Fake Love

chapter one

*WARNING DOMESTIC AND VIOLENT ABUSE FEATURED*

“Listen and listen well because I will only say this once, understand?”

I nod my head as I stare at the floor, I’m so scared of what mother is going to say. I just hope she isn’t going to beat me again. The last beating was enough, and it is still healing. “Now, you will be turning sixteen in three weeks so starting tomorrow you will look for another job. Your dog walking and babysitting are only good enough for my pills and your father’s drink. So, unless you want more beating or rather entertain again, I suggest you get searching.” Explained mother, a shiver ran down my spine at the mention of ‘entertain’. Every time my body freezes and the memories come flooding in along with the shame and embarrassment but most of all fear.

No no no no. I don’t want to remember those nights.

I can’t stop my body from shaking along with my erratic heart as I stand there in front of mother panicking. I can smell the cigars, the bourbon, and the whiskey. I started hyperventilating when the feeling of hot alcohol tainted breath fanned against my skin along with heavy sweaty hands grazed my thighs.

SLAP

The burning sensation of my cheek burning brings me back to the present and tears streamed down my face. I gaze up into anger filled eyes. “So, you want to cry getting another job, is it?” asked mother in a startlingly calm voice. Dread engulfs me at her misunderstanding. “N-no mother, th-that’s not it at all.” I can’t help stuttering my words but to be honest I would gladly take thousands of slaps if it meant never entertaining again. “IT BETTER NOT BE YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!” Mother screamed at me as she gripped my hair savagely, my scalp protested but I stayed silent. “IF IT WAS NOT FOR YOU, WE WOULD STILL BE RICH!” Mother punched me in my stomach with such a force that it knocked the wind out of my lungs, her hit now adding to my already bruised and battered body. It serves me right I should not have cried in front of her, I should have fought to keep it all in.

“NOW WE LIVE LIKE DOOOOOOGS!” She wailed, punching me again. Groans of pain escaped my mouth which only encouraged her to hit me harder. It hurt so bad specially with my current bruises protesting against the new attacks. But it is not as bad as the last time. Last time farther was booting me in the stomach so I can’t complain. And like last time well every time I get a beating, I just take it, I never fight back because I know the punishment would be far worse and because I’m underage there is nothing I can do. It is hard though to concentrate on dealing with the pain in silence when mother is screaming each word into my ears deafening me some. “ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN!” She screamed so hard that her voice stopped along with her punching. And like the i***t that I am I relaxed slightly thinking she was done punching me I was wrong so very wrong. Her grip on my hair tightened and she slammed my head into the brick wall. A yelp escaped my mouth from pain of the impact, I fell to the floor with a thud. I peeked at her through my hair her face was flushed red with a vicious look masking it, her eyes full of anger and hatred towards me. “Now….get…in….your….room……and do not come out until it is time cook.” She said with a menacing stare at me. I just nodded my head yes too afraid to say anything for fear she would start kicking me. satisfied with what had transpired she left me crumpled on the floor trying to catch my breath. A few seconds later the front door slammed shut meaning she was off to the casino. Knowing that I can relax and take my time I took a deep breath then tried getting off the floor carefully, so I don’t injure myself further. I used the brick wall for support once I was standing, I exhaled and looked around the room to make sure there was no mess before heading to my room. “Ok, no mess, no trash good so I can just go do my homework.” I breathed. The living room isn’t much to look at, it is very small and somewhat prisonlike. All four walls showing naked bricks, the back wall has a wide window displaying the garden with its ragged grey curtains drawn. It Is not that big and only has a washing line with a small box filled with gardening tools and pegs next to it. Under the winder there is a shabby cabinet that holds father’s alcohol and cigarettes which no one can touch EVER not even mother, which is fine since no one can ever touch her stash of pills. Sitting on top of the cabinet was a fifty-inch flat screen tv that took me six months to save for, but I am FORBIDDEN to ever use it. I know that sounds extreme but last time I tried to use it father broke one of my ribs so if it can be helped, I won’t even look at it. The only time I do is when I am cleaning or changing the curtains. My parents have plenty of money from the last time I had to entertain but they make me work and pay for everything else while they use the other money for their luxuries, whether that be electronic, recreational or holidays abroad. In front of it was a coffee table that has see better days and a cheap L shape sofa that sat four people, but I am not allowed to sit on it only my parents are. Once I’m steady on my feet I slowly hobble to the kitchen which lies at the back of the box of a room.

