Between The Lies

Chapter 8: Pretending

STELLA

I run up the stairs before I can fall apart completely.

Before I can process what just happened.

Before I can think about the words Luca just said: I'm in love with you.

My door closes behind me, and I lean against it, my whole body shaking.

He said it. He actually said it out loud.

And I didn't say it back.

But I felt it. God, I felt it in every cell of my body. The truth of it. The impossibility of it.

I push away from the door and look at my closet. School. I have to get ready for school. Have to act like a normal seventeen-year-old even though my brother just confessed he's in love with me.

My brother.

The word feels wrong now. Hollow. Like it doesn't mean what it's supposed to mean anymore.

I pull out my uniform with trembling hands—the plaid skirt, white blouse, navy cardigan. Getting dressed feels mechanical, like I'm watching myself from outside my body.

He's in love with me.

I'm in love with him.

We're siblings.

All three things are true, and I don't know how to reconcile them.

My reflection stares back at me from the mirror. Same face. Same eyes that are now red from crying. But I don't recognize the girl looking back at me.

She's someone who kissed her brother.

Someone who liked it.

Someone who wants to do it again even though she knows it's wrong.

I finish getting ready on autopilot—minimal makeup to hide the evidence of my breakdown, hair in a ponytail, my usual silver necklace. Everything normal on the outside while I'm screaming on the inside.

I can hear Luca downstairs. Moving around in the kitchen. Probably making coffee like every normal Monday morning.

Except nothing about this Monday is normal.

I have to face him. Have to get in a car with him. Have to pretend that conversation didn't just happen.

I take a shaky breath, grab my backpack, and head downstairs.

LUCA

My hands won't stop shaking.

I said it. I actually said the words out loud. I'm in love with you.

To my sister.

Who ran away from me.

I'm making coffee because I don't know what else to do. Because my body needs to move or I'll fall apart. Because maybe if I do something normal, everything will feel normal again.

It won't. Nothing will ever be normal again.

I pour coffee into two mugs—hers with cream and sugar the way she likes it, mine black—even though I don't know if she'll come down. Even though she might hide in her room until I leave.

But then I hear her footsteps on the stairs.

She appears in the kitchen doorway, and my breath catches like it always does now. She's in her uniform, hair pulled back, face carefully neutral.

But her eyes are red. She's been crying.

Because of me. Because of what I said.

"Hey," I manage, my voice rough.

"Hey." She won't look at me. Won't come into the kitchen.

"Made you coffee." The words sound stupid. Inadequate. What are you supposed to say after you confess you're in love with your sister?

"Thanks." She doesn't move to take it.

The silence stretches between us, heavy with everything we just said. Everything we can't unsay.

"We should probably go soon," I say finally. "School starts in thirty minutes."

"Yeah. Okay."

She takes the coffee mug, our fingers brushing for half a second, and we both jerk back like we've been burned.

This is going to be impossible.

STELLA

The car ride to school is suffocating.

Luca's hands are white-knuckled on the steering wheel. His jaw is clenched so tight I'm afraid he'll crack a tooth. We haven't spoken since I took the coffee.

Since he told me he's in love with me.

Since I stood there like a coward and didn't say it back even though it's true.

The words keep echoing in my head: I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you.

And beneath them, my own truth that I'm too terrified to speak: I'm in love with you too.

I stare out the window and try to figure out how I'm supposed to walk into school and act normal. How I'm supposed to sit in class and take notes and laugh with friends when my entire world just exploded.

"Stella—" Luca starts as we pull into the parking lot.

"Don't." The word comes out sharper than I mean it to. "Please. Just... don't."

"We can't just pretend this didn't happen."

"Why not? That's what we have to do, isn't it?" I finally look at him, and the pain in his eyes nearly destroys me. "We're siblings, Luca. That's never going to change. So we have to... we have to just..."

"Pretend we don't feel what we feel?"

Yes. Exactly that. Even though it's killing me.

"I don't know what else to do," I whisper.

He opens his mouth like he's going to argue, then closes it. Because there is no argument. There's no solution. There's just this impossible situation we're trapped in.

"Okay," he says finally, and his voice sounds broken. "We'll pretend."

I nod and get out of the car before I can change my mind. Before I can lean across the console and kiss him like I want to. Before I can make everything worse than it already is.

I need air. Need space. Need to get away from him before I do something unforgivable.

That's when I see them.

Derek and Mia, standing near the entrance, talking. They're close together, and I can hear Mia's voice carrying across the parking lot.

"...I just thought maybe Luca and I had a chance, you know? Stella was so encouraging about it..."

My stomach drops.

Right. Because I was trying to set them up. Because I thought Mia would be good for Luca. Because I didn't understand then that the jealousy I felt wasn't sisterly protection.

It was love.

"He's not interested, Mi," Derek says gently. "You gotta let it go."

"But they'd be so perfect together!"

Derek. Sweet, uncomplicated Derek who's been asking me out for months. Who likes me for normal reasons. Who isn't related to me by blood.

