Another Love Story

Chapter VIII: Senior year

Monday morning, first day of the new school year. First day of my senior year. First day of my last year of high school. My mother didn’t have to drag me out of bed like she usually had to on the first day back. On the contrary, I got up early so I could take my time to get ready. Well, honestly, I needed time to get ready because of the whole ‘my ribs are broken, and my wrist is in a cast’-thing. The night before, my mother must have asked me about twenty times if I was sure that I wanted to start school, that everyone would understand if I missed out on the first day, first few days or the first week. That I still needed my rest and that I needed time to heal. Not just physically, also mentally. But I didn't want to dwell on it, it seemed to make things worse. Furthermore, there was no way in hell that I was missing out on even a single day of my senior year, not if I could help it. Besides, Declan offered me a ride to school. It would be rude of me to go back on my word, just as we had renewed our friendship. Right? Okay fine, maybe, just maybe, I couldn’t wait to see him. Maybe, just maybe I felt excited, and it wasn’t just because I was a senior. Or that it felt like I had come back to life again after all these years of being on automatic pilot. As I was getting dressed, I felt pretty confident that the only right choice was my bright pink T-shirt. As I stared into the mirror, my eyes fell upon the locket Declan had given. I had put it there because I hadn't known what to do with it. But today I knew exactly what to do with it. I took it off of the mirror and put it around my neck, where it belonged. I knew I was never taking it off again. Well, except for when I shower. Oh, and for when I play volleyball. Oh, and when I sleep. Hm. Okay, so maybe I will take it off from time to time, but you get my drift. I wanted it close to my heart, as much as possible. As I took a final look in the mirror, a smile appeared on my face. It all seemed to make sense. What you ask? It was strange, but right then and there, if felt as if the world started to make sense to me. I went downstairs and set the table to eat breakfast. After that I made blueberry pancakes, some scrambled eggs en crispy bacon. All favorites of my dad. It didn’t take long before my mother and little brother joined me. You should have seen us, sitting there, eating breakfast like a real picture-perfect family. I can’t remember the last time we had sat down to eat breakfast together. We used to do that every morning, before my father died that is. Come to think of it, I think that was the first thing we stopped doing together after the funeral. It wasn’t intentionally, it just kind of happened. But sitting there together once more, it felt right. In that moment I realized how much I had missed it, how much we had missed out on as a family. As I saw the expressions on my little brother's face and that of my mother, I knew I wasn't the only one who had missed family time.

It was time to stop missing out on things. And not just on things with my family, in general. There are no guarantees in life. At any point in time, things could fall apart. Or they don’t. No matter how much we would like to control everything, we can’t. As a self-declared controlfreak, it's not that easy. But it shouldn't cause us to panic and realise just how puny we are in the grand scheme of everything, it should bring us some kind of inner peace. That we should live life as best we can, knowing that the world doesn’t dwell on what is right or fair. That’s the human race. The world just keeps on spinning. Whether we like it or not, whether we think what happens to us is fair or not. Too much philosophy? Too bad, it’s one of my courses this year and I have to practice, don’t I? I'll stop now.

I finished breakfast, got up and kissed my mother on the cheek, messed up my little brother’s brown curly hair and headed out. I flung open the front door and in my front yard, there he stood. Declan Knight. He was standing in front of his motorcycle with one hand behind his back. I knew he was hiding something. And I had an inkling of what it was. How you ask? Well, for one, Declan wasn’t one to bring a backpack to school and second of all, it’s tradition that seniors don’t bring their backpacks to school the first day. A sign of rebellion as we start our senior year. Nope, kidding, we just didn’t have any classes on the first day, so why carry that around? Due to the previously explained reasons, I knew Declan was up to something, so I shouted to him and asked, no, demanded an explanation. As soon as he pulled out that bright pink helmet I burst into laughter. So that was why had had that devilish smile on his face the morning before. It’s like he predicted I would want a bright pink helmet. With a smile from ear to ear I walked up to Declan and accepted the bright pink helmet. He said that he had bought it along with his. Because he knew, or should I say hoped that one day I would wear it to ride with him. Today was finally that day. He warned me that I would give me helmet hair, but that he wouldn’t think any less of me. Trying to make the mood a little lighter after his confession. Without saying a word, I cracked a smile as I took the helmet and put it on. As he turned on his motorcycle, he turned and saw me with the helmet. He couldn't help but let out a laugh. But as he saw the expression on my face change, he soon blurted out that it was a look that only I would be able to pull off. I snort-laughed and I got on the back of his motorcycle. Declan half shouted that he wouldn’t mind if I put my arms around his waist, for safety reasons naturally. I needn’t read anything into it. And I let my fingers slide over his black leather jacket, the one he had used to cover me up a few nights before. Even though I thought motorcycles were death-traps, I had ever since my father’s accident, I had never felt safer than I did in that moment with Declan. Declan would never intentionally let any harm come to me, of that I was sure. He had proved that he would always protect me. I noticed that my mother was peeking out the window, she nodded as if to say that she approved. And as we drove off towards the school. She waved and although I felt safe, I didn’t want to let go of Declan’s waist to wave back. Not sure if it was out of concern for my own safety or if I liked the feeling of my hands around his waist. After only a five-minute drive, we arrived at our destination; our high school. It suddenly seemed so small. The once towering building that inspired fear into our hearts, now seemed to be our playground. I realised that it would be the last first day of high school ever and I couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic about that. That would be the last time I stood in front of my high school, fantasising about how the rest of the year would be like.

