Once Bitten

Fighting With My Own Demons

~Alpha James~

My gaze was looking out the window that looked out of my office that was on the first floor of the packhouse. I knew that I was always looking for him. Always searching for the one I allowed to get away. My other half, the only person on this earth that could complete me. The one person I have failed everyday since we met. 

As my thoughts get more dark my right fist clenches and I swing it at the wall making a fist sized hole. One of the many I have added to the packhouse since that night. Anger is hot and too fast for me to dive into. I know that everytime I have shared a bed with my girlfriend I have hurt him. At first it was cause I could not accept that I liked men. Up until I found him I thought for sure I was meant to have a female by my side. Never have I ever wanted another male. 

Now I can not stop thinking of his eyes. How the blue got shades deeper blue as I licked down his smooth hard chest or when I was deep inside him. In every dream for over a year I can hear his moans of pleasure as he chanted my name like I was some prayer he had to repeat. 

I am sure by now the love he had for me is most likely hate. I am sure that the matebond may keep him for killing me but he will never want me. I have tainted our union. Discarded the gift the Goddess entrusted to me. Treating my better half like he was garbage. 

My father wants me to mark Juliette. He is also a reason I have kept the secret I found my mate to myself. My father hates how males have been given by the Goddess the ability to have children. Even if the female population has grown smaller you would think he would understand that this was given to us so we could get our numbers back up. He is very set in old ways. Least he could not take my title from me. It’s mine and has been for years now. I would just lose my family if I accepted my mate. 

The door opens and I find myself grimancing as the smell hits me. Walking towards me is my girlfriend. Someone I have grown to feel nothing for. Everytime we make love I have to pretend its my mate to be able to finish. As her arms wrap around me I keep myself from moving away from her. 

We stand there as a thought came to my mind. If my mate shows up later at the packhouse I will become a bigger asshole. I coudl not live in this half life any more. I knew that I could never be happy without him. So if he shows up I will claim him instead of Juliette. I will mark him right on the spot. My father be damned.