Food, Cats, and Being Lazy

Chapter Three

My feet never reached the floor when I sat at the dining room table. It was really irritating to be sixteen years old and to sit at the same table kicking my feet back and forth through the air like I did when I was ten. The conversation was really boring too. It was supposed to be Easter dinner. There was supposed to be things like Easter egg hunts and candy. Instead, we were sitting at the table talking about my mom's candle sales and how my dad won over some ketchup company for a new client at work.

Paige and her boyfriend were kissing on the other side of the table. They were doing things like pecking each other's lips and cheeks and whispering and giggling a lot. My brother was sitting across from me playing his Gameboy under the table when no one was looking. He was smart. I should have brought mine.

My BFF, Reg the cat, was locked upstairs in my bedroom. I wondered if they'd notice if I slipped away to go get him. No, he'd probably try to eat the ham again. I sighed heavily and slouched as I looked around the table for something to entertain myself with. I'd emptied my plate a long time ago. My mom said it was baby fat; I called it a very deep love of food. It was the best thing in the whole world. And I always said if you could marry it, there'd be no reason for me to ever get a boyfriend. Not that I could do that anyway. Unfortunately.

I picked up the shiny silver spoon my mom had set out even though we had no reason to need spoons. It was smooth against my fingers, and I could see my own inverted reflection on the surface. I looked around the table, but everyone seemed preoccupied with their conversations. So I brought the spoon to my lips and very gently dragged it across my tongue.

Then I gently placed the spoon on the tip of my nose. Delicately. Carefully. This was a trick you really had to practice to master. I'd done it a million times, but only because I was the best. If there were an Olympic sport for spoon/nose balancing I'd win the gold. I crossed my eyes to look at my nose and sat very still. The spoon hung balanced and perfect.

“Piper, what are you doing?" my mom asked. I jumped and hit my knee against the bottom of the table. The spoon dropped to my lap, and I gripped my knee and hissed.

“Ouch," I said. I looked back up and noticed everyone had their eyes on me again. "I was just...."

“Playing with your food?”

“No. Playing with my spoon." She sighed and put her napkin down.

“Are you just determined to embarrass me?" she asked quietly, even though the whole table could hear her.

“No—I'm just bored.”

“Then go play with the kids.”

“I don't want to play with the kids.”

“Why not?”

“I'm sixteen.”

“Then start acting like it." I glared. She was going to play that card. She just kept her baby blue eyes on mine. Her expression remained stern aside from the slight raise of her eyebrow. I threw my napkin on the table.

“Fine," I grumbled. Then I slid my chair out as loudly as I could and let my spoon fall off of my lap and clang on the floor. Then I stomped into the other room where the nameless children were playing in a pile of cheap Easter toys and fake plastic eggs. "Alright," I said slapping my hands together. "Who wants to make a fort?”

“Me! Me! Me!" they all shouted back. So together we pulled the couch apart and set up a square. I could hear my mom laughing in the dining room, so I figured we were safe for the time being. Then I went to the hall closet to get an extra set of sheets and threw the fabric over our fort.

“This is one of the best forts I've ever made," I decided as I crawled inside.

“Yay!”

The kids were all running around knocking over my fortress walls and tearing it apart, but I guess that was the fun of it, right? My mom would kill me if she found out I was the one who made the fort. Better to let it get ruined before she noticed the couch cushions were missing.

“When are the Denvers coming?" I heard one of my mom's friends ask from the dining room. My body froze and I struggled to get free of the mess of cushions and sheets and children. "You invited them, right?”

“I did," I heard my mom reply. "They said they'll be running a bit late. They had to pick up their son.”

“Mom!" I shrieked as I stood to my feet. She turned around and looked at me through the archway. “How could you do that?”

“Do what?" she asked innocently.

“You invited the Denvers? As in Collin Denver?”

“Yes, is that a problem? Should I have run the guest list passed you first?”

“Oh God!" I flopped onto the floor and thumped my forehead against the polished wood. I heard my mom clack her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

“Piper, get off the floor," she said.

“I think she's dead!" one of the kids shouted. Then the all rushed over to poke me and nudge me with their feet. I stayed limp.

“She's had a crush on Collin since like the eighth grade," I heard Paige inform the table.

“Paige!" I wailed. "You said you wouldn't say anything!”

“I forgot," she replied as if she couldn't care less.

“Oh God. I'm dead. It's over. My life is over. Kill me, tiny minions. Make it fast.”

“So dramatic," I heard my mother mutter to herself.