Lollipop

07 - Distance And Relationships

Jun

Of course, the relationship did not last.

What had he expected when he thought that their feelings for each other would be strong enough to conquer the distance between them?

It had been a year they dated before they 'broke up'. The proposal of a break up was not suggested by any of them. At least, a permanent break up was not discussed at all. And that was the part that Jun did not understand. He tried to make time for him and get to know him through video-calls, phone calls, w******p messages and Snapchat.

They shared their dreams and aspiration together. They shared their darkest secrets with each other. They talked about people close to them and even planned for the future together.

Every message, every phone call and video call they had always managed to uplift his spirits and make him smile when he had a little mood swing. Although Corey was a quiet and an awkward person, he valued his studies seriously. After all, Corey had always wanted to be an engineer ever since he was an adolescent. Jun respected that and gave him the space he needed. He also tried to stop himself from needy, too. The distance between them physically bothered Jun, but it was understandable for Jun. It was unavoidable since they were countries apart. Over the time, everything they used to communicate with each other dwindled until it came to an extent where Corey would ignore his messages and his phone calls would end up with the annoying 'The mobile number you have called is currently unavailable, please try again later'. That was it before the break up was proposed. Corey filled his mind--he never left, even if they broke up. Their ending was rushed - and he hated that.

-

A month ago

22 10

Corey: f**k, i'm sorry for like not calling u for 3 days. these days i've been very busy

Jun: It's okay

Corey: i won't be able to call u or msg u already bcuz there r getting more things to do fml

Corey: i'm sorry, i rlly am

Jun: It's okay, your studies are as important as our relationship. I'll always be behind your back.

Jun: Break a leg!

Corey: thank you :-)

-

04 49

Corey: let's put a stop to our relationship temporary so that we can concentrate on our studies, sry.

Corey: pls forgive me for this.

-

All those text messages were sent two months before his birthday. His eyes stared blankly directly at the wall, as melancholy thoughts filled his entire mind.

How long was 'temporary'? He initially waited for about a month and there wasn't any contact between the both of them. However, after one month and three weeks of no contact, he began to overthink some absurd possibilities. He never really believed in the word 'temporary'. After all, he had been deceived with that word before so it sounded like venom on his tongue. However, if Corey meant it, he would be willing to wait. That was not all though when Jun tried to start the conversation with Corey, his messages did not get through. Guess what? Apparently, Corey blocked him on w******p and Skype. Yet, he was still trying to give Corey the benefit of doubt.

Maybe Corey was going through a hard time, so he needed this break in their relationship.

He had been looking forward to spending his birthday with him and talk about stupid things. Whenever all the moments they spent together rolled into his mind, he would feel hot tears stinging in the corner of his eyes. His father had told him before that men should not show their tears to anyone. Those words echoed in his mind repeatedly when he felt the urge of tearing up. 'Why on earth do girls actually like me?'' To cover that, he deliberately swept his fringe to cover his eyes. In the darkness, no one except for him could tell that tears were streaming down his face.

He missed how Corey's mesmerizing green eyes would look at him lazily as he greeted him with a dead smile in their video calls, signalling his fatigue. Corey's voice was electrifying--even through the call, his voice would resound in his ears, washing away all the tiredness he felt for the day. It was especially fun to Corey's reaction whenever he made cold jokes, puns or even some cheesy and cringe-worthy pick-up lines.

'Get a life,' Corey would snort and roll his eyes.

'I've one and I want to spend the rest of it with you,' Jun remembered saying that. It ended up with Corey cancelling the call to cringe (at least that was what he said to him) before he called back to continue their conversation. 

He missed him.

He wanted to brush his hands against Corey's cheek and feel its tenderness. He wanted to hug Corey into his embrace and tell him how much he loved him. He wanted to give more lollipops to him and see more of his reaction.

"I'm a f*****g mess," he laughed bitterly with his voice cracked.

