SOMEONE ELSE'S SHADOW

Two-3

An amused hum fills the small space between us, and a darkened flicker consumes Cayden’s pupils. Being this close to him, I’m enveloped in a fragrance that makes my mouth water. It smells like the ocean hit with a punch of dark spice.

My retort seems to have amused rather than annoyed him. Never breaking eye contact, he holds me captive as he declares, “I suppose we don’t have a choice with a lot of things in life.” His pause has my heart racing with anticipation. And what he says leaves me speechless. “But bad days build better days.”

A small gasp escapes me because I can relate to his comment. It’s one I relate to every single day. “And what happens if you’re only surrounded by bad days?” I ask in a whisper, still engaged in a deadlock with him.

He sighs, the sound heavy and plagued, and I can’t help but wonder why. “Storms don’t last forever.” He leaves me speechless yet again.

As we’re silently sparring, speaking in innuendoes, I can’t help but feel he somehow can relate to what I’m going through, which is absurd. But as I stare, losing myself in those eyes, I can’t shake the feeling that Cayden wishes he had the luxury to forget…but forget what, exactly?

A niggle, the tiniest hint of warning, floats to the surface, and at first, I disregard it, too busy trying to interpret Cayden’s demeanor. He looks angry, pissed off, but more so, underneath those layers, he just looks so incredibly sad and…lost.

“The thing about Cayden is that he lost…”

That small grumble, the insignificant twinge begins to drip…drip…drip ever so slowly against my skull. I quash it down, but the drip turns into a trickle, and before long, my head begins to fill with white noise. Slamming my hands over my ears, I squeeze my eyes shut because I know what happens next.

Deep breaths, just how I learned in yoga. Go to my happy place. But none of that works because before long, the static spills from my head down to my toes, and I’m drowning…always drowning.

Please no. Not again.

I prepare myself to be pulled into a vortex, which will leave me gasping for breath, but something suddenly changes. I’m no longer being sucked into a darkened abyss. No, I’m still swathed in darkness; however, those shadows are invoked because of dusk.

“Everything is always better after a thunderstorm…” The moment the raindrops fall onto my tongue, I taste cotton candy. I can also detect the trail of a fragrance that wraps me in a tight bubble. I smell the ocean. Just like I smelled minutes ago…

“What did you say?” I recognize this voice as my own. I just don’t know if I’ve said what I thought I did aloud.

The world stops spinning, and I secure my breathing. My heart is racing, but I coerce my eyes to open, needing to confirm if what just happened is real.

It takes a minute, but I see Cayden and Lacey before me. Their mouths are moving, but I can’t understand a word they say. All I hear are the words, “Everything is always better after a thunderstorm…” on repeat.

I pan over my thoughts from today when I longed to dance in the rain. I’m certain I didn’t vocalize my thoughts out loud, but even if I had, that sentence was spoken by a male. Augusto barely said boo to me during the entire car ride down here, so who was it? Whose voice do I recognize but can’t pinpoint?

“Peyton?” My name echoes off the walls in my head, bouncing and backflipping, leaving me nauseous. But I swallow it down and drag myself back to the present.

“I’m fine,” I manage to wheeze, latching onto something hard to stop me from falling.

“You’re not fine. Jesus Christ, you’re hyperventilating.” I don’t fight it and allow myself to be led away from this nightmare, hoping wherever I’m going, it’ll clear my head.

The moment I’m guided outside, and my gaze floats across the lake’s edge and fixates on the tree, I exhale in relief.

It’s a jumble of words, but among the chaos, I make out an intermittent string of words. “s**t. Just breathe. C’mon. Please, breathe…Snow.” I’m cocooned in the most delicious warmth, and I never want to leave, but I claw my way from oblivion because I’m certain I just heard the word snow.

Tearing my gaze from the oak, I look upward and realize I’m draped in Cayden’s arms. This is the moment I need to thank him for his chivalry, take a Valium, and lie down, but I don’t.

I watch spellbound as the wisps of fallen hair over his brow sway in the wind. The way his eyes scan over every inch of my face, ensuring I’m not broken. But most of all, I remain still, listening to the hypnotizing rhythm of his heart as it beats in concert with mine.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and I’m thankful I can understand him. Nodding, I resist the urge to brush the hair from his cheeks and gently pull out of his hold.

“I’m fine,” I finally manage when he continues to scrutinize me. I amble back inside.

He shakes his head firmly as he follows in hot pursuit. “The last time you said that, you almost passed out. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No, I’m all right. I promise,” I add when he doesn’t look convinced. “I just need to lie down.” However, when I look around at my bare surroundings, I realize that might be a problem. Cayden reads my thoughts and sighs.

“You can always stay with us,” Lacey says, but the clenching of Cayden’s jaw has me politely declining.

“Thank you, but the old couch in the living room will do just fine.” I’m pretty sure I saw a family of raccoons nesting underneath it, but I don’t plan on telling her that.

I’m suddenly embarrassed to meet Cayden’s eyes, feeling completely damsel in distress-like. I want to ask him if he indeed said the word snow, but I don’t. My head is already pounding. I don’t think I can handle any more noise.

“Do you need a hand?” he asks, gesturing with his cleft chin to the living room.

I stubbornly shake my head, but I don’t know why I bothered or why he even asked because before I know it, he’s wrapped an arm around my waist and is leading me into the other room. Lacey’s footsteps sound behind me, and I can’t believe I’ve been here for less than an hour and have already fallen into a heap. So much for my newfound independence.

Cayden’s hold around me is determined and dominant, and I can’t help but think he uses these principles in his everyday life. But I can ponder that after I’ve slept this nightmare away because even though the discolored sofa looks like it’s seen better days, I slump onto it the moment Cayden lowers me down. A plume of dust fills the air, but I settle into the cushions, surprised it doesn’t smell or feel half bad.

“Thank you,” I mumble, my eyes slipping to half-mast. This is normal after an “episode.” Whether it’s my body’s way of coping with whatever the hell this is or my brain just wanting a time-out, I don’t fight it.

The room falls silent. Even in my semi-alert state, I realize my guests have probably got the hell outta Dodge with the intent never to return. Not that I can blame them. My wisecrack came back to bite me in the ass because I suppose, in my case, Lacey can choose her friends, and after today, I most definitely won’t be seeing her around here again.

A weight settles low because I really liked her, and I had a feeling we’d be great friends. As for Cayden, my exhausted body can’t even begin to digest that can of worms. Falling deeper into a slumber-encrusted bubble, I begin to doubt everything that just happened.

My mind is playing tricks on me, and it’s ridiculous to think I heard what I think I did. Why would anyone even mention snow in the summertime in South Carolina? And as for that sentence…it’s all ridiculous. With that decided, I allow my weary mind the reprieve it so desperately needs and welcome sleep.

Lost in the silence and happy with my resolution, I succumb to my troubles and let everything fade away. As I hover on the cusp of slumber, I feel something soft placed against me, a heat warming the chill from my bones. I nestle low and sigh, drawing the material to my nose, and realize I’m burrowed under a blanket.

When my sense of smell catches a whiff of what I’m inhaling, my senses salivate while my mind, my once quiet mind, shakes its head and flips me off. Too tired to move, I surrender and stumble in the fragrance. I can deal with this shitstorm tomorrow because now, all I can smell…is the ocean.