Red Hot Love

Jagged Little Pill

Quietly, Sunny crept to the back of the dorm and shifted aside one of the doors to her closet. She rummaged inside for a while, pulling out jewelry and miniskirts and a whole ton of other stuff, until she finally found what she was looking for.

Quietly, she held up the plastic container to the light.

You shouldn't be taking it, a voice in her brain warned her.

"It's just what I used to take when the doctor prescribed something for me," Sunny replied. "There's some side effects, but they shouldn't harm me anymore."

That's not true, the voice insisted, concerned. That might be true if you had been taking this medication for an extended period, but you haven't used it in months.

"I don't care," Sunny replied brightly, already struggling to open the container.

The childproof container, surprisingly, proved to be difficult to confront.

Come on, the voice insisted. Just stop…This is a bad idea.

"No," Sunny growled, and walked over to the desk and sat in it, trying once more to open it.

Just give up, the voice urged her. Just…let it go. Stop. If there's one thing you know how to do, it's give up. Please, Sunny. Just stop.

"No…I have to…urggh!" Sunny yelped, grabbing her reddened hand and examining it. She had gotten an injury. From a pill bottle. That she hadn't even opened. How pathetic.

Sunny…

Quietly, Sunny left the bottle on the desk and threw her face into her hands, letting out a loud wail.

"I can never do anything," she sobbed.

There, there…

"Shut up," Sunny hissed.

She stayed there like that for a few moments, then in frustration banged the bottle against the desk a few times.

Oh, Sunny…that's not going to…holy s**t!

Sunny grinned and unscrewed the cap.

How did you do that?

"Just a little elbow grease," Sunny replied. "Now…"

At least read the recommended dosage! But just DON'T! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! DO NOT DO THIS STOP PLEASE I BEG YOU JUST DO NOT STEP AWAY FROM THE MEDICINE PLEASE SUNNY I AM BEGGING YOU

"Relax," Sunny groaned, "It's just one pill, how bad could it be? Besides, it's not like I'm going to drink any alcohol or energy drinks afterwards…"

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. WHAT THE f**k. YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH AND DID IT? HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE?

Sunny just laughed and closed the pill bottle, throwing the rest of it into the trash. "Maybe you're right. Oh well. I'm going to eat dinner."

You're scaring the s**t out of me. Even if you're fine right now I do not ever want to see you do that again. f*****g with medicine is dangerous and stupid, the voice growled.

"Yeah…yeah…so, microwaveable lasagna or Bagel Bites, which shall it be?" Sunny chirped.

An hour or two later, it was pretty clear that the medication had begun to take effect. Perhaps it really would have been different if she had been taking it regularly, but some part of Sunny's brain felt detached, almost floating. In a way, this meant she felt as if she were too far away to properly feel whatever moods had been threatening to rain on her mind, but if she were to come back down she might immediately fall asleep or cry.

It's weird, Sunny acknowledged.

Must be the increase dopamine, the voice grumbled. But seriously, don't just take medicine your doctor hasn't prescribed for a while, and especially not old meds!

Oh come on, they're not expired…yet…

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! The voice hollered.

Sunny hummed and began to read through the pages of one of Jem's books. It had not been lying around, rather tucked neatly into a pile, but Sunny felt unusually restless and like she needed to get something done. Something, something, anything, even though she knew she hadn't really worked on any of her homework (that was for the weekend). Suddenly, a faint panic began to stir in the background of her mind.

Maybe I am wasting my time here, Sunny reflected. No, that's just the medicine talking, probably.

"You should be working," her mother's voice returned. "Go back to your studies. This is absolutely unacceptable. Go back, go back to-"

"No," Sunny whispered, placing her hands on her ears, trying to force her mother's voice out.

"What are you doing with your life? Nothing. Get up, read your books, do your homework, do something, for goodness sake. Do something productive with your time…"

"it's just the medication, it's just the medication," Sunny hissed, grinding her teeth.

Is it really? The voice asked. I don't think so…

"Just stop," Sunny groaned.

"Articulacy, please," her mother reminded her.

"STOP!" Sunny screamed.

The voice shut up. Sunny took a few deep breaths,

After a few minutes, she found herself able to breathe again.

Sunny, the voice urged, Maybe you should take a nap. Lie down. Let the rest of the medication's drowsiness effects work their magic, sleep it all off.

"No," Sunny replied.

The voice sighed. What am I going to with you, Sunny?

"Shut up. I'm…I'm going to get ready for Jem," Sunny stood up.

What? In this state?

"Yes," Sunny replied. "I feel better, now, really. I can do this. Taking it gives me the ability to concentrate and be more active, you know, tackle my plans and…see them through."

Sunny…please…

"It's fine. I'm fine. I can do this," Sunny breathed in, not wanting to admit this may have been a stupid, pointless mistake. "Mom was wrong. I can do stuff. See?"

The voice, for once, did not respond.