From Beta to Luna

Chapter 15 — The Acceptance

Damien

    I barreled through the doors of the pack hospital in a panic and scanned the waiting room to see Owen and Nathan sitting there, drenched in Raina’s blood. 

    “What happened?” I asked, looking for some sort of indicator that she was alive. “Is she okay? Is she alive?”

    “She’s still alive,” Nathan muttered in response, “but barely. They’re working on her right now.”

    “She’s in bad shape,” Owen added softly, extremely pale and visibly shaken.

    “His claws… His claws were silver…” I said to no one in particular, sinking into the chair across from them. 

    I placed my head in my hands, rubbing my tired eyes with the heels of my palm. Nathan cursed before he stood up from the chair, pacing around agitatedly. 

    “The next time I see him, I’ll f*****g kill him,” he spat acidly. “Raina already has slower healing abilities than normal wolves, if she was cut with silver, then she—”

    He broke off, his voice swallowed by a choked sob. 

    “My best friend could die today,” he whispered almost too quietly for me to hear as he sunk back down into his chair, angry tears falling freely now. 

    “For right now, let’s just pray to the Moon Goddess that she’ll make it out okay,” I heard Owen say with a sigh. “Raina’s strong. She’ll pull through this.”

    I sighed at the realization that as of right now, that really was all I could do, and I hated it. I hated feeling so helpless when my mate was in danger.

    Moon Goddess, if you’re listening, please… Please make sure my mate pulls out of this okay.

Raina

    My whole body felt like it was on fire. This was like a pain I’d never felt before. The pain was searing, like I was being sliced open with hot knives over and over again. 

    I could feel myself slowly slip in and out of consciousness, but I fought to keep my eyes open, fearing that if I closed them, I might never open them again. Thoughts of Nathan and Xander suddenly flooded my mind, and I felt an overwhelming fear that I would never see my best friends again grip me. And then, another face popped up in my mind. 

    Damien.

    My dear, sweet, patient, and understanding Damien. 

    I wanted to cry at the thought of never seeing him again, of never getting the chance to properly apologize to him for being such a b***h to him, but I was in too much pain to even will the tears to come forward. I had been fighting with my own feelings of whether or not I wanted to be with him, that it took me literally being on my deathbed for me to realize that I did. I wanted Damien, and I was a fool for possibly thinking anyone else could ever be my mate. 

    In the short time since I’d met him, the feelings I’d developed for him were almost too much for me, almost terrifying to me. I was terrified at the thought of suddenly having such strong feelings for someone I knew almost nothing about, and I was fighting with myself to deny those feelings. 

    But I was a fool for even trying. 

    I was a fool for wasting precious time I could’ve spent being happy with my mate, and now, I might never get the chance to be in his arms again. 

    I coughed suddenly and felt the warm blood fly from my lips, splattering on my naked chest. 

    Goddess, I was in so much pain. Everything hurt so badly, I just wanted the pain to stop. 

    But a small part of me also welcomed the pain. If I was feeling the pain, that meant that I was still alive, that I might be able to pull out of this and get to make things right with Damien again. 

    Sporadic beeping suddenly filled the room, and I heard the doctors around me scrambling, yelling over each other that they were beginning to lose me. 

    Was I going to die? If I died, would I end up in Hell with my brother and my dad? Was there even a Hell for werewolves? I chuckled inwardly at the cruel thought of having to spend an eternity in the afterlife with my brother and dad after I had finally rid myself of them. Would fate be so cruel as to do that to me?

    In my last moments of consciousness, I tried forcing a mindlink to somebody, anybody. I pleaded with Amelia to give me the strength to do this one last thing and apologized profusely to her for also killing her and for hurting our mate. 

    “It’s okay, Raina. I don’t blame you. You were strong, and you made me proud. I am honored I got to be your companion all these years.”

    I felt the tears stinging behind my closed eyelids when she said this, as I silently asked her, “I know we’re not connected yet, but do you think you can try mindlinking Damien’s wolf? To let him know that I’m sorry for hurting him, and that— that I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better mate to him?”

    “Just rest, my love. Trust in the Moon Goddess. He will know. He will feel it.”

    I closed my eyes then, deciding to trust in my wolf, for she’s never led me astray before. Just as the beeping flatlined to a monotonous tone, I took one last breath, suddenly not feeling the pain anymore. 

    My body was engulfed in warmth, and I couldn’t help thinking that if this was what death felt like, it honestly wasn’t so bad. 

————

    I opened my eyes to find that I was standing in a field. The wind blew past me, whipping my hair lightly around my face. I smoothed my hair back in place, tucking it behind my ear, and stared down at my hands. I couldn’t get over how real everything felt. But I was dead right? Was this the afterlife?

