Fire & Flood (Mythverse #1)

Book 2 Chapter 21

21

Val continues sitting with Tina after I get to the room. We stay clear of talking about anything personal—including the fight he just had with Nico. Instead he politely thanks me for telling him about Tina being sick, and I fill him in on Fern’s plan.

It’s all sorta stilted and awkward with both of us aware that even sick, Tina would kill me if she knew about that kiss.

Finally, not wanting to draw any suspicion upon Tina, Val leaves to go about his normal routine. I promise to let him know if Tina’s condition changes.

That night, in her delirium, Tina tells me more than she ever would if she were well.

“My father, the hypocrite, always told us that being pureblood vampire was important. That we could never, under any circumstances, let anyone know the truth.”

“What is the truth?” I ask gently.

She laughs weakly. “The truth is that our mother was a mutt. A bit of shifter, a bit of nymph, a bit of vampire. She had no pedigree. No connections. But she was very beautiful. My father took her into his household as a pet. He dressed her up like a doll and showed her off at parties and well, things became complicated.”

“When she got pregnant my father’s wife wanted her dead. But father had no children yet, so he convinced her to wait until she gave birth. Maybe he loved my mother. Maybe not. But when Val and I were born, he looked the other way when his wife murdered our mother and took us as her own.

“I think my father’s wife does love us in her own way. We call her Mother, but she doesn’t understand us. She wants us to be just like her. But we’re not. Even when we were children, nothing was ever good enough—especially when our other characteristics would show.”

“Like you turning your hair green,” I muse.

“And I talked to plants, like, all the time,” Tina says. She clucks her tongue at Vee, who turns its trap…what I’ve come to think of as its head, toward Tina. “If they were thirsty they would tell me, and I’d….”

Tina blinks, as if suddenly remembering who I am. She tells me to bring her water. But it’s too cold. Then too warm. I go back and forth at least six times and then she takes one sip and says she’s not thirsty anymore.

Ordering me around seems to put her back in a better mood, though, because as she leans back against her pillows (and actually mine too—she demanded it and when I objected said that it would be too bad if borrowing my pillow turned out to be her dying wish), she continues her story.

“So, my father made sure we learned how to be perfect vampires. They wanted to fool everyone. They wanted to fool themselves most of all, I think. When we were young they tried to keep our birth mom a secret, but I always knew we were different. ‘Mother’ told me the truth when I was five years old. She told me I could tell no one and that I needed to keep my ‘Moggy’ side a secret. It was easier for me, but Val…”

“Val what…?” I prompt.

“Oh, Val. We’re twins but I’ve always felt older. Always felt like it was my job to protect him. I know you like him, and he likes you, but I can’t let anything seem off about him. You understand, don’t you? He’s the only thing I care about.”

She goes silent again and I can’t help but feel for her. Not knowing your birth mother, I understand. I feel a kinship with Tina, something I thought wasn’t possible.

Fern returns with the blood; there’s got to be at least a gallon and all I can think is that Marguerite must really love her. She sets up an IV drip and tells Tina that we’ll be back to check on her after our next class.

“Next class?” I ask Fern, confused.

“Well, you know how I was talking to Hermes about how disappointed we all were that s*x-ed was cancelled because Zee wanted Mad Maddox instead?”

“Yeah, you really saved our butts.”

“Well, I may have been a little too convincing. He petitioned Zee and now we have two special guest speakers.”

“No. Please no.”

She gives me a half grin. “Yep. Old man Priapus is on campus now.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, hurrying to keep up.

“He’s kind of hard to miss,” she says, turning to me with a smile. I can see it’s supposed to be a joke, and she can tell I’m not getting it.

“You don’t know who Priapus is, do you?” she asks, hand on the classroom door.

I shake my head.

“Don’t worry,” she says, with something of a smirk. “All will soon be made clear.”

It’s not only made clear. It’s made abundantly, enormously, engorgedly, obvious.

Priapus stands at the front of the classroom, hands on his hips, toga draped over one shoulder, watching students file in. Normal teacher behavior, except for the fact that his toga is open at the hips and his ridiculously large d**k rests inside a wheelbarrow in front of him. I mean, it’s covered with what looks like a giant tube sock, but he definitely doesn’t have an extra foot in that wheelbarrow. It’s a d**k in a sock.

“Uh…” I’ve lost verbal abilities. There are no words for this.

Suddenly, Cassie is at my side. She takes me by the elbow and guides me over to where Fern and Larissa are sitting.

“God of fertility,” Cassie informs me, in a low whisper. “Protector of gardens, fruit plants, and livestock.”

