From Beta to Luna

Chapter 10 — The Alpha

    f**k, f**k, f**k. 

    I knew I had the suspicion and knew that it was probably correct, but having said it out loud suddenly just made it really real. 

    I could almost feel the panic attack coming as I forced myself to tear my gaze away and avert my eyes to the floor. That was when I noticed that I had taken my sports bra off right before he had come in, and my shirt was very see through. 

    I gasped loudly, my hands immediately flying up to cover my showing n*****s from his piercing gaze and shouted at him, “Get out!”

    This seemed to break him from his trance as he growled at me, and in a sudden flash, he kicked the door closed and had me pinned between his body and the wall, his hands pinning my wrists on either side of my head. I yelped slightly in surprise, hyper aware of my now erect n*****s brushing against his hard chest and cursing my body for betraying me. 

    My skin tingled from where he was holding me, and I was feeling a little breathless at how aroused I suddenly was. 

    Goddess, please, no, the last thing I needed was to give in to my desires and f**k this guy, even though every nerve ending in my body was screaming at me to give in to the temptation. 

    “Never hide yourself from me,” he growled, his voice deep and commanding.

    I whimpered slightly, feeling Amelia wanting to submit to him, but I bit back the fear, held my head high, and dared to stare at him directly in his eyes, challenging him. 

    I would not allow this guy to bully me into submission, mate or no mate. 

    “You’re not the boss of me,” I challenged defiantly, struggling in vain for a moment to break free from his grasp. “Let go of me! All I have to do is mindlink either Nathan or Xander, and they’ll kill you if you don’t get off of me.”

    His eyes narrowed dangerously at me as he asked, “Who’s Nathan?”

    “My Gamma,” I responded, once again trying to break free from his grasp, but I cursed silently when he wouldn’t budge. 

    It was like trying to fight a damn tree!

    He seemed satisfied by my answer but didn’t make a move to let me free. “Why did Owen Clearwaters follow you from the conference hall? Are you two involved?”

    “What are you, my father?” I snarled in response. “That’s none of your damn business, NOW LET ME GO!”

    His grip only tightened even further on my wrists, and I whimpered slightly in pain. 

    He paid no mind to my whimper, though, as he asked his next question, his eyes darkened in anger, “Why did you avoid me during the meeting? You knew I was your mate, why didn’t you look at me!”

    I cried out in actual pain now, as his grip on me tightened even further. “Let go, you’re hurting me!”

    This seemed to snap him from his anger-induced haze, as he immediately let me go and cursed to himself, stepping away from me quickly. I fell to the ground in a heap, massaging my sore wrists before glaring up at his towering frame. He was standing with his eyes closed and his index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose as he took deep, slow breaths to try and calm himself. 

    When he opened his eyes again, they were back to his normal emerald green, and he looked at me with regret. 

    “Raina, I’m sorry, my wolf was trying to take over, and I hurt you. I’m sorry,” he apologized sincerely, reaching towards me to help me up. 

    I angrily smacked his hands away from me and stood up on my own, still holding onto my now bruised wrists while steadily glaring at him. 

    “Don’t f*****g touch me!” I growled, my canines protruding a bit in my anger. 

    I took a deep breath to calm myself and forced my canines to retract. I knew if I didn’t get my anger in check, Amelia might take over at any moment and actually attack him, which was the last thing I needed to happen while at this conference.  

    Holding my gaze steady and willing my voice to remain even, I questioned, “How dare you? How dare you barge in here and start barking orders at me and ordering me around as if you owned me? Mate or no mate, that’s the quickest and easiest way to become one of my enemies. Let me make one thing absolutely f*****g clear— I don’t take orders from anybody.”

    He stared at me for a moment before nodding his head slowly. I smirked slightly in satisfaction. He was an Alpha, after all, I’m sure he wasn’t used to someone talking to him like that. 

    “You come in here, grab me and throw me around, and now you’ve bruised me. What makes you think I’d want anything to do with you after this?” I continued angrily, feeling the rage slowly bubble up inside me. 

    Who did this guy think he was? How dare he come in here and immediately start manhandling me? 

    “Raina, you’re my mate,” he responded as if that were an excuse for his shitty behavior. “I’m sorry, I lost my temper, and that won’t happen again. But why? Why did you avoid me during the meeting? I’ve been waiting six years for you, and for you to just show up in front of me today and not be able to do anything about it? Don’t you know how much that was killing me?”

    I felt a slight pang of guilt hit me as my face softened a bit. He reminded me a bit of Xander, and I suddenly felt a wave of sympathy course through me. I fought the urge to reach out to comfort him, and instead crossed my arms and kept my resolve steady. 

    “I’m sorry, Damien,” I responded, giving him a sad look. 

    “What’re you sorry about? And how do you know my name?” he asked confusedly. 

    “Owen told me what your name was.”

    He growled lowly at this, his eyes flashing dark for a moment before settling back on his usual emerald green. 

