SUBSTITUTING THE RUNAWAY BRIDE (REVISION)

CHAPTER 6

IKAANIM NA KABANATA

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"Tama na please. Parang awa mo na." I keep on pushing him away from me but he just won't budged nor stop no matter what I do.

Wala kong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak habang sinisira niya ang pagkatao ko.

"Rie, Wake up!"

"No! Stop! Wag mo kong hawakan!" but he continued to touch the parts of my body that I don't wanna be touched.

Tears are streaming down in my face, my voice broke every time I plead for him to have mercy on me. This time my hands are tied and I can't see his face.

I don't know, but every time I get back to the worst day my life, the lessen I get to see his face and it just becomes blurry in my mind.

Can my pain and agony end someday?

"Rie, please wake up! Nananaginip ka lang! Gumising kana, nandito lang ako." Doon ay naramdaman ko ang mahinang pagyugyog sa balikat ko.

Panaginip lang ulit yun? kung panaginip man to, bakit kailangan ipakita pa sakin ulit kung paano ko binaboy ng lalaking yun?

Why am I back with this nightmare?

When I realized that it was just another bad dream, that's when I finally open my eyes.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the familiar white ceiling of the hospital. The smell of the orange air humidifier beside my hospital bed, my throat feels dry, my arm feels numb and there he was. My cheating ex-boyfriend.

Jiro, sitting beside my bed.

Relief washed down in his expression while looking at me. He was holding my hand and kissed the back of it while sighing in contentment.

"I'm glad you're awake now." nakayuko lang siya habang nakaupo sa tabi ko, nakasubsob ang mukha sa likod ng kamay ko.

I can clearly see how much it pains him to see me this way, I know deep in his heart he still cared for me.

I just simply hope it is because I was his partner s***h bestfriend, and not because I looked like the woman he really loves. With that thought in mind, I looked away from him. Hindi ko parin maalis sa isip ko na kung sana hindi ko siya sinundan ng gabing yun , hindi sana ko mapapahamak at magkakaganito.

Hindi lang basta puri ko o buhay ko ang nasira ng gabing yun, winasak na rin nun ang natitirang pagmamahal ko sa kanya at mga pangarap ko.

Basically, I'm just an empty body now.

Hindi ako nagsalita the whole time na magkasama kami sa isang private room ng hospital na ito. Malamang siya nanaman ang nagbayad neto ng sarili niyang pera. Dati ayoko nang ginagastusan niya ko kaya as much as possible binabalik ko yun with the same gift, amount or by the actions of love but right now, wala kong mahalukay na pakialam.

I just want these things to finally end and rest in peace.

Matagal rin na namayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin hanggang sa bigla siyang nagsalita. Nakasubsob parin ang mukha sa kamay ko, ramdam ko rin ang mga luha niya na pumapatak.

Manhid na ba ko kung sasabihin kong wala kong maramdaman?

"I'm sorry..." panimula niya sa mahinang boses. "Sorry, because I wasn't there with you when you needed me the most. Sorry that I am unable to fulfill my promise to protect you at ako pa ang naging dahilan para mapunta ka doon ng gabing yun at napahamak." Tiningala niya ko at tumitig ng diretso sa mata ko. Now, I can clearly see the frustration in his eyes, the pain, the regrets. It was so many emotions that I can clearly see now especially that he was straightly looking at me and I just lay there in the hospital bed, staring back at him with no emotions.

He deeply sighed with my emotionless reactions, as if the next words were heavy for him to tell me. "I just wished I can turn back the time, Rie." Napailing iling siya at pinadaan ang kamay sa buhok. "For the past 26 hours that you were unconscious I kept thinking that, what if... What if sinabi ko sayo kung bakit kami nagkikita. If I just told you everything, baka hindi ka nagdudusa ngayon dahil sa kapabayaan ko bilang nobyo mo, lalo na bilang bestfriend." rinig ko ang sakit sa mga bawat salitang binitiwan niya, kitang kita ko rin ang pagyugyog ng balikat niya habang patuloy siyang umiiiyak.

He rarely cries but when he does, lagi akong nasasaktan para sa kanya pero ngayon... bakit wala na kong pakialam?

"...Sorry, kasi nalaman mo pa pala sa iba. If only sinabi ko lang sayo kung anong totoong dahilan bakit kailangan kong makipagkita ulit sa kanya at kung bakit ako nandun nang gabing yun at sa iba pang araw na magkasama kami. Bago ko ikwento sayo ang lahat I just want you to know that I didn't do inappropriate things with her in those times na nagpasama siya sakin to help her do a plan to escape her dangerous fiancee."

That picked my interest but still remain emotionless.

I would like him to continue talking to know more about it, I knew he wouldn't dare to lie in front of me, but I decided to not listen anymore. Kahit pa malaman ko wala namang magbabago.

"You don't have to tell me everything, Jiro." unti unting bumalik sakin ang sakit habang nagsasalita. Tila ngayon lang ako ulit nakaramdam. Sobrang sakit ng puso ko ngayon at parang may pumipiga nito. "Ayoko na rin marinig pa kung ano mang dahilan mo o kung bakit. Nangyari na eh. Tapos na."