I hadn’t noticed, but half of the school was staring at me. Or was it Declan? Or was it at both Declan and I? Not only did the entire school know about my history with Declan and his family and the link with my father’s death, but they had also heard about that last night of the summer festival. Those who hadn’t heard of it, well, let’s just say that word travels fast in high school and the bruises on my face and the cast on my arm didn’t really help either. In an instant we had become the talk of the day and by lunch time there were a few stories circling about what had happened to me. One more insane than the other. And one more unlikely than the other. That’s high school for you, that’s one thing that I will not be missing. The gang was waiting for me in the parking lot and by the looks on their faces, they were as surprised as the rest of the school to see me there with Declan. It was time to face my friends, after all I had been avoiding them since they welcomed me home from the hospital. I told Declan that I’d meet up with him for lunch, that apparently, I had a lot of explaining to do. He said that he understood and wouldn’t mind getting away from all those inquiring eyes. He’d be waiting for me behind the gym, on the playground we used to hang out on when we were children. 

As I headed towards the gang, a sense of unease came over me, as if I wasn’t comfortable leaving Declan. I looked back and saw that he still had his eye on me, it calmed me and as I reached the group, at first none of them seemed to have the guts to ask. But that was until Joy arrived and announced that she was getting out of her car when she saw a girl, that looked a lot like me, wearing a pink helmet, on the back of Declan’s motorcycle; what the hell? As soon as Joy uttered those words, the rest of the group started to join in. See, I hadn’t told them that it was Declan who had been my knight in shining armour who had saved me from Victor. For some reason I had been dreading it. The second I finished recanting the whole tale, how Declan had saved me, about the letters he had written to me as children, the present he had gotten me, the whole group fell silent. I swear I saw Lucas wipe away a tear, Josh was grasping on to Lucas’s shoulder, Mary and Tim were gazing at each other all lovey-dovey and even Joy could help but feel something. For her it was mostly shock, but still, that is feeling something. 

SCHOOLBELL

I couldn’t help but feel a little saved by the bell. And everyone in the gang looked pleased with the fact that they now had to go inside and could not comment on what I had told them. Most of my friends didn’t really know about how Declan and I grew up together. Joy did, and that was it. I hadn’t told anyone about it. We headed in, towards the assembly room, also known as, the gym. Tradition dictated that every year the senior class would gather in the gym and listen to, or should I say endure, an introduction to senior year students. In all honesty, the whole speech about what we could expect from our last year and what was expected of us, kind of went over my head. Why? Simple. Ever since I had read Declan’s letters a change had occurred. It wasn’t a change visible to the naked eye. It went deeper. And I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what it was and what it meant. Seeing as I am a girl, and we girls love overthinking, everything. On top of that, it didn’t help that Declan was sitting only two rows behind me. I kept catching myself trying to look over my left shoulder without anyone noticing it. Just to catch a glimpse of him. What am I, fifteen?! And have you ever tried that? Trying to look over your shoulder without anyone noticing? If you have, then you know I looked like a complete i***t. At that point my phone buzzed. It was a text message from Declan. It contained an attachment. A picture of me. Why is that so special? Well, it was a picture that showed how ridiculous I looked trying to look over my left shoulder without anyone noticing. I couldn’t help but let out a giggle. I was busted. Any belief I had about the fact that I was being subtle about the whole thing went out the door. For the rest of the introduction, I didn’t hear a word they said, and I hadn’t been paying much attention before. Now, I had to put all of my efforts towards not turning around. But what I hadn’t noticed was that Declan had moved up a row and was now sitting right behind me. As he whispered into my ear not to be alarmed, that it was just him, I felt my cheeks getting flushed and couldn’t contain a smile. 

