The Secret on My Lips
1377 Words
I didn’t know what was worse,
That I kissed Lyric…
Or that I didn’t regret it.
The kiss was still on my lips as I walked through the campus courtyard, my steps unsteady, my breath shallow. Every breeze that touched my skin felt like a reminder. Every heartbeat whispered the same truth:
I wanted her.
And now… Briar was waiting.
My phone buzzed again.
Briar: Still here. Please don’t shut me out.
I didn’t deserve him.
But I couldn’t avoid him.
Not anymore.
I reached the front of my dorm and saw him, leaning against the brick wall, hands in his jacket pockets, hair messy like he’d been running his fingers through it.
He looked tired.
Worried.
Hopeful.
My stomach twisted.
“Hey,” he said softly when he saw me.
“Hi,” I murmured.
We stood there in silence for a few seconds, the kind of silence that only comes when two people know something’s breaking, but neither wants to say it first.
“I didn’t sleep,” he said.
“Me either.”
“I kept thinking… maybe I overreacted. Maybe I read too much into it. That girl, Lyric, she caught you off guard. That’s all, right?”
My mouth went dry.
I wanted to nod.
Lie.
Let him believe that everything was still salvageable. That I was still his.
But then he stepped closer.
He reached for my hand.
And I flinched.
Just slightly.
But he felt it.
His expression changed, eyes dimming, jaw locking, heart folding into something smaller.
“You kissed her,” he said. Not a question.
I looked down.
He let go of my hand.
“Jesus, Solene.”
“I didn’t plan it,” I whispered. “It just… happened.”
“Did it mean anything?”
I opened my mouth.
But nothing came out.
Briar took a step back like I’d just slapped him.
“That’s all I need to know.”
“Wait, please…”
“I fought for you,” he said, voice shaking. “Even when you kept pushing me away. Even when I wasn’t sure you saw me the way I saw you. I still stayed.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
He turned to leave.
Then stopped.
One last time.
“You were always mine, Solene. At least, I thought you were.”
He walked off into the night, not looking back.
And for the second time in one night…
I let someone walk away.
Except this time?
I didn’t know if they were coming back.
I didn’t go to class the next morning.
I didn’t eat.
I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling, waiting for my heart to stop racing and my stomach to stop flipping.
Neither happened.
Every second since last night kept replaying in my head like a cruel loop.
Briar’s face when I couldn’t lie to him.
Lyric’s kiss that still lingered on my mouth like a secret.
And me?
Caught in the middle like a girl who had no idea who she was anymore.
There was a knock at my door.
I didn’t move.
Another knock. Firmer.
“Solene,” a voice said. “I know you’re in there.”
Lyric.
I shot up in bed, heart skipping. My feet hit the floor before my brain could catch up.
I opened the door.
She stood there in a black hoodie, eyes shadowed, expression unreadable.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
I hesitated.
But then I stepped aside.
We sat on the edge of my bed like strangers pretending to be something else.
She stared at her hands. I stared at the floor.
Finally, she spoke.
“I wasn’t trying to mess up your life.”
“You didn’t.”
“I think I did.”
I looked at her then. “I let it happen. The kiss. That was me, Lyric. Not you.”
“Yeah, but I pushed it.”
“I didn’t stop you.”
She glanced up. Her voice dropped. “Did you want to?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t need to.
She leaned in slowly, the same way she did the night before, but this time, I stopped her.
Barely.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Because of him?”
“Because I don’t know how to want you without breaking someone else.”
Lyric swallowed hard.
Then stood.
She didn’t cry.
Didn’t beg.
She just looked at me like I was the storm now.
And dropped one sentence before walking out:
“Then you better figure it out fast… because I’m not going to wait forever.”
“You let her kiss you?”
My roommate’s voice pierced through the silence like a needle.
I hadn’t even told her the whole story yet. Just a name.
Lyric.
One name and a look on my face, and Darcy put it all together faster than I could lie.
“It wasn’t like that,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself.
“You either kissed her or you didn’t, Solene. There’s no in-between.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“But it did.”
I looked down at the floor. “Yeah.”
Darcy sighed and dropped onto the edge of her bed across from mine, pulling her hoodie sleeves over her hands.
“So,” she said, voice quieter now, “what does this mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“You like her?”
“I…” I hesitated. “I feel something. And it’s confusing.”
“But you still love Briar?”
My heart stung. “Yes.”
Darcy was quiet for a beat. Then: “You know you’re going to have to choose, right?”
I looked at her sharply. “Why?”
“Because people break when they’re held like that. Like they’re the backup plan.”
“She’s not my backup.”
“And he isn’t either?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I just… I didn’t plan for any of this.”
“No one does,” she said. “But it still happens.”
I buried my face in my hands.
Darcy stood and walked over, sitting beside me on the bed.
“Sol,” she said gently, “I’m not judging you. I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you hurt the people you love trying to figure out who you are.”
“I already did that.”
I didn’t say Briar’s name.
I didn’t have to.
Later that evening, my phone buzzed.
Briar whispering “We should talk. Please.”
My fingers hovered over the screen.
And then I typed:
Okay. Your place?
His reply came fast.
Briar: Yeah. Come now?
When I got to his apartment, the lights were dim. The door opened before I knocked twice.
He looked like he hadn’t slept either.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Hi.”
We stood awkwardly for a second before he moved aside and let me in.
The door clicked shut behind me, sounding like a verdict.
“I just need to say this,” he started, “before you say anything.”
I nodded.
“I’m not mad,” he said. “Okay, I was. But mostly I was scared. Because I felt like I was losing you to someone I didn’t even see coming.”
I opened my mouth, but he raised his hand.
“I get it,” he said. “You're figuring yourself out. And I want to be the kind of guy who gives you space to do that. But, Solene…”
His voice cracked.
“I can’t stay in limbo forever.”
I looked up at him. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you,” he said softly. “But I can’t keep loving someone who doesn’t know if they love me back.”
“Briar…”
“I need to know,” he said. “Right now.”
Silence stretched between us like a fault line.
And then,
The door knocked.
Once.
Twice.
Briar’s eyes narrowed. “Are you expecting someone?”
My stomach dropped.
No.
But somehow, I already knew who it was.
- Writer