Who could be my way out of this nightmare.

And suddenly, I know what I have to do.

I have to prove—to Luca, to myself, to everyone—that I can be normal. That I can feel normal things for normal people. That what I feel for my brother is just confusion that will go away if I give it time.

I'm walking toward them before I can talk myself out of it.

"Stella, hey—" Mia starts when she sees me.

But I'm not looking at her.

I'm looking at Derek. At his surprise when I grab the front of his jersey. At his shock when I pull him down.

And then I'm kissing him.

Right there in front of everyone. In front of Mia. In front of the whole school.

In front of Luca.

Derek freezes for a second, then starts kissing me back. His hands come to my waist, gentle and unsure, and I force myself to lean into it. To commit to this choice.

His lips are soft. The kiss is nice.

But all I can think is: This isn't Luca.

I pull back, breathless and desperate and trying not to cry.

"Yes," I say, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Let's date. I want to date you."

Derek's face lights up like Christmas morning. "Are you serious? You're actually saying yes?"

"I'm saying yes."

"Oh my god!" He laughs and lifts me up, spinning me around in celebration. "Finally! Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?"

People are gathering. Staring. Whispering.

"Did Stella just kiss Derek?"

"They're together now?"

"They look so good together!"

"Power couple!"

Derek sets me down but keeps his arms around me, grinning like he can't believe his luck. And I smile back even though I feel like I'm dying inside.

Even though I can feel Luca watching from the parking lot.

Even though this is the biggest mistake of my life.

"Stella?" Mia's voice is confused. "What just happened? You said you weren't interested in Derek?"

"I changed my mind." I force brightness into my voice. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah! Of course!" But she's studying my face like she can see through the lie. "I'm just... surprised. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfect. I'm really happy."

The lies are getting easier.

Derek's arm slides around my shoulders. "Come on, babe. Let's get to class. I want to tell everyone you're my girl now."

Babe. My girl. The words feel like chains.

But I let him guide me toward the entrance. Let him show me off to his friends. Let him play the role of the guy who finally won over Stella Harrison.

And I don't look back at the parking lot.

I don't look back at Luca standing by his car, watching his sister choose someone else.

Because if I do, I'll break completely.

LUCA

I watch Stella kiss Derek, and the world stops.

I'm still sitting in my car, my hands frozen on the steering wheel, my chest feeling like it's caving in.

She kissed him.

Minutes after I told her I love her.

Minutes after that devastating conversation in our house.

She walked straight to my best friend and kissed him in front of everyone.

This is my fault. I pushed her to this. I scared her so badly with my confession that she's running—straight into Derek's arms because he's safe and normal and not her brother.

Derek spins her around, celebrating, and the crowd gathers. Everyone's excited. Everyone thinks they're perfect together.

And maybe they are.

Maybe this is what she needs. Someone who can give her a normal relationship. Someone who isn't carrying around this sick, twisted secret.

I should be happy for her.

I'm not happy.

I'm dying.

My phone buzzes in my pocket but I ignore it. I can't move. Can't breathe. Can't do anything but watch as my sister—the girl I love—chooses someone else.

"Luca?"

I jump, turning to find Vanessa standing by my car window. I didn't even notice her approach.

"Vanessa? What are you—"

"First day, remember?" She gestures to her Riverside Academy uniform, then frowns at my face. "Are you okay? You look really pale."

"I'm fine." The lie is automatic now.

"You don't look fine." She glances toward the school entrance where Derek is showing Stella off to everyone. "Oh. I see. Your sister and Derek Mitchell. That just happened, huh?"

I can't speak. Can only nod.

"And you're not happy about it."

"He's my best friend. She's my sister. Of course I'm..." What? What am I supposed to be? "...adjusting to the idea."

Vanessa studies me for a long moment, and I can see her putting pieces together. But she doesn't push. "Well, if you need a friend today, I'm here. No judgment."

"Thanks." My voice sounds hollow.

"Come on. Let's get to class. First day is always overwhelming, and I could use a friendly face." She says it casually, but I can tell it's a lifeline. A distraction.

I take it.

I get out of the car and walk into school with Vanessa, both of us acting like everything is normal. Like my heart isn't shattered on the pavement of the parking lot.

Like my sister didn't just choose someone else.

STELLA

I make it through first period by sheer force of will.

Derek walks me to class, holding my hand, telling everyone we're together now. His friends congratulate him. My friends squeal and want details.

I smile. I nod. I play the part.

And I don't think about Luca's face when I kissed Derek.

(Except I can't stop thinking about it.)

Between classes, Derek insists on walking me to my locker. His hand is warm in mine. His smile is genuine. He's so happy, so excited.

And I feel nothing but guilt.

"I still can't believe you said yes," he says, grinning. "What changed your mind?"

I'm trying to convince myself I'm not in love with my brother.

"I just realized I was being stupid," I say instead. "You're a great guy. I should've said yes weeks ago."

"Well, I'm glad you finally came around." He leans down to kiss me, and I let him.

