No Going Back

xviii.

My entire body ached in all honesty.

I attempted to get up only to be pulled back down with an oomph.

I looked at my waist to see a pair of muscular arms causing my eyes to widen in shock.

What the hell happened last night??

Carefully I turned over to see a sleeping Elijah - WAIT WHY IS ELIJAH IN MY BE- Oh yeah.

Last night he crept into the room asking Nathan if he could sleep in here since Isabelle kicked him out. It's that time of the month and he apparently can get on her nerves really quick.

He was tossing and turning all night on the floor either kicking the blankets off him or changing positions.

I got annoyed quickly and just told him to just share the bed with me. There was sufficient amount of space between us but it's clear to see he threw that boundary out the door.

Seeing as I couldn't get up, nor really move, I just got comfortable and began poking his cheek.

Groaning he swatted my hands away but that didn't make him get up. "Elijah." I sung but still he wouldn't fully wake up.

"No, five more minutes." He grumbled rolling over causing me to squeal in surprise as he took me with him.

I huffed in annoyance, "Elijah come on." I whined but he just laughed. "Okay fine."

He let me go but as he did so, I landed on the floor. I groaned in pain, glaring up at Elijah. "f**k you."

"When and where babe?" My face heated up once more and I quickly rushed into the bathroom.

As I closed the door behind me, leaning against it, I could hear Elijah and Nathan laughing at me.

Oh, I'm so going to get him back.

Stripping out of my pajamas, I took a quick shower and wrapped a towel around my body before peeking out.

Nathan's shower was going so I knew he was now taking on giving me time to get dressed. Also Elijah was no where in sight, so I'm assuming that he left.

Getting dressed as quickly as possible, I towel dried my hair before heading out of the room since I heard Nathan's shower stop.

As I headed into the kitchen, everyone was talking in hushed voices like whispering so no one could hear.

"Good morning guys." They all stopped talking and turned towards me, causing me to feel uncomfortable under their gazes.

"What?" No one said anything making the situation even worse. "Guy's what's going on?"

Nervously Veronica stood up and walked over to me, she handed a folder to me and I frowned confused.

"What's this?" I then looked at what she was wearing. "No, where are you going?"

She looked casual, something that surprised me from her regular workout attire.

"Look at the folder first." Confused, I did as she said, pulling out the sheet of paper.

It was my birth certificate but what shocked me more than anything was that my fathers name wasn't present.

Someone elses name was there. Not Dave Costalona, but Michael Carlisle.

I was completely and utterly confused right now.

"Michael Carlisle is my father?" I thought aloud earning a nod from Veronica.

That's when it hit me. "Wait, Carlisle? As in Veronica and Nathan Carlisle?"

Nathan's voice then spoke up from behind me, "We wanted to be sure before we said anything."

I shook my head in disbelief not wanting to believe this.

I pushed my way out of the kitchen trying to run to my room but I only ran into someone. Looking up, I saw it was Carter.

My eyes began to water as I tried to speak, instead I handed them the paper. They both read over it before looking up at me with sad eyes.

"No. No, no. No, Carter. Daniel. If this is some kind of sick training lesson, you better - you better tell me!" I bumped into Elijah who then caught me as my legs gave out.

"No." I continued to sob as I clutched onto his shirt.

Was my entire life a lie? Did my father know? Why wouldn't he tell me?

I felt myself being lifted and I didn't have the energy to argue with who ever was now carrying me.

"Valerie." Elijah. Why was he here? Why did he even care? "Hey, hey. Look at me."

He placed a hand under my chin and gently made me look at him, sobs leaving my mouth every now and then.

"I don't even know who I am anymore."

And with that he pulled me into a hug, causing me to break out into more sobs.

₩₩₩

It was safe to say that my head ached like a b***h.

I sat up, looking around me letting out a sigh when I realized I was now alone.

Elijah stayed with me until I had passed out, but when he decided to leave, I had no clue.

Quickly, I put my hand under my pillow and pulled out the familiar looking envelope. It was a bit ruined but the name on the front was still legible.

I opened the envelope carefully so that I didn't rip the actual letter.

A small smile appeared onto my lips as I looked at my mothers handwriting. Her perfect cursive handwriting was something I was never going to forget.

Taking a deep breath, I began to read what she had written me.

Valerie,

By the time you're reading this, I hope I am still around to answer the questions you're now about to have.

As I begin to tell you what I've waited so long to tell you, I need you to promise me you won't be angry with your father for he didn't want you to despise me even more than you probably already do.

But you're a big girl now Valerie, as much as I hate to admit it, you are. I need to tell you the truth about something your father and I have kept from you for 18 years.

It all started a year before I met Dave, your father, and at that time I was with someone else. His name was Michael Carlisle, he was kind, sweet, and everything you'd want in a guy. We got pregnant, and we were both so very happy. This was before I turned to drugs and alcohol.

It was only after I had your brother, Nathan, that I got hooked.

Around that time, Michael sent me to rehab where I soon met Dave. After I became sober we began dating although I was still madly in love with Michael, I dated him. One night, Dave and I went to a bar, I wasn't supposed to drink but I did.

We both got hammered and while he went home, I went home too ... but to Michael and Nathan.

Michael and I spent the night together, I left when the morning came not wanting to bother the two who were doing fine without me. A month after that night however, I found out I was pregnant. Dave being the sweet man he is, believed you to be his and proposed.

Do you remember that time when I was gone for two years, and your father and you assumed I was at therapy? Well I wasn't, well for a brief period I was then I ran into Michael and I just had to see my son, your brother.

I'm terrible at commitment Valerie, and I now realize how much of a w***e I was as I write this.

Whilst being with Michael, for the last time I got pregnant once more. With another baby girl, your sister, Veronica.

God, I love you guys.

More than you all will ever know.

I will never regret having you guys, I regret the decision and actions I made that lead to it but if I could go back I would only ever change hurting your father, Dave.

I've made so many mistakes with you guys. I was never around with Nathan, and after your father left me, I briefly saw them. I only hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me but I know that forgiveness is something that takes time and even after death, I'm willing to wait.

Valerie, I want you to never doubt that I ever loved you because I did and I still do. I love you more than words can dare to explain.

I will always love you Valerie.

Always and forever.

Until we meet again, my sweet precious Val Val.

- Dahlia

Setting the letter down, I didn't realize I was crying until I noticed a few wet spots on the paper.

I didn't bother to wipe them away, I just hugged my knees as a million questions ran through my head.

But I only wanted to know the answer to one.

Who am I?