Lipstick on the Glass

Chapter 3

Kingsley

Things will get better.

Life could be worse.

You're lucky that you have it so good.

Phrases like those are the bane of my existence. Sure, I had a decent upbringing. I never had to want for anything.

But did that mean I was necessarily happy with life? No.

Living a life that you barely had any freedom to live isn't all that it cracked up to be. My money, isn't my money. Everything I am known for is not my own.

I don't live my own life.

I live the life that my parents paved out for me.

There was no going off script. If I dared, I was met with the silent disapproving stares that were louder than any screaming that could be. But even now, am I still living my life or did my mother finally get what she want? Eden has been a light in the darkness I've been brooding in for what felt like ages.

She was poised as as flower, that stood with their back against the darkness while standing in the sun. Swinging brightly and standing tall while the other side was wilting away in the dark and cold shadow. Eden was the like sun peaking through the clouds, not wanting to be seen but there if you need her.

"Would you had eventually settled down sooner or later?"

The question fell from my lips while lounging back on the lounger. She hummed as I reached for her, our fingers tangled together automatically. She was always there.

"If I'm being honest, no. I don't think it would be fair to the other for me to just settle." She responded.

I nodded.

It was an expected answer.

Eden was genuinely a kind person and thought of others regardless of how she felt herself. Maybe that why she always walked on eggshells. Not because she was afraid, but because she didn't want to hurt others.

"What about you? Would you had settled down regardless?" She rolled her head to the side.

I could feel her eyes on me.

"Possibly." I mumbled.

"I think you would've regardless. You make the best out of the worse situations. Because you know you can live with any choice you make, even if you're not happy you're fine with it."

She wasn't wrong.

I can make do with whatever is handed to me.

My life is a simulation, I unlock a new level each time I sign a contract or make a deal. My parents praise me and I move on. That's all my life was, a simulation. My happiness was not a need that I needed to fulfill.

"Can I ask you something, and feel free to tell me if I'm overstepping." Eden shifted, staring at me.

I turned onto my side and stared right back at her.

"Would you ever give everything up? To be happy. Like leave your family and the money and social status behind." She asked.

Could I?

I can't imagine having nothing.

I have nothing but yet have it all.

"No..." I trailed off.

"Even if it means you could be happy with Liam?" She raised a brow.

I chuckled.

"No, I wouldn't. Even if I could, I wouldn't because I don't believe in happy endings. Would we truly be happy? I don't know." I shrugged.

"I see you're point. You should never fall in love with a rockstar." She smirked.

"Can I ask you something now?"

"It depends." She looked away.

Eden wasn't an open book, the cover protected the pages that hid her secrets.

"Why did you try to...you know, so many times?" I questioned.

She smiled, looking up at the night sky. The billions of stars scattered amongst the dark blue blanket that hung over us. It was like a vast emptiness.

"Well, I can't tell you moreso I can't explain it. It's not a cry for help or attention. I genuinely don't want to be here anymore. Yes, I believe that life can get better and it actually have but I still don't feel happy." She sighed.

"I don't get it..."

We've never talked about things in depth before. She'd usually sit there and listen to anything that spilled from my mouth. She'd sit back and give her advice sometimes.

I didn't understand how she can still not be happy when life has gotten better. How can anyone genuinely not want to live? I didn't understand but I wish I could.

"I wish I could put it into words, but for me, it's hard to articulate my feelings. But can you answer your own question?"

The side profile of her face against the dark background of the night. Her pale face looked lighter than usual, causing her freckles to show more.

Can I answer my own question?

I could and it'd be selfish.

I'm not afraid of death.

But weaponizing my life against my parents felt like it was the only control I could have. Studying medical books from my grandmother study became hobby where I learned useful techniques. It wasn't a cry for help or attention.

It was a warning.

No matter how unhappy I was, I didn't want to die. I wanted to get a point across and now I've settled into what my parents want. I didn't expect that I'd find a friend within this plan.

"Can I be selfish and ask you not to leave me?" I squeezed her hand.

"As long as there's not lipstick on the glass." She smiled over at me.

"What?" I laughed.

"Nothing, just a little inside joke with myself." She shook her head.

"We have a week left here and you've been listening to all my requests. Is there anything you wanna do?" I offered.

"I don't care for the beach but as long as you're here, I'm enjoying myself."

"Well, let's leave in the morning and do something that you'd like. This is your honeymoon as well, why should I have all the fun?" I told her.

Eden let out a barely audible sigh, "Anywhere is fine, I'm just dreading the return home. I enjoy my time when I'm not there." She murmured.

"If I didn't have to return to work, we could extend our stay." I sighed.

"It's fine, but anywhere is good with me. Maybe let's go somewhere we haven't been before?" She suggested.

"I haven't been to Italy."

She turned to look at me, laying on her hands while she curled up on the lounger.

"You've been there for work." Eden pointed out.

"Yeah, I was in a stuffy room for hours. I didn't enjoy anything so maybe we should go and make some memories."

"Sure, that sounds good to me. I've been forced to learn languages that I haven't even gotten the chance to speak." She rolled her eyes.

"We should get some sleep now if we're leaving early. We can get breakfast on the way to the airport." I pushed myself up.

Reaching out to her, Eden stared at my hand before clasping her fingers between mine. I pulled her up and she swung our arms as we walked inside. Closing the door, I turned towards the bed and Eden had already climbed inside the sheets.

Sharing a bed, had been an interesting experience. She likes the sheet and duvet to be snugged up to her chin while I like neither. We sleep with our back to each other. It was...different.

"You know, I thought that I'd marry someone like my father. Not because that's what I wanted, but because I thought I should. Marry someone who doesn't give a damn, they live their life and I live my own." She said ending with a exasperated sigh.

I was speechless, not because of what she said. But because that what it was up until now. We lived separate lives.

"But I'm happy that you want to give this a chance. I mean, I'm not your first choice understandably but even if things don't work out I still want you to have a happy ending."

"Happy endings aren't real." I scoffed.

"I know, but it was a nice thought."

"Yeah, it was. Thanks." I hummed, closing my eyes.