Moderation Online

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

In the run-down apartment, Brocc, Celerity, and Kendall watched a flickering television as a doughnut hole with lipstick, tapioca earrings, and sugary eyebrows delivered the evening news. She spoke in a studio with the skyline of New Eaton in the background. An image of Brocc, Celerity, and Frank floated in a square next to her with the caption, ATTACK!

“Citizens of the Middle Rind are struggling to understand a violent terrorist attack that disrupted the Festival of the Harvest. Officials say that a group of vegetables pretending to be prisoners hijacked the event, killing Gourmans and humans alike.”

Several humans appeared in a succession of fast cuts, talking into a field reporter’s microphone.

“The vegetables were killing everyone. I thought I was going to die.”

“They were growling like animals.”

“I saw one of them drinking Gourman blood . . .”

The doughnut hole returned to the screen. “Officials are calling this the worst attack on New Eaton soil since the early war. It will be—” She paused and put her hand to her ear. “Just in! We have a report that Monte Cristo is holding a press conference right now.”

Monte Cristo appeared on the screen, standing at a podium in front of Grease Tower. The golden glass of the skyscraper shone behind him. Reporters fought each other to ask him questions.

“This is not something that citizens should be concerned about,” the hotdog said. “I assure you that we will find the terrorist vegetables, and we will process them on national television as punishment for their heinous crimes.”

“So you’re calling them terrorists?” a reporter asked.

Monte Cristo looked at the reporter, puzzled. “Absolutely. That’s being nice. I could have used the terms ‘scoundrels,’ ‘misfits,’ or ‘freaks,’ and that would be a more accurate description of them. But I have to be politically correct.”

A few reporters chuckled.

Another reporter raised her hand. “What kind of message does this convey about the already increasing tensions between Gourmans and vegetables in the city? Do you think it was the VFO?”

“Whoever it was,” Monte Cristo said, “I remind them that we are the greatest nation to ever exist. We won’t be bullied by a stalk of broccoli. I also tell them this,” he said, pointing directly at the camera. “You vegetables are going to taste great in a salad.”

All the reporters laughed hysterically as the screen cut away to the doughnut hole again.

“Funny how they lie,” Celerity said, dimming the volume. “We don’t kill humans. They’re painting us as blood-thirsty villains.”

Frank shrugged. He tilted his head toward Kendall, who was still tied to a chair, and he said “Well, considering we took a hostage, we are giving them that impression.”

“At least our attack was successful,” Celerity said.

“The first of many,” Brocc said, cracking his knuckles. He was straddling a chair with a ripped black leather jacket draped over it, and he had taken off his hood. He was now wearing a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans, a pyramid belt of green metal, a golden earring, and red Chucks. Without the robe, Kendall saw how skinny and tall Brocc was. At least six feet tall, he towered over the other vegetables. He snatched the remote from Celerity and turned up the volume on the TV.

The reporter continued as videos of the attack replayed on the screen.

“We repeat: Do not engage with these vegetables. They are dangerous and will kill without thinking. Please report any suspicious activity to the nearest Fry Guard. They exist for your protection.”

“Hey, news lady!” Kendall shouted. “Don’t forget me, the random black guy they kidnapped!”

Celerity puffed, but Kendall ignored her. “So who are you guys anyway?” he asked.

“Stop talking,” Celerity said. She grabbed a roll of duct tape and stretched out a long strip.

“Just tryin’ to have some conversation,” Kendall said.

“Of course, so you can tattle to Sodius.”

Kendall scowled. “Shut your big, beanstalk-looking—”

“What?” Celerity asked. She stood in front of him with the tape. “Finish your sentence. I dare you.”

“You don’t have to be so hush-hush,” Kendall said. “I have a right to know who’s kidnapping me.”

Brocc, who was watching the TV as if he were studying every frame, looked over at Kendall and said,

“We are the Vegans, Kendall,” he said. “We’re dedicated to the destruction of New Eaton and the death of all Gourmankind.”

“Whoa—you say that so seriously, man. Don’t you ever smile? Vegetables are supposed to be kind-hearted by nature.”

