His Noona

A Bittersweet Goodbye

AMIN

He looks mad.

He hasn't talked to me even once for the past five minutes I'd been here— just sitting, and staring daggers into his book.

Finally, I break the silence.

"Sian, what's wrong?"

He huffs, turning away.

"Did I make you mad?" I say, furrowing my brows. I'd thought he'd be happy to see me— I hadn't been able to see him at all last week.

"Sian?"

"Yes, I'm mad." He mumbles. "You didn't come yesterday. Or yesterday yesterday."

"You broke your promise."

Aw.

"Aw," I say, reaching for him. "I'm sorry— I had to go visit my relatives with my family."

"You shouldn't have gone."

"Yes, I shouldn't stayed with you." I agree with him, just to make him feel better. "Did you want to see me that much?"

He pulls at his fingers.

".....yeah."

I look at him in surprise. And Sian turns his face away, cheeks slightly red.

The corners of my eyes soften.

"And— and I also wanted to show you this." He pipes up, grabbing the book from my hands. "Look, Noona. Look."

He points his finger at the first sentence at the top of the page.

"The winter bear..."

Sian squints.

"....played happily with his friends." He finishes, looking up at me with a proud expression.

I look back at him with wide eyes.

"Sian! You learned how to read?"

"Yeah— yes." He says, his mouth stretching into a boxy smile. "I worked really really hard on it to show you. I can read anything now!"

But he rushes to cut me off when I open my lips.

"But it still doesn't mean you can stop coming."

I stare at him.

This child.

"So lovely, Sian." I say softly, kissing him on the cheek. "Where's the boy who never wanted to see me again?"

When he doesn't say anything, I look back up.

His cheeks are on fire.

"N-Noona."

He grabs my hand with both of his, eyes firm with determination.

"Let's get married."

His grip tightens.

"Sure."

"Really?" He yelps, and I nod. But when he lets go of my hand and scrambles off my lap in excitement, I stop myself.

What are you saying, Amin.

You know that's not going to happen.

"You said yes." He says, expression bright. "You promised, Noona. You promised me."

Sian hugs me tightly.

"And you can't break a promise."

_________________________

When I come back the next day, I find Sian sulking inside his room. He seems angry— frustrated.

I furrow my brows in confusion.

"What's wrong? I'm here."

He doesn't say anything, only staring sharply at the opposite wall.

I cross my arms.

"Sian. Tell me what's bothering you."

He makes a noise, curling into himself on the top of the mattress. His eyes are large, still burning holes into the window.

"I wanna go outside."

I scrunch my features. "You should've told me earlier, then. Let's go."

"Really?" His face brightens, and I laugh when he rushes off the bed to grab my hand.

"Yeah. The garden."

He falters so fast.

"The garden." He mumbles. "I'm sick of that place. I want to go outside outside, Noona. Mom won't let me."

"If she wouldn't, then I'm not sure if I should be either."

His eyes instantly fill with hurt. And I sigh quietly when he lets go of my hand, scrambling to hide underneath the covers again.

I wait for a second.

"...fine."

"Yay!" He exclaims, jumping back out. Before I can even stop him, he rushes out the door.

I bite my lip, raising my voice.

"If you don't come back in here and walk, then I'm canceling this deal!"

_________________________

What a child.

He's running around, gathering new kinds of flowers in his arms. We were in the small forest behind the mansion.

I keep a close eye on him.

"Noona! Come here!"

"You like it?" He mutters as he reaches up on his tiptoes, tucking a bluish flower into my dark hair.

Sian smiles.

"You look pretty."

"You, too," I say, pinching the tip of his nose playfully. He blushes, handing me another pink flower.

That one, I tuck it on the curve of his ear.

"We can get married right now!" He says excitedly, pointing at the flowers. "We don't need rings!"

"Right now?"

He nods again. Then he pulls my hand, so I stand right next to him.

"Will you kiss me?"

And I decide to play along. I press my lips against his forehead, smiling until he kisses me right on the mouth.

Surprise colors my eyes.

"There! We're married now!" He says, cheeks flushed red when he pulls away. "Because we kissed. And only married people kiss."

I laugh.

"Right." I say, bending to the ground to pick up all the flowers he'd collected. "But now it's time for you to eat something, so—"

And it all happens so fast.

There's a dull thud against the ground. And when I look up, harsh breathing fills my ears.

Sian small figure, curled up in a ball on the grass.

"Chae Sian?!"

"I-I can't breathe." He says, his chest falling rapidly. "Noo...na? I can't breathe."

"Wait— no. Hold on. Hold on, Sian."

I lift him up in my arms, running towards the door. Usually I wouldn't be able to carry him like this, but right now it didn't matter.

I needed to get him safe.

"Your inhaler," I say, looking around frantically. "Was it in your room? Sian, please!"

He just looks back at me with wide, terrified eyes.

I can't panic.

He's panicking even more because I am.

"Inhaler," I say, more calmly. "I need to find your inhaler. Breathe— I promise everything will be fine. I promise."

He shivers in my arms.

His smiling lips are turned pale now, hair messy from sweat.

And by the time I find his inhaler and get it to him, it's already too late.

________________________

"It's not your fault, Amin."

"Yes, it is," I whisper, burying my face in my hands. "It's my fault, mom. I should've kept better track of his breathing. I should've known where his inhaler—"

"He's safe. Riae called me to tell you that he's fine."

I shake her comforting hand away.

He'd went to the hospital because of me. He'd almost died— and he would've, if Mrs. Chae hadn't gotten home right that moment when he collapsed.

I'd been so stupid.

"I need to go to the Chaes for a bit, mom," I say, tugging my jacket over my shoulders. "I'll be back."

"What?" She says, furrowing her brows. "They just got back from the hospital, Amin. Give them some—"

"I know. I just need to tell them something."

With that, I leave the house.

_________________________

Mrs. Chae opens the door for me.

"Amin." She says, crouching down to my eye level when she sees the dark look on my face.

"Sweetie, don't blame yourself if you are. Sian completely—"

I swallow.

"I wanted to tell you that I don't think I can take care of him anymore."

She stares at me. Then she closes her eyes, before frowning and shaking her head.

"Don't think like that. Sian adores you— you're the first one he's ever stayed this close to. Come on. Think this through. I've never seen him this happy ever since he got to meet you."

She laughs forcefully. "My goodness, he even told me about how he was going to marry you when he got older."

I can't.

I shake my head. But while I'm doing that, my eyes roam over Mrs. Chae's shoulder, catching a figure standing on the top of the stairs.

It's Sian, eyes wide with a blanket wrapped tight around his body.

He sucks in a breath.

"Noona don't leave."

His mother turns around in surprise. And I quickly press a small card into her hands, before turning back.

It was a good-bye card— thanking her for letting me take care of her son and saying sorry.

"Noona!"

Sian screams louder, voice hoarse.

But I'm already gone.