Seduction Attempt: Intellectual Stimulation
887 Words
"And so, whereas Saturn is known for having remarkable rings and several satellites outside of the Roche Limit, most notably are its two "twin moons," which are known to be in perfect 1:1 orbital resonance. This is an extraordinarily rare occurrence called a "horseshoe orbit" – supposedly, the Earth is in one with the asteroid Cruithne, which can sometimes be found on the other side of the sun, but that is the only other example we have discovered. Now, what is remarkable about these two moons-"
Quietly, Sunny paused the recording "Astronomy Week Six" and closed her laptop.
So. What does Jem like? What is she interested in? I can't believe I haven't tried this before, Sunny pondered. What does she find sexy?
Uh…math?
NO. NOT POSSIBLE. NOBODY THINKS LIKE THAT.
Well what do you suggest, genius? Her brain shot back.
The key in the doorknob began to jiggle.
QUICK! THINK FAST! Her brain screamed.
HOLY s**t OKAY
"I'm back," Jem muttered, walking in. She quietly brushed off her jacket sleeve and turned to close the door behind her, finding herself face to face with a glasses-wearing, pencil skirt-clad Sunny.
"'Ello, Miss Washington," Sunny spoke in an abominable British accent.
Jem raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"
"No time for small talk," Sunny declared, opening up the first few buttons in her blouse. "Rather, I think it's time you learned a lesson-"
"No thank you. I prefer for my teachers to keep their relationships with me professional."
"I- I'm not your teacher!"
"Oh really," Jem narrowed her eyes, and zipped back her coat. "And where exactly did you get your teaching degree from? Are you even a real teacher?"
"Hey, this isn't supposed to be a CIA investigation, just play along with it!" Sunny huffed, snapping out of the bad British accent (which was veering on Australian). "Fine! I'm not a teacher. I am…an intellectuel," she purred in an equally horrid French accent.
"And how many e's are in that word?" Jem asked challengingly. "Is 'intellectuel' a gender-neutral word?"
"Uh…" Sunny gulped. "Oh, forget it! Just…know that I am a serious scholar in pursuit of knowledge!"
Jem simply walked over to the mini-fridge and began to take out her dinner. "So why are you dressed like that?"
"Because I am a sexually-liberated scholar!"
"I see."
"Yes! I'm like, Hedy Lamarr! Or Natalie Portman! I'm both brains and beauty," Sunny puffed out her chest, causing the last button to pop off her blouse. "Fuck."
Jem laughed slightly. Sunny blinked, surprised, but the moment passed just as quickly as it had come on.
"Anyway," Sunny said carefully, somewhat encouraged by the small laugh, "Did you know that uh, if I could choose between DNA and RNA, I'd pick DNA because you have it!"
A dead silence reigned for a few minutes.
"You mean "I'd pick RNA, because it has U in it,"" Jem deadpanned.
"What? No! Obviously it's DNA, because only humans have DNA!"
"Oh, but I'm a robot, am I not?" Jem smirked.
Sunny frowned. "How dare you use my own jokes against me. Anyways, why would RNA have a "U" in it? It's clearly called RNA?"
Jem sighed. "Sunny, DNA has a nitrogenous base called thymine, whereas RNA has uracil instead. Therefore, RNA has a 'u.'"
Sunny scowled and crossed her arms. "Fine. Never mind. Forget it, I get it…I'm dumb."
"No, no," Jem said good-naturedly, to her surprise. "You seem to have gone so far as to prepare for this. What else did you want to say?"
"Well," Sunny bit her lip, "I was going to ask you what your meteorite persona would be, cause I'm carbonaceous chondrite, but that's more of an astronomy thing-"
"Oh, well in that case I am an iron achrondrite," Jem smiled.
"What!" Sunny blinked. "How do you know that…? You're not in my class, are you?"
"No, because I already took it during my first quarter," Jem replied.
"Wait, what?" Sunny frowned. "You never told me that!"
"Yes, I did. You remember, when you complained that you didn't know how to get past the mathematics requirement for the university, and I told you that beginner's astronomy had the same credit?"
"Huh…" Sunny blinked. "I didn't…"
"It's okay," Jem patted her on the back, her face taking back on its habitual stoniness. "I have to go to the bathroom now."
"Sure, sure," Sunny replied, uncomfortably crossing her legs (with some difficulty due to the pencil skirt's tightness). On second thought, she rebuttoned up her blouse and covered herself with a crumpled cardigan that had been lying near her air mattress. Sounds of taps being turned on and splashing came from the bathroom. Sunny looked down at her hands.
Another failed attempt. Another day, of wasted free time, Sunny frowned to herself. I should give up.
And yet, the image of Jem laughing briefly still egged her on.
"Jem? If you were one of Saturn's satellites, which one would you be?"
A pause.
"Janus."
Sunny smiled.
"Then in that case, I would be Epimetheus."
The response came slightly muffled, over the sounds of running water and brushing teeth. "I see."
A small smile crept across Sunny's face. Perhaps this wasn't such a waste of time after all.
- Writer
