From Beta to Luna

Chapter 12 — The Truth

    After I finished the training session two hours later, everyone was either laying on the ground or doubled over, trying to catch their breath. The only ones who seemed more okay than the others were Xander, Nathan, and the twelve others from my pack, most likely due to the fact that they were already used to the way I run my training sessions. 

    As I took a look around, I couldn’t help but to beam with pride. Although I was nervous as hell about this whole thing at first, after it was all said and done, I was really glad John and Xander had come up with this plan. Any nervousness I was feeling at the beginning of the conference about whether or not I’d be accepted had vanished, and I was now feeling 10 times more confident about facing the other packs now. 

    Taking a moment to wipe the sweat off my forehead with a towel, I watched as one of the Alphas that I recognized as Alpha Grayson from the Red Moon Pack walked up to Xander and said in between his breaths, “That’s one hell of a Beta you’ve got there, Alpha Xander. No wonder you guys have so many strong fighters. She runs a tight ship.”

    Xander smiled proudly as he laughed at Grayson. “She’s the best of the best. We’re lucky to have her as our Beta.”

    Owen bounded over to me, his sweaty hair clinging to his forehead, and flashed me a bright smile. “You did great! I can see now how you managed to beat Xander. I never would’ve expected it!”

    I laughed as I shoved his shoulder playfully. “I’m surprised you could keep up with us so well. Crystal Moon might give us a run for our money one day.”

    He continued smiling at me as he replied, “Once I take over as Alpha, I’m definitely gonna double down on our training. There’s no way I’ll let us lose out to you guys.”

    I chuckled in response, but my smile faltered a bit when I studied his face a little more closely. He seemed nervous about something and a little more fidgety than normal; I could tell there was clearly something else he was wanting to talk to me about. 

    I raised my brow at him in question, silently encouraging him to go ahead and tell me whatever it was that was bothering him.

    Almost as if he could read my mind, he nervously rubbed the back of his neck and hesitantly said, “Uh… You and Damien… Are you guys… okay? I didn’t mean to—”

    “You didn’t,” I cut in, giving him a reassuring smile. “You didn’t do anything. We talked, and we’re okay. I made sure he knew that even though there’s nothing going on between us anymore, that you’re still gonna be a part of my life. Our packs are tied whether he likes it or not, so he’s gonna have to find a way to be okay with that.”

    “And I’m trying, but you’re making this really hard for me,” a sudden voice cut in, causing me to jump slightly in surprise. 

    I turned to see that Damien was now standing behind me, trying rather unsuccessfully to keep the possessive light from shining in his eyes as he glowered above my head in Owen’s direction. 

    Behind me, I could feel Owen tense up slightly, and I knew that although Owen didn’t want to cause me any trouble, he wouldn’t be able to help himself if he felt like another Alpha was trying to challenge his authority. 

    I stepped between the two of them, placing a hand on each of their chests, and shoved them away from each other, creating some distance between them. I wouldn’t let them tear into each other here, not when I was still feeling so good about the success of my earlier training. 

    “Knock it off, guys,” I warned quietly, my eyes flickering between the two of them as if daring them to try anything. 

    “Alpha Damien, please,” Owen started with a slight huffiness to his voice, “I promise that once we found out you were Raina’s mate, nothing has happened between us since, and nothing will happen between us ever again.”

    “I know that,” Damien responded quietly, suddenly wrapping a hand around my arm and pulling me closer towards him. 

    He leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of my head, breathing in the scent of my hair, and I felt him relax a little. “It’s just hard seeing you two together, especially knowing the history there. But… I am trying. For her sake. I know that you’ll be in her life regardless of my feelings on the matter, so I’m trying to be okay with it.”

    I felt myself growing weak in the knees, could almost feel myself unravel completely because of how hard Damien was trying to be okay with this. I know how hard it must be for him to try and control his jealousy and his need to stake his claim over me, especially with Owen and I being in such close proximity all the time. 

    If I’m being totally honest, I really thought he would’ve lost his s**t when he found out Owen and I had slept together like I knew other wolves would have done, which is why it makes it even sweeter that he hasn’t done any of those things and was genuinely trying to find a way to be okay with the whole situation instead. 