    Looking down, I noticed that I was wearing a white, flowy dress that was billowing easily in the wind, and I almost laughed at how cliché it all seemed. I tilted my head back to look up at the clear blue sky, bringing a hand up to shield my eyes from the bright sun. 

    This all felt too real. 

    “Hello, my child.”

    I whipped around, startled by the sudden voice, to find a woman standing there. 

    She had bright silver hair that almost looked like it was glowing under the bright sunlight. Her porcelain skin was smooth and pale and her eyes a bright and vivid violet. She smiled warmly at me, and I felt comforted by her presence, as if I’d known her all my life even though I swear I’ve never seen her before. I kept my gaze on her, and I couldn’t help but feel like everything about her was glowing.  

    “Wh-who are you?” I stammered, blinking at her slightly in confusion. “Where am I? Am I dead?”

    She laughed, her laugh sounding like tinkling bells. “You always were one to get straight to the point. You are not dead, my child— Not yet.”

    I gulped at her ominous words as she gestured her hands behind her. 

    “Come, let’s take a walk,” she offered. 

    “Is this a trick? Is this one of those things where I follow you, and I end up following you straight to Hell?”

    She laughed again and asked me, “Raina, who do you think I am? Think hard. I’ve been with you all your life. I’ve been with all werewolves all their lives since the beginning of time.”

    My eyes widened slightly as realization dawned on me. “You’re the Moon Goddess.”

    She smiled at me and nodded, her eyes twinkling in pride. “Yes, my child. I won’t harm you. You can trust me.”

    I nodded feebly before willing my feet to move me forward. After I had reached her, she turned and began walking, leaving me to follow behind her. As we walked through the trees, I felt comforted both by the Moon Goddess’s presence and also the indistinguishable sounds of wildlife that filled the air. The only thing I could think about at that moment was how soft the grass felt underneath my bare feet. 

    We walked in a comfortable silence, and after a few minutes, we reached a clearing with a small pond of the brightest blue water I’d ever seen. My eyes widened slightly as a small smile made its way onto my lips. The whole scene didn’t even look real; it looked too perfect, as if it came straight out of a painting.

    “Raina, what’s going through your mind right now?” the Moon Goddess asked me.

    My mood instantly soured at the reminder of why I was even in this place to begin with as I spat bitterly, “That I can’t believe I let that bastard kill me.” 

    Remembering who I was speaking too, I immediately cursed and followed with, “I’m sorry, please excuse my language.”

    She chuckled in response. “You fought bravely. I’m sure you made Xander and your pack proud.”

    “Yeah, but I let my guard down and let him kill me. And now I’ll never get to see them again.”

    I sighed in sadness, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes. The realization that I would never see anyone again suddenly hit me once more, and I could feel myself slowly beginning to spiral. 

    “Relax, Raina,” the Moon Goddess’s voice interrupted my thoughts, “I’m sure they know without you having to say it just how much they mean to you.”

    “Yeah, everyone except for Damien,” I muttered quietly, a pang of guilt and sadness hitting me at once. 

    “And why is that?”

    “I was such a b***h to him!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in frustration. “You took all that time to create somebody so perfect, just for me, and I was a dumbass and fought with every fiber of my being against it. All because I was too scared to face my feelings. I was too scared to admit to him that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me, and I was so unfair to him!”

    I felt the tears beginning to fall now as I angrily reached up to wipe them away. “I can't imagine that he’d still want anything to do with me, even if I were alive.”

    She laughed at this and stopped me, placing her hands reassuringly on my shoulders. She smelled like freshly bloomed roses on a warm summer day, and I closed my eyes for a moment, taking comfort in her calming scent. 

    “My child, give your mate some credit,” she told me calmly, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair back behind my ear. “I would not have given you somebody that I thought wouldn’t be able to handle you— all of you.”

    “My mom and dad were mates, look at how well that turned out,” I muttered bitterly. 

    Her face instantly darkened, and I gulped, terrified I might have pissed her off and she really would kill me now. 

    “I’m sorry about your family, Raina,” she apologized after a moment, stepping away from me and turning so her back was now facing me. “Sometimes, things happen that not even I can foresee. I never expected both your father and your brother to be consumed by dark magic.”

    I froze at her words. Dark magic? What?

    “What are you talking about? What do you mean?” I asked desperately as I ran around her to face her again. 

    She sighed before opening her eyes to look at me. “Listen to me, Raina. Dark forces are at work as we speak. You need to be careful about Lucas. He is consumed by dark magic, just as both your brother and your father were. He won’t stop until he gets his hands on you. And if that happens… A war will break out.”

