The Howling Rite

Bitter

***BORIS***

I sat at the bar in a small restaurant on the only road out of Nephi waiting for my father. I let myself get lost in thought for a while. I looked to my right where the double doors stood. For as long as I'd lived here, I hadn't noticed until that moment that Nephi wasn't just a small town. It was the kind of small town that took every opportunity to encourage the stray tourist to buy things they didn't need. I sighed and looked passed the small display cases stacked with Utah tee-shirts and key chains. I gently rolled my glass of whiskey between my palms. Something I apparently did when I was lost in thought or nervous. Dad settled on the stool next to me and raised his hand for a pint before I really noticed him.

"How's Inga and the baby?" He asked as the bartender slid a glass toward him.

"Wonderful!" I couldn't stop the grin that formed at the mention of my son. "Inga is so good with him, Dad. Like she was born to be a mother."

"Good, good. I'm happy to hear it! What did you want to speak about, my son?"

I sighed. "How's my brother doing?" I asked. "I haven't seen him since May Day." I was worried about Henry. I knew how he felt about Kora not being able to shift. We'd talked about it often. Now their family was growing and I knew he wouldn't want her to be the Neverwolf always being left out. I felt the same way about Inga, but I wasn’t about to drive myself mad over it. Though, if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't Henry's well-being that concerned me. It was the pack, and the role he cheated me out of to fulfill. I knew he was searching for Fenrir, but I also knew he'd never find him. Our god had abandoned us both.

"Oh, I'm sure you remember the days when I was Alpha and you were children. Running a family keeps you busy enough, but add a pack to it and you're lucky to see the light of day!" Dad chuckled.

"Yes, I remember." I nodded at my drink, though I knew there was something he wasn't telling me. It didn't matter that I already knew, but I wanted confirmation. "So he is well?" I prompted.

"Of course, yes." I could nearly smell the lie. “He helped us to keep you out of trouble when you were both growing up after all.”

Dad grinned at me and I smiled back good naturedly but inside I was seething. If he knew just how much the opposite was true, he’d have a heart-attack. It’s one of the things I truly hate about my brother. For as much as I love him, I hate him more.

When we were kids he was always getting into trouble. Especially with causing trouble with the Vollmenschen. He was always playing tricks, shifting and wandering into town to scare livestock and piss off the ranchers. We had to move twice because of him, but I always took the blame because I knew how important it was to the pack that Henry keep with the traditions and become the next Alpha.

I took the blame willingly for a long time, secure in my own path and role, but the one decent thing Henry ever did for me that gave me hope for something more, he snatched away just as easily as he promised it. Henry became the Alpha and the record was never set straight, and I resented him for that. And now, he and his wife had a daughter. The entire pack saw the little girl as some sort of sign or prophecy. I couldn’t stand it.

I nodded again and tried skirting around the issue I was having. "So." I cleared my throat. "A daughter!"

Dad grinned. "Ah yes. The first in the Bach line since Aura Bach herself!" He raised his glass in a salute to our ancestor, then took a long drink. "Via's ever so pleased. She says that girl has a grand destiny ahead of her."

"Oh I don't doubt it." I took a steady sip from my glass and tried to speak without rolling my eyes. "That's a lot of pressure though. Maybe her being Alpha isn't quite the right path for her then?"

He frowned at me. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, it's like you said. She's clearly special. That alone is a lot of pressure on a girl. It might not be fair to pile that on her." I mean really, I was being as gentle as I could about the subject.

"Son, what's fair for that girl is something that should be left for her father to decide. If you are so worried for her, perhaps this conversation should be had with him and not me?"

"Perhaps if he bothered to answer the phone." I muttered, losing my patience. "Look, Dad, in your wise opinion, do you really think she should be Alpha? Aura may have been the leader when the first runners shifted but she was no runner herself, and certainly no Alpha. That job has always been left to a male. It's not meant for a gentle heart, but a strong hand! I think my son-"

"Now you listen to me, Boris. Alpha is not a job, it's the right of the first born. Have you forgotten that the Alpha's mate is also Alpha? I remember your mother having quite a firm hand with her children and her duties! Or has that slipped your mind as well? Lena will be Alpha and you will show her the proper respect! You cannot judge a baby for the person she might grow to be." The elder threw back the last of his beer and set his glass rather loudly on the bar. He threw a ten dollar bill on the bar beside his glass and nodded to the bartender.

He clapped his large hand on my back and said, "Go home to that beautiful family of yours Boris, and think no more on these bittering thoughts." then left.

I stayed at the bar. I downed drink after drink and let my heart become bitter. He should have at least heard me out. I may have selfish intentions but the logic is sound. Being an Alpha by Mate's Rite is one thing, but for a female to be the Alpha is...not right. I snorted as I took another drink. If I was being honest with myself, I'd been frustrated ever since I found out Kora would be having a baby the same time as Inga. It's not that I felt like my family's thunder was being stolen, so to speak. I was really very happy for my brother. I suppose, I just hoped that he would never have children. In fact I very much hoped that his search for Fenrir would either take him away from the pack, or at the very least leave him with no time for a family. Which is why I supported him so whole heartedly with it. He used to confide in me about his search, knowing Fenrir never appeared to me anymore either, but Henry wasn't answering his calls these days.

Alpha is a right for the eldest child. Fine. But I really don't think being two and a half minutes older than me really should count. We were equal in every way! At least aside from Henry’s antics growing up. I had asked once if there was a "tie-breaker" for twins. My mother, who'd always been nothing less than loving towards either of us, said, "It's never happened before, my son. Is it a problem for Henry to be Alpha? Are you power hungry?" I was only a child then, and not wanting to disappoint her I insisted I was not. I was hurt though. How could she accuse the first real difference between my brother and I of being such a negative one?

I paid my tab and left the bar. One thing was sure to make me feel better. The sky was black pin-pricked with tiny bright stars. It was easy to walk unseen toward the direction of Mount Nebo. Once I was far enough from prying eyes, I shifted and ran as fast as I could up the small mountain. There’s nothing quite like the freedom of paws pounding the dirt, the icy wind biting at your nose and the tickle of your fur lying flat against your back as you run. There’s such a thrill in it. I almost pity the Vollmenschen for never knowing this pleasure.

There’s a shed on the far side of Mount Nebo where I like to go to be alone. The pack doesn’t typically run there and I managed to disguise it as a hunting cabin well enough that it’s never disturbed. With everything that Henry and I are forced to share because of being twins, I like to keep this little place to myself. A man deserves to have his secrets after all.

Back on two feet, I look around the tiny room. There are newspaper clippings from different places that the pack has travelled to since we were kids and the girls that had gone missing during our highschool years. Henry and I caught their killer, but no one in the pack even knew about the killings. We found the one responsible just as Fenrir instructed, but so many promises were broken that He no longer saw fit to visit us anymore. I kept these articles to help me remember what’s important in life, and the honor that my brother chose not to have. Surrounded by all those reminders, I gained a fresh understanding of my duty to the pack. If they only knew of all the trouble Henry caused and who was really responsible for us losing our homes all those times, they’d never follow him. I know though, that Henry would never confess and the pack would never believe me.