Brocc stared at him blankly.

“Come on, relax,” Kendall said. “You’re in the city of easy livin’, the center of suaaaaave, the place of perpetual party. It just sucks that you’re a vegetable.”

“This city is filthy,” Celerity said. “We’ll be happy when it’s flattened.”

“What’d the Gourmans ever do to you?” Kendall asked.

Celerity rolled her eyes. “Typical human. You don’t have the capacity to understand our struggle.”

“Hey, chick, if you don’t have anything nice to say—”

Celerity kicked a leg off the chair and Kendall fell to the floor. She raised her foot to kick him in the face, but stopped just before making contact, hovering with her heel over his nose.

“Calm down! I was just saying what I felt!” Kendall cried.

“And I was just doing what I felt,” Celerity said.

Brocc laughed. “Don’t take it personally, Kendall,” he said. “You see, we’ve never met a human that we liked. Or rather, who liked us. Not in a long time. But we wouldn’t expect you to understand where we’re coming from. Celerity, leave him alone.”

Celerity stormed out of the room, knocking over a table before she left.

“What’s her problem?” Kendall asked. He rolled onto his back and grimaced.

“Don’t mind her,” Frank said, helping Kendall up. “We hate Gourmans. But she really, really hates them.”

“Why?”

“You’re a slow learner,” Frank said. He pulled the broken chair from underneath Kendall and retied the rope around his arms and legs. “Rule number one around here: Don’t piss her off. Brocc’s in charge, but if she gets mad, it takes her days to cool off. Asking personal questions will only get you a mouthful of her leather boots . . .”

“Gotcha,” Kendall said. He rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, resting. “So you guys are telling me that you haven’t seen humans in a long time? What kind of cucumber have you guys been living in? Half the population here is humans.”

He paused, thinking. “Ah. You guys are from the vegetable kingdom.”

Frank nodded. “It doesn’t stink there.”

“I’ve heard it stinks like plants,” Kendall said.

“We’re not going to argue with you,” Brocc said. “I don’t intend to keep you long. We’re not going to hurt you. That video we recorded was all theatrics, you understand. Once we’ve made our point, we’ll let you go and you can go back to stuffing your face, or whatever it is that humans do here all day.”

“I live a good life,” Kendall said. “Don’t make me suffer because you’re mad at Sodius.”

“We’re just wasting our words, Brocc,” Frank said.

A kale dressed in all black ran into the room. “Guys, we’ve got to get out of here. Monte Cristo ordered a sector sweep. They’re searching everywhere.”

“So soon?” Brocc asked.

Several more vegetables entered the living room. They grabbed their weapons and gathered around Brocc. Celerity joined him in the center of the circle.

Brocc threw on his leather jacket and stuck his daggers onto his belt.

“We need to rendezvous in the ninth sector,” he said. “We’ve got inside members waiting for us there in an abandoned subway terminal. We’ll have to split up. Kendall and Celerity, you’ll come with me. And Kendall, I’m not carrying you this time.”

Brocc cut the ropes on Kendall’s legs with his dagger.

“Thank god,” Kendall said, stretching his legs. He danced in place with his wrists still tied, but Celerity punched him hard in the back.

“If you try to run, I’ll skewer you,” she said.

Kendall gulped—she probably wasn’t kidding. Her voice was mean enough, but her piercings made her look even fiercer.

“Good luck, everyone,” Brocc said. “Remember our mission. And if you don’t survive, I’ll give Sodius an extra stab for you.”

Frank saluted. “Let’s beet it, guys. Did you see what I did there? Ha. Ha.” He elbowed the kale dressed in black. “Come on, Kalee, you know you liked that.”

Kalee pushed him away, chuckling. “If you keep cracking jokes like that, I’m going to duct tape your mouth.”

Frank grinned sheepishly and twirled his guns. He blew on them, jammed them into his holsters, grinned, and gave Brocc two thumbs up.

“Hasta la pasta, veggies. See you at the rendezvous point.”

The other vegetables filed out of the room, leaving Kendall, Brocc, and Celerity alone.

Brocc snapped his fingers, and purple sparks danced between them. He snapped them again, but no sparks came out the second time.