    Before he could go on another tirade over Owen, I continued with my previous statement, “I’m sorry the Moon Goddess mated you with me. I don’t want a mate. I’ve never wanted a mate. I’m sorry…”

Damien

    I suppressed the urge to lash out at her in anger when she mentioned Owen’s name again. Were they an item? Were they involved in some way? Now that I think about it, I can vaguely catch whiffs of his scent here and there if I strained hard enough. 

    Before I could ask her about Owen again, she said something that made me feel like my heart was being ripped straight out of my chest:

    “I’m sorry the Moon Goddess mated you with me. I don’t want a mate. I’ve never wanted a mate. I’m sorry…”

    I staggered back a few steps before collapsing to take a seat on the bed, the mattress groaning slightly under my weight. I had waited six years for my mate to show up in my life—six whole years—and here she was, in all her perfect glory, telling me that she didn’t want me? Was this fate’s cruel way of f*****g with me? Did I not deserve happiness in my life?

    “Are you… Are you rejecting me?” 

    My voice was hoarse, barely more than a whisper, as I mentally braced myself for her answer. 

    She sighed and came and sat down beside me. Tentatively, she reached for my hands that were sitting in my lap, and she grabbed one of my hands with both of hers, instantly erupting sparks where our bare skin touched. My eyes flickered down to her, and a pang of regret flooded me when I saw the darkened bruises in the shape of my hands on her wrists. 

    I immediately grabbed her hands and brought them up to my lips, gingerly kissing the bruises and muttering a tearful apology against her skin once again, for hurting her. 

    I heard her breath hitch slightly at the contact of my lips against her skin, and I opened my eyes to see that she was staring right at me, her mouth parted slightly as she struggled to control her breathing. 

    Goddess, she was beautiful. I’d never in my life wanted to kiss someone as badly as I wanted to kiss her, and yet I couldn’t even do that because she doesn’t want me. 

    “Are you rejecting me?” I repeated again, a little more firmly this time, never letting go of her hands. 

    She lowered our hands back down to rest in my lap again, but didn’t make any movement to remove them from my own. 

    “I’m sorry, Damien,” she repeated. “It’s not fair to you, I know, and I’m so sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now. I just… A mate was never in my plans. I never wanted one, and it has nothing to do with you. I’d react the same way even if it were someone else.”

    “Are you rejecting me?” I repeated again, a little quieter this time. “Please, Raina, I need you to say it if you are. Tell me you’re rejecting me.”

    She stared at me tearfully for a moment before she weakly replied, “Yes…”

    I closed my eyes as the back of my eyelids stung with tears. My chest constricted, and it was getting harder to breathe. I can’t believe I had finally found my mate, after all these years, just for her to not want me. I can’t believe the Moon Goddess would play such a cruel joke on me. 

    “Then say it,” I concluded, ready for the pain of what was about to happen next to consume me. “You know what you have to say—say it.”

    She took a shuddering breath, and I opened my eyes to see her staring at me with tears falling silently down her face. I wanted nothing more than to reach forward and wipe the tears away, but I controlled the urge as it wasn’t my place to. 

    I was her mate, but I couldn’t even comfort her. 

    “I, Raina Sterling, Beta of the Silver Moon Pack,” she began quietly, and I closed my eyes again, fighting to try and get enough oxygen into my lungs, “reject you, Dam—”

    I grimaced, waiting for the next words that would rip my heart into pieces to escape her mouth. 

    But they never came. 

    After a moment of silence, I opened my eyes to see her staring at me with wide eyes brimming with tears. All of a sudden, she began full on sobbing. She ripped her hands away from mine and quickly shot up from the bed, anxiously running her hand through her thick, wavy hair. 

    “Oh Goddess, I can’t do it!” she cried, and I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like it was the first real breath of air I’d gotten in years. “Why can’t I do it! I don’t want a mate, I've never wanted a mate, so why can’t I do it!”

    She began pacing around, her eyes wide with tears and her face twisted into the most conflicted expression I’ve ever seen. 

    She wasn’t rejecting me.

    My mate wasn’t rejecting me. 

    Thank the Goddess. 

    I stood up and quickly grabbed her, pulling her into my arms. She stiffened in my arms for a moment before fully leaning into me and sobbing into my chest, soaking my shirt. 

    “I’m so sorry, Damien!” she cried, clinging onto my shirt tightly while I simply stroked her hair and assured her she was okay. “I’m so sorry, this isn’t fair to you! It’s not fair, I’m so sorry you were mated with someone like me!”

    I quietly soothed her and let her cry it out while she continued shouting apologies to me. After a few minutes, when I felt her sobs quiet down a bit to nothing more than a few stray sniffles, I walked her over to the bed and sat her down on the edge. I kneeled in front of her, my body nestled in between her legs, and cradled her face gently in my hands. Even while kneeling, and with her sitting on the bed, I was still maybe an inch taller than her. 

    I gave her a reassuring smile and gently lifted her head so she was looking at me in the eyes. Her cheeks were rosy from her tears, and I used my thumb to wipe a stray tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye. 