What the hell was happening to me? It’s like I was being overrun by hormones and was in full teenager mode. The butterflies, the giggles, the weird behaviour. But somehow, I didn’t really care how it looked. It was as if I had been holding this back for a long time and I was finally free. But what did it mean? Was I? No, I couldn’t be. Could I?

SCHOOLBELL

No time to think about it, it was time to escape. It was lunchtime. I got up from my chair and headed straight towards the back of the gym. I didn’t even look behind me; I knew that Declan would be right there. As I went around the corner, I saw the playground where Declan and I used to play after school or on weekends. So many happy memories. I had come to a halt and as I was staring at the playground, I felt a hand softly touch my back. Declan. He asked if I was okay, I turned around and I grabbed him by his signature black T-shirt and pushed him against the wall of the gym. My breathing had gotten heavier, my heart was pounding, my right hand was holding on to his T-shirt, because my left hand was in a cast, and my lips were only inches away from his. As Declan put his left hand back on my lower back, he ran his fingers through my hair, he placed his right hand on the back of my head and gently drew me closer. His lips softly touched mine. Fireworks. That is the only way to describe what I felt. It caught me off guard. So, I pulled away. Declan let go of me immediately and asked what was wrong. What he had done wrong. And as I looked into his hazelnut brown eyes I gasped for air and said ‘nothing’. I threw him back against the wall and let myself get wrapped up into his arms as our lips locked. In a matter of second I realised that I was. I was in love with Declan. I had always been in love with Declan. I had been too young to realise, and then with the death of my father I had buried it along with him. I was in love with Declan and it was a love that would be all-consuming. How did I know? No, I will not be the b***h that answers with ‘I just knew’. I knew because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. About how his touch felt on my skin, how his lips pressed against mine. His left hand on my lower back, his right hand on the back of my head, not wanting to let go. His kiss driving me insane. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t let go. But more terrifying than that, I didn’t want to. That is how I knew that I wasn’t just in love with Declan, what I felt for him was all-consuming and that if I wasn’t careful, it would be all too easy to lose myself in it. 

‘It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear…’ – my phone rang.

Josh was calling me, he and the rest of the group must be wondering where I had disappeared off to. I texted that I was hanging out with Declan and I’d meet up with them in a few minutes. I told Declan that it might be best if we had some supervision seeing as my behaviour seemed rather unpredictable at this time. He smiled and loosened his grip from around my waist. Drew me in one more time, kissed me as if to say that he knew how I felt and let go. As he took my hand, we headed towards the school cafeteria. That first day of senior year was memorable in many ways, to say the least. But senior year itself would be engraved into our minds. Filled with firsts, lasts and a lot of good times. Declan ate lunch with me and the gang that first day and he continued to do so for the rest of senior year. He became a part of the group as soon as he sat down at our lunch table. Not like Tim and Mary, no, the rest of the gang actually genuinely liked Declan. That was a joke. Sort of. We developed our own routine; every morning Declan picked me up and drove me to school while I had on my bright pink helmet. And every noon he had lunch with me and the gang. Every day after school he would drive me home. Even if I had practice. He would wait for me. He would read a book or watch me play or practice. When I tried to tell him that he didn’t have to wait for me, he always replied ‘I’ll always wait for you, don’t you know that by now.’ So, after a while I just stopped telling him and started to enjoy the fact that he was there. Even when I didn’t ask him to be, he was always there because he wanted to be. And it didn’t drive me insane. On the contrary. It felt like everything was as if it was supposed to be. If that makes any sense what so ever. It probably doesn’t to you, but it does to me and that is really what matters. Kidding. No, it was more as if the pieces of a puzzle had finally started making sense and all of a sudden it all just seemed to fit together. 

