short stories

if only...

There was a woman standing at the water's edge.

marian, a hollow lady in the full bloom of youth, stood alone on the beach, gazing over the navy water with her empty inky orbs. Her roseate hair danced lightly in the ocean breeze, tickling against one cheek as she tried to deny the stirrings in her heart, resting her cheek against one hand as she traced a finger along her silver necklace. She wore a light-colored bikini top, her pearly back covered only by a thin bit of string, and a tight roseate miniskirt showed the shape of her hips and the platinum tone of her legs. Her strands flowed in a plush torrent past her shoulders, complementing her haunted milky visage. Beautiful wings sprouted from her back. She stood, awaiting her love.

It must have been fate in mortal form that brought them together. She knew from the moment she laid eyes on him that they were meant to be. From then on, marian was sometimes needy and close, but then suddenly cold and fearful. Etzel tried his best to hide his pain, but it was plain in his spheres. That was how it was to this very day.

"marian," Etzel said simply with an admiring look-over and a beaming grin. His auburn crystals complimented his russet coiffure, tied back from his face, belying his audacious heart. He was dressed in his usual everyday clothes. His skin was bubble-gum-flushed pale and his form was slight. As marian drew nearer, she caught a note of his familiar scent that brought yellowed pages to mind. Her globes softened. It always reminded her of the time they shared.

"Etzel. I feared you might not come," marian whispered.

His eyes widened. "Of course I came!"

She shook her head. "Everyone else abandoned me."

"That's awful," Etzel mumbled. "I swear I won't." He affectionately reached out to her, and carefully she wrapped her fingers in his. With that, they began to walk along the beach. As they proceeded tenderly down the shoreline, marian's pools mused over the doubts that haunted her, trailing her like a mournful shadow. Her lips softly parted from the confessions that welled up in her throat, only to be swallowed back in grim defiance. marian struggled to keep together her fragile composure.

"I'm... glad I was able to see you today," marian whispered, steadying her tremulous voice. "While I still have you here, that is..."

A faint blush tinged Etzel cheeks; he turned his face away with a nervous laugh.

"Heh, me too, marian!" Etzel didn't pick up the hint of foreboding in marian's tone. "Uh...so... what's on your mind?"

Despite the enthusiasm in Etzel's reply and his grin, marian's heart sank like their feet in the ocean-kissed sand. What would Etzel think about her? Would he recoil in disgust? In fear? In ridicule?

But Etzel was different from the rest. Under that charming, outgoing exterior, there was a truly kind heart. Although duty and obligation bound marian, with Etzel by her side, she could abandon her anxieties during those precious moments they spent together.

marian shook her bowed head slightly at the thought. She was lying to him; marian wasn't worthy of his kindness. marian was ... Inextricably tied to the burden of commitment. marian was undeserving. Before marian could notice and dam the impeding flood, a bit of dampness flecked and darkened the sand at their feet. Tears were rolling down her cheeks in soft rivulets, like hot bullets. Then came the sobs, breathless and soft as the dark bile in her heart came to a boil and bubbled up in the form of quiet, trembling whimpers.

"Hey! Hey now," Etzel murmured, pulling marian close to his chest. "What's the matter?"

marian pulled away and gazed into Etzel's concerned orbs. The affable gaiety those deep coffee depths once held had since given way to tender distress.

"It's nothing. Please do not trouble yourself."

marian cast her troubled visage aside and fought back the welling tears, glinting gold as they caught the light off the heavens' sympathetic glow. The ocean rolled and sighed with her shuddering breaths, and the flocks of seabirds overhead sung their lament. A newfound resolve set itself in Etzel's eyes, and he pulled marian close.

"That's nonsense," he murmured comfortingly, slowly stroking marian's upper back. "You've got to tell me what's going on."

"I...I could never do that to you, Etzel. There's something about me you don't know, and I fear it's... it's too much to bear."

"Come on. What could be so bad that you wouldn't tell me?" Etzel attempted to cheer marian up with a reassuring smile.

"There's something that may be... keeping us apart."

"How bad could it be?"

Though comforting, the kindness in Etzel's reassurances only aggravated marian's grief.

"Act as nonchalant as you please, then!" marian sobbed louder than she had intended to. "It's horrible all the same!"

"Well, whatever it is, I don't care!" Etzel shouted defiantly. "We'll bear it together!"

The sudden firmness, yet gentleness in Etzel's voice drew a slight gasp from marian's lips. Etzel truly cared... for a person like her. She shook her head, another wave of racking sobs overcoming her. After a few moments, they found themselves walking down the beach again. marian couldn't stop thinking about her other oath. It plagued her endlessly -- while she was far from him and while she was near. It threatened to consume her. When she had let the faintest hints slip in the moments before, it had already taken taken so much of her will.