    “I’m glad you’re trying so hard for her sake,” Owen responded sincerely with a smile on his face. “Raina’s special. You’re extremely lucky to have her as your mate.”

    Damien smiled down at me, his eyes gleaming in happiness, as he agreed quietly, “Yeah, I am.”

    “Alpha Damien is your mate?”

    The three of us looked over to the person who suddenly intruded in on our moment, and I felt my lip curl back slightly in disgust when I saw that it was Lucas again. 

    What is with this guy? Why couldn’t he leave me alone?

    “Yeah, I am,” Damien responded, and he shifted his body so I was now standing slightly behind him. 

    I rolled my eyes. 

    I had just spent the last two hours training some of the strongest Alphas and Betas in the country, and he still felt the need to protect me? 

    I think I could handle myself just fine. 

    I stepped out from behind Damien to stand beside him while Owen flanked my other side. Lucas was staring right at me, his eyes searching for something that left me confused of what he could possibly be looking for. 

    “Oh, but I see you haven’t marked her yet,” Lucas mused thoughtfully, an amused expression on his face. “Aren’t you scared that someone might… steal her from you?”

    My eyes widened at this as a threatening growl escaped from Damien’s lips. 

    Just what the hell was this Lucas guy playing at? Was he planning on trying to steal me from Damien? I inwardly laughed at this. 

    As if I would ever go anywhere with him. 

    I was already feeling uncomfortable around him before, but now that he just said that, I was feeling downright repulsed by his mere presence around me. 

    “Not that it’s any of your business,” I almost snarled at him, crossing my arms against my chest, “but we only just found out yesterday. Nobody else really even knows yet. And nobody could possibly steal me away from Damien; I’m not that easy of a target.”

    I felt Damien shift slightly beside me, and I looked up to see him with a satisfied smirk on his face. Lucas didn’t seem the least bit bothered by my comment, though, as he simply kept his gaze fixated on me the entire time. 

    “Oh, I don’t know about that, dear,” Lucas responded with an annoying lilt to his voce. “If anybody wants something badly enough, I’m sure they’ll find a way. It’s better to mark what’s yours, Alpha Damien, to avoid possibly losing it.”

    And with that, he left us, walking away with his Beta in tow behind him. I felt a low growl escape from my own lips as I glowered at his retreating form. 

    “I don’t like him,” I muttered under my breath. 

    “Yeah, I get weird vibes from him, too,” Owen agreed. “I’m gonna tell my dad about what just happened. I don’t think it’s such a great idea that he joins the Allyship.”

    “Owen, wait,” I called, pulling onto his arm just as he was about to walk away. “I don’t— I don’t want anybody to know that I’ve found my mate yet.”

    I felt Damien stiffen slightly beside me at my words, but I ignored him as I continued, “Please. I’ve only just now started winning the approval of the other packs. I don’t want them to start treating me differently if they know I have a mate now.”

    Owen’s eyes flickered from my face to look at Damien standing behind me before he sighed. “Raina, I dunno what that Lucas guy is planning. I think it’s best if everyone knows that Damien is your mate so they’ll at least know that Lucas might be up to something shady.”

    “Owen, please,” I quietly begged. 

    I wasn’t ready. 

    I wasn’t ready to openly claim Damien as my mate to everyone else yet; I was still trying to come to terms with it myself first. Was that such a bad thing? Was it selfish of me to want time to work through my own feelings before everyone else knew and offered their opinions on the matter?

    Owen stared at me for a moment longer before sighing in defeat. “Fine. But I’m still gonna let my dad know that I get weird vibes from that Lucas guy.”

    After he walked away, it was just me and Damien standing there by ourselves, but thankfully, Nathan and Xander showed up not long after, saving me from the awkward conversation that I was sure Damien was about to initiate. 

    “Raina, you did great!” Nathan exclaimed, sweeping me up into his arms. 

    I laughed, throwing my arms around his neck and leaning into his familiar embrace. He set me down back on my feet before Xander pulled me into a hug as well. 

