The first few days that I was without him, I felt empty. Those left behind were still standing guard over me, ensuring that I was safe and able to live free as I anyways had. I woke in a silent and safe world and went to sleep in the same. Making love had taken more energy out of me than I realized and I was almost glad that he was gone at first, not wanting him to see the way that I struggled to breathe and wake.
Soon however, the days felt too long, the hope of his return not yet something I could allow myself. It was the warm season soon, the time for hiding in my rooms was done. I needed to face the court without him, much as I always had, much as I would have to in the future. Freedom at court, a permanent home here, months without my husband, the pros and the cons of his proposal w