I look around the small kitchen space looking for anything that may need cleaning but come up empty. I back out of the kitchen door and head down the hallway on my right. My door is the second on the left, first door is the bathroom which is a toilet a bath/shower. It is mostly mine since my parents have an ensuite, their room is on the right-hand side. I am only permitted to enter their room to clean, if they catch me in there for anything else they would hurt me. but on the bright side we live in a bungalow so they can’t throw me down any stairs so small blessings, I guess.

Hailey walked into her room looked around and sighed like she does every time she enters her room after school. Her room consists of a sleeping bag opposite the door which you could reach within four strides, above it was a medium window with navy curtains to match the dark grey walls and black carpet. On the left was a broken wardrobe with little clothing next to it was a dresser that took up the whole side. Opposite their side of the room was a small table with a laptop sat on it, just at the side of it was a neat row of shoes. Two pairs of converse a pair of black boots and a pair of warn down vans that she used for housework.

Hailey opened the closet to grab her washout towel turned to take off her shoes and put them away neatly with the others then headed towards the shower. Once inside the bathroom she got the water running and stripped her clothes off carefully, wincing whenever she bent over. When she was naked, she gazed at her reflection in the full-length mirror tears pricked her dulled light grey eyes as she examined her body. There were countless scars on her wrists leading up to the inside of her elbow. Her chest was home to burn marks from outed cigarettes along with other various burns around her body, some were from the having an iron pressed against her the rest were from having scolding hot oil and water thrown on her back and legs that never healed properly. But her scars paled in comparison to the angry black and purple bruises that plagued her body starting from her neck covering her bony chest all the way all the way down to her abdomen with smaller ones dotted around her arms and legs. Hailey took her left hand and traced the bruising on her neck as the memory of her father pinning her against the wall hand clamped firmly on her throat flooded her mind. Her body shook at the memory causing the pain in both her body and head to flare up, but she couldn’t feel it she was transported back to that moment. Her father was yelling at her in a drunken rage, her feet kicking the air no longer touching the ground. She grabbed her father’s arm so she could lift herself higher in an attempt to loosen his grip, but it only made him grip tighter. Tears fell from her eyes as she shook her head bringing her back to the present.

“Hush hush, calm down Hailey. Calm down he did not kill you. You are alive. He only made you pass out do not be afraid.” She said as she paced the small bathroom.

Who am I kidding they want hate me and want me dead but they won’t risk going to prison. They would rather live as they are now.

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself ignoring the pain radiating within her. She wiped her tear away from her freckled face then took one last glance at her battered body in the mirror before entering the steamy shower. Hailey stood under the cascading water the heat soothed her pain from head to toe. When she relaxed enough, she began cleaning herself softly as not to anger her injuries further. Once her body was clean, she grabbed the shampoo and started cleaning her auburn hair. She massaged her hair gently since it still stung from being gripped by her mother. When her hair was cleaned, she rinsed off everything then sat under the soothing water for a while longer. As she sat beneath the steaming water her mind began to wonder from one the to the next.

Sigh

I wonder is it really worth living? My parents hate me and refuse to listen to me to this day. I tried to warn them about the backstabber, but they chose not to listen to me and now they hate me for “trusting blindly”. So why do I have to pay for their mistake? Maybe I should just end the pain.

