Starry Nights and Stolen Kisses

A Frozen Moment

Time stops. The world around me frozen in motion. A barista's arm suspended, holding a coffee drink out to a customer who's outstretched hand hovers mid air, just shy of making contact with the beverage. A jingle from the door sounds from a million miles away. The beat of my heart hammers in my ears and I hear my name as a whisper as he removes his hand from my shoulder where his touch burns through the fabric of my shirt. All at once 12 years have been erased and I am 18 again, wearing cutoff jean shorts and a forced smile, staring into those dark eyes for what would be the last time.

"Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?" 

"Mia called you? "

"Someone had to because clearly you didn't have the balls to say to my face that you are deserting me." Unable to face the truth, I turned and picked up my Hello Kitty suitcase and slid it into the last available spot in the Tetris configuration taking up residence in the back of my Toyota hatch back. 

"Not everything is about you, Drew." He sucked in a breath as though I punched him in the gut. I couldn't look into his stricken face.

"Lex, please. Stop moving and talk to me." Pulling my hand from the top of the trunk of my car, he linked his fingers with mine and stepped closer, resting his forehead on mine. His touch grounding me in the moment, softening the hardness I had been erecting around my heart. All I wanted was to fall into his arms and stay there forever, but I couldn't.

"I have to go. I can't breath here, you know that." My defenses down, the tears began to flow. 

"You leaving doesn't have to mean the end of us. So, why does it feel like the desert isn't the only thing you're leaving behind?" His eyes searched mine as his fingers stroked the curve of my cheek. How could I explain something that I barely understood myself. Every time I gave in to the happiness I felt with him, I was overcome with guilt. I didn't deserve the happy ending, not that there were any to be had. This was the reason, I had to go. I was filled with anger and disillusionment. He needed me to stay as far away from him as possible, he just didn't know it. I was a ticking time bomb and he deserved better than me. 

Leaning into him, I brushed my lips over his. His arm tightened around my waist and pulled me into him, deepening the kiss like a drowning man hanging onto a piece of drift wood for dear life. Grasping his t-shirt in my fist, I allowed myself this indulgence and became lost in him one last time. Pulling back, my eyes held his heated gaze, "our story isn't over yet." Defeated, he let go of me and stepped back to let me pass by him. Opening my car door, I looked up at him and put on a brave smile before sliding into the driver's seat, snapping my seatbelt into place and pulling out of my parent's driveway. I couldn't look back at him. I couldn't see the pain in his face. I couldn't face it. 

Standing here, in this busy coffee palace, staring into these familiar and yet distant eyes, the bill has come due and the pain I have spent a dozen years avoiding has come home to roost. 

"Holy s**t! Drew?! Boy am I glad to see you, I have a problem and you're just the man to help me with it." The spell broken, Drew breaks eye contact with me to take in Mia who literally looks like she just jumped out of bed and threw on some flip flops before running out to meet me. Her hair is going in every direction on top of her head, her polka dot cotton shorts are so short her butt is barely covered. Thank God the camisole she is wearing has a built in bra or I think putting on a display would have a whole new meaning for Mia. Drew looks from Mia to me and then realizes that he is still covered in hot coffee. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe the look that comes over his face. Sheer panic is the only way to depict the emotions warring over the features of his face.

"I just...I can't," he rasps out as he pushes past Mia and bolts out the door like a bat out of hell.

"Venti latte for Drew." Mia raises her eyebrow at me. I'm still a frozen statue of coffee unable to process what just happened. The Barista repeats the call for Drew and Mia confidently swaggers over to the counter, swoops up the cup and walks back over to me. Hand on hip with a cocky grin, she hands the cup out to me and quips, "you can't deny the man his coffee." For some reason that logic kicks me into high gear and I grab the cup and scramble out of the pool of liquid underneath my sandals. As I make my way to the door I hear Mia call out to someone behind the counter, "Clean-up on aisle five, please." 

Bursting into the sunlight that is already pouring out an ungodly amount of heat for nine in the morning, I look around frantically to see if Drew is still in the parking lot. I walk to the edge of the retail strip to look at the parking stalls around the corner, but he was gone. "So, not over it then." Mia joins me at the edge of the side walk. 

"Since you're wearing my coffee, can I have his?" Unsurprised by her audacity, I give her side eye as she loops her arm around my shoulder. "No sense in letting a perfectly good latte go to waste, now is there?" It's hard to argue with that kind of logic so I hand her the cup that was as abandoned as I had left Drew once upon a million years ago.