With concern, Etzel turned his daring globes toward her. "marian? What's wrong?"

"Etzel... it's..."

And at that moment everything came together, all of the magic and the hurt that had been building that day, and he locked his spheres with hers and whispered, "You can tell me."

It was like a floodgate burst, or some barrier of fear had been struck down. marian shook her head and everything came out at once. "It's that... there's someone else. Please, I don't mean like that. I still... I love you, Etzel. My heart lies with you. It is just that I am promised to another. I'm worried that it'll keep us from being together. I love you. I love you, Etzel! When I think that it might tear us apart... it hurts, Etzel." Etzel listened silently and solemnly. At last, when all the words had left her and she was at a loss for words, he reached out to her and took a deep breath to whisper back, "marian... that's awful. It wish that weren't how it is. I wish I could say more. marian...." marian's eyes began to burn, and she abruptly pulled him into a fierce embrace. His depths widened at first, but then he too felt overwhelmed by emotion and succumbed to the warmth of her touch.

"You," marian whispered, her breath hot on his ear. "As long as you're here, I... I can make it." They held each other as tears trickled down cheeks and dripped onto the shifting sands to be carried away into the sea. Their pain dissipated into a mist swept out by the ocean breeze and toward the setting sun, where dark clouds began to loom into sight. They basked in each other's quiet companionship for a few moments.

"Look... it's the sunset."

marian lifted her head at Etzel's words to behold the dying sun's sunset radiance. "Mm."

After a moment of silence, he asked, "Do you think we'll be together forever?"

"Please... let it be forever," marian murmured in response.

Etzel didn't respond to this. She glanced over at him. "My light? Is something wrong...?"

"marian, I was just thinking...." he said in measured tones. "Maybe this isn't for the best."

"I... my light... why...?" marian pleaded.

"Well, it's... I'm not good enough." He paused and tried to put it into words. "It's... people won't approve. You... you know?"

"Etzel... are you... throwing me away?" marian murmured distantly.

"No! It's... it's not that, marian. I love you. But... the world... they won't accept us, don't you see? I'm not... I'm not good enough. You... you deserve better."

"I... I don't want that, don't you see? I want *you*, Etzel. Please. Don't... don't do this to me."

Etzel shook his head. "If anyone hurt you because of it, I... I couldn't stand it. It has to be this way. Don't you see?"

For a moment no one spoke. Etzel stared into her eyes and marian stared into his. He gripped her hand tightly for a moment, and then slowly, slowly, started to let go.

marian's hand fell and swayed limply by her side.

"So... this is goodbye?" marian murmured.

"I... I guess so."

"Will I ever... see you again?" she whispered.

"I... I don't know." marian turned sharply away to hide her tears. She just wanted to get off the beach right that moment. The sight of Etzel was like a dagger to her heart.

She was foolish for thinking it would ever work out, marian thought. It never did. Nothing ever did. The wind seemed to whip bitterly about her frame, and the sky had grown dark without her notice. She crossed her arms about her body in a vain attempt to keep herself warm -- and whole. She thought about how much warmer she would be if only Etzel were here. If only...

A familiar laugh made her look up. There -- there was Etzel, standing with a look of surprise upon the distant waves, as if he were a figure of divinity.

"Etzel..." marian said softly to herself. Her voice was loud and clear. It was as if the wind had stopped howling and the clouds had parted to shine a path of light from her to him -- a bridge amongst the waves.

"Princess? Are you coming?"

Could it be true? That Etzel had come back for her? "Etzel...!" She all but ran toward him. Each step she took was heavier than the last, but she wouldn't be kept apart from him, not by anything..."She was a kind person. I used to see her feed the stray cats."

"I wish I could have made her happier. And now she's gone...."

"She was so skilled. So talented. She'll never know how much she helped us."

Etzel sat on a chair by the coffin, his hands around his knees, his windows to his soul dry, his soul too numbed to grieve. The funeral attendees -- And who knew there'd be so many to come to pay their respects? -- nodded to him as they passed. He nodded stiffly back.

The reception lasted hours, but it seemed to Etzel that it was only moments before the crowd disappeared. He picked himself off the chair and turned to look into the coffin for the first time since the funeral started.

Eyes closed and still, marian laid inside in a fine ivory dress, her hands clasped over her chest. She could have been in a very deep sleep. Etzel fought the urge to reach out and nudge her awake. marian was gone. Gone because of him. Because he'd pushed her away. Trembling, Etzel leaned in and laid a single kiss on her lips.