already been cleaned and there was not much to do. Little Fidel was still asleep. I sat at the edge of the bed near the window. I was looking at the stars, it seemed it would be a long night. Where would I get the sleep from. I felt empty. There was nothing adding up.

"What kind of a reality was this? It had really hit me so hard and unexpectedly. I tried to close my eyes but the only thing I could see was Marcus and Clara on my bed. I tried to breathe in and out, reality had really hit me hard. The world seemed so cruel to me. This time I felt so strange, everything around me.

There was a soft knock at the door and it pulled me out of those serious painful thoughts I had.

"Come in, " I said with a soft voice.

The door was opened and Ava _my elder sister was here. She stepped in. She gave me such a tight hug. It felt so good, so relieving. She did not have an idea of what had happened. Ever since our mother left when we were young, she had taken up all the roles and made me more of a daughter than a sister. She had come to see me after the shaky phone call I had made after checking in.

She looked at me and said that she was going to stay for the night. "Do you want to talk about it? " Ava asked.

I nodded my head. "Here, I brought you something to eat, " She added.

"I am not hungry Ava, "

"I know, " Ava responded and placed the paperbag on the table. She held my hand and sat near me. Years began rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe it. "Ava, " I began. "The doctor released us earlier than expected and I did not call Marcus. I wanted to surprise him at home, but when I walked into our bedroom I found he was with another woman on our matrimonial bed. Guess who_Clara my best friend. They had planned for a date because he thought I wasn't going to leave the hospital any soon. "

"What?!? " She was shocked. "Marcus of all the people, what had really gotten into him? "

"There were signs but I ignored them. "

Ava shook her head in disbelief, "Don't overthink my dear,, it's not your fault. "

"But it's true Ava. The late nights, the distance between us, no more touches,.. I saw it in his eyes but I had ignored. "

"You did not do a mistake Tina,. Stop blaming yourself. It's because you trusted him alot. "

Ava looked at me with alot of pity. She thought this was not really happening to me. I was hurt, really hurt. There's no one who would understand the pain I had. I did not imagine how he had hidden his character for all this year's. How did it really happen? Ava was there to help me get all the answers. She assisted me in handling Fidel. She bathed him and I could see the beautiful soul that had come to such a cruel world. Why did it have to be on this day? Why didn't he wait longer? I felt that I needed so many answers to the many questions that were going through my mind.

Would I go back for the answers? What was going to happen to us?

I realized that life really has so many things in store that we do not know about.

Ava soothed baby Fidel back to sleep. She did not want anything to stress me .

I just sat up for the longer hours of the night. No sleep, just thinking. I felt like my mind was going to blow up. My thoughts drifted back to the shared memories, laughter, quiet moments that once felt meaningful. We're they all lies? Or had something changes along the way?

I could not get the answers. "What are you going to do? " Ava asked me.

"I don't know. I feel like going back to demand answers. Another part of me does not want me to see him ever in my life. "I sighed.

"But you don't have to strain your mind now. It's not a must you make the decision today. Choose yourself first. Let no one stress you on that matter. " Ava advised me.

There was silence as each one of us was thinking of the next move. She was more than a sister to me. My phone buzzed on the table and it interrupted the moment we had. All the eyes went to where the phone was. Someone was calling_Marcus. We both looked at each other. "He has been calling all along dear. " .

"I know, are you going to answer? "

I just kept quiet. Was it the right moment or was I supposed to wait? Seconds later he called again. He was al persistent and desperate, but did it matter now? I finally reached to it and received the call. I had considered ignoring it but something pushes me to hear what he had to say.

I took a deep breath, "Hello? "

There was silence on the other end. "Tina, I have been trying to reach you since you left the house. " He said.

His voice familiar but this time he was panicking. "What do you want Marcus? "

"We really need to talk Tina. I need to see you dear. . "

"We already talked, have you forgotten? "

He did not want to listen. "No Tina, please give me a chance to explain. "

"Explain what? How you ended up in bed with Clara? "

"Tina? "