She contemplated life and death as she staired at her scarred arms, clenching and unclenching her fists. She gave a deep sigh and shook her head to clear her dark thoughts before they got any darker. With another heavy sigh Hailey picked herself up turned the water off and got out. She rung her hair over the bathtub then wrapped herself in her towel. Before leaving she opened the tiny window to air-out the bathroom then headed back to her bedroom followed be a trail of steam. After entering her room, she dried off the wrapped her hair in the same towel. Before getting dressed she headed to her sleeping bag, shifting it slightly to the right so she could move the loose carpet that covered a hole in the floor. It’s where she stores her secret supply of medicine as well as her phone. Since her parents do not allow her to use painkillers of any kind. They believe she should suffer ounce of pain she receives. After rummaging through her stash for painkillers and muscle relaxer gel for her aching body. She found what she was looking for and removed two pills from the packaging and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water to wash them down. Once the pills were consumed Hailey returned to the bathroom to apply the gel. She gazed at the mirror once again disheartened by her appearance, Hailey applied the cream quickly to her now tender parts. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as the cream activated, radiating its heat on her battered body. With now done Hailey began to relax and returned to her room, she dressed quickly in her pjs a pair of worn fluffy bottoms and a holey faded white shirt. Then put the gel and painkillers back in their hideaway and recovered the hole.

Right! Time for homework.

I walked towards my bag to grab my maths, English and history homework and sat down gently at me little table and got stuck in. while doing my homework I kept an eye on the time, so I knew when to start dinner before they come back to an empty table and punish me. By six thirty I am finished with all my work, I put my phone on charge and hide it behind my bag in case they decide to search my room again. I gave my hair a quick rub with my towel then hung it on the radiator to air dry it.

Ok time for dinner nothing complicated just simple spaghetti and meatballs as they requested with a side of garlic bread. At least I don’t have to make a slow roasted chicken again where I would have to stay home from school to cook it for like five hours to make it.

Hailey reached the kitchen and got to work. She went to the cupboard grabbed a frying pan, a pot and put them aside then grabbed the ingredients she needed for the meal. Once the items were gathered, she filled the pot with water adding salt and put it to boil. While it boiled Hailey prepared the meatball mixture, she put the meat into a bowl added seasoning and herbs for flavouring before mixing them together then began rolling the meat into meatballs. After shaping them they were placed in a fresh bowl until it was time to fry them. Now the meat was prepped she cleaned up the counter and the dishes she used to mix the meat. When the counter was cleaned, she prepared her lunch for school and put the spaghetti in to boil.

She decided to make ham and cheese salad sandwiches with a fruit salad for lunch tomorrow. Hailey felt lucky that they allowed her to buy her own food, because once the bills were paid, her parents food shop and luxuries are paid for there is only so much left for her food. So, Hailey only ate once a day sometimes twice if she was lucky.

There we go tasty lunch for tomorrow, I feel kind of proud of the fruit salad I made it looked and smelt great. *giggle* Oops I almost forgot I am not aloud to laugh or giggle unless I want a slap. *Sigh* I hope I can hold on for another two years then I can leave and start out on my own. I’m gonna need to recount my secret savings to make sure I have a good amount so I can get my own place and get a car.

A hopeful smile spread across her face as she placed her food in the fridge for the next day then turned her attention back to her parents’ dinner. It was time to put the garlic bread in the over in the oven, then began frying the meatballs. Twenty minutes later all food is cooked, plated, and placed at the table just as her parents stumbled through the door slightly tipsy. They towards the food giggling like drunken teens, they took their seats and ate with bright smiles on their faces for each other. Haleys’ existence completely forgotten their attention their focus solely their dinner and themselves. She headed back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up. Soon as the kitchen was sparkling, and everything was dried and put away she made her own dinner. After contemplating between cereal and pop tarts she opted for pop tarts because she craved something sweet. As she grabbed the tarts and placed them into the toaster a wave of gratitude washed over her, she realised that she could at least enjoy some savoury foods. Her parents do not question it as long as they get what they want from her, and they are kept happy.