-

Aimi

"Aimi, Jun has been down for quite some time now and I am really worried about him. He doesn't tell me much so I thought that you can make him say something..." was what Mrs Takaaki, Jun's mother said right after she let herself enter the Takaaki household. She nodded grimly at the older woman and made her way into her friend's room. She peered into his room, and as expected, he was lying on the bed, pretending to sleep. A week had flown by since Jun came back from Britain. One thing she hated about Jun was him putting a masquerade to mask his feelings. And that was what he did when they met. He pretended everything was fine and sunshine just so people around him would not worry about him.

Fuck Jun for that. Who did he think he was? She felt a vibration in her pocket and she fished her phone out. It was from her boyfriend. Apparently, her boyfriend wanted to celebrate their 44th month-sary together because why f*****g not. She hesitated and peeked at Jun again.

Kei: Today is our 44th monthsary! Let's go somewhere today ;)

Aimi: not today.

And the conversation ended like that. She had to end the conversation before Kei could fan-boy about the song, Not Today by BTS. There were multiple reasons why she decided to pay Jun a visit today, and starting a K-pop related discussion with her beloved was not one of them.

"How long are you going to wallow yourself in self-pity?" She voiced out loud as she strolled into her friend's room. There was a saying, 'Introverts are good observers'. In her case, that was REALLY TRUE. From the swollenness of Jun's eyes, it was pretty obvious that he had cried earlier. From where she stood, the music screamed in his earphone was so ear-splitting that she could make up some of the lyrics of the song. She sat on his bed, plucked the earphone from his ears by force, and tilted his head to face her properly.

"Dude, you're so pathetic."

"Wow, talk about true friends. I'd appreciate it if you don't surprise me with a kiss though." That triggered her to smack his head. Even in times like this, he could still crack a lame joke.

"Not everyone wants you, you dipshit. " That made Jun looked away from her and faced down. 'f**k,' she swallowed.

"Still on about him? I don't think he really wants to break up with you permanently. He said 'temporary', you remember? Why are you getting yourself into such a mess?" She questioned as she stared blankly at the wall behind Jun.

"Remember Kana? The senior that rejected me when I confessed 2 years ago."

"Which one? The cute and kind one, or the stupid vain b***h who only cares about the number of boys that confessed to her and nothing else?"

Jun chuckled softly. "The latter. She said that she didn't want to go near me for a short while as she wanted to 'sort out her feelings', which actually sounds quite stupid, to be honest. But, she avoided me for a year and when we walked past one another, she always pretended I was never there. When I asked her about it, she told me that it was all a faux and I should get the hint that she did not want to talk to me anymore." He sat up straight and let out a sigh. He was one to fall easily. Ever since his crush towards the senior in high school had faded away, another girl caught his attention and made his heartbeat pump faster. However, unlike the previous one, she was one to lead someone on and then cruelly reject them.

"Oh yes, you told me about this the day after she did that to you. I think I went up to slap her face the day after, right?"

"Shockingly, honestly!" Jun exclaimed. "I never thought that you'd actually go and slap her. I thought you were joking when you said you're going to give her a lesson."

Aimi shrugged. "Well, I never liked her in the first place and whenever you're not around, she'll call me 'the fat pig who no one loves'. Always wanted to hit her for a very long time and her doing that to you just gave me the opportunity to do so."

"You earned yourself a detention with her in the end, and that's when I know that I want to be friends with you forever because you're f*****g amazing," Jun paused and his smile dropped. "I love myself. I don't care what people say about me. It's important to love yourself before wanting others to love you. That's what I believe in. Even till now. But I'm scared. What if Corey's 'temporary' meant forever? What if Corey never loved me in the first place? If that's the case, I think I would crumble down." He murmured as he took out a lollipop from his drawer. He looked at it for a few seconds before giving it to Aimi.

"I hate lollipops, you forgot?"

"You don't seem to hate it when I first gave one to you a few years back. Actually, you hate everything." That earned him a laugh from Aimi.

"Your birthday is coming up soon. 10 September, right? Make sure you keep that day free. You'll be in for something special."

"Hearing that from you terrifies me."

