Chapter four
690 Words
Black. So much black everywhere, it felt suffocating.
The hall was massive, but it felt narrow like it was closing in on me. Candles burned low along the walls. Their flames, small and blue, barely alive. Black flowers lined the aisle. They looked dead even as they blossomed.
Everyone dressed in black, every single person.
They didn’t smile. They didn’t whisper. They just watched.
I felt their eyes on my skin, on my hands, on the way my step hesitated even when I forced them forward. This wasn’t how brides were meant to be seen.
My heart started to race, fast and uneven. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other, because if I stopped I wouldn’t be able to move again.
At the far end sits the king.
Xavier looked nothing like his father. His gaze landed on me once, and when it did, it felt like I was being measured.
I swallowed hard.
My mother sat near him. I looked for her before I even realized I was doing so. My eyes searched her face like a child looking for safety, and I hated myself for doing that.
There was no warmth, no regret, no pity, just certainty. Her eyes met mine and she tore her gaze away immediately.
At this point, it felt like my emotions would burst open from my chest. Everything felt so heavy and I couldn’t shake the feeling.
This was what mother wanted. For reasons I do not know off. Claims of making me stronger and less fragile. My chest tightened until my breath hurt. Every breath felt like thorns forced into my lungs.
My sisters sit not far from her. Mira won’t look at me at all. Her hands clenched in her lap, knuckles pale, as if she might break if she spared a glance. Thalia stares daggers into my soul. Her expression controlled, with a half smile playing on her face.
She had the same look mother had, certainty. Hers was filled with relief and ecstasy. She wanted nothing but to see my pain.
It could have been her, or Mira. But it’s me, mother chose me. Fate or destiny didn’t bring me here. They made me weak and different from the others, so I could be placed in the front line for easy elimination. Both worlds considered me a liability, even my own family.
The aisle stretched out before me. Impossibly long. Each step felt like I was walking away from myself. I thought of the room I woke up in. Marriages were held during the day back in Varrkyr. It was warm and colorful there. Day was day and so was night. It’s different here.
I reach the altar and stop because Xavier stopped. He turned slightly, just enough for me to feel his presence beside me. He was calm and steady. I realized then that no one was going to ask me anything.
No one would ask me if I wanted this. If I was terrified. No one would ask if my heart was splitting open slowly, carefully, no one would notice anything. And even they did. They had a role to play, and so did I— a pawn in everyone else’s game.
My hands shook. I pressed them against my dress, gripping the fabric until my fingers hurt. Pain was always easier than panic. It reminded me that I was still here.
I lifted my chin. Not because I was brave, but because I refused to disappear completely.
This wasn’t a wedding. Weddings felt like hope, like new beginnings. It felt like love.
This felt like I was being sealed into something, like life was being pulled out of me slowly. Worst of all, I was defenseless. Because this isn’t my choice to make.
And as I stand there, surrounded by black silk and dead flowers and watching eyes, one quiet, devastating truth settles into my chest.
I wasn’t brought here to be loved, or made less fragile. I was brought here to fulfill my Kingdom's side of the bargain. To feed my mother’s cruelty and push her plans a step forward.
- Writer
