Sacred Honor; Sacred Sin

Chapter 20

Leila 

On the way back to my room, I stop in the kitchen for a quick bite to eat.

Dina had saved me a generous portion of bacon and eggs (What a Goddess send!) and I waste no time devouring it. Between my run and unexpected training session with Jasmine, I’m famished.

*Buzz*

DAD: Please don’t be late to the welcome ceremony.

DAD: And I’d like you to sit with Perrin at the feast.

DAD: Leila, are you getting these?

LO: Roger all that, Dad.

Goddess, he can be so annoying sometimes. Placing my dishes in the sink, I turn to go when I see Dina bustling back into the kitchen.

“Thank you so much” My gratitude is hampered by the eggs still stuffed in my cheeks, but she gets the point. Beaming at me, she waves me on. I’m sure she’s busy with preparation for the feast this evening so I quickly get out of her way.

“A package was left for you.”

Dina’s melodious voice wafts behind me up the stairs.

“From who?” My voice echoes back, finally clear of the rest of the bacon.

“Not sure, but make sure I get to see you before you go, ok?”

**

After a hot shower, I take my time getting ready for the ceremony. At some point while I was gone that morning, a gift box was dropped off on my bed. Wrapped in a luxurious bow and a card that read simply, “For the Welcome Ceremony. -Dad” I peel back the wrapping and reveal a beautiful silver cocktail dress.

I’m not big into fashion. My style has been permanently stuck in the ‘athleisure’ category ever since I was fifteen, but the dress is undoubtedly beautiful. I hold it up by the straps and walk over to the floor length mirror in the corner of the room.

It looks like it will fit? How did my dad guess my size?

I reach for my phone and send my mom a quick text.

LEILA: You’re too much.

MOM: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

LEILA: MOM! It’s beautiful.

MOM: It’s from your father, not me.

LEILA: Yea. Because Dad knows how to shop for cocktail dresses from Nordstrom.

MOM: ;) 

MOM: We both know it’s a big day for you and wanted you to have something a little special.

LEILA: I haven’t tried it on yet but I’m sure it will be great. 

I think for a minute, then rifle off another quick text.

LEILA: Wait. What’s wrong with the purple dress I packed?

MOM: Lo, darling. I love you. But that piece of rags isn’t good enough to sleep in, let alone wear to a welcome ceremony.

I giggle despite myself. She’s right. She’s washed nothing but yoga pants, sports bras, gross socks, and Goddess knows what else since I started training with the Texas pack.

MOM: What gave it away?

LEILA: You’ve never given me a present with the price tag still attached.

MOM: Your father is a f$#(%.....

Throwing down my phone in laughter, I head back to the bathroom to dry my hair. Some things never change...

It was no secret my father wanted a son. Even when he was still Gamma, it was important for him to pass on that lineage. That, and knowing that my birth was a result of two wolves who weren't true mates was never an easy pill to swallow. It made me feel like being a daughter really only had one purpose as far as my dad concerned. Which wasn't fair! I trained, I worked hard, I ran patrol with the pack in Texas. And now I was torn out of that life and potentially thrust into that felt familiar yet equally foreign.

Well, you can count me out of that. I mean, I guess I could see it. How could you get married when you hadn't found your true mate yet? And how could my father expect to set me up in some type of match-making like the idea of a true mate didn’t matter to me? 

My parents still don't have an answer on that one. They aren’t true mates after all. But they did get married. And for a while I think it worked. When I was a kid, and from the little I can remember, my mom was really happy living here. But some type of freak accident happened one night while Ethan's dad, Beta Kyle, was on duty. And with his passing, my dad got promoted in his place.

We were so happy up until that point. I just remember a lot of fighting between my parents and realizing that my dad was going to be gone a lot more now. He was taking on more patrols, more appointments at the pack house. There was one point where I didn't see him for an entire week. 

And then one day I got home from school and my mom was packing everything. She said she wanted to leave for Texas. We had cousins on her side of the family and could live as guests with their pack for a while.

At first I was excited! A new adventure. I'd be able to explore, spend time with my dad on vacation, and then come back and tell Ethan and Perrin all about it. I ran to my room and began packing.