"Shut up. I'm trying to be nice." She rolled her eyes in fake annoyance and continued. "But really, keep that day free."

"Okay. I will be leaving the day after my birthday though." He wore a lazy smile on his face as he twirled with some of her hair. That gave Aimi every reason to smack him hard and glare at him.

"Thank you, Ai. For coming here and stuff." He gave her a hug before letting go. However, she had different ideas. She pulled him back into her embrace and quiet sobs could be heard between the two of them.

"i***t, what are friends for?"

-

Corey

"What should I do now..." He eyed his surrounding with a nervous smile on his face. The only Asia country he had been to was Singapore and now here he was, in the land where Japanese Animation was created. He scooped his phone out from his pocket and studied the map again. On his E-map, there were many labels made by him and one of each was his lover's address. Or should he say ex-lover (they broke up, but it was only temporary though)? He knew that he definitely did hurt the younger male.

So, Corey knew that this trip was inevitable if he still wanted to salvage this relationship.

"Should I call that Aimi girl?" He thought out loud as he went to the Taxi stand and waited for a good 2 minutes. Then, he bit his lips as his forest jade iris surveyed his surrounding. Everyone was walking back and forth, and it frightened him a little since he knew no one here, except for Jun and Aimi. He could try to be brave and hop into the taxi and give the address to the taxi driver. But his nervousness got the better of him. Also, his previous attempts at communicating with the people here had failed terribly. For instance, right after the passport check, he used his phone and went to Google Translate. When he tried to communicate with a female Japanese traveller, all she did was stare at him in confusion.

Well, people did warn him about the weird quirks of Google Translate.

Thus, he decided to message Aimi that he had already reached Japan and plead her to bring him to Jun's place instead. When their relationship was still perfectly fine back then, Jun would invite Aimi to join him in the video chat and introduce her to him. Through the video chat, he thought that she was a nice girl although, like him, she was quite awkward. But that image of her shattered into pieces when they had a conversation a week earlier. Like the Japanese man, she was fluent in English too. The conversation went like that:

Corey: Hello? Who is this?

Unknown person: This is Aizawa Aimi, Jun's best friend.

Corey: . . . Okay.

Aimi: You don't okay me. It's your fault that my friend is wallowing in self-pity every single day. f**k you for that, never ever appear around him or else I'll slay your ass.

Corey: Huh? Wait, what? Did he receive my messages?

Aimi: Who are you trying to fool? You f*****g blocked him on w******p and Skype, you hypocrite.

Corey: Wait, what? What do you mean by that? Hello?

Aimi: Don't you dare. Don't you dare sneak your way out of this, bastard.

Corey: No, let me talk to him! There's some explanation I have to do to him. I tried calling him but it did not get through. So, please let me talk to him! 

Aimi: Of course it wouldn't. You blocked him, that's why I forced him to block you too. I wouldn't want my friend to get all f*****g depressed because of you.

Corey: What? How can you do that? You don't even know the story on my side!

Aimi: I don't even want to know. If you want to explain to him, tell it to him personally. Come to Japan and talk to him. That's the least you can do.

Corey: Come to Japan?! Wa-

Aimi: I'll send you the address. Download an E-map and use it to locate his address.

And the phone call ended like that. He could have just ignored her and dismiss her as a b***h for everything she had done to 'protect her friend'.

But that was not what he wanted.

He did not want their relationship to end like this because of his selfishness and some unresolved misunderstanding.

Their relationship wasn't that shallow.

If both of them were to come to an end one day, he wanted it to be peaceful and mutual.

This definitely wasn't it.

Maybe that was the reason why he submitted a letter of a month vacation to the administrators of his university and flew to Sapporo, Japan. Although he was reluctant to, he also added Aimi's number into his contacts as she was the only one that could help him to find Jun. Even if she sounded so fierce that it deterred Corey from coming near her. Just then, he felt a vibration and he scrolled down to see the message. A small smile spread across his face after knowing that it was from Aimi.

Aimi (Jun's friend): Stay where you are. I'll fetch you. You have lots of explanation to do.