    “I’ve had just about every Alpha come up to me and ask if they could steal you away for their own pack,” Xander informed me with a smile. “I told them, over my dead body would you ever leave Silver Moon.”

    I tensed at his words, and I could feel Damien doing the same behind me. 

    “So that’s why you didn’t want a mate,” Damien interjected quietly behind me, a knowing tone in his voice. 

    I turned to look at him, mine, Xander’s, and Nathan’s attention all on him. It was like the sudden realization hit him all at once as he stared at the ground with a conflicted expression on his face. 

    “Damien—”

    “Is that why you won’t openly claim me as your mate?” Damien asked me, cutting off my words. 

    He seemed almost desperate now, his eyes searching mine for an answer. “Why you avoided me at the meeting? Why you practically ran and hid from me? Why you almost rejected me?”

    “Would you do the same for me?” I countered, suddenly feeling angry. 

    He quieted and stared at me, confused by my words. 

    “Would you give up your pack for me? Would you give up your title that you fought so hard for, for me? Would you abandon your whole life for me?” I continued as I felt hot tears beginning to sting my eyes. 

    “Raina, I’m the Alpha of our pack, if I left—”

    “Exactly!” I cut him off. “You wouldn’t do the same for me. I know you wouldn’t. So why am I expected to do that for you? Why am I expected to give up my entire life for you?”

    He seemed stunned by my words as Nathan and Xander each put a comforting hand on either of my shoulders. The tears were freely falling now, and I was feeling extremely frustrated at the whole situation. 

    “You don’t know what I’ve gone through, what I’ve done to get to where I am now,” I continued quietly, drawing strength from Xander and Nathan’s presence behind me. “I told you from the beginning that I never wanted a mate, and now here you are trying to guilt trip me about it and make me feel bad about choosing my pack and my duties like I told you I would do.”

    “Raina, that’s not what I’m doing,” he pleaded with me. “I’m just trying to understand. I waited six years to find you, and now that you’re here in front of me and we can’t even be together, it’s killing me! Don’t you know what I’m going through right now? Don’t you have any idea?”

    “I’m sorry you feel that way, Damien, and I’m sorry I’m hurting you,” I responded. “I’m sorry the Moon Goddess decided to be cruel and mate you with someone like me, but please try and understand the situation this whole thing has put me in. It’s like my whole life is being ripped away from me, and I just— I think I need some time away from you. I have to think some things through.”

    Before he could respond, I broke away from the group and quickly made my way back towards the packhouse. 

    Not even ten minutes ago, I was feeling so hopeful about the whole mates situation possibly working out, and all of a sudden, it was like reality came crashing down on me all at once. This was exactly what I feared would happen, and here it was, all unfolding right in front of me just like I knew it would. 

    It was suddenly so hard to breathe, and I needed to get out of there. I needed some time away from everybody to sort through my own thoughts. 

Damien

    I started to follow Raina, but I was stopped by a sudden hand grabbing onto my arm. I looked back and saw that it was Xander holding me back from running after my mate. 

    “Xander, let me go, I need to go talk to her,” I growled, ripping my arm from his grasp. 

    “Dude, trust us when we say that that’s not a good idea,” Nathan responded. 

    “We know Raina better than anybody,” Xander chimed in. “If you go to her now, she’ll only react poorly and push you away even more. She might even push you away for good.”

    “Then what am I supposed to do!” I cried frustratingly. 

    I wanted to figure this out with Raina. I needed to figure this out with Raina. 

    “Just give her some time to sort through her thoughts. She’ll be fine, and I’m sure she’ll come back to you, but you just need to let her do it on her own terms,” Nathan replied, crossing his arms against his naked chest. 

    I sighed. That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. 

    I know I had promised Raina that I would give her all the time she needed, but I was slowly starting to go crazy from not being able to fully be with her. She was so close within my grasp, and I was slowly going insane trying to keep Alexander from taking control and taking her anyways. 

    After a moment, Xander sighed deeply and said, “For now, I think— I think you need to know the truth about how Raina came to be my Beta, and maybe you’ll understand her a little better.”

