Sacred Honor; Sacred Sin

Chapter 11

Perrin

I'm not exactly sure how long it took me to get back to the Packhouse, but I was so tired I almost fell asleep. My father's drivers were always the smoothest. But when I jerked awake upon arrival, I felt almost guilty. How could I sleep after what happened to Ethan?

"I'll talk to Mistra. You go to bed. You look like you've been to the Temptress and back." My father points to the stairs.

I don't need convincing. I walk the several flights of stairs to my room.

Pushing open the door and kicking off my shoes, I head towards the shower. A long hot shower seemed a good way to relax my tense body. Between training and the emotional fatigue of the evening, I don't want to think anymore.

The scalding water rakes my body and I lose myself to thought.

Kira

Alpha Jason had left the room a few minutes ago, but what he said still hasn't processed.

My mother went into her bedroom and shut the door. I can hear her weeping through the door. 

"Mom?"

She tried to quiet her sobs.

"Mom!" I try urgently to open the door, but she had locked it.

Alpha Jason had told us we weren't to visit Ethan until tomorrow. My heart is heavy. For my mother, for Ethan, and for myself. I'm sure Ethan would be ok... I mean, he had to be, right? He's my brother, my other half... He couldn't be hurt as bad as ... No. I couldn't bear it.

"Mom, please..." I whimpered at the door, slumping to the floor. Alone.

Perrin

What kind of .... who could... WHAT could... have attacked Ethan like that? My father insisted that he was the only fatality and that the other Guards didn't see it happen. But how does that work? You patrol together. Ethan wouldn't have gone off on his own. Even when we break into smaller groups, it's always in pairs...

I turned the nozzle hotter. 

Kira

I knelt against the door for a while. I couldn't tell for how long, but my knees were sore. I had stopped crying at some point. I'm not sure I have any tears left to cry. I have a headache and I'm tired. And I couldn't talk to my mom. I could only imagine her hurt. My dad had been killed in something just like this. I don't understand.

Perrin

There's no way Ethan was only attacked by one wolf. But how did they get away? How did the entire Night Guard miss this? Why weren't they there... I started to feel my anger rising. It was THEIR fault! Why weren't they there to protect him? They know how important he is to the pack! To my father. To me...

I turn the nozzle until the water is practically boiling.

Kira

I can't stand the thought of losing Ethan. The list of injuries Asher Jason mentioned... how could someone survive that? How DID Ethan survive that? I don't get it. The Mood Goddess must have been watching over us... over him... my heart feels like it's breaking. 

Perrin

In a matter of hours, my best friend and future Beta had gone from being the most ruthless training partner and hardworking warrior I had ever known and reduced to... to... 

Kira

He HAS to survive this. If he doesn't... I don't think I could.

My heart pangs in silent recognition.

Perrin

... Reduced to someone who could never win in the Sacred Call. He had been training for this his whole life. How could this have happened. How could I even think about being Alpha without him by my side? I don't trust anyone as much as I trust him...

Kira

I start to cry again. I feel helpless. Inconsolable. My heart aches. I wipe the tears from my eyes but they're pouring out faster and faster and I can't seem to stop them from coming. I don't want to be alone. I want to see Ethan but I can't. I don't want to be alone.

I grab my key and slipped quietly out of our quarters and up the stairs.

Perrin

The heat and steam filled my brain as I stood there.

I tried to rid myself of the clinical smell of the infirmary, the smell of Jasmine still on my.... Goddess, I didn't even want to think of her right now. My best friend was in a hospital fighting for his life while I was.... I was... I punched my first into the shower wall. Tiles cracked beneath my knuckles. I began to bleed. I cursed under my breath.

I turned off the shower and reached for my towel. f**k!

It wasn't there. In my rush earlier to get ready to meet Leila, I forgot to hang it back up. Like I needed this right now. I turn off the shower, blood trickling down the back of my hand.

Kira

I stood outside of his door, knowing that I shouldn't be here. I pressed my ear to the door. I could have sworn I just heard a cracking sound... I whip my head around me. The top floor was for Alpha and Beta families only. We didn't count anymore, so we were several stories below. But if anyone would know how I was feeling right now, he would...

Perrin

I step out of the shower and out into my bedroom. Soft moodnight trickles in from the glass doors leading out to my balcony. There's just enough light to see the remnants of my belongings spread across the bedroom floor. I bend to pick up a towel.

"Perrin!"

The wind gets knocked out of me as a pair of cool arms fling themselves around my waist. A head of silver waves buries itself in my chest.

"What are you doing here?"

I pull her back from my chest by her slender, muscular shoulders. I'm dripping wet from the shower, but her face is blanketed with her own silent tears. Her cheeks are flush from crying, shimmering in the moonlight and deepening the contrast of the faint freckles that trace her cheeks. Her small, sharp nose drips with more tears. She stares up at me. Her gorgeous eyes--the color of roses in late spring-- are rimmed with red. It's clear she's been crying, but she stares up at me through long black lashes extended with tears. It's a soft, pleading look. Gentle, and hurt. The soft rosy smell of wet petals clings to the air. She holds my eyes, unblinking. Searching me for something.

Kira

I see him as soon as I open the door. I didn't know he'd be here, but I was hoping he would be. I see his silhouette stepping out of the bathroom and launch myself across the room, propelled by my own grief and to be with someone who understands my pain, my guilt.

My arms surround his bare waist. I bury my face into his chest. He's surprisingly warm, and it feels so good. I've been crying on a cold floor for hours. I just want to stay here, to feel safe, and to be held--but he takes me by the shoulders and gently pushes me away from him.

I stare up into his eyes. His incredible, beautiful, completely disarming eyes. He looks tired, but the bags under his eyes can't disguise his fine, hardened features. His dirty blond hair is matted to his forehead, dripping down onto my face. He stands almost a foot above me, and I realize that I've buried myself into his chest--his bare skin, glistening and warm. His eyebrows furrow in concern as he searches my face. I feel a flutter--lightheaded--and then I realize.

"OH MY GODDESS!"