I Don't Want to Be Afraid With You
894 Words
Quietly, Sunny threw herself into Jem's arms again and snuggled up against her warm frame.
Police report. Realizing she didn't know how to find Jem and just saying she'd talk to her "roommate" later. More talking on the phone. Mia continuing to turn and look over her shoulder at her every few seconds until she reassured her she was fine. And Carson, who had stayed at the scene and somehow incapacitated the man, responding to the police as well. Also dragging Jem into the whole thing later on when they both had to talk to the police.
Sunny shut her eyes and curled up against Jem, burying her face into her hoodie. Jem sighed, the air leaving her lungs, and brown hands encircled Sunny like rays of sunshine. Gently, Jem began to rub her hair and hug her closer. Sunny wiggled slightly, greedily taking in the moment.
"Sunny…" Jem said softly.
"I don't want to talk about it," Sunny said firmly. She meant it. She'd just described the incident over and over for hours. Her mind had just gotten to a point where it stopped running over the entire incident and asking questions.
Jem sighed and said nothing.
Sunny shifted slightly. Jem continued to stroke her hair.
Sunny took a deep breath. She felt Jem also inhale deeply.
Another sigh. Silence.
Soft rubbing around her scalp. Sunny smiled slightly and leaned in. Jem continued to rub her ailing head.
Neither dared break the silence for a while.
Perhaps she almost let out a tear, ridiculous as it might have sounded.
"We're moving out," Jem said resolutely.
Sunny just grunted quietly, to show she'd heard. Jem paused her hand and she whined. Rolling her eyes, Jem went back to stroking her hair.
"Have I ever told you that you're like a giant golden retriever?" Jem asked.
Sunny grinned at her, made a kissy face and started panting.
"I take it back. Golden retrievers are more dignified," Jem smiled.
Sunny laughed and buried her face in the crook of Jem's neck and shoulders, demanding a hug from those warm hands again.
Today I almost got kidnapped or something by a guy I don't know. I don't think I would be here if it weren't for Mia.
Maybe I shouldn't be here.
Shouldn't be alive? Or at this university? I don't know.
Sunny let out a nervous, muffled laugh into Jem's hoodie.
I'm so scared.
I am so, so…uncomfortable and afraid right now.
Maybe she imagined it. Jem stroked her hair a little more slowly, maybe gripped her a little closer.
I don't know what I'm going to do without you.
Gently, Jem looked over and reached for the blanket. Slowly, as if dealing with a real dog, she carefully wrapped it around them without any sudden movements. Sunny continued to snuggle up, burying herself within the confines of the duvet.
"You're affectionate today," Jem muttered.
I don't want to be ever scared of touch. Of, of your touch.
"Yeah," Sunny laughed again nervously, and wrapped her arms around Jem's waist again. "Just don't grab me by the shoulder."
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing." Sunny laughed again, wrapping the blanket around them and straddling Jem's waist. "So…period s*x?" She asked in a mock-sultry voice.
Jem chuckled and wrapped her arms around Sunny's lower back, bringing the two closer and rolling onto her side. "Too much to clean up," she replied mysteriously.
Yeah. I don't want to really, either. Maybe I'm just trying to force myself to be comfortable with touch right now because I'm afraid this is going to haunt me aftererwards, hahaha.
Of course, she wasn't going to say that aloud.
The pounding in her head was very concerning, but Sunny tried her best to settle down and listen to the pounding of Jem's heart near her left ear.
Think of happy things, she chanted to herself. Happy things. Don't think about what happened. Don't. Don't.
Oh, oh, so you mean…replay that incident over and over and use it as nightmare fuel? Her brain asked.
No. Don't do that. Please, I don't want to think about it, Sunny begged. Just...dream something nice.
Jem's hand found its way back into her hair, once again. Sunny leaned into it, willing it to continue.
Jem…Jem's here, focus on that.
Sunny groaned and leaned even closer.
Her touch…her touch is good. Focus only on her hands.
Jem breathed in and coughed slightly.
She wanted to say it again. She knew she said it before, but it usually was more casual or a flirty joke, and now it would feel especially heavy. Screw it. She was going to say it.
"I love you…"
Any way to make that casual?
Don't think so.
Well. Screw it all…
No words answered her, but the hand in her hair did continue to play with each lock very gently and quietly. Sunny let it happen, smiling slightly, her cheek resting near the dip on Jem's chest.
Gee, hope she's not uncomfortable with me.
"You uncomfortable?"
"No. You?"
"No."
"Okay."
Good…good things.
Screw it. She was going to say it again.
"I love being with you." This time she managed to make it sound more like the flirty joke.
"That's my girl…"
Sunny smiled and drifted off to sleep.
- Writer