Doon ay tuluyang pumatak ang luha ko. Pinilit kong umupo ng magisa, at nang akmang tutulungan niya ko ay mahina ko lang na tinabig ang kamay niya. Hindi naman na siya nagpumilit pa at hinayaan akong magisa na umupo.

Nang makaupo ng tuluyan, diretso ko parin siyang tinignan sa mga mata. Hindi na tinatago kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"I'm so tired, Jiro." ngumiti ako ng maliit at hinayaan ang mga luhang kanina pa tumutulo. "I'm so tired of sleeping and dream about hellish things that what I went through. "

Regrets and sorrow was evident in his expression as he looked at me.

He stood up and gently pull me for a warm hug on my side.

Not saying anything. Just a pure comforting hug from him. I can say that his hugs are still feels great.

"I'm so tired, Jiro...I am so tired of thinking that I am no longer pure..." nanginginig ang mga kamay ko ng tingnan ko ito habang nakapatong ito sa nakakumot kong mga hita.

"...That the virginity I tried so hard to treasure and protect was taken away from me easily." I gently pull away from the hug, but his arms are still wrap on my shoulder as he hug me so tight.

Tiningala ko siya mula sa gilid at doon nagtagpong muli ang mga mata naming parehong luhaan. "I'm dirty now, Jiro." I softly said. "I am so filthy now that I no longer deserve you..."

Inangat ko ang kamay ko hanggang maabot ang pisngi niya at mahina itong hinaplos. "I would understand if you no longer love me and you want to leave me now. I don't deserve you anymore... We should really end this before it takes a toll between us."

Nilagay niya ang kamay niya sa kamay kong nasa pisngi niya at mahina itong pinisil. "I still love you so much, Rie."

Umiling siya ng marahan at hinalikan ang palad ko. "Nothing could ever makes me love you less, Rielly. For me, you're still the woman I would want to spend my life with. Nothing could ever make you less in my eyes."

Maliit akong napangiti sa narinig. Those words from him sounds so sincere and I wanna believe it.

though, I already made a decision. I'm fully decided to end my life and my misery.

Marahan kong binawi ang kamay kong nasa pisngi niya at napailing na lamang.

"Patay na mga magulang ko. I don't see any reason why I should remain living in this hell life of mine. I am all alone now and it was painful for me to live each of every single day carrying the burden of being a r**e victim." Walang buhay ang mga matang tumingin siya ng diretso kay Jiro.

"Hinayaan mo na lang sana kong mamatay sa kwarto ko." She chuckled humorlessly and look away before closing her eyes trying to erase that worst night in her mind.

"In my dreams... or should I say 'nightmare' I always see him, Jiro." Nandidiri niyang pinasadahan ng tingin ang mga hita niya. "That guy who abused me. Paulit ulit ko yung napapanaginipan. Paulit ulit niya kong binaboy. Hindi mawala sa isip ko at halos mabaliw na ko sa tuwing naalala ko yun lalo pagbangon ko sa umaga."

Frustrated with the bad memory she wants to forget so hard. Nanginginig ang mga kamay na pinasadahan niya ng mga daliri ang kanyang buhok.

" Hirap na hirap na ko, Jiro." pain and tiredness are evident in Rielly's voice.

"I know, kaya hayaan mo akong samahan kang magpalakas. Hindi kita iiwanan , Rie. I'll be with you all step of the way on your recovery."

"Hayaan mo na lang akong magpahinga."

Puno naman nag pagtutol na umiling si Jiro. "Hindi, Rielly. Hindi kita hahayaang gawin mo yan."

“You can't just die. Alam kong nasasaktan ka at nahihirapan... Alam ko din na kahit kailanman ay hindi ko maiintindihan kung gaano kasakit para sayo ang mga pinagdaanan mo at pinagdadaanan mo palang ngayon pero sana wag mo naman kalimutan na nandito parin ako. Handa kong makinig sayo, handa kong intindihin ka, Damayan at mahalin ng totoo."

Doon ay napatitig na lang ako sa kanya. Talaga bang kakayanin ko pang mabuhay? Kakayanin ko ba talaga?

He gently took my hand and hold it firm trying his best to not break the eye contact between us.

"Hindi nagbago nang nangyari sayo o nang nakaraan mo kung gaano kita kamahal, Rielly. Mas minamahal pa kita sa bawat segundo na magkasama tayo." Tears are still falling in his cheeks.

Tahimik ko na lamang na binawi ang mga kamay kong hawak niya pero lalo lamang niyang hinigpitan ang kapit dito.

Huminga ng malalim si Jiro at kinalma niya ang sarili habang pinupunasan ang mga luha niya gamit ang isang kamay.

Pinakatitigan ko siyang muli at ramdam kong may balak siyang sabihin sakin na bagay na alam kong maaring hindi ko magustuhan.

"Isa pa, mayroon kanang panibagong dahilan para mabuhay at lumaban. " pigil ang hininga ni Jiro sa balak na sabihin sa dalaga.

Ngunit pilit niyang tinatagan ang loob para sabihin kay Rielly ang natuklasan.

“Rielly... You're pregnant."

Para akong binuhasan ng malamig na tubig sa mga salitang binitiwan niya.

Buntis sino?