TORN

Time Apart

Jess

He had me pressed against the wall, my body tingled all over and my breath was ragged. He stopped a few inches from me, breathing in my scent and I couldn’t take it, I needed to be closer. My body arched forward begging for contact, he groaned and leaned down licking my neck. Fire engulfed me as I bit my lip trying to stifle the moan that escaped me. His hand ran from my shoulder, down my arm to the curve of my breast, tracing the dip of my waist to my hip. I shivered as I felt the pool of wetness between my legs. His hand continued down to my thigh stopping where my dress ended, then made it's way back up underneath my dress, painstakingly slow. His nose brushed my cheek, my back arched even more, my body wanted desperately to feel his against me. His hand entered the top of my panty as his fingers made their way down towards my wetness, stopping at my entrance. I groaned with need, my body on fire, sparks shooting across my skin. His lips brushed mine then he engulfed them in a breathtaking kiss, his tongue exploring mine as his fingers entered me slowly. I shook with need pushing myself against his hand wanting, needing more! 

My eyes shot open, my heart pounding. The tingles from my dream still alive on my skin, a pool of wetness between my legs proof of my need. Damians arm reached out pulling me to him, lifting my top he tool my hard n*****s into his mouth. His hand moved pulling down my panties as he felt my wetness, and the lingering dream left me begging internally for his hand to tease me. Instead he got on top of me, pulling out his member at the same time, and before I could say anything he thrusted into me. The sudden entrance was a shock and pain shot through me as I cried out. He continued pounding into me ruthlessly, my walls drying completely. I bit my lip stifling the cries that threatened to escape. Tears welled in my eyes as Damian continued to pound into me, grunting hungrily, with a final thrust, his nails digging into my thigh as he pulled me, he came, collapsing on top of me. He grunted as he pulled himself out, rolled over and immediately fell back asleep. A cold shiver made its way through my body, as the tears finally escaped and silently made their way down my cheeks. I got up regardless of the fact that it was only 5 a.m. I needed to take a shower. I hated myself for the dream I had, for the yearning for someone who wasn’t my husband. I hated how my body and mind betrayed me and him by shutting down when my husband took me. He had sensed my need and tried to calm it and I betrayed him. What was wrong with me, first the guy at the club and now a man that I was yet to meet properly, that I was supposed to go into business with. Why did they both fill me with this desire, this raw need.

A couple of months passed since I first met Storm, our first official business meeting had been extremely awkward and it was hard to hide the shock when I realised that behind the wolf mask was the guy I had seen at the club. At least I was only secretly lusting after one man! Weeks went by with me avoiding him and letting Jay handle most things, but once they had the location, name and plans I had to start taking over to talk about the interior, design and equipment. It was hard being around Storm, but at the same time his smell always seemed to calm me. As guilty as it made me feel, I loved being around him and soon we became friends. We had a lot in common, loving the outdoors with our our best memories being of camping when we were younger. He had a bad relationship with his father that he managed to put behind him, much like I had to try and do with my mother. Everything was perfect when we were together working and getting to know each other, I just had to remember to avoid being too close to him. The occasional times our hands touched or we brushed past each other their were slight tingles but not as strong as before, which I was thankful for. I enjoyed being around him and hoped that the pull towards him would continue to subside so that we could continue building our friendship. I enjoyed being around him so much, too much to let the tearing at my heart get to me and risk ruining it all.

Things between Damian and I on the other hand had become more and more strained. I couldn’t stand being around him and the guilt ate at me constantly. He didn’t deserve this from me after all he has done for us or with how much he loved me. Still I couldn’t control myself, everything got under my skin and I tried to avoid him constantly. The past two months were easier with both of us being busy and hardly having time alone. Three weeks ago Damian had to fly over to London to oversee some training, leaving me to realise  just how much lighter and happier I felt with out him around. The guilt continued to eat at me, but my life was starting to feel more fulfilled with the restaurant and cafe. It made me realise that I wanted more which in turn made me feel that Damian and I needed to take a break. The way things were between us wasn’t fair to him or me. We both deserved more, he deserved someone to love him the way he loved me and I hoped that finding what I needed would maybe help me to learn to love back in the way he truly deserved. I had already found a two bedroom apartment for Leo and myself, I just had to break the news to Damian and sign the lease. Storm was the only person who knew about all this. In the past I had tried to talk to Jess about how I felt, but she never understood, she never felt anything but happiness with her marriage. Storm, had walked in on me crying one morning at the restaurant when I was supposed to be setting up the tables for our upcoming opening. He tried to comfort me and helped me to realise I wasn’t doing Damian, Leo or myself any good if I wasn’t happy. He suggested time apart to help me figure out what it was I needed so that Damian and I could work on fixing things with a clear mind. I didn’t get the chance to speak to Damian about it then because the business trip came up. 