He cursed. “Still nothing.”

“Why can’t we turn?” Celerity asked.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost my connection. It has to be the city.”

“I don’t like being left to fate, Brocc,” Celerity said. “That wasn’t the plan. Frank and I both ended up leveling down afterward. That was…unexpected.”

Brocc clucked his tongue. “I leveled down, too. We’ll have to be careful.”

Kendall didn’t know what any of it meant. He was at level one, himself. All vegetables in New Eaton were, too. But he remembered what Frank said and decided not to ask what level they were at.

Brocc nodded to Kendall. “It’s going to be a long run if they spot us.” He wrapped Kendall in a robe that covered his body and shadowed his face.

“I barely got my breath back from the last chase!” Kendall cried. “This isn’t a cool lifestyle.”

“It’ll be good for you,” Brocc said, jogging downstairs.

Celerity poked him from behind, and Kendall ran after Brocc.

They emerged onto an empty street. The buildings were in disrepair and slumped over, looking like they were ready to collapse any minute.

Kendall looked around, recognizing the factory district of the Middle Rind. He was surprised the Gourmans hadn’t found them already; they were only a few blocks from Nonpareil Square.

They crept into a dark alley and crouched as a Gourman police car eased down the street, scanning the area with a searchlight. After it passed, a group of Fry Guards stomped down the street.

They waited several minutes and then crossed into another street, and another. Many blocks later, they entered a street full of dilapidated factories.

Brocc ran ahead, crouching. He surveyed the area, and when he saw that it was clear, he stood and dusted himself off.

Kendall doubled over and panted. “Y’all run too much.”

“No time to stop,” Celerity said.

Then they heard a deafening roar from above.

A huge hamburger with four beefy, warty legs, a tail of hardened grease, and a ketchupy tongue appeared on the roof of a nearby factory. It was the size of a pickup truck, shaped like a dog, and it gnashed its provolone teeth as it bounded into the air and landed in front of them. The ground shook with every step it took.

Kendall couldn’t believe the ghastly beast’s appearance. He had seen a lot of Gourmans—some were uglier than others—but this one looked like it was grown in a test tube.

“Holy—”

“Our worst case scenario,” Celerity said. “This is too soon. We have so much farther to go.”

Brocc drew his daggers and Celerity pulled out her whip.

Kendall shook his head. “Aww hell naw. I ain’t fightin’ that thing!”

He didn’t even know beasts like this existed, and he wasn’t about to fight a monster like this with his hands tied!

He backed away, yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Shut up!” Celerity said, slapping the ground with her whip.

“Sit back and let us handle this,” Brocc said.

The beast roared.

Brocc ran at the hamburger hound. It swiped at him with a bready paw, knocking him into a wall.

The hound swiped at Celerity, but she jumped onto its arm and whipped its eye.

The beast roared and staggered into a nearby building. Brocc stabbed one of its feet, and the hamburger hound fell against a crumbling wall before bounding away.

The wall gave way and chunks of cement tumbled down toward Brocc.

“Brocc, look out!” Celerity cried.

Brocc jumped back as the wall collapsed in front of him. The impact shook the area and the entire building fell, separating him from the beast, Kendall, and Celerity.

Kendall squinted but couldn’t see through the rubble.

“Brocc, you all right?”

No response.

Celerity clucked her tongue and stared at the horrible hamburger, which was stumbling up.

“Bad dog,” she said.

The hound roared. Celerity slapped her whip again, and the sound echoed down the street.

“Won’t you at least untie me?” Kendall asked.

“Be quiet and hide. If you try to run, you better pray that I don’t find you.”

“Can’t you turn purple like Brocc and wipe him out?”

Celerity slapped the ground near Kendall and he jumped behind a car. He scanned the street. Even if he did try to run, the hound could probably catch him with a single jump.

“Yep, better let you do the work . . .” he said, sighing. “Come on, girl! Kick the mustard out of him!”

Celerity turned and focused on the hound. “Brocc, this would be a good time for you to come back,” she said.

The beast roared again.

She reared back her whip as the hound leaped at her.