    “Why!” I cried, suddenly angry about this. “What does he even want with me? There’s nothing special about me!”

    She chuckled at this before she replied softly, “My child, I think you and I both know that is not true. You are the first female Beta in the entire existence of your kind. You possess a strength that no one before you has had. You are special.”

    She paused for a moment before her eyes darkened slightly. “Lucas is a despicable man. He killed his fated mate many years ago because he felt she was too weak to be his Luna. He is obsessed with power, his goal being to take control over all werewolves. He has his eyes set on you because he recognizes your strength. He wants you as his Luna.”

    My hands immediately felt clammy as I fought to breathe, feeling like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen into my lungs. Why was this happening to me? Why couldn’t I just live my life in peace? Just when I was beginning to be okay with the idea of leaving Silver Moon so I could be with Damien, this s**t happens? How could I survive without the strength of Nathan and Xander in my life now?

    “Raina, breathe,” the Moon Goddess gently ordered, and I suddenly realized I had been holding my breath. 

    I gulped for air, my lungs burning as my vision blurred slightly. 

    This can’t be happening to me. 

    “What do I do?” I asked pleadingly. “Please, tell me what to do!”

    I felt her hand under my chin as she gingerly lifted my head to look at her. 

    “Trust in your own strength, and trust in the strength of your mate,” she answered gently, smiling at me. “You will get through this together. Our time here is almost up, my child. This is your last chance. There are no more do-overs after this. Cherish your mate. Believe in your mate. He will be your strongest support system through all of this.”

    Everything suddenly snapped to black, and I felt weightless for a moment as I floated in a seemingly endless abyss. My head was swimming with so many thoughts all at once, trying to make sense of everything the Moon Goddess just told me. Was that really even the Moon Goddess? What if it were the devil disguised as the Moon Goddess trying to lead me astray?

    I shook my head, knowing that wasn’t the truth, that that really was the Moon Goddess I had been speaking to. 

    My body felt heavy after a moment as I felt myself slowly begin to sink, and then next thing I knew, I was suddenly hyper aware of the aching pain. My head was throbbing, my body felt like it was on fire, and my throat was dry as I struggled to swallow. 

    And then, the realization hit me. 

    I was in pain.

    If I felt the pain, that must mean I was alive, right? 

    I focused my senses for a moment and could hear the steady beeping of a machine from somewhere above me, could feel the plushness of pillows underneath my head, the softness of a blanket over me.

    Thank the Goddess, I was alive.

    I felt my eyes slowly fluttering open and took in my surroundings to see that I was in what looked to be a hospital room. The events of—yesterday? Was it yesterday? How much time had passed?—suddenly flooded my mind again and caused me to wince at the memory. My body was in too much pain to sit up from the bed, so I moved my head to the side and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Xander and Nathan slumped over on a tiny couch, both asleep.

    “Hi, guys,” I croaked, my voice cracking slightly from how dry my throat was.

    They both immediately jumped awake, their eyes snapping over to me. Relief flooding every muscle in their bodies as they both smiled at me. I felt a pang of guilt hit me when I noticed how tired they both looked, dark bags under their eyes and their hair in messy waves as if they had spent countless hours running their hands through it. 

    “Raina,” Nathan breathed, tears brimming his eyes. “Oh, thank the Goddess you’re alive, we thought we lost you! I didn’t think you’d wake up!”

    I laughed weakly, groaning slightly at the pain that tore through my body. 

    “Don’t push yourself, you’ll bust a stitch,” Xander ordered, standing up from the couch and walking towards me. 

    He laid one of his large hands on my forehead, tenderly pushing my hair back from my face as he smiled down at me in happiness and relief. “Welcome back, Rain. I’m glad you made it.”

    I smiled at him and closed my eyes, feeling comforted by his presence. “It’s going to take a lot more than Lucas Crawford to kill me.”

    At the mention of his name, they both stiffened slightly in anger. 

    “Let’s not talk about him right now,” Nathan quickly dismissed, “not when you just woke up. How ya feeling? Can we get you anything?”

    “Some water, please, my throat is so dry right now,” I responded immediately. 

    Nathan quickly busied himself with pouring some water in a glass for me while Xander pushed a button to allow the bed to move up into a sitting position. After helping me carefully to sit up, he stepped back to allow Nathan to put the glass to my lips. 

    I don’t think water had ever tasted so good. 

    After I had finished drinking, Nathan set the glass back down and looked at me, his eyes twinkling in relief. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the forehead. 

    “I’m glad you’re okay, Raina. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my best friend,” he whispered softly to me. 

    I nodded, knowing I didn’t need to say anything for him to know I was feeling the same way. 

