Disappear with Me

Chapter 6-2

The next day, Father John said, “You’re awfully quiet, my son.”

Leander shuddered at the childish endearment for a number of reasons, but answered anyway. “How can I be sure I should go to St. Stephen’s and become a reverend like you, sir?”

“How can you not be sure? How can you doubt the opportunity the Lord has provided for you?”

“I remember a long time ago you told me I would get a sign, a calling from the Lord.”

“Your tuition paid and acceptance at St. Stephen’s? I don’t know what more of a sign you can ask for?”

“I suppose I expected a bit more of a sign from God himself.”

“Open your Bible.”

“Please, sir, haven’t we had enough of lessons for a while?”

“Indulge me. Open to Deuteronomy, the thirty-first chapter, verses six and seven.”

When Leander found the passage, he read out loud, “Be strong and of good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. And Moses called unto Joshua, and said until him in the sight of all Israel. Be strong and of good courage: for thou must go with this people unto the land which the Lord hath sworn unto their fathers to give them; and thou shalt cause them to inherit it.”

By the time Leander finished, tears ran down his cheeks.

After a moment, Father John asked quietly, “So what does this say to your heart?”

“Did you have me read this because I’m being like Joshua, afraid to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land after forty years of wandering in the desert?”

“Yes. You might be nervous now because you see all that I do around here. You have many gifts as well, and I know one day you will be a fine leader of a parish church.”

“But how can I?”

Father John moved closer and put his hands on Leander’s shoulders. He looked him square in the eye. “You have so much love to give, Leander. Right now, the Lord and I probably have more faith in you than you do yourself. If you can’t believe in yourself right now, count on the confidence I have in you.” Father John hugged him, a rare event.

Later that day, Father John went to check on him. Leander was packing for the fall term, but also a summer holiday on the Melvin estate before the term started. Father John carried a package in his hands.

“Make sure you bring your new suits. The Chadbournes will expect you to dress for dinner every night,” Father John told him.

Leander didn’t answer the older man. Instead, he removed a pair of pants he’d just packed and unfolded them. Then he folded and unfolded the pants again, a look of frustration on his face.

“Leander, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You are going away on holiday, then to university, but you’ve been more excited about going to the barber to get a tooth pulled.”

He remained silent for a moment longer, but then spoke up. “Father, what if my parents show up after all these years? What will you tell them?”

“Well, I’ll tell them…” Father John took a deep breath. “Leander, ever since you could talk, you have asked me that question. Every time you asked about your parents, I was able to change the subject and quiet you down. I suppose I can’t any longer. You’re going to be mixing with the sons of the peerage, maybe even the royal family. I suppose it’s time you know the truth about your parents. Before I tell you, you must promise me you’ll not sulk about this, but use this information to continue to make us all proud. Do you promise?”

He stopped packing clothes and sat on the bed. “Yes, sir, I promise.”

“Leander, when you were a baby, your mother came to the parish house for help. It was 1869; she was barely sixteen years old and with child. She was very nervous about what would happen after you were born, and she only wanted you to have a better life than she. Between her nervous condition and the physical demands of childbirth, she didn’t survive…” Tears formed in Father John’s eyes. “She knew she was dying and asked that I find suitable parents for you rather than take you to an orphanage.”

Leander got up from the bed and leaned against the open window using both hands. The inside of his body—his heart, muscles, and stomach—twisted and throbbed as if from an inner storm. He turned around and yelled, “You knew all this time my parents were never coming?”

“Leander, please understand. I only did what I thought was best.”

“What you thought was best for me?”

“You see, Leander—”

“What’s best for me?”

“Leander, there have been a few people who inquired about you. But I love you as my own son. No one who inquired met the high standards I set for you.”

“So you kept me on a leash here to do all your chores, while all along I could have had a real family? You kept me under your thumb with some foolish story about my parents coming back? Do you know how many nights I’ve sat up wondering what they were doing?”

“Leander, please understand, there was no way a judge would allow me to adopt a child on my own, even as a parish rector. I filed for and was granted permanent guardianship. I’m as good as your father. I know you might feel like a second class citizen around here, but I was preparing you for your future.”

“And how has subjecting me to your every whim prepared me for a future?”

“My hope is that if becoming a rector doesn’t work out, you’ll not be afraid of manual labor to make a living for yourself. But, as you know, it’s in God’s hands. He gives us free will to make our own decisions. Whichever path you choose, Leander, Christ will be with you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why couldn’t you have told me so I didn’t have this grand idea of what they’re like?”

“Oh, Leander, I don’t know. At first, you were too young to understand. When you got older, you quit asking, and then Raphael came to live with us. It seemed like we were our own little family.”

Leander let the explanation sink in before his next question. In a quiet voice, he asked, “Do you know anything about my father?”

“I don’t. Your mother never named your father and she was gone before I had the sense to ask.”