A taxi was waiting outside our house a few hours later. Dad wasn't home yet, but mom ushered us into the taxi anyway. I didn't understand.

"Mom, what's going on?" I held a doll tightly in my hands. It’s head was barely attached, disfigured by Ethan a few weeks back. But I didn’t care. It was my favorite.

"Mom, where's Daddy?" She refused to look me in the eyes but ushered me into the back of the waiting cab.

"To the airport," she told the driver. She couldn't look at me, but I saw the tears in her eyes.

We left that night. Of course it had to be raining. I now look back and realize how oddly poetic that was.

I'm not sure I really understood if it was mutual at the time, but my mom made a decision that night and took me with her. 

Neither of them have found anybody since they parted. I think when I was around 10 or something, my mom tried dating some wolf from the pack we were staying with. But it didn't last for long. As far as I'm concerned, my father hasn't met anyone either. They're both without mates, and both without love.

I believe my mom's still pretty bitter about it. Even though it was her choice, every year she's emotionally volatile on their anniversary and I have to just pretend like it doesn't mean anything. We don't exactly have 'divorce' in the human sense in our culture, but I think what happened between my parents is pretty much what it means anyway.

I mean, my mom and dad still talk, but it's mostly been limited phone conversations over the years about money, raising me, how my training's going. And if we're being totally honest, I'm usually the one passing the information between them. Well, except the money part.

But when my mom left the pack, she took me with her. I was six and didn't have a choice. I don't really ever recall fighting her on it. Except I was initially told I'd be able to visit Ethan and Perrin over the summers when I wasn't in school. But it never happened.

I'm not sure why I didn't fight it, or try to visit, or ask my dad for help. It's not like I was trapped or anything. But I think between a new life in Texas and the realization that childhood friends don't really mean you have to be friends for life, we just drifted apart. Email isn't really the same thing, ya know? I got birthday cards the first full years but... but yesterday…

And this morning. Why was I so on edge with Perrin? He was just a childhood friend.

Speaking of childhood friends, I still hadn’t seen Ethan yet. I couldn’t wait! He’d be at the ceremony this afternoon.

SHIT! I caught a glimpse of the time as I finished blow drying my hair. Why was I late to EVERYTHING?

On the way back to my room, I stop in the kitchen for a quick bite to eat.

Dina had saved me a generous portion of bacon and eggs (What a Goddess send!) and I waste no time devouring it. Between my run and unexpected training session with Jasmine, I’m famished.

*Buzz*

DAD: Please don’t be late to the welcome ceremony.

DAD: And I’d like you to sit with Perrin at the feast.

DAD: Leila, are you getting these?

LO: Roger all that, Dad.

Goddess, he can be so annoying sometimes. Placing my dishes in the sink, I turn to go when I see Dina bustling back into the kitchen.

“Thank you so much” My gratitude is hampered by the eggs still stuffed in my cheeks, but she gets the point. Beaming at me, she waves me on. I’m sure she’s busy with preparation for the feast this evening so I quickly get out of her way.

“A package was left for you.”

Dina’s melodious voice wafts behind me up the stairs.

“From who?” My voice echoes back, finally clear of the rest of the bacon.

“Not sure, but make sure I get to see you before you go, ok?”

**

After a hot shower, I take my time getting ready for the ceremony. At some point while I was gone that morning, a gift box was dropped off on my bed. Wrapped in a luxurious bow and a card that read simply, “For the Welcome Ceremony. -Dad” I peel back the wrapping and reveal a beautiful silver cocktail dress.

I’m not big into fashion. My style has been permanently stuck in the ‘athleisure’ category ever since I was fifteen, but the dress is undoubtedly beautiful. I hold it up by the straps and walk over to the floor length mirror in the corner of the room.

It looks like it will fit? How did my dad guess my size?

I reach for my phone and send my mom a quick text.

LEILA: You’re too much.

MOM: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

LEILA: MOM! It’s beautiful.

MOM: It’s from your father, not me.

LEILA: Yea. Because Dad knows how to shop for cocktail dresses from Nordstrom.

MOM: ;) 

MOM: We both know it’s a big day for you and wanted you to have something a little special.

LEILA: I haven’t tried it on yet but I’m sure it will be great. 

I think for a minute, then rifle off another quick text.