    After a moment of silence, I quietly asked, “Where’s Damien?”

    “We forced him to go take a shower and get a nap in,” Xander replied, now standing with his arms crossed against his chest. “The poor guy was a mess. He didn’t leave your side for the past two and a half days.”

    “I’ve been out that long?” I questioned in surprise. 

    They nodded, grimacing slightly at me. 

    I sighed. 

    I wanted to see Damien. 

    No, I needed to see Damien. 

    “Can you please go get him? I need to talk to him,” I requested. 

    Then, a little shyly, “I need to be with my mate.”

    Nathan flashed me a bright grin and kissed me on the top of the head before saying, “I’ll go get him.”

    He left the room quickly, leaving me alone with Xander who was now staring at me in a thoughtful manner. My stomach twisted in knots as I thought about how I was going to break the news to him. 

    “Xander, I—”

    “I know, Raina, you don’t have to say it,” Xander cut me off with a sad smile on his face and a knowing light in his eyes. 

    He sighed quietly before pulling up a chair next to my bed and grabbing my tiny hand in his. “Emerald Moon is extremely lucky to have you as their new Luna, and Silver Moon is going to miss you. But know that Silver Moon will always be your home; you can always come home if you want to, no questions asked. I’m gonna miss you, Raina.”

    I felt the tears falling down my face as he gently hugged me, careful not to aggravate my wounds. The tears almost threatened to consume me as I desperately clung to his frame. I loved him so much, was so extremely grateful for everything he’d done for me. I was so grateful he took a chance on me and made me his Beta or else I most likely never would’ve met Damien—never would’ve met my mate. 

    “Raina.”

    Xander and I broke apart at the sudden breathless voice that sounded through the room, and I looked up to see Damien standing in the doorway, staring at me with tears in his eyes and a mixture of grief and relief on his face. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how gorgeous he is, and I suddenly felt extremely lucky that the Moon Goddess made my mate so perfectly. 

    “Hi, Damien,” I greeted with a smile on my face. 

    He rushed forward and fell to his knees at the side of my bed, grabbing the same hand that Xander had been holding onto just moments ago. 

    “We’ll let you two talk,” Xander said, standing from his seat and leaving the room with Nathan. 

    Damien quickly scrambled up and sat in the chair that Xander vacated, scooting himself closer to my bed. He brought a hand up and gently stroked my hair from my face, staring at me with such love in his eyes that I felt like my heart might burst from my chest in happiness. 

    “Thank the Goddess, I thought I’d lost you,” he breathed, his voice wavering slightly. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

    I chuckled weakly and said, “You should know your mate is a lot stronger than that. It’s gonna take a lot more than some dumbass Alpha with a serious ego problem to take me down.” 

    He smiled at me, and I stared into his beautiful emerald eyes, wondering to myself how I ever thought I could possibly resist them. Grimacing slightly, I prepared myself for what I was about to say, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy. 

    “Damien, I—”

    “It’s okay, Raina, you don’t have to say it,” Damien cut me off, “I already know.”

    “No, Damien, please, I have to say this. I need to say it,” I tried again, almost pleadingly. “When I was dying… All I could think about was you and how horrible I was to you, and I was filled with so much regret for not being able to tell you how I felt, so please, let me finish.”

    He nodded in understanding before sitting back in the chair slightly, waiting for me to continue. 

    I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment and began. 

    “I’m sorry I was such a b***h to you. It wasn’t fair to you to keep toying with your emotions like that. I was terrified when I met you, terrified of the possibility that you’d be like my dad, terrified of the idea of leaving Xander and Nathan and my pack. But the more I got to know you, I became more terrified at the thought of not getting to spend my life with you. 

    “You were so incredibly patient and sweet with me, even when I was nothing but a horrible b***h to you, and then after all this s**t with Lucas, it made me realize that I never want to have to go through something like that again. 

    “I’m— I’m still not ready to be marked yet, but… But I am ready to claim you as my mate. I want everyone to know that I’m yours, and only yours. I want to be with you, Damien, and I want everything that comes along with it, both the good and the bad.”

    After I finished, I tentatively looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He seemed stunned for a moment before he suddenly leaned forward and claimed my lips with his. His hands gently cradled either side of my face, his kiss gentle and sweet. 

    I smiled against his lips, feeling my heart soar. 

    Right at that moment, I knew for sure. 

    I knew that 100%, without a doubt, this was where I was meant to be. Damien was who I was meant to be with. 

    And just for a moment, I didn’t care about Lucas or dark magic or anything else the Moon Goddess warned me about. 

    Just for a moment, all that mattered, was me and my mate.