    Nathan immediately snapped his attention to Xander, his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock. 

    “Xander, are you sure?” Nathan asked quietly. “Don’t you think Raina should be the one to tell him?”

    I was suddenly intrigued. What could they possibly be talking about?

    “You know as well as I do how stubborn Raina can be, and he’s her mate,” Xander responded with finality. “He deserves to know.”

    Nathan seemed to think about this for a moment before sighing. “If you think it’s a good idea… I just hope Raina doesn’t kill us.”

    Xander looked at me then and told me, “Go ahead and get showered and cleaned up, and meet us in the spare office on the third floor in an hour. We’ll tell you everything.”

    I nodded tersely and wasted no time in running back to my guest room and showering. After pulling on a clean pair of black joggers and a simple white v-neck, I made my way to the office that Xander had told me about to find both he and Nathan already cleaned up and waiting for me. Xander gestured for me to take a seat, which I did on one of the open couches. Nathan sat down on the couch opposite from mine, while Xander took a seat behind the desk. 

    “What do you know about Blake, my former Beta?” Xander began, shooting a questioning glance in my direction. 

    “I don’t really know anything about him,” I answered honestly, “just that he was killed about eight months ago by a pack of rogues. I didn’t even know that you had named a new Beta, I just assumed it would’ve been your Gamma that got promoted.”

    I noticed Nathan grinding his teeth in anger at the mention of Blake’s name, but I didn’t pay too much attention to him. Instead, I directed my attention back to Xander, waiting for him to continue. 

    Xander sighed again and said, “What I’m about to tell you, only three people alive know about. Raina, Nathan, and myself. The only reason why I’m telling you now is because you’re Raina’s mate, and you deserve to know. This does not leave this room.”

    I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

    “Blake was my best friend growing up, and was also Raina’s older brother. We knew from the time we were kids that one day, I would become the Alpha of the pack, and he would be my Beta,” Xander continued after a moment. “After my dad passed when I was nineteen, we both took over our respective positions. Eight months ago, Blake wasn’t killed by rogues. Raina killed him.”

    I froze, feeling like I had just gotten doused by cold water. What did he just say?

    The former Silver Moon Beta was Raina’s older brother? And she killed him?

    I continued mulling over his words as Xander continued with the story. 

    “Raina’s family life… wasn’t exactly a stable one,” Xander admitted, and I could see his eyes darkening slightly. “Her dad was a volatile man, but nobody knew what he was doing behind closed doors. About a year ago, two months before Raina had killed Blake, her dad snapped and killed their mom, his mate.”

    I froze again. 

    I felt bile rise, which I instantly swallowed, trying my best not to vomit at Xander’s words. The idea of killing your own mate was so disgusting and so heart wrenching to me that I couldn’t even fathom what kind of horrible person would do something like that. 

    “The worst part was that he did it in front of Raina,” Xander finished, his voice shaking slightly with anger now. “He turned to Raina next, intent on killing her as well, but she fought him off and killed her own father. She lost both her parents that night, and I’m sure her belief in the mate bond was effectively broken.”

    “She came to me a sobbing mess after she did it, covered in that asshole’s blood,” Nathan spat bitterly, a frown on his face. “I was glad she killed him. What kind of horrible person would do that to his own mate, the one person you’re supposed to protect and worship?”

    My mouth was dry, and I couldn’t find the words to accurately describe what I was feeling at that moment. It was no wonder Raina was so hesitant around me. 

    And I had hurt her. 

    In my anger-induced rage, I had hurt her. 

    I wanted to cry, to run to her and beg her on my hands and knees to forgive me for hurting her, but I knew she didn’t want to talk to me at the moment, and rightfully so. I made a promise to myself right then and there that I would never hurt her again, either intentionally or accidentally. I would never make her doubt my love for her, never make her fear me. 

    I looked up to see that Xander was sitting there now, with his eyes closed and his thumb and index finger pinching the bridge of his nose as he took deep breaths to calm himself, almost as if the worst part of the story wasn’t even over yet. 

    “After her parents died, she was left with just her brother, Blake,” Xander continued, now gritting his teeth, “and I will never forgive myself for not knowing sooner what he was doing to her behind closed doors— what he had been doing to her for Goddess knows how long.”

    I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling the bile rise again. 

    No… Please don’t tell me that the bastard laid his hands on my Raina. 

    “That bastard had been molesting her for years,” Nathan suddenly spat angrily. 

    He shot up from the couch, now pacing agitatedly around the room. “His own sister! My best friend! And I didn’t even know; I couldn’t even protect her!”

    I felt anger coursing through my veins, suddenly glad that Blake was already dead so I wouldn’t have the death of a Beta on my hands. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to bring him back from the dead just so I could rip him apart with my own bare hands. 

    “None of us knew,” Xander said quietly, and I could see just how much it pained him to be telling me all this. “She never told anybody and never let on because Blake was my best friend and Beta. But I assure you, had I known, I would have ripped him to shreds myself.”

    “I f*****g hate him,” Nathan snapped bitterly, his brows furrowed in anger. “I’m f*****g glad he’s dead. He was a shitty Beta anyways.”

    Xander looked at me then, his eyes almost completely dark with all the intense emotions he must be going through right now having to recount everything. “After their parents died, the abuse got worse, and then one day, Raina snapped and killed her brother. Ripped him to shreds; he was almost completely unrecognizable when we found him.

    “She came to me the moment it happened and told me everything, from the start. And like you and Nathan, I was glad he was already dead, because if he were still alive, I would’ve had the death of my own Beta on my hands. 

    “After she explained everything to me, she then looked at me and said something that would change my and the pack’s lives forever: 

    ‘I’ve killed your Beta, and now you have two options: Either banish me for committing treason against the pack, or choose me as your next Beta, and let me prove to you that I can lead this pack better than that worthless asshole ever could have.’

    “Obviously, I chose her as my Beta, knowing that I would most likely face resistance at first with her being a woman, but I didn’t care about that. I knew that she had the grit and the fire needed to help me run the pack. And I’ve never looked back on my decision since. I can say wholeheartedly that it was the best decision I’ve ever made.”

    Silence fell across the room as I mulled over all the information I just received. 

    I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at the moment, but I knew one thing for certain: I wanted more than ever to love and protect Raina from everything. I wanted to show her what the true love of a mate bond was like. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t like her father or her brother, that I would never do anything to hurt her.

    “So then after that, we took care of Blake’s body and fabricated the story of him being killed by rogues,” Xander concluded, breaking me out of my mental thoughts. “To this day, nobody else knows about this. Raina doesn’t want anybody else to know because she doesn’t want people to view her or treat her any differently because of it. She works every day to fight for acceptance as my Beta, to prove her worth, which is why she feels such strong loyalties to both myself and Silver Moon. You have to understand why she’s so hesitant to give in fully to the mate bond. She’s scared that everything she’s worked for will be ripped away from her.”

    I nodded knowingly as Nathan looked at me almost imploringly. 

    “Damien, I understand how frustrating Raina can be,” he said, never breaking eye contact with me, “but please, be patient with her. She wants to make it work with you, I can tell. But it’s going to take some time. I think you already know how special she is, and I think you two can be a really great match, but please… just don’t give up on her yet.”

    I nodded at him, reassuring him that I had no intentions of giving up on her. After hearing the truth about Raina and what all she went through, I now understood better than ever why she was hesitant about leaving with me. It made sense why she was fighting so strongly to keep hold of her pack, why she felt such loyalty to both Xander and Nathan. I also suddenly felt a newfound respect for both men sitting in the room with me, extremely grateful that while I wasn’t in her life yet to help protect her, she at least had them looking out for her. 

    I stood from the couch and looked at both of them. 

    “Thank you guys for protecting her when I wasn’t around to do so yet,” I thanked them sincerely. “I promise you, I’ll fight for her, and I’ll never give up on her. She’s my mate, and I would lay down my life for her. I’m gonna be patient, and I won’t push her any further. I’ll wait for her to accept me on her own terms, even if I have to wait forever.”

    Goddess, I just hoped it wouldn’t take forever.