I let him kiss me in the hallway while people watch and whisper about how cute we are together.

And I feel like I'm underwater, drowning, and no one can tell.

When we break apart, I see him over Derek's shoulder.

Luca. Standing at his locker with Vanessa beside him. She's laughing at something, touching his arm, and he's... smiling?

He's smiling at her while I'm kissing Derek.

Like he's fine. Like this morning's confession never happened. Like watching me with someone else doesn't bother him at all.

The pain is so sharp I can't breathe.

"You okay?" Derek asks, concerned.

"Yeah. Fine." I force my attention back to him. "Just tired."

"Want me to grab you a coffee before next period?"

"That'd be great."

He kisses my forehead and heads off, and I'm left standing alone in the hallway, watching Luca laugh with Vanessa.

Watching him pretend everything is fine.

Just like I'm pretending.

LUCA

Lunch is its own special kind of torture.

Vanessa sits with me and my usual group. She's friendly, easy to talk to, asking about my music and the upcoming showcase. No pressure. No flirting. Just... normal friendship.

I'm grateful for it. Grateful for anything that distracts me from the view across the cafeteria.

Stella and Derek, sitting with his basketball friends. His arm around her shoulders. Her leaning into him. Laughing at his jokes. Playing the perfect girlfriend.

Everyone keeps commenting on it.

"They're so cute together."

"Derek finally wore her down."

"Power couple of the year."

I grip my fork and say nothing.

"Hey," Vanessa says quietly, just to me. "You don't have to torture yourself by watching them."

"I'm not—"

"Luca." She gives me a look. "I've known you since we were kids. I can tell when you're hurting."

"I'm fine."

"You keep saying that. It's still not true." She pauses. "Look, I don't know what's going on between you and your sister, but—"

"Nothing's going on. She's dating Derek. I'm happy for them."

"Right. And that's why you look like someone killed your dog."

I finally look at her. "Can we please not talk about this?"

"Okay." She holds up her hands. "But if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. That's what friends do."

Friends. Right. That's all we are. All we'll ever be.

Unlike Stella, who's supposed to be my sister but is actually—

I shut down that thought before it can finish.

Across the cafeteria, Derek feeds Stella a french fry, and she laughs. The sound carries, and it's like glass in my chest.

I know that laugh. I know all her laughs.

And that one is fake.

STELLA

By the time school ends, I'm so exhausted I can barely stand.

Derek walks me to my locker, making plans for the weekend. Movies. Dinner. Meeting his parents.

And I agree to all of it because this is what normal girlfriends do.

"I'll text you tonight," he says, kissing me goodbye one more time.

"Sounds good."

He leaves, and I stand at my locker, dreading what comes next.

The car ride home.

With Luca.

Alone.

I see him waiting by the car, and for a second, I consider asking someone else for a ride. Anyone else.

But we live in the same house. We can't avoid this forever.

I walk to the car slowly, my heart pounding.

He unlocks it without looking at me. I get in without saying anything.

The silence is suffocating.

He starts driving, and I count the seconds. One. Two. Three. Fifty. A hundred.

Finally: "So. You and Derek."

"Yeah." My voice sounds dead even to my own ears. "Me and Derek."

"That happened fast."

"He's been asking me out for months, Luca."

"But this morning you said—" He stops himself.

This morning. The conversation. The confession.

The thing we're both pretending didn't happen.

"I changed my mind," I say.

"Because of what I said."

"No. Because I wanted to."

"Stella—"

"Don't." I'm gripping my backpack so tight my knuckles are white. "Please. Just... don't."

Another long silence.

"Are you happy?" His voice cracks on the last word. "With him?"

No. I'm not happy. I'm miserable. I kissed him to prove I could be normal and all it proved is that no one will ever be you.

"Yeah," I lie. "I'm really happy."

"Good." The word sounds like it's being torn out of him. "That's... that's good. Derek's a good guy. He'll treat you right."

"I know."

"And Vanessa—she's just a friend. Nothing more."

I wasn't going to ask. I don't care. (I care so much it's killing me.)

"Okay."

We pull into our empty driveway. The house looms before us, silent and accusing.

We get out of the car. Walk to the door. Stand in the entryway.

And for just a second, we look at each other.

Really look at each other.

And I see everything I feel reflected in his eyes.

The pain. The longing. The desperate wish that things could be different.

"Stella—"

"I have homework." I'm already moving toward the stairs. "I should go."

I run up the stairs and lock my door before I can do something stupid.

Before I can tell him the truth.

Before I can admit that kissing Derek was a mistake.

That choosing Derek was a mistake.

That everything about today was a mistake except the conversation we had this morning where he finally told me the truth.

My phone buzzes.

Derek: Already missing my girlfriend ❤️

I stare at the text and feel nothing.

Nothing except the echo of Luca's voice from this morning: I'm in love with you.

And I realize that no matter how hard I try to be normal, no matter how many people I kiss or date or pretend to love—

None of them will ever be him.

And I don't know how to live with that.