Sacred Honor; Sacred Sin

Chapter 14

Leila

It didn't take me long to find the kitchen.

I am a she-wolf and not immune to the smell of bacon, after all.

A few minutes after running into Alpha Jason, I found myself in a beautiful, industrial-sized kitchen. Several skylights show a tease of a clear sky. The whole space is open and welcoming.

I've always loved cooking... baking... you name it. And this kitchen smells of fresh toast, bacon, and exactly what I came for: coffee.

"Mmmmm" I murmur to myself.

I rush over to the counter and grabbed the largest mug I could find. I was alone, but some brilliant pack member had already started a massive pot of Jamaican Me Crazy. It smelled delicious. I poured myself a massive cup and smiled happily as the strong aroma engulfed me.

I scanned the shelves and the rest of the counter, looking for creamer.

"Can't find something?" A deep, cheery voice sing-songed from behind a large stack of freshly baked bread.

"Um, excuse me?" I said startled.

"Are you looking for something?" A few seconds later, a pleasantly short, plump woman stepped out from behind the large mountain of bread.

"Oh!" I squealed. "Good morning! Well, uh, yes, I was looking...."

"The creamer?" Her eyes twinkled with amusement. "It's underneath in the fridge on the right, second shelf."

"Thank you!"

I poured a generous helping and put it back inside the refrigerator. 

"You must be Leila."

I eyed the cook over the rim of my mug. I suspected she was my mother's age, with wild black curls stuffed inside a hair wrap of violent purple. Her smile was pleasant and warm.

"Um, yes, that's me," I said awkwardly. "But please, call me Lo."

"Lo?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Yes," I say confidently. "But I'm afraid I don't know your name."

"Dina," she replied simply. From somewhere under the counter she produced a knife of alarming proportions and proceeded to cut the loaves of bread into toaster-sized pieces. She gestured with her knife to a low stool opposite her.

I went over and sat down, the steaming mug half-consumed in my hands.

After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, I quickly understood that Dina was Head Chef here at the pack house. She didn't usually come in and work the early morning shifts, but it was a special day with the welcome ceremony this afternoon, and she was aware that Alpha Jason wanted everything to be perfect. Her whole demeanor put me at ease. After a few more minutes, I realized she was the first real conversation I had had in a few days.

"So, are you going to be challenging for the Beta spot?" She eyed me over her bread.

I almost spit out the last of my coffee. 

"Me! Goddess no." I laughed, nearly toppling over my stool. Dina seemed surprised at my response.

"Ethan's got that perfectly handled."

"You look rather fit to me," she countered. "Besides, women can be Betas."

I didn't really feel like having this conversation. Dina was sweet, but this was too early, too soon, and I didn't really know her. I tried to politely re-orient the conversation.

"I'm sure the challengers will need a lot of food! What's on the menu?"

"Plenty of protein and carbs to help them get through the next few months of training, that's for sure." Dina replied, but without missing a beat, added, "When you get back, I'll cook up a couple of eggs for you. You're going to need the energy to keep up with the Beta training regimen."

I helplessly looked for a way out. "Dina, I'm sure you understand that my father has ... er... other plans for me." I stumbled awkwardly around it. Why couldn't I just come out and say 'Hey Dina, my dad's trying to play matchmaker between me and the Alpha Dauphin' and make it clear? Sometimes I was such a coward.

"Well, that doesn't mean you couldn't at least try to be Beta..." she avoided eye contact with me this time as she continued slicing. Smart.

"Dina, I do want to be something someday. But second to an Alpha isn't high on that list."

She seemed happy with my response, but I wasn't sure what that meant.

"Besides, it looks as though the Alpha Dauphin has already found a she-wolf... I saw her leaving his bedroom this morning."

Dina turned slightly pink at my suggestion but studiously continued with the bread. "I don't know anything about that." Dina was smart. I giggled. She smiled. I decided that Dina was a very good person to know. 

Happy she had finally decided to let me change the subject, I continued to ask her about the packhouse, it's inhabitants, and the daily schedule of meals.

After another fifteen minutes of happy chatter, I was through my second cup of coffee and ready to stretch my legs.

"Know of any good trails?" I asked, putting my mug in the sink.

Dina laughed and patted the rotund belly beneath her apron. "Does it look like I run?"

Jesting aside, she eyed my workout gear and tilted her head. "At the south edge of the east garden, you'll see a lampost. The trail heads out right through there."

**

The path was easy to find, just as Dina had said.

I started off at the edge of the forest that borders the garden. Bits of fog still traced the ground where I ran. I felt intrusive as my shoes disrupted it's lazy trail down the back edge of the gardens, and right along the tree line.

My head swiveled as I ran. I could see the familiar outlines of buildings surrounding the packhouse haze into view. There were some new buildings I hadn't remembered, but the silhouettes were mostly the same. My feet carried me as if by memory, even though I had never run this path before.

After I was a few miles in, the sun was finally starting to rise above the trees. It was the Spring Equinox--definitely one of my favorite times of year. And definitely one of the most sacred. This time of year, the Mood Goddess came to find balance with the Sun. To recognize her werewolf children by night, and to bless them as they walked in the day.

It was also said to be a special time to conceive for werewolves--I guess it was just one of the many pieces of our cultural lore that was passed down from generation to generation. 

Werewolves have roamed the world for millennia, but our powers to truly mate seem to have mutated somehow--it's not as easy anymore. Less and less wolves are finding their mates. Less and less werewolves are being born. And more and more werewolves believe that this is a sign that the Moon Goddess is displeased with us. 

I found myself at a crossroads in the trail and let my feet carry me to the right. I was breathing hard now and it felt good to get fresh air. 

As far as I knew, it was a bad sign if any new Alpha over the last few years was unable to find his mate before he turned 25. 25!! That's seven years from now. I've always wondered what it was like to find your mate. I know Alpha Jason found Sienna as soon as she turned 18, but they waited a full year before they were married. But married at 20? That's insane. I can't imagine being married in another year.

And why my father thinks he can start some weird type of courtship or arranged marriage between my childhood friend and I is beyond absurd. I am going to marry who I want to marry, whether it's my true mate or someone else. And it will be when I want, not when someone else tells me to.

I don't even know if I want to find my mate. It could take years--a she-wolf in the Texas pack found her mate when she was 49. Good for them! And there's nothing wrong with being 49 and finding your mate. It's amazing. But werewolves are similar to humans in that the older we get, the more risky it is to get pregnant. I know I want a family, buI can't wait around for someone who may never find me! I want to fall in love, be loved in return, and have a happy marriage.

And if I find love, then I'm sure it will be wonderful. But marriage for me isn't something I want right now. I'm happy and I'm in no rush. I love learning, I love training--I love being a pack member without the pressures of a relationship. My last relationship--

I almost trip over a tree root. My last relationship was an utter disaster and my head hurts just thinking about it. I wipe the sweat from my face and keep moving.

I know a lot of people don't think that way. They still hold onto the lore of our people, the culture of our ancestors, and the belief that a werewolf's life is only truly blessed by the Goddess if it's parents are true mates.

A slow, wry smile creeps across my face. Well, then we all know that I'm not blessed.