    “It’s okay, Raina,” I told her quietly. “You must have your reasons about why you don’t want a mate, and you don’t have to tell me about them now. You can wait until you’re ready.”

    She sniffled at me, placing a hand on one of my hands and leaning her cheek into my hand. 

    “It’s not fair to you, Damien,” she said softly, more tears running down her cheeks. “You deserve a mate who wholeheartedly wants you. A mate who can return the love you give tenfold. I’m so sorry you were mated with someone like me instead.”

    “Stop that,” I ordered, shaking my head at her. “You’re perfect. The Moon Goddess knew what she was doing when she mated us together. I’ll worship the ground you walk on and love every inch of you, but only when you’re ready to accept that love on your own terms. I’ll wait for you to be ready. I’ve already waited six years for you, and now that I know who you are, and just how amazing and badass you are, I don’t mind waiting a little while longer.”

    She shook her head at me and sniffled again. “Damien, you don’t understand. I don’t ever want a mate. You’ll be waiting forever if that’s the case.”

    “Then I’ll wait forever,” I simply responded with a smile on my face. “There’s a reason you can’t reject me, Raina. It’s because you know, deep down, that you want this just as much as I do. But I won’t force you; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Until you’re ready to tell me what the problem is so I can help you fix it so we can be together. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

    Her lower lip quivered slightly as more tears continued to fall, and suddenly, she grabbed my face with her hands and pulled me towards her, her lips crashing against mine. 

    I almost passed out from the sudden fireworks that exploded across my body, and I closed my eyes, relishing in the sudden kiss, of the feeling of getting to finally kiss my mate. 

    One of my hands moved from her face to wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against my body, which caused her to groan slightly into the kiss, as my other hand moved to tangle itself in her hair. 

    Hearing her groan had my head swimming with lust, but I had to control myself. I wouldn’t push it onto her unless she let me know she was ready, and I could tell that she wasn’t quite ready yet. 

    Our lips moved in perfect sync, as I licked her bottom lip, asking for permission to enter, which she hesitated for a moment before granting. My tongue greedily explored every inch of her mouth, deepening the kiss as her hands moved from my face to tangle themselves in my hair, pulling my face even closer towards her. 

    I leaned forward until she was laying on the bed, my body hovering precariously over hers, as the hand that was tangled in her hair moved down to run down over her side, causing her to shudder under my touch. It was getting harder to control myself, but I forced myself to, not until I got explicit permission from her to continue. 

    She broke the kiss suddenly, gasping for air, and I took this time to move my lips down her face, across her jaw, and towards her neck. Kissing, nipping, and licking my way down, she clung to me, her nails digging into my shoulders, as her body writhed underneath me, groaning in pleasure. I reached the sensitive marking spot where her shoulder and her neck met and lightly ran my canines across it, before smoothly running my tongue back up over it. 

    She shuddered underneath me and threw her head back, moaning in a breathy voice right in my ear, “Oh, fuck.”

    Hearing that was almost my undoing. I almost lost every ounce of self control I had been holding onto, Alexander almost threatening to push for control to just take our mate, but I held back, knowing deep down that she still wasn’t ready. 

    “Damien— Damien,” she called, breathing heavily as she pulled my face back up to hers. 

    I leaned my forehead against hers, and closed my eyes, trying with every ounce of willpower I had to focus and keep my self control in check. She cradled my face with her soft, tiny hands, trying to catch her breath as her chest rose and fell rapidly. 

    My head was still swimming from the kiss as my heart beat rapidly in my chest. 

    I’ve kissed my fair share of women in my life, but never had anybody made me feel like that. 

    After a moment, she softly said, “I’m sorry I kissed you without asking. I should’ve asked first. I just… I just had to know if you were right. If this was something I wanted, just as much as you…”

    I chuckled at this, smiling against her lips. 

    “It’s okay, my love,” I reassured her, stroking her hair away from her face. “You never have to ask for permission to kiss me. I’m forever giving you permission to kiss me whenever you want to.”

    She laughed at this, her eyes staring right into mine, the hostile light from earlier completely gone and replaced now with an aroused, slightly confused glint. 

    Carefully studying her face—her beautiful, perfect face—I asked with bated breath, “And? What did you decide?”

    She smiled against my lips and responded quietly, “That the Moon Goddess must think I’m a f*****g i***t for thinking I never wanted you.”

    My heart swelled with happiness, threatening to burst from my chest, as I simply smiled and planted another sweet kiss on her lips. 

    “But,” she continued, shifting slightly under me, her brows knit together in slight worry, “that doesn’t mean I’m completely ready for all this yet. Like I said, a mate was never in my plans, and I’m feeling extremely confused about… about everything right now. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I do know that I wanna try. I wanna try and make this work, but… I just don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

    I quietly soothed her worries and flashed her a comforting smile. “It’s okay, my love. I’ll be patient. I’ll be patient and wait forever if I have to. We’ll figure it out together.”

    And with that, I leaned in to kiss her again, feeling unbelievably grateful that I got to be here, right where I wanted to be, kissing my mate.