Hailey ate in silence while waiting for her parents to finish their dinner. A few minutes passed so she decided to check to if they had finished, she peeked through the gap of the slightly opened door. To her surprise they had cleaned their plate leaving nothing not even a crumb but what surprised her more was the fact that her farther as stood between her mothers’ legs with his pants hanging loosely around his thighs with his bare backside on full display. Her shirt seemed to be ripped open, her breast on full display and her skirt was bunched up around her waist. They were in the middle of a very heated kiss as her father thrusted in and out of her mother with her legs hung over his arms. Hailey moved away from the door when she realised what was happening.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I was so careful making sure that was something I never ever saw. Why did they have to do that NOW! She thought blushing profusely. Try as she might she could not get the image out of her parents fornicating on the small dining table out of her head. What was not helping was the sound of her mother’s soft moans growing louder along with her father chiming in with his own moans. Along with the explicit sounds of skin slapping and the table protesting with its own thuds against the wall as her farther pounded away. “f**k STEFFAN…DON’T STOP!” Screamed Kathrin between moans. Hailey dashed towards the counter grabbing two towel to cover her ears to block out the sounds. But try as she might she could not block out the grunts and screams as her parents climaxed together. She lowered the towels when they calmed down. the only thing that could be heard was their panting and lips smacking from further kissing. A few moments later their bedroom door opened and closed and a loud thud hit the door on the inside, she assumed they had gone for round two. Without realising it Hailey started pacing the tiny kitchen with her hands shaking as if trying to shake off water after washing them.

Get a grip it is not the first time you have had to hear them have s*x so it’s not so bad. I smiled at myself. BUT IT IS THE FIRST TIME SEEING IT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I clasp my hand over my mouth to stop from screaming out loud, so I opted to scream internally.

WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!

I rubbed my hands in my eye even though it does nothing to stem the images of farther going at it. I take a few deep breaths to calm down and with all my might I block the intruding memory.

That’s better, I open my eyes and march out to the table to collect the dishes. I cleared the table from left to right and stop to inspect the area to see if they left a mess like last time. To my relief there was no…. semen, thank god. Returning to the kitchen I wash the dishes and placed them on the drying rack to dry overnight. I squat down to access the cupboard under the sink for the disinfectant spray and a cloth, I stood up dampened the cloth then headed back to the table to clean it quickly. There all clean and tidy. Happy with my work I put the items away and washed my hands thoroughly then tip toe back to my room, so I don’t interrupt them. Once inside I let out the breath, I didn’t know I was holding, I went straight to my phone to check the time. The time is eight thirty which means plenty of time to job search before bed.

With a sudden burst of energy and determination, Hailey stepped towards her makeshift desk. She lowered herself down to the floor and sat cross-legged making herself comfortable. When she was settled, she turned her laptop on and waited for it to load up fully then started her search for jobs that sixteen-year-olds could do. Her searches ranged from retail, waitress, baker, and office jobs, anything where you could get decent wages. By the time she finished the last application from it was almost midnight. With a long satisfying yet painful stretch Hailey decided it was time for bed. Before shutting down her laptop she checked on her account for both dog walking and babysitting sites to see if there were any new requests. There were twenty new requests for dog walking and pet sitting at generous rates and standard walking for busy owners. On the nanny site there were four new ones and some of my regulars asking for the usual days/nights. After replying to the regular clients and ironing out some details for the potential new ones on both sites she logged out and shut the laptop down then crawled to her sleeping bag to sleep and recover from today’s beatings.

As she lay in her sleeping bag staring into the silent darkness of her room, fleeting thoughts of eternal peace and what it would be like swam through her mind. Never to feel pain, never to be lonely or unwanted, never to be humiliated at the hands of bullies where teachers turn a blind eye ever again. The thought of eternal slumber made Hailey stroke her scarred arms absentmindedly. Just as quick as they came, they were replaced with more hopeful thoughts of the future for when she turns eighteen. Fantasies of saving more money than my current goal so she won’t have to struggle for money, leaving her parents and getting a place of her own. Potentially going to college, making friends and maybe meet my one and only crush again. Hailey sighed content as she nodded off in the comfort of her hopeful thoughts of the future.