Disappear with Me

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

1883, London

Before luncheon one day, Leander found another boy his own age sitting next to Father John at the dinner table. With reddish brown hair and deep blue eyes, the stranger looked like the statue David that Father John had shown him in the art museum.

“Leander, this is Master Raphael Melvin. He’ll be joining our afternoon lessons for a few weeks while his family is in London for the season,” Father John explained.

Raphael stood and extended his hand, which allowed Leander to examine at his fine clothes. He had never seen such a distinguished young gentleman that close. Leander wiped his hand on his trousers before extending it in acceptance. When he grasped Raphael’s warm hand, the warmth quickly traveled from his hand throughout his whole body.

“Pleased to meet you,” Raphael said.

“Likewise, sir,” he murmured, scowling. Everyone ate luncheon in silence.

The first afternoon lessons went fairly well. Raphael was a bit behind, so Leander answered most of Father John’s questions.

“We’re going to start with Romans, chapter twelve, verses nine through thirteen. Raphael, please read out loud for us,” Father John instructed.

“Let love be without dissimulation,” Raphael began. “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned to one another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation; continuing in constant prayer; distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.”

Raphael looked at Father John, a little vexed at what he had read. Leander beamed with full knowledge of the verses.

“So let’s break this apart,” Father John said. “The first phrase, Let love be without dissimulation. What does ‘dissimulation’ mean?”

“Dissimulation means the same as hypocrisy,” Leander quickly answered. Even if Raphael had known the answer, Leander didn’t give him a chance. “So the first sentence,” he continued, “means love one another without any prejudice or mocking of the Lord, Jesus Christ.”

“Good, Leander. You remember from last time.”

Leander beamed, then said, “So now that this big word is out of the way, the rest of the passage is quite clear. As Christians, we need to be devoted to one another, supporting each other as we need, and participating together in good works.”

“Ah, quite right, Leander,” Father John said.

Before long, Raphael caught up with Leander and a rigorous competition began between them.

“Find and read from the Book of Acts, chapter two, verses twenty-two and twenty-three, Leander,” Father John requested a fortnight later. Raphael quickly found the verses first.

“Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved by God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourself also know: Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken by wicked hands have crucified and slain.”

“So what is meant by ‘determinate counsel’?” Father John asked.

“It’s God Himself, sir,” Leander answered quickly.

“Good, Leander, and Raphael, what is meant by ‘foreknowledge’?” Father John asked.

“Foreknowledge means God had a plan for what was going to happen, for the events that would happen in Christ’s life,” Raphael answered.

“Yes, good, and so what do these two verses mean?”

“This is simply Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost, retelling God’s plan to send Christ into the world to save us,” Leander answered.

“Yes, but there is another key idea in this passage, a very important one for you to understand,” Father John said.

The boys sat in silence while they considered the passage.

“Is it that God has a plan for everything, sir?” Raphael asked.

“Yes!” Father John said. “You’ve got it, Raphael. God has a plan for our lives and the world.”

“So, God had a plan I come study with you this summer, sir, right?” Raphael asked.

“That’s right. There are things you’ll learn this season you will remember for the rest of your life.”

Leander was angry because Raphael figured out the real answer Father John was looking for instead of the obvious one, and he began pouting. He would have to think a bit more before answering. But there was something else. Hadn’t he known enough suffering his whole life? Stuck in the parish house without real parents? What was he to learn from all of this?

Later in the evening, after Raphael had gone home, Leander decided to speak with Father John while they played piano together in the study.

“You said earlier today that God has a plan for all our lives?”

“Yes,” Father John said, seeming more focused on the music he was playing.

“And didn’t you tell Raphael that he’s meant to learn something this summer; that he’s going to learn something that’ll stay with him his entire life?”

“Yes.”

“What lesson am I supposed to be learning?” he asked, tears forming in his eyes.

Father John stopped playing the piano. “Leander, only God knows his exact plan for you and your life. Only God knows what greatness is in store for you. What lessons are you supposed to learn this summer, you ask? Only God knows the answer to that question. Perhaps you and Raphael will become great friends?”

He brooded as Father John continued to play the music. Because Raphael’s parents paid Father John for the tutoring, he studied in the mornings and in the afternoons. A carriage picked him up each evening and carried him back home to his family, while Leander was stuck at the parish house.

Raphael brought about so many strange feelings for him. First of all, he was envious of the time Raphael spent with Father John. And he couldn’t deny the attraction he had for Raphael. That dark brown hair with the reddish tint; his fair skin dappled with freckles. Keenly aware of the changes going on in his own body over the previous few months, the attraction scared Leander. He couldn’t mention it to anyone.

Life at Father John’s wasn’t bad. In the evenings, they played music on the piano, and Father John translated the words sung in the great operas. They discussed the themes presented in the stories told by the beautiful singing.

During the season, Father John obtained tickets and took Leander to the opera. He loved getting dressed in his Sunday best clothes. Although his Sunday best was well below what most patrons wore, it didn’t matter to him. He dreamt of being the handsome male baritone torn between the female sopranos. The next day, life always returned to his normal, sometimes mundane existence.

The spring changed into summer. Father John lightened up on chores for him and lessons for Raphael. Once or twice a week, Father John took them on outings. Sometimes they traveled in and around London to show Raphael the city. They went to see the Tower of London, the Parliament House, Big Ben, and the many art museums.

Other times, they traveled to parishes in the country. They spent time near lakes and streams. A Cambridge-educated man could be assigned to the city or the country, and assignments lasted for years. Father John wanted both boys to be prepared for whatever type of calling they received.

August came quickly; it was particularly hot in London as the parliament session and social season came to an end.