Declan and I had been spending so much time together that my mother and Declan’s parents started seeing each other more often. Slowly but steadily their friendship had also found new life. It started with a friendly hello and goodbye, it quickly turned into birthday cards and before we knew it, a good old fashioned family barbeque, like the ones we used to have. By the time that thanksgiving came around, plans were made to spend it together, with both our families. Soon after, it was decided that Christmas would also be a shared holiday. I had found Declan again and our families had found each other once more. All seemed right in the world. With Declan everything always seemed right. Once in a while, I would catch myself worrying about that. About how easy it all seemed to be with Declan. He always reassured me that if it was a problem, he would be more than happy to cause some trouble. You know, if that would ease my mind. He always knew just what to say to get through to me. And as the months went by, I started to wonder about what Declan and I had. He had become my best friend once again, but he was more than that. Ever since that first day of senior year my heart would pound out of my chest when I laid eyes on him. It was as if I had unleased something inside of me. There had been many more moments where I had barely been able to control myself. Moments where our passionate kissing threatened to develop into something more. But never once had Declan pushed me for more than just kissing. He was always the one with the iron self-control, who was able to stop before taking that next step. Me, I always got caught up in the whole thing. Even though I wasn’t ready to take our relationship anywhere else then where we were at. And never once had Declan complained that I drove him crazy to then just walk away because it was the only way I could control myself. My God did I want him. But after Victor. I don’t know. I needed time to heal, not just physically but also mentally. And the most frustrating thing of all was that Declan understood. I didn’t even have to talk about it with him. He just knew. Like he always knew when it came to me. I trusted Declan with my life, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t terrified of making a mistake. And as even more time passed, before we knew it, before I knew it, senior year was coming to an end. I aced my SAT’s and the world was at my feet. And prom was just around the corner. 

I was at volleyball practice, it was the last practice of the year and it was time for me to take off my captain brace and pass it on to the next generation. As I contemplated if I had made the right choice with my successor, the marching band started to play ‘Wild thing by The Troggs’. I immediately knew that it was Declan that was up to something. And as usual I was right. Do you know the scene from the movie ‘Ten things I hate about you’ where Heath Ledger serenades Julia Stiles? If you don’t, shame on you, go watch the clip on youtube or rent the movie! If you have, it was a lot like that. Only Declan didn’t sing to me because he humiliated me and wanted to get even. No, it was tradition for the seniors to ask their date to prom in an unconventional manner. This was what Declan had come up with. A scene from my second favourite movie of all times. My first? P.s. I love you, of course! Gerard Butler is the dream. Anyway, focus. He serenaded me with the song ‘Wild thing’ and at the end a banner dropped from the gym ceiling that read: ‘Will you go to prom with me, Alice?’. I had planned on letting him suffer, just a little bit and wait to tell him my answer. But boy, had he nailed asking me to prom, I couldn’t contain myself and shouted ‘yes’ at the top of my lungs and then I ran to him and threw myself into his arms. As cliché as they would do it in the movies. I loved it. But I loved Declan more.

Prom theme? That would be Disney. And yes, that is my doing. Dressing up like a Disney princess has always been one of my dreams. Hell, apparently it was every senior girl’s dream as it the vote had been unanimous. Declan picked me up. This time we didn’t take his motorcycle. There was no way in hell that I would risk damaging my freaking awesome baby blue glitter princess dress on that contraption. He didn’t pick me up in a white or black limo either. Get this, he actually picked me up in a horse and carriage. What? I know right. Isn’t he just perfect. Prince charming has got nothing on Knight Declan. It was the most magical night I had ever had. And as the night came to an end and all the couples disappeared towards the town’s hotels, Declan offered me a ride home in the carriage. I told you that he was perfect. He didn’t push me. But you know me by now, sometimes I have my foot up my mouth. And it was up there when I asked Declan why he didn’t push me to take our relationship to the next level. He took a hold of my hands, that were covered up with white gloves and told me what he had said so many times before. He would always wait for me. Whether it was after volleyball practice, to come home from university in weekends or to calm down after he had pissed me off. He didn’t care, as long as I always came back to him. That just melts your heart, doesn’t it? I quickly told him that he shouldn’t get any ideas, that just because he said and did all the right things, that it would mean that he’d get lucky that night. Declan let out a laugh, said ‘That’s my girl’ and put his arm around me. He dropped me off at my house and kissed me good night on my front porch like a gentleman. I didn’t sleep with Declan that night. Or the night after that. Not because I didn’t want to but because I didn’t want it to be something that was planned or thought out. I wanted it to be something that happened because I couldn’t hold back anymore, because I was ready to let my love for him consume me in the best way possible. And it did, not long after my eighteenth birthday. Our families had rented a house at the lake for the summer. We watched the firework spectacle on the fourth of July, we celebrated Declan’s eighteenth birthday and mine on the beach with a bonfire. And on the last night of our vacation at the lake, Declan and I camped out under the stars. As I got lost in his hazelnut brown eyes, I got lost in our love. The passion consumed me and I didn’t have any doubts clouding my mind. 

There were no certainties about what the future would bring. But I didn’t need certainties. I knew in my heart what was right, and I chose to follow it. Just as my father had taught me to do.