Leander resumed packing, unable to look at Father John.

“I brought you this. I hope you like it.” Father John put a gift on the desk. “I hope you will understand and forgive me. I truly only had your best interest in my heart.”

After Father John left the room, Leander collapsed on the floor. A few moments later, he took a deep breath and reached for the gift box. He opened the box and found a Bible inside. He lifted the book out and sat it on his lap. He laid his palm flat on the cool, supple leather. He ran his fingertips down the cover and allowed his index finger to linger across the embossed letters: Leander Norris. The pages fanned his face as he flipped through them. He stopped and opened the front cover to reveal the inscription.

Leander,

Please accept this small token of my happiness at your acceptance to Cambridge. I know you will continue to excel in your lessons and make an excellent minister someday. Please remember our lesson from Corinthians: And now these three remain: Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest of these is Love. Yes, Leander, love can do great things for people, and I know you have plenty of love to share with the world.

Yours in Christ,

Father John

Someone knocked softly on Leander’s door. Raphael entered, without waiting for an invitation.

“Lee, what’s wrong?”

“Father John told me he’s been my legal guardian for quite some time. My mother died shortly after I was born.”

Raphael sat on the floor and tried to cradle him. Leander laid his head on Raphael’s shoulder. “I thought I had it bad when my parents left me here.”

“Ray, what’s to become of me?”

“What do you mean, what’s to become of you? You’re going to university at St. Stephen’s with me, and we’re going to become the best parish priests the queen’s church has seen in a hundred years, that’s what!”

“But I have no family, no history. What parish is going to want a priest who’s the son of sixteen-year-old girl and father with no name?”

“But you have roots, you have history. Your roots are here in London, and your history is with Father John. And you’ll always have me.”

“I don’t want Father John to be my history. I want parents and siblings and a normal life.”

“Even real parents can hurt you.”

He stared at Raphael for moment, then buried his head in Raphael’s shoulder again. After a moment, Raphael broke the embrace. “Come on; finish your packing and we’ll be off to the country. You’ll be able to disappear with me for a while.”

When the carriage from Whisperbrook arrived, Leander helped load the luggage. Raphael gave Father John a strong handshake and climbed into the carriage. Leander extended his hand and Father John held onto it. He pulled Leander into an embrace. When Leander finally returned the hug, the anger in his body faded away.

Once the young men were in the carriage and without a chaperone, Raphael said, “I told you you’d get over it.”

Leander slugged Raphael in the arm.

* * * *

Lord and Lady Chadbourne had planned a splendid holiday. They grew to love Leander as a son. At first, it was more out of pity rather than sincere concern. In time, they understood most of Raphael’s happiness at Father John’s came from his friendship with him.

The holiday started with a showering of gifts for Leander and Raphael. For Raphael, they had actually purchased him some new clothes; that had been rare while Raphael was growing up. Most of the time, Raphael’s mother had the servants alter his brothers’ hand-me-downs. Leander was the beneficiary of the hand-me-downs this time.

They had most of the manor house to themselves, save the Chadbournes’ bedroom suites. The heir to the title and estate, Raphael’s oldest brother, Aaron, was away visiting his wife’s family. Raphael’s older brothers supported themselves now and had left the estate. Raphael settled into the guest suite farthest from his parents.

“You’ll put your things in here,” Raphael said, showing him the bedroom.

Leander had visited Whisperbrook before, but he had never seen this suite of rooms. Draped with a floral cover, a large four-poster bed dominated the room. The heavy wardrobe and writing desk matched the deep walnut color of the bed. The fireplace sat prepared to ward off the late summer chill later.

Raphael led Leander through a door into a sitting room and through another door that led into another bedroom. The second bedroom wasn’t nearly as lavish, as opulent, but more masculine than the first.

Taking Leander in his arms, he said, “You’re going to sleep in here with me.”

“But what about your parents?”

“They’re on the other side of the house. Besides, as long as we stay out of their way and don’t interrupt their routine, they probably won’t even know we’re around.”

“Then why don’t we stay in the other room? It’s better.”

“In this guest suite, that’s the wife’s boudoir. It’s a fancy French word for bedroom. And this is the husband’s bedroom. We have to mess up the bed in the wife’s bedroom each morning so the servants will have to make it. Now, let’s get you unpacked and settled in.”

“I’ve never had anyone help me unpack before.”

“I told the footman it was unnecessary to help us today. I thought I could teach you and we could be left alone. Of course, if you prefer, I could call them so you could learn.”

Raphael showed him how to fold his clothes and put them away correctly. Then Leander helped Raphael unpack.

“I might turn you into a gentleman, yet,” Raphael said, teasing him again. He kissed Leander gently. “It would still not repay the debt I owe you.”

“What debt could you owe me?”

“You taught me how to be humble, how to take your licks in life, and how to make the most of it.”