Chapter Eleven:The Wolf Within-Kai
1682 Words
One week.
It had been exactly one week since I told Sebastian the truth.
One week since I had finally looked into my mate’s eyes and told him that I had spent eleven years waiting for him.
One week since he had looked at me with confusion in his eyes…
And walked away.
I had spent seven days pretending I was fine.
I wasn’t.
I was hurting.
Every single day, the pain became heavier.
My wolf had changed.
At first, he had been sad.
Then he became restless.
Now he was angry.
Possessive.
Agitated.
And I was terrified of him.
Not because he was a separate creature.
He wasn’t.
My wolf was me.
I was my wolf.
We shared the same soul, the same instincts, the same emotions.
But there were moments when his instincts became so powerful that I could barely distinguish where his thoughts ended and mine began.
And right now, he wanted one thing.
Mate.
I sat behind my desk with my fingers pressed against my temples.
“Stop.”
Bring him back.
“No.”
He is ours.
“He is not property.”
He is our mate.
“I know.”
Then why is he gone?
I didn’t answer.
Because I didn’t know.
My wolf growled inside me.
He rejected us.
I closed my eyes.
“He hasn’t said that.”
He left.
“He was scared.”
He rejected us.
I clenched my jaw.
“Maybe.”
The moment I said it, something inside me cracked.
My wolf went silent.
Then came the pain.
A deep ache spread through my chest.
I leaned back in my chair.
Maybe Sebastian hadn’t said the words.
But what else was I supposed to think?
He knew.
He knew I was his mate.
And he had walked away.
For seven days, he hadn’t returned.
He hadn’t asked to see me.
He hadn’t sent a message.
Nothing.
What was I supposed to believe?
That he was simply thinking?
That he needed time?
Maybe.
But every hour that passed made my wolf believe something else.
He chose the Church.
I looked toward the window.
“Maybe.”
And that was what frightened me.
Because I knew Sebastian loved the Church.
He had spent years preparing for priesthood.
He had made a promise to God.
I couldn’t ask him to abandon something that meant that much to him.
I wouldn’t.
But I wanted him.
God, I wanted him.
I had waited eleven years.
I had dreamed of having a mate.
Someone who would stand beside me.
Someone I could protect.
Someone I could love.
And now I had found him.
Only to discover that having him and keeping him were two completely different things.
⸻
My head had been hurting for two days.
A constant pressure behind my eyes.
My mother had been bringing me calming tea every morning.
And every evening.
It wasn’t helping.
I picked up the cup beside me.
The tea was cold.
I hadn’t even touched it.
A knock came at the door.
“Come in.”
My mother entered.
She looked at me.
Then at the untouched cup.
“You haven’t drunk it.”
“I’m not thirsty.”
“It’s supposed to help.”
“It isn’t working.”
She sighed.
“I know.”
She came closer.
Her eyes were full of worry.
“You need to rest.”
“I am resting.”
“Kai.”
I looked at her.
She didn’t need to say anything else.
I knew what she saw.
Her son.
The Alpha who had once been impossible to shake.
The Alpha who could stand in front of an entire council and make everyone fall silent.
The Alpha who had fought wars.
Now sitting in his office for days, barely leaving.
“I’ll be fine.”
She shook her head.
“You don’t have to lie to me.”
I looked away.
“I’m trying.”
“I know.”
She sat beside me.
“How is your wolf?”
I laughed bitterly.
“Angry.”
“Still?”
“More than ever.”
My mother sighed.
“Have you tried shifting?”
My head snapped toward her.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t trust him.”
Her expression softened.
“You cannot fear your own wolf.”
“I’m not afraid of him.”
I paused.
“I’m afraid of what he might do.”
That was the truth.
If I shifted completely, my wolf would have control.
He would still be me.
But his instincts would be stronger.
His emotions would be stronger.
And right now, those instincts were dangerous.
He wanted Sebastian.
He wanted to find him.
He wanted to bring him back.
He wanted to protect him.
He wanted to claim him.
And I couldn’t allow those instincts to dictate my actions.
Not when Sebastian was afraid.
Not when Sebastian hadn’t chosen me.
So I kept my wolf restrained.
Locked away.
But the longer I did it, the weaker I became.
Because suppressing a wolf wasn’t harmless.
It exhausted me.
It weakened my body.
