Beyond the crashing waves

Prologue

SIMULA

Everybody else dreamed to love and be loved. They'd rather be foolish and settle for less when they clearly deserve something more.

That's why I promised to be different from them. I vowed to aim for glory and nothing more.

" And the first place goes to....." The host paused for a while, "River Aeris Mendez from Region 12!"

Napuno ng palakpakan at hiyawan ang paligid , I stood up and released a small smile. I knew it, I already expected it the moment I entered the competition room

As I walked to the stage I could feel their gazes upon me. It wasn't uncomfortable, it bought me confidence and comfort instead. As if I was born to always stay at the center, I know that I am. I am used to being the center of attention, I just love it.

Nang makatungtong ako sa stage ay doon binalot ng kasiyahan ang sistema ko ng makitang hawak ng isang judge and gold medal at certificate. I took a few step only to feel my knees weakened the moment I saw a familiar face beside the officials and judges.

My smile dropped. The brown orbs that resembles mine pierced through my soul. It was as if he's reminding me of something.

No…

It was because of me right? It was because I worked hard for this right?. That's right, I did this. I won because I did well.

It's not because of my him. So I should smile. I should chin up and be proud.

Yes.. That's the right thing to do, River.

You should be proud, you won because you did it flawlessly. And you deserve it.

I made sure to smile and bowed at them the moment I received the certificate. I could feel my hands tremble amidst the proud posture I am showing.

When I got out of the stage I went straight to the bathroom for a breather.

Not minding the approach of people as I made my way out of the stage.

I was planning to go out, wash my hands then leave when I heard a pair of girls talking. My feet glued to the ground the moment I realized what they were talking about.

" Was kinda disappointed by the result. Other contestants' entries are much better than that Mendez's." she stated.

"Yup, baka may backer. Mendez eh," They both laughed at the same time.

My shoulder fell, lahat ng pangugumbinsi ko sa sarili ko kanina ay parang nawalan ng epekto. My tears were in the verge of falling.

But I refrained it, a mendez is not weak. I reminded myself.

I gripped tighter on the certificate. I don't want this. At least not when it was him who made me have this.

I wanted to cry.. I wanted to run away..I want to be gone.

I felt like I was experiencing a cliche scene from a drama where the protagonist stays inside the bathroom and gradually listens to how those people belittle her.

How those people act like they know her, like they know what I had to sacrifice to gain these certificates. Only to feel so little, so small and worthless.

From Dad

: I'm outside, hurry up, we're having dinner with your Mother.

Mother.. She's not my mother and I'd hate to be her daughter. Tawagin pa nga lang siyang ‘Mama’ ay hindi ko na masikmura. She's only my father's wife, aside from that, she's nothing. We don't even share the same blood.

When I went out, dad’s car was already waiting for me. Bumusina siya ng isang beses, a signal for me to go in.

I heaved a sigh before opening the door of the car. I sat at the backseat, dad looked at me through the rear mirror with a serious eyes.

That small gesture confirmed all the things that I kept on denying earlier. I felt weak, worthless and a nobody.

I glanced at the certificate that I received. I crumpled it, opened the car’s window and threw it outside. Something that I always do after finding out the same thing over and over again.

Every single competition that I participated in, I tried my best to always hide it from him. Pero nalalaman niya pa din, I've always won those. But I never once feel worthy of it. Not when araw-araw niyang pinapamukha na I will never be worthy of something.

That I'll never be capable of doing things that I love, that I will always need his money to win and survive.

“ Congrats on your win” he said with a hint of sarcasm. Not even a hint, because in every damn word there's a sarcasm in it. “Be thankful that you're my daughter, Aeris, ang hirap pakiusapan nung judge but money is money. Everyone would bark for it”

I'll never be thankful for being your daughter, Rivero. Not even a slightest inch of my being is proud of it.

I'd change my surname to my mother's surname only If I know who she is.

Mahigpit ang hawak ko kutsara at tinidor ng hindi siya tinatapunan ng tingin. Kulang nalang ay madurog ko na ang kinakain, I don't even have the appetite to eat even a slightest.

“ Good job today, Riv, you've made me and your Dad proud” Ericka said with her usual sweet tone.