LEILA: Wait. What’s wrong with the purple dress I packed?

MOM: Lo, darling. I love you. But that piece of rags isn’t good enough to sleep in, let alone wear to a welcome ceremony.

I giggle despite myself. She’s right. She’s washed nothing but yoga pants, sports bras, gross socks, and Goddess knows what else since I started training with the Texas pack.

MOM: What gave it away?

LEILA: You’ve never given me a present with the price tag still attached.

MOM: Your father is a f$#(%.....

Throwing down my phone in laughter, I head back to the bathroom to dry my hair. Some things never change...

It was no secret my father wanted a son. Even when he was still Gamma, it was important for him to pass on that lineage. That, and knowing that my birth was a result of two wolves who weren't true mates was never an easy pill to swallow. It made me feel like being a daughter really only had one purpose as far as my dad concerned. Which wasn't fair! I trained, I worked hard, I ran patrol with the pack in Texas. And now I was torn out of that life and potentially thrust into that felt familiar yet equally foreign.

Well, you can count me out of that. I mean, I guess I could see it. How could you get married when you hadn't found your true mate yet? And how could my father expect to set me up in some type of match-making like the idea of a true mate didn’t matter to me? 

My parents still don't have an answer on that one. They aren’t true mates after all. But they did get married. And for a while I think it worked. When I was a kid, and from the little I can remember, my mom was really happy living here. But some type of freak accident happened one night while Ethan's dad, Beta Kyle, was on duty. And with his passing, my dad got promoted in his place.

We were so happy up until that point. I just remember a lot of fighting between my parents and realizing that my dad was going to be gone a lot more now. He was taking on more patrols, more appointments at the pack house. There was one point where I didn't see him for an entire week. 

And then one day I got home from school and my mom was packing everything. She said she wanted to leave for Texas. We had cousins on her side of the family and could live as guests with their pack for a while.

At first I was excited! A new adventure. I'd be able to explore, spend time with my dad on vacation, and then come back and tell Ethan and Perrin all about it. I ran to my room and began packing.

A taxi was waiting outside our house a few hours later. Dad wasn't home yet, but mom ushered us into the taxi anyway. I didn't understand.

"Mom, what's going on?" I held a doll tightly in my hands. It’s head was barely attached, disfigured by Ethan a few weeks back. But I didn’t care. It was my favorite.

"Mom, where's Daddy?" She refused to look me in the eyes but ushered me into the back of the waiting cab.

"To the airport," she told the driver. She couldn't look at me, but I saw the tears in her eyes.

We left that night. Of course it had to be raining. I now look back and realize how oddly poetic that was.

I'm not sure I really understood if it was mutual at the time, but my mom made a decision that night and took me with her. 

Neither of them have found anybody since they parted. I think when I was around 10 or something, my mom tried dating some wolf from the pack we were staying with. But it didn't last for long. As far as I'm concerned, my father hasn't met anyone either. They're both without mates, and both without love.

I believe my mom's still pretty bitter about it. Even though it was her choice, every year she's emotionally volatile on their anniversary and I have to just pretend like it doesn't mean anything. We don't exactly have 'divorce' in the human sense in our culture, but I think what happened between my parents is pretty much what it means anyway.

I mean, my mom and dad still talk, but it's mostly been limited phone conversations over the years about money, raising me, how my training's going. And if we're being totally honest, I'm usually the one passing the information between them. Well, except the money part.

But when my mom left the pack, she took me with her. I was six and didn't have a choice. I don't really ever recall fighting her on it. Except I was initially told I'd be able to visit Ethan and Perrin over the summers when I wasn't in school. But it never happened.

I'm not sure why I didn't fight it, or try to visit, or ask my dad for help. It's not like I was trapped or anything. But I think between a new life in Texas and the realization that childhood friends don't really mean you have to be friends for life, we just drifted apart. Email isn't really the same thing, ya know? I got birthday cards the first full years but... but yesterday…

And this morning. Why was I so on edge with Perrin? He was just a childhood friend.

Speaking of childhood friends, I still hadn’t seen Ethan yet. I couldn’t wait! He’d be at the ceremony this afternoon.

SHIT! I caught a glimpse of the time as I finished blow drying my hair. Why was I late to EVERYTHING?