“The boy will be going back to the country?” the housekeeper asked Father John one morning at breakfast.

“I imagine so,” Father John said, not looking up from his morning paper.

“One less mouth to feed, I suppose.”

Father John allowed one corner of the paper to curl so he could see her. “His parents pay for the extra food.” Leander and the sexton ate their oatmeal quietly, steel spoons clanking against the china.

“I’m just saying one less person to cook for around here,” she said, not quite under her breath.

Leander grinned nervously at Father John. Raphael would be leaving soon; things would go back to normal around the parish house. His life would return to normal. He’d do his chores in the mornings and have his time with Father John in the afternoons and evenings. Without Raphael.

Without Raphael. Because of the competition with the other boy, he’d studied harder and learned so much more over the last four months. Because of Raphael, Father John took him on leisure trips around the city and even into the country. Prior to this, their journeys outside the parish neighborhood had been to complete errands and church business.

Then there was Raphael himself. Leander still didn’t understand the strange attraction he felt for him. Suddenly, his mood soured.

He went about his chores distracted. “What’s gotten into you this morning, lad?” the sexton asked. Leander shrugged and tried to focus more on his tasks.

When it was lesson time in the afternoon, it was as if Leander and Raphael had been transported back to the first afternoon in April. They shouted over each other, contradicted each other, and nearly got into fistfights.

Shortly after breakfast the next day, while Leander was helping with the dishes, Raphael arrived. His parents and a large trunk, stickers from a trip to the continent affixed to the outside, accompanied him. Raphael’s face didn’t look cheery. His mother pecked his cheek, and he shook his father’s hand. He stared out the door after them when they left.

Father John headed upstairs, and Raphael started to follow, leaving the trunk in the entrance hall.

“My dear boy, ah, circumstances being what they are, you’ll have to have Leander help you bring the trunk yourself,” Father John said.

As Raphael bent over to lift the trunk, tears welled up in his eyes. Leander handed the dish he held to the housekeeper and ran to Raphael.

“Here, let me help you,” he said, grabbing one of the handles.

Raphael acknowledged him with a smile.

Father John showed Raphael to his new room. Dusty and dirty, it hadn’t been cleaned in quite some time.

“You take some time to clean this room and unpack your things. Let me know when you’re done, and we’ll find some chores for you to do.”

Leander stayed behind, and Father John returned to the room. “Leander, on to your morning chores. Let’s leave Raphael alone for now. You’ll have plenty of time to catch up later.” Raphael’s eyes pleaded with him to stay, but Leander left as instructed.

Raphael never appeared for morning chores. At the housekeeper’s insistence, Leander went up to get him for luncheon. He found Raphael sitting on his bed, his eyes red and puffy.

“It’s time for luncheon. What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m getting settled in.” The room still smelled damp and dank from the dirt, only a hint of cleaning vinegar present.

“Well, come on. You know Father John doesn’t like his meal interrupted.”

“I’m not hungry and I have stuff to do.”

“Come down and eat, and I’ll help you before we start our lesson this afternoon.”

“I don’t think I get to study anymore, Leander.”

“Why not? We do chores in the morning, we study in the afternoon, we lounge in the evening.”

Reluctantly, Raphael went to the dining room to eat with him and the rest of the household. Afterward, they returned to Raphael’s room. Leander wiped everything down for Raphael, who stood back and watched.

Raphael continued sulking through the afternoon lesson, permitting Leander to answer all the questions. It wasn’t fun for him, sensing Raphael was holding back. Raphael continued his silence through dinner and the evening and went to bed early that night.

Not long after Leander fell asleep, he awoke suddenly to see Raphael sitting on the edge of his bed. The light from the full moon crept through the window and lit the room.

“Raphael, are you all right?” he whispered.

“I wanted to sit with you for a bit.”

“If anyone catches us out of bed, we’ll both be in trouble.”

“It’ll only be for a few minutes. No one will know.”

As much as he wanted Raphael to go and not be caught, he also wanted Raphael to stay. Raphael moved to the open window. The moonlight illuminated the worry on his face.

“Have you ever been left anywhere?” Raphael asked.

“Father John left me at the market once. We got separated. I thought I was following him, and he thought I was right behind him. He came back and we found each other.”

“I mean deliberately left somewhere.”

“I supposed I was left here, but you know I was a baby. I only know this place and Father John as my home.”

“Then it’s not the same.”

After a few more moments of silence, Raphael looked over at him.

“They left me, Leander. They left me so they wouldn’t have to worry about another mouth to feed.”

“But that can’t be. Your family is well off, your clothes are so fine, and you have never been hungry. You bragged about all the carriages and livestock your family has.”

“I overheard my parents talking. I heard them say they are struggling to make ends meet. My oldest brother will inherit the estate when my father dies. Because I talked about how much I enjoyed studying with Father John over the summer, they decided I could stay with him and continue my studies. They figure I can become a parish priest and eventually take over the living after my uncle passes on.”

The moon continued to light the dark night. Leander didn’t know what to say, so he grabbed a blanket and climbed onto the windowsill. Raphael gently rested his head on Leander’s chest. Leander pulled the blanket over the both of them while Raphael cried.

Leander vowed at that moment never to allow anyone to feel unwanted or left alone. He would make this his life’s work. They fell asleep in each other’s arms.

He stirred when Raphael did. The clock said three o’clock. His shirt was stuck to Raphael’s cheeks, damp with tears.

“Leander, get back to bed before we get into trouble,” Raphael instructed.

He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and moved to the empty bed. As he fell asleep, he thought he heard Raphael say, “I love you, Leander,” but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t understand the feelings going on in his head or his body, but he knew he loved Raphael as well.