It was the cue for me to get up and leave. “Excuse me”

Dali-dali akong lumabas sa resto at

pumunta sa parking. I faced the car and bumped my head on it. I did it, again, and again and again.

I did it till the frustration I'm feeling is gone, do I keep going. Till the hard texture of the car became soft.

I looked up, only to meet a not so familiar face. I looked at her, pure of curiosity so she stared back at me.

“Bumping your head in that car won't help at all. It'll only hurt you”

“That's the reason why I did it in the first place” I whispered.

Silence took over the two of us. Nobody decided to talk, just pure minutes of silence till she spoke.

“You're the first place right?” she asked. I nodded in response.

When I glanced at her, ay may kinuha siya sa bulsa niya. “Look, I also won. 2nd place.” she showed me the certificate. “Let's take a picture!”

Her smile.. It was beautiful and warm..

With brows furrowed, I looked away, stood straight and sighed. “I threw mine away”

Umawang ang labi niya at tiningnan ako na parang binabalot ng kuryusidad ang mga mata niya.

She pouted, “Why? That's an honorable award. Anyone would do anything to deserve that. And you deserve that, that's why you won!”

My heart warmed at her statement.

But no, I'm not deserving of it. I will never be, even though it's also my dream to have that.

Before I turned my back to her to go inside the car, I gave her a little smile.

The silence was a great companion, but to be in silence with someone was even greater.

It felt great for the first time. I'd love to meet you again.

“ Psst, River, tapos mo na ba daw yung caption para sa audition. Nakagawa na si Mayari ng pub mat, caption nalang kulang tas goods na.” Mav whispered, I nodded at her and pointed at my cp, telling her that I sent it already. Tumango naman siya at nagpasalamat pagkatapos.

I was highlighting the important details in my notes. Dahil may quiz at recitation kami sa the next subject when my phone rang for a notification.

Ma'am Alvarez messaged the group chat, specifically requesting for the top 10 in our class.

“Huhu ano na naman kaya pakay ni ma'am, di naman ata to for plus points eh” Simangot ni mav.

Tumayo padin naman siya at niligpit ang nasa desk niya, “Tara na people, let's gaur mamaya na kayo mag cram”

Tumayo naman agad kami at sumunod sa kanya. On our way to Ma'am Alvarez's room ay walang imik ang lahat liban nalang kay Mavrielle at Elle.

“Layo-layo ng room niya eh, 4th floor, eh kung sinabi niya nalang sa group chat. Ma lalate tayo sa major sub natin eh” reklamo ni elle.

I agreed with her but I didn't show it, rather, I stayed silent.

Tama naman kasi siya, sinabi niya nalang sana yung pakay niya samin. Eh ang layo ng 4th floor.

When we arrived at her room, I was the first one to knock on her door. Getting her attention.

“Oh hello, come in, come in” She motioned us to come in.

She was busy writing something on a piece of paper, and on her table, there's 9 mini boxes labeled for different subjects.

She sat properly and looked at each of us, “So I requested you all here because I need you all to tutor some of my students”

Hell..no

“Di nanga ho kami halos maka tulog dahil sa major eh” bulong ni Mavrielle.

“ Of course, I wonder force you but whoever will volunteer to do so will exempted to the exam and plus 2 points sa grades”

Hell..yes

We all sighed in relief, when I thought I was the only one who's waiting for the benefits we will get if we accept this, I was wrong, kasi turned out na kami palang lahat.

She told us na we have the freedom to choose kung anong subject ang ituturo namin, we just had to choose the box and pick a paper with a name in it. Each paper has a maximum of 6 minimum 1.

I chose Science and was the first one to pick a paper from the box

“Para tayong nagbubunot ng raffle” elle laughed.

"Number 443 for motorcycle!" Biro pa ni Mavrielle.

Nang makabunit na ako ay hindi ko muna tinignan ang papel, I waited for each of us to finish.

“Riv, sino sayo?” Mav asked, I showed her my paper.

Umawang ang labi niya at tumingin sakin, “Di ka mahihirapan diyan, talino niyan eh”

With a confused look, I took a look kung sino ang nabunot ko.

Castiel Jair Claveria

Fucking hell.