“Okay,” I say. “The fertility part makes sense, but protector of—”

Cassie smacks herself on the forehead. “Also, male genitals,” she adds. “I forgot that part. Protector of male genitals.”

“There it is,” I say. Everything makes sense now.

I settle in next to Fern, who also leans in to educate me.

“Apparently a long time ago he used to use it as a counterweight on the scales,” she says.

“I…” Nope. Lost all words again.

Nico comes sauntering in late. He drops into the seat at the edge of our row, right next to Cassie. Unbelievable! When his werewolf-as-Rambo impression left her nearly catatonic. I lean over with the intention of telling him to get lost, but Cassie gets there first.

“Nico.” She takes his hand in both of hers. “I meant to tell you, thank you so much for coming back for me.”

My mouth almost drops open.

Nico gives a half shrug. “You helped me escape.” He hesitates and then in a voice so soft I can barely hear it over the classroom chatter, he adds, “You helped me survive in that place.”

Cassie leans even further into him; she’s practically nuzzling his shoulder. “I knew you’d come back.” Pulling back from him, Cassie frowns. “But you promised you wouldn’t kill anyone.”

“I promised I wouldn’t kill anyone when I was escaping,” Nico corrects. “And I didn’t.”

Cassie looks so sad at this. Her eyes fill with tears. I watch Nico watching her. He swallows and looks away.

But Cassie isn’t done with him. “You have a good heart, Nico,” she says softly. “I saw you be kind. I know it’s in you.”

Nico doesn’t answer and before Cassie can say anything else, he’s saved by the start of class.

“Class, everyone settle down,” Priapus says, holding his hands up for quiet. “I don’t want to have to say it twice. I don’t want to get hard on you.”

There’s a titter of giggles, but apparently Priapus didn’t mean it as a joke, because his eyebrows come together.

“Alright, everyone,” he says. “Welcome to Comprehensive s****l Education for Non-Humans. I am your teacher, Priapus, but you can all me Pus.”

There’s some nervous laughter, but apparently that wasn’t a joke either because his face gets stormier.

“All right, get all the giggles out. Every time I teach this class, I hope the students will have evolved and be able to handle a frank discussion of sexuality.” He sighs heavily. “But it hasn’t happened yet. And yet I press on, determined to ram this information into your heads. It might be uncomfortable at first, but if everyone would just relax, I believe this could be a pleasurable experience for all of us.”

Oh my gods! Can he hear himself?

Priapus grabs his wheelbarrow and wheels over to the whiteboard, d**k leading the way. “Now, let us begin with the difference between boys and girls.”

We all glance at each other. Is he serious?

“Now,” Priapus says. “Boys have a pee-pee.”

He draws a c**k and balls on the whiteboard complete with a smattering of hair, then turns his wheelbarrow again so he’s facing us.

“Can you say it with me, class?”

Okay, he is serious.

“Pee pee,” everyone repeats, which seems to please him.

Cassie’s face is beet red and I think she’s about to fall over from lack of oxygen. Fern has her arms crossed in front of her, apparently insulted as a healer. Val leans back in his chair, arms above his head. His coolly amused attitude is not all that different from how he is in every class. And Larissa…

Larissa is taking notes. She’s drawn a huge c**k and balls and written “pee-pee” next to it, in big, curlicue lettering.

I am heartbroken for Jordan. He will be crushed when he finds out what he missed.

“Um, Mister uh… Mister Pus?” A merman has his hand in the air, a question on his face.

“Yes?” Priapus asks.

“We’re uh… I mean, we kind of already know the basics,” he says. “I think Mr. Zee wanted you to concentrate more on why interspecies breeding is a bad idea.”

“It is a bad idea,” Priapus says. A few heads nod in agreement. “But I don’t think you do know your basics, son.”

“I—” the merman begins, but Priapus cuts him off.

“What is the name for female genitalia?”

“It’s, uh…” he reddens a bit, looking around. “It’s a v****a, sir.”

“Wrong!” Priapus holds his finger up in the air. “The female genitalia is called a hoo-hoo.”

And with that, Priapus draws a very accurate rendition of a v****a, carefully labeling it “hoo-hoo.”

Nico stands. “Yeah, that’s enough for me. I’m done.” Without another word he turns and walks out of the classroom.

Priapus shakes a finger at Nico’s retreating back, “That young man has his head up his pooper.”

“I could literally be saving lives right now,” Fern says, arms still crossed.

Larissa, hurriedly scribbling in her notebook, gives us a huge smile.

“I had no idea you had different names for them here!” she says. “America is fascinating!”