I heard a key turn in the door and looked up. “Hey Babe I’m home” My heart dropped, guilt weighing heavy on my chest. Damian stood there with a huge bunch of red roses, I hated red roses, but the sweetness behind the gesture just made the guilt tear through me even more. He stepped cautiously towards me, “Jazz, I know the past couple of months have been a bit crazy between us. I should have been more understanding of how much you had going on with the restaurant, cafe and Leonard plus still handling everything at home. Being away the past three weeks made me realise how thoughtless I was. I was thinking that maybe we could get a nanny to help with Leonard and around the house to relieve some of the stress from you. What do you think?” Damian was standing in front of me a small smile on his face. Why was he so perfect! Unable to hold back, tears started streaming down my face as the guilt tore at me! “I, I Im ssso sorry” I sobbed “I ccan’t, you dddon’t deserve, I jjjjust I can’t” a jumble of words and sobs tumbled out of my mouth as I tried to explain how I felt and my plans to move into the apartment I had found. His face fell and he dropped the roses on the floor. We stood there for what felt like hours, me sobbing and apologising uncontrollably while he stood there with a blank look on his face. He finally sighed “Jazz, it’s fine, you don’t have to get an apartment, it’s better for Leonard if you stay here. I’ll get a hotel and then find a place for a while. Do you think six months is enough time? Yeah, six months should give you the space and time you need right? Maybe we can go see a counselor, that should help don’t you think?” He asked his voice strained. “I, you don’t have to...”  I mumbled but he put his hand up to stop me. “ No, I do, all I want is for you and Leonard to be comfortable. I’ll pack my things and give you time. You don’t have to decide about the counselling right now, just think about it” Damian continued, dropping his head and walking to our bedroom to pack a suitcase. Before leaving he asked to see Leonard, the guilt tearing at me. “ I’m so sorry Damian, he is at a sleep over, I I didn’t know you were going to be home today..” I replied softly “ Oh, that’s fine. I’ll get him next weekend, ok?” He asked, his voice strained and unreadable. Was he trying to fight back anger? No, he is just hurt. “Of course you're his father, Leo will love spending the entire weekend with just the two of you” Damian nodded his head, turned around and headed for the door. He stopped, hand frozen on the door knob, then let out a sigh as his shoulders slumped in defeat and he left without turning another look or word. I spent the rest of the night on the sofa sobbing as guilt and doubt tore through my body. He didn’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve him, and still through all the self loathing I couldn’t deny that there was also a sense of relief that washed over me, making me cry even more. 

Storm 

The past couple of months have been amazing, working with and getting to know Jazz. At first it was extremely difficult, with being so close and not being able to claim her. I felt the strain it had on her as well and her anguish pained me that much more, so I decided to go see a witch that I knew well. She gave me a potion that helped dull the effects of the mate bond which I have been taking. It’s what helped make being around my mate much more bearable so that we were finally able to get to know each other. Jasmine opened up to me more each day and we became good friends. One day while checking up on the cafe’ that Jay had dubbed “reds sweet treats”, that we had decided to build attached but also separate from the restaurant, who Jay also thought it only right to name “hungry wolf” in honour of our first meeting that halloween night, I heard sniffles coming from the restaurant. Making my way through the connecting doorway I knew it was Jazz when her sweet scent of meringue buttercream wrapped its way around me. That day she opened up to me, letting the pain and guilt she felt over her marriage pour out. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat at the possibility it meant for us, but I hated seeing her so torn. I suggested she speak to her husband to work things out, maybe taking time to figure out what she needed, it was only fair for all their happiness, especially their sons who would just be caught in the middle of their pain. The weeks after that she seemed like a weight had been lifted from her. She was radiant with happiness and her giggles filled the day while we worked on the final touches before the restaurants opening. She had stopped trying to avoid coming into contact with me or pulling away as sharply when we did. The sparks were still there, dulled down by the potion, but my wolf was still always whimpering in my mind. Everything was going great, things at the pack were finally calm, financially we were soaring above my expectations and I used some of the extra income to help out other packs in the area that were struggling. Ones that had been impacted by my father in the past.

Heading over to Jazz to drop the itinerary for the restaurants opening, I rang the bell three times and was about to leave when she opened the door. My heart shattered and I rushed to her as I took in her puffy face, tear stained cheeks and red swollen eyes” she fell into my arms breaking into sobs. Leading her back inside to the sofa, I tried to soothe her while I tried to keep my wolf and myself calm. My wolf was ready to maul whoever was the cause of her pain. After an hour she finally calmed down and told me what had transpired the night before with Damian. My wolf howled at her sorrow. It was her guilt eating at her. She was happier without him but her beautiful heart couldn’t take the guilt of that. A pang of guilt tugged at me too as I wondered if this would have happened if I had not wormed my way into her life. Then I had an idea. “Jazz where is Leo?” She looked up at the clock and cursed, “s**t! I’m supposed to pick him up from a friend, he was at a sleepover last night. Look at me I’m a mess!” She said as she jumped up. “Hey don’t worry, let me go and get him for you. Just call to let them know, you can jump in the shower and freshen up ok?” “Omg are you sure? That would be great thank you so much, you're an absolute life saver!" She exclaimed as she ran to her phone. She came back handing me a sheet of paper with an address written down “ I'm happy to help, plus I really like the little guy, go freshen up, we will be back soon.” An hour later Leo and I were at the shops grabbing camping supplies. He had met me a few times before, and his happy open nature made it easy for him to worm his way into my heart. He was excited about the plan I shared with him. My phone rang, “Hey Storm, where are you guys?" I heard Jazz as I answered, “Hi, so sorry, we decided to grab a few things from the shop. Leo has an exciting surprise for you, we will be there in 20 ok.” I let her know “Oh ok yeah, tell my baby Im really excited to see his surprise” she giggled before hanging up. “You think we have everything little man?” I checked with Leo as we made our way to the register. “No we need marshmallows!” He squealed jumping up and down excitedly. Thirty minutes later we pulled up the driveway and Jazz was at the door before we exited the car. She looked refreshed and a smile was on her beautiful face as her eyes shone with curiosity. “What have you gotten up to my little man” she asked her son as he ran to his mother engulfing her in a hug. “Mommy mommy we going camping!” he exclaimed grabbing her hand as he tried to pull her to my car. Jazz looked at me with a questioning look. “You heard the little guy, you may want to grab a few things” I shrugged with a laugh.