It made my headaches worse.
And every day, my control became thinner.
⸻
The pack was beginning to feel it.
I could sense them.
Fear.
Uncertainty.
Whispers.
My people were afraid of me.
That was something I had never wanted.
An Alpha could be respected.
An Alpha could be feared by enemies.
But his own people should never have to fear him.
Yet my emotions were bleeding into the pack bond.
They couldn’t feel everything I felt.
But they could feel enough.
The tension.
The anger.
The instability.
I had barely left the Alpha house in a week.
Twice.
That was all.
I couldn’t face them.
Not yet.
How could I stand before hundreds of wolves and tell them that their Alpha was struggling to control himself because his mate had rejected him?
How could I admit that the strongest wolf in the territory was terrified of what his own wolf might become?
I couldn’t.
So I stayed inside.
And that made everything worse.
⸻
Let me out.
I heard my wolf again.
“No.”
You are hurting us.
“I know.”
We need to run.
“Not now.”
We need our mate.
“Stop.”
He is alone.
My breathing stopped.
“What?”
He is alone.
My wolf’s voice softened.
He is hurting too.
I stared at the floor.
I didn’t know whether that was instinct or truth.
“How do you know?”
I feel him.
My heart jumped.
“You feel him?”
There was silence.
Then—
Something is wrong.
I stood so quickly that my chair moved backward.
“What?”
My wolf didn’t answer.
I closed my eyes.
I reached deeper into the bond.
Nothing.
Only a faint pull.
A thread.
Barely there.
But it existed.
Sebastian.
My mate.
My wolf pressed against the bond.
There.
I swallowed.
I could feel something.
Not words.
Not thoughts.
Just emotion.
Confusion.
Pain.
Fear.
I gripped the edge of my desk.
“He is hurting.”
Yes.
My wolf’s anger faded for a moment.
And underneath it was something else.
Sadness.
He wanted Sebastian safe.
Not just near us.
Safe.
I realized something then.
My wolf wasn’t evil.
He wasn’t trying to destroy Sebastian.
He was terrified.
Terrified of losing the only person we had ever been waiting for.
Just like I was.
“We have to control ourselves.”
How?
“I don’t know.”
Then find a way.
I closed my eyes.
“I will.”
⸻
A sudden howl echoed inside my mind.
I stumbled backward.
My wolf had become agitated again.
Rogues.
I froze.
“What?”
Rogues are near.
I reached for the pack connection.
Nothing yet.
But my wolf was sensing something.
I looked toward the window.
If there was an attack, I would have to shift.
There would be no choice.
And that was what frightened me.
Because if I shifted in my current state…
Could I control myself?
Could I stop my wolf from running toward Sebastian?
Could I stop him from crossing every boundary I had spent weeks building?
I didn’t know.
And that uncertainty terrified me.
I had spent my entire life mastering my wolf.
But this wasn’t an ordinary situation.
My mate had rejected me.
My wolf was unstable.
My pack was frightened.
And I was becoming weaker.
I sat down again.
My hands trembled.
“I don’t know what to do.”
My mother came closer.
She placed her hand on my shoulder.
“You don’t have to solve everything today.”
I looked at her.
“But I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m the Alpha.”
She shook her head.
“You’re also my son.”
My eyes burned.
For a moment, I allowed myself to lean against her.
“I miss him.”
She hugged me.
“I know.”
“I’ve never even had the chance to know him.”
“I know.”
“And somehow…”
My voice broke.
“…I already miss him.”
My mother held me tighter.
“Then perhaps this isn’t the end.”
I closed my eyes.
I wanted to believe her.
I desperately wanted to.
But hope had become dangerous.
Because every time I allowed myself to hope, the pain became worse.
Still…
Somewhere deep inside me, beneath the anger, beneath the fear, beneath the possessiveness…
My wolf was still waiting.
And so was I.
Waiting for the day Sebastian might look at me and realize that the bond wasn’t a curse.
It wasn’t a prison.
It wasn’t an obligation.
It was simply two people who had been searching for each other without knowing it.
But until Sebastian made his choice, I would keep fighting.
Not against him.
Not against the Church.
Not even against my wolf.
I would fight to keep myself under control.
Because if I truly loved Sebastian…
Then I had to become someone he could choose freely.
Even if waiting destroyed me.
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