The Scent of Love

Chapter 4

“You need to have a heat.” 

Beth stares at her doctor, a kind, middle-aged Beta who clearly did not just say what Beth heard her say. 

“I’m sorry,” Beth says, her mind making a similar noise to a microwave, or a vacuum, a sort of ongoing dissonant chord that’s getting louder and louder with each word she processes. “What?”

Dr. Faulk gestures vaguely at the clipboard in her hand. “I have on file that you’ve been on the maximum dosage of suppressants for almost ten years. That’s horrifically unhealthy. I don’t have a single documented heat on here in that time frame.”

“I…” she can’t possibly explain this, she realizes, without breaking into some extremely painful, dark history, and… even with a doctor, that’s a little further than she wants to go. “I’ve had soft heats. Whenever I have antibiotics.” She swallows. “My— my senior year of high school. And then last January.” And those were bad enough, although at least they were manageable, with prescription strength ibuprofen and a decent vibrator.

“That’s not an unsurpassed heat,” Dr. Faulk says. She goes silent for a moment, reading Beth’s file, and Beth can feel the pretty key-lime walls closing in, getting closer and closer, touching her skin, holding her down—

“I have that your dosage suddenly increased when you were seventeen—“ the doctor cuts off. Flips a page, then flips back. “Oh. Oh.” Beth’s not entirely privy to whatever revelation the doctor is having, but if the subject could change, that would be pretty neat— “Beth. You… I know this is going to be really painful and uncomfortable to hear, but you need to have a heat. An unsuppressed one. Or your suppressants are going to stop working entirely, and you’ll have heats at random, and no protection from them.” 

Dr. Faulk must see the blind panic that crosses Beth’s face. She can’t scent it— Beta problems— but there’s no way she can’t see it. 

“If you have an alpha friend you trust, I would suggest explaining things to them, and setting up a time to go off suppressants completely. Until then, I’m cutting your dosage down.” She begins to write on the clipboard, and all Beth can do is stare. “You’ll notice you smell a little more strongly, but you’ll still be too suppressed for anything to happen in public, okay?” 

Dr. Faulk smiles reassuringly at Beth, who still… can’t move. The doctor gives her hand,, which is laying limply at her side on the examination table, a comforting pat. “You will get through this. Soon you’ll be on a healthy amount of suppressants, and you can go longer without a heat, but until then, you’ll be having a heat every two to four months.”

That snaps Beth out of it. “Two to four— what?” 

“It’s that or go cold turkey off your suppressants, for at least five years.” 

Beth gawks at the doctor, and then…

Fat tears begin to roll down her cheeks. This is— this is horrible. There’s nothing that could possibly be worse than this. Nothing. She can’t have a heat, she can’t, not again. She can’t go through that again. Her throat closes, and—

Dr. Faulk takes her hand and squeezes, and even through her shaking, through the blind panic, Beth manages to squeeze back. “It’ll be alright. Just find someone you already know and trust, and everything will be okay.” 

***

Someone you already know and trust. 

It haunts her for the rest of the day. It bothers her so badly she binge cleans her apartment, bakes a loaf of bread, cooks four different meals to freeze for the following month, and then finds herself laying across her couch staring at the ceiling with her phone in her hand. 

An alpha she trusts. Yeah, right. The closest she has to that is Sean, and— no. No. Not a chance. Not even if someone paid her. 

So she does the only other thing she can think of: she goes to get tacos with Josh. 

It’s one of their usual habits, whenever one of them is having troubles. He’s a good friend, a mousy sort of guy, beady eyes, glasses. Great hugs. Soft, but sturdy. The only male Omega Beth thinks she’s met. Except, in a rare trait they share, he’s as stubborn as she is. 

“It’s not a big deal,” he says, waiting with her in line to place their orders. “Just text your usual alpha.”

“I don’t have a usual alpha,” Beth snaps. It’s a lie and Josh knows it. He just rolls his eyes at her.

“Okay, call whoever it is you currently smell like, and tell him you’d appreciate if he’d see you—on blockers, obviously— through your heat.” 

Beth scowls. “Or I could not do that. Why can’t I just do it myself?” They step closer to the counter— Taco Bell is weirdly busy inside, tonite, considering it’s seven on a Wednesday in the middle of December. “I’ve done it before.” Not just during soft heats, either.

Josh’s eyes slide over to her. He’s an Omega, but he’s a man. She’s not sure he’s ever had a heat, himself. “That sounds… healthy.”

“Doesn’t it just?” Beth shakes her head. “Alphas can’t be trusted to stay on their blockers during heat. They’d rather go into rut, no matter the cost. It’s why I have an IUD.” It’s why she’s been on birth control since she presented. It’s why she hasn’t had a heat since… 

Since Henry. 

Even in her head, his name makes her shudder. 

“Yeah, no,” Beth continues, once they’ve ordered their food and taken up a booth. “I’m just— I’m not gonna bother. I’ll drop my suppressants to half and see how things go, but no. I’m not having a heat.”

Josh narrows his eyes at her, but doesn’t press the matter. When he drops her off at her apartment building later, he just squeezes her hand and gives her his usual friendly smile, watching until she’s safely inside her building. 

She sits on her couch until half past ten that night, trying to decide whether or not to text Sean about her suppressant changes. If she does, he might ask questions— things about her past that she can’t bring herself to think about, let alone tell someone. Sean’s a good guy, but he’s her fuckbuddy, not her therapist. He’s not even her boyfriend. He has no reason to want to know her tragic backstory, or whatever. 

Then again, if she doesn’t, and he realizes she’s dropped her suppressants, he might get mad. Maybe he’ll think she’s trying to trap him or something. Lure him into mating her. 

In the end, her fear of him hating her is what gets her to pull up his name in her messages. 

Beth: Hey things might get weird for a bit

Beth: my suppressants are changing. Doctors orders. 

She doesn’t expect to hear anything back, but then—

Sean: Are you having a heat?

She blows out a breath and tries to figure out the most diplomatic answer. 

Beth: I hope not. Heats are awful. 

Sean: Don’t you have one a year?

Beth: god, no. I haven’t had a heat in nine years.

Sean: ah

Sean: do you want me to see you through if you have one?

Beth blinks at her phone. This was… not where she thought the conversation was going. 

Beth: that’s very sweet of you, thanks, but I’m not gonna have a heat. I’m not exactly inclined to get mated anytime soon.

Sean: I wouldn’t mate you without your consent 

It’s very dangerous territory, Beth realizes. She could make this situation very sticky very fast. 

Beth: I mean hard heats are pretty intense, an Omega is likely to beg to be bitten. 

Sean: yeah but that’s heat for you. If you don’t want it outside of heat, you don’t want it.

Sean: and I’m not planning to settle down yet.

Beth: fair enough. Neither am I. 

Several minutes pass before she gets a response, long enough that she finds herself dozing to the sound of Ghost Adventures on the TV. It doesn’t even occur to her that the matter isn’t settled. 

Sean: just keep me posted, okay? 

Beth blinks at the message, bleary eyed and confused, and then sends him a